Hopeful something more can happen but still unsure

LegacyUser

Using a throwaway as my username is known to my friends!

I'll start out with some background. I'm a 24 year old man from the south east. I've known this girl for a couple of years and I've always had a thing for her. A couple of years ago I tried to act on it while drunk but it didn't happen for whatever reason. I just got over it since I didn't think I'd a hope anyway and I was in a bad place mentally; depression, overweight etc.

Fast forward to 2014 and I'm like a new person. In a good place mentally, back to college and I'm finally getting close to being comfortable with myself, physically and mentally after losing a pile of weight. I see this girl again in January and we get talking and exchanged a few facebook messages, all innocent at this stage as I still thought back to the first rejection. Then out of the blue, a mutual friend of ours tells me that she let it slip while drunk that she wants to get with me and likes me. I'm surprised to hear this but obviously happy so I decided to act on it.

A few weeks back, I gave her a text and found out when she'd be out with friends and we agreed we'd all meet up in the club. Anyway, we met in the club and chatted away again and I made the move. Ended up kissing her and she asked me back to hers so I went back and it was just more kissing, no sex or anything since we were both pretty drunk and would have been a bad idea. This exact same scenario happened like 3-4 times within the space of 2 weeks. I got on really well with her every time and feel like I could talk to her all day.

So here's where I need some advice. Although I feel like I'm in a good place, I still have some hangups about my body. I'm still pretty chubby and somewhat ashamed about it. She genuinely has a perfect body and is just all around gorgeous which is a bit intimidating given my own situation. I want to make more of this with her but I don't know where to go from here. Given what I've said, what kind of move should I make next with her? Should I be aiming for a date or what? How should I deal with the body issue? Would she have already ceased contact after the first few meetings if it was an issue?

Thanks in advance for any advice, I really didn't know where else to ask about this.

CaraMay

Definitely ask her out on a date and do it soon. She seems to like you and you like her so take a chance on it.

Cork selfbuild

Yes ask her out on a date, but leave the going to a club and getting drunk behind... Go for dinner and chat and enjoy the night together.

Well done on the positive steps you've taken and the results so far, she's interested in how she see's you, try not let your self image cloud this.

maria34

Im pretty sure she knows about that "body issue" already and she doesnt care so ask her out for a proper date and see how it goes from there.

Penny Tration

If not fully liking your body is the only real concern you have, you're doing very well. We ALL have body hang ups. Like you, I've lost lots of weight, but still really dislike my stomach and arms (I'm female and 24), and still need to lose some more weight. Guy I'm with has a perfect body, tall, toned, muscular. It took me NINE months to admit I liked him, because no way would someone with a perfect body fancy chubby ole me.

Turns out he thought I was 'out of his league' and he fancied the arse off of me. :pac:

My point? Other people don't see your flaws the way you do. If someone likes you, they see the good parts. They see your smile, your eyes, your personality, all of the things that you might be ignoring because you're so focused on that one part you don't like.

If she's brought you back to hers so often and kissed you so much, she likes you.

So forget your stomach. She's not seeing that the way you see it. Text her, ask her for a date. Maybe a sober one because you have seen eachother drunk a lot now.

'Hey Mary, would you like to go for coffee/lunch with me when you're free? '

Simple text, making it clear that it'll just be you and her, and not too much pressure on her. Should be fairly effective.

I'd guess that she likes you, based on what you've said, so i don't think you have to worry about her saying no!

Do it go get the girl

Penny Tration

Oh, and VERY well done on the weight loss and overcoming depression. You're a very strong person to have managed that.

Tokyo

- You longed for the girl from afar
- you took a stance in your own life, improved yourself mentally and physically
- You got the girl, and she wants you too.

Where is the problem again???

There isn't a person reading your post right now that doesn't have hangups about their own bodies, be it feeling too fat, too thin, losing hair from the head, gaining hair everywhere else, big nose, small nose, etc etc. And I absolutely 100% guarantee you that your girl has a hangup of her own too somewhere, and should she ever tell you what it is, you'll be wondering what the hell she's on about, because to you she looks just fine.

Unless you have been living in and wearing a tent since you started seeing this girl, she knows exactly what you look like, and chances are is impressed by the improvements that you have made in your life. You like her, but she is pursuing you - take note of that. Either way, there is far more to attraction than looks, by the sounds of it you are a very positive and forward looking person, based on your attitude displayed in this post, and I'm sure she's just as attracted to that too.

Your course of action has worked fine so far, as have your gut instincts. Seems like you don't need any help from us really....

Big Bag of Chips

If she has met up with you regularly and kissed you on a few occassions she doesn't care about a bit of extra weight. I'm guessing you're not wearing some sort of magical clothes that disguises your shape and size. If you are big, she can see you are big.. and she obviously likes you as you are.

As for her being perfect with the perfect body... That's your opinion of her. I would be willing to bet my house, that there is something about her body that she is insecure about. It could be her belly, thighs, bum, underarms etc...

At the end of the day, we are all just people. None of us are unique in our worries and insecurities. All the insecurities you feel are felt by practically everyone else in the world. Even David Beckham will have his own insecurities

It would seem she likes you... Don't let it pass.

LegacyUser

Wow! Just back from work to all these absolutely great responses, all of which are much appreciated. I was actually close enough to not posting but I'm glad I did now.

On the subject of my weight loss and fitness goals, I'm still very much working towards my ideal physique and hopefully she'll see that too. I know I shouldn't think too much about it after the war things have gone so far but having gone from a very big guy with serious self confidence issues, my new found self confidence and attention I'm getting as a result actually feels strange to me and I'm not used to it.

So, I suppose there's not much else I can do but go for it. Was into her all day yesterday too so I might cool it for a day or two so I'm not coming off as too keen or clingy. Then I'll ask her out and see how it goes. I'll keep you guys posted

CaraMay

Go for it but don't mention any insecurities around your body or weight to her. Unless you were wearing a sumo suit she will have a good idea what your body feels like and given that she keeps coming back for more, she must be happy.

You have every reason to be self confident so enjoy it and listen, just in case she doesn't want to go on a date, don't take it too personally ok? She might just be happy snogging and not being in a relationship right now. I don't think you will need to worry about that though

LegacyUser

So, thought I'd give an update seeing as ye went to the trouble of advising. I asked the girl out, nothing specific, just basically asked did she want to hang out together at the weekend. Strange response though. Said she's really busy but would be up for it some stage but maybe not this weekend. Been texting her since though so and my gut says it's going well so I'll bring it up again at some stage.

Penny Tration

hopeful89 wrote: »

So, thought I'd give an update seeing as ye went to the trouble of advising. I asked the girl out, nothing specific, just basically asked did she want to hang out together at the weekend. Strange response though. Said she's really busy but would be up for it some stage but maybe not this weekend. Been texting her since though so and my gut says it's going well so I'll bring it up again at some stage.

Sounds like honesty, rather than something strange. Maybe ask again in a week, if she's still busy then ask her to let you know when she's free. If she doesn't let you know, you have yiur answer. Hopefully it won't come to that, though.

Big Bag of Chips

Not a strange response. But, the one thing I would suggest is that you be more specific. Did you ask her did she "want to hang out"? Those exact words? Or did you suggest something to do.. like cinema, or lunch, or town etc?

"Want to hang out" mightn't necessarily appeal to her, if she thinks it's going to be sitting in your house all day feeling awkward and not sure when the time to leave is! Whereas if you offer a "date" as such - an actual event to go to, then you are offering something definite and more likely to get a more definite response.

It's all looking good so far. Don't over think things. Don't over complicate things. She's just a person, exactly like you. And you can be absolutely certain that she is as unsure of how you feel, as you are about her!!

stargazer 68

OP 'hang out' is what 16 year olds do. Ask her on a date - a specific location and activity be it the pub for a drink or the cinema

LegacyUser

Dovies wrote: »

OP 'hang out' is what 16 year olds do. Ask her on a date - a specific location and activity be it the pub for a drink or the cinema

Nah those weren't my exact words but I kept it general. "Go for a coffee or do something" was the quote from my text. We'll wait and see!

retro:electro

Ask her on a date op! We all have body hang ups and I guarantee you however perfect she may be she has them too.
Fair play to you for working on your confidence issues, she obviously likes you so I wouldn't let your hang ups hold you back.
You sound lovely and I wish you luck.

December2012

Well you were casual in your invitation, and she was casual in response.

If you want to bring her on a date, then ask her on a date.

LegacyUser

Sorry for dragging this thread up again but I've what will probably be the last update. Eventually organised a date and it went very well. Was pretty casual which is what I wanted and she definitely seemed to enjoy herself too. Have met up a few times since and things are looking good so thank you all for the good advice