Have I scared him off for good?

comfortseeker

I met a guy online and for the last week we have been talking through facebook and he suggested we meet up, I agreed and we arranged a date tonight. I text him today and asked him were we still on for tonight and he replied and said he was sorry he forgot to tell me that he was called in to work and asked could be reschedule for next week, I then put my over eager foot in it and asked him was he free tomorrow and he never replied. I am sick because i really like him and now I most likely scared him off. I know there was also a chance he changed his mind and just said that but then he could be genuine too. Any advice on what I should do?

AlabamaWorley

I wouldn't do anything for the moment, see if he replies and if he doesn't get in contact during the week and see how it goes.

daisybelle2008

comfortseeker wrote: »

I met a guy online and for the last week we have been talking through facebook and he suggested we meet up, I agreed and we arranged a date tonight. I text him today and asked him were we still on for tonight and he replied and said he was sorry he forgot to tell me that he was called in to work and asked could be reschedule for next week, I then put my over eager foot in it and asked him was he free tomorrow and he never replied. I am sick because i really like him and now I most likely scared him off. I know there was also a chance he changed his mind and just said that but then he could be genuine too. Any advice on what I should do?

Woah, there you haven't even met this guy. It's all a bit intense. Just leave it, do other things forget about him for now. If he contacts to reschedule see if you feel like it and decide. But don't take it so seriously. It's to early to be emotionally invested and over eager,especially if he is demonstrating to be a little flaky and wishy washy type, it's oil and water not a compatible mix.

Geomy

I'd go on
another date with someone else, there's gazillions of single guy's out there. ...

I used to wait and wait, what's for you never passes you.

Believe you me, its not disrespectful. ...

Don't sell yourself short, I learned the hard way :-)

comfortseeker

Yea I know but I just havent done anything like this in a long time and was so excited had new outfit etc and now I just feel like I was too pushy about asking for tomorrow and have messed the whole thing up

Penny Tration

Just wait and see if he replies. There's nothing overly eager in suggesting an alternate date if he pulls a raincheck.

However, you sound waaaaay too invested in him. Saying you really like him? You've never met the guy, you don't know him! New outfit? Why? Why are you that eager to impress that your normal clothes won't do? Worrying because he hasn't replied yet? You've never met him, who cares if he doesn't reply?!

I know I sound harsh, but you don't know the guy. You don't know if you like him. You won't fully know that until/unless you meet him.

Agonising so much that you have to ask advice when you've never even met the guy isn't right. You shouldn't need to feel this anxious already. It should be all fun and happy and full of excitement. Maybe have a think about that.

Asking if he's free tomorrow isn't overly eager in my opinion, but the rest of your actions DO come across as the actions of someone who is way too invested in someone she doesn't even know.

Colonel Panic

I wouldn't overthink appearing to keen or scaring him off.

If I had to legitimately cancel a date and the girl still seemed keen, that would make me happy, not make me think "She sounds desperate."

comfortseeker

green_screen wrote: »

Asking if he's free tomorrow isn't overly eager in my opinion, but the rest of your actions DO come across as the actions of someone who is way too invested in someone she doesn't even know.

Yea I know but I suppose its because i have had a difficult year, I haven't met anyone in years and my last boyfriend was emotionally abusive. I suppose I am eager to get back on the scene and have all that excitement but i suppose I am wanting it too much

Tokyo

You're jumping the gun a bit OP. You haven't even met this guy yet, and you're already "feeling sick" because you think you've scared him away. The biggest recommendation that I would make would be to take a step back, take a breath, and assess the situation for what it is. You haven't "lost" anything. You have a potential date lined up, no more, no less.

Regarding the guy himself - he hasn't done anything wrong, or anything for you to worry about so far. He arranged to go on a date with you, work came up so he rescheduled. Calling/texting him to try and meet up sooner is only likely to make him more wary, IMHO.

comfortseeker

mike_ie wrote: »

He arranged to go on a date with you, work came up so he rescheduled. Calling/texting him to try and meet up sooner is only likely to make him more wary, IMHO.

so do you think that was wrong thing to say then?

Tokyo

No, I think that you are reading too much into things, rather than just letting nature take its course.

daisybelle2008

comfortseeker wrote: »

Yea I know but I suppose its because i have had a difficult year, I haven't met anyone in years and my last boyfriend was emotionally abusive. I suppose I am eager to get back on the scene and have all that excitement but i suppose I am wanting it too much

Sorry to hear that OP, take your time, don't rush, wait till you know someone very well before you invest your energy and emotion. You take all the fun out of it and make poor choices if you are trying to find someone in a hurry.

IrishEyes19

comfortseeker wrote: »

Yea I know but I just havent done anything like this in a long time and was so excited had new outfit etc and now I just feel like I was too pushy about asking for tomorrow and have messed the whole thing up

Aw OP dont be so hard on yourself, you asked if tomorrow was good, not for a marriage proposal. He might not have seen the text yet. Look at it this way this guy doesnt know you, so there is nothing you could have done to affect his change of decision, if worst to comes to worse he changed his mind because of his own reasons, not because you did anything, how could you, you havent even met him person yet.

I wouldn't text again during the week, you've left the ball in his court now and if he chooses for some reason not to reply, chalk it down to experience and move on. I don't believe for the reason of not scaring him off, I mean it because you should never have to compromise or have to convince someone to reply to you, you deserve a nice person who is up front and this might just not be the guy. best of luck

comfortseeker

So what is the next stage so, just wait and hope he texts and if he doesn't just forget and go back fishing? At the moment I dont know my a*s from my elbow. I dont know whether he is lost interest and doesnt want to meet any more or is being genuine the waiting will kill me lol! I am very anxious person and worry a lot, its easily see I don't do this type of thing often !

daisybelle2008

comfortseeker wrote: »

So what is the next stage so, just wait and hope he texts and if he doesn't just forget and go back fishing? At the moment I dont know my a*s from my elbow. I dont know whether he is lost interest and doesnt want to meet any more or is being genuine the waiting will kill me lol! I am very anxious person and worry a lot, its easily see I don't do this type of thing often !

OP did you ever get counselling regarding your emotionally abusive boyfriend and the other difficulties and anxiety you've had? You are demonstrating a needy kind of desperation that could make you very vulnerable if you don't get a little more self assured and calm. There is a book called women who love too much by robin Norwood, get it if you can (if you have the kindle app on your phone use that). Forget him, you need to spend some time on making yourself happy not getting anxious and sick with worry over strangers.

comfortseeker

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP did you ever get counselling regarding your emotionally abusive boyfriend and the other difficulties and anxiety you've had? You are demonstrating a needy kind of desperation that could make you very vulnerable if you don't get a little more self assured and calm. There is a book called women who love too much by robin Norwood, get it if you can (if you have the kindle app on your phone use that). Forget him, you need to spend some time on making yourself happy not getting anxious and sick with worry over strangers.

Yea you are right I am way too anxious over all of this i need to learn to take it all in my stride and relax more. I will definitely look up that book thank you. He replied after all that and said he had a family thing tomorrow and I said that was grand and next Sunday is fine. Didn't get a reply again and I know I shouldn't be stressing over something so small but I have just had me heart broken so many times by my ex I think the fear if God is still in me that it's going to keep happening

Jerrica

comfortseeker wrote: »

Didn't get a reply again and I know I shouldn't be stressing over something so small but I have just had me heart broken so many times by my ex I think the fear if God is still in me that it's going to keep happening

When you leave an abusive relationship your self esteem and confidence can be at an all time low. These are things you need to work on, it sounds like you're still carrying scars from your ex in quite a big way, you're terrified of being rejected by someone you've never even met and whose opinion should be completely inconsequential to you

The dating game comes full of flakes, broken dates, people who are not what they seem and some awesome people thrown in for good measure. To get the most out of it you have to be able to take each opportunity as it comes - some people are going to like you, some won't, and some want to play games. To survive it you need to be able to be able to say to yourself, "well, it's their loss of it doesn't work out".

Work on being able to put yourself first and doing what makes you happy. If you see this guy next weekend then great! And if not, it's just paving the way for something or someone better.

Gyalist

You agreed a date and he forgot to tell you that he'd been called into work? I'm not buying that. If nothing else, it shows that he wasn't as keen on meeting up as you are or that he may have stood you up if you hadn't contacted him first..

I agree that you should get some help with getting over your last relationship.

Neyite

OP, you have started several threads in Personal Issues /Relationship Issues in the last 2 months.

You do not seem to be taking any advice on board, and return with a variant issues rooted in the same problem: Your self esteem and insecurity compounded by your horrible ex and that dysfunctional relationship.

You sound panicked, desperate, needy, before a relationship has even had its first date. Even if you try and hide this, it will give off vibes to potential partners. The normal ones will bolt, and the only ones that might think this is a good thing is ones who are cut from the same mould as your abusive boyfriend. YOU are the common denominator here.

This will continue to be a pattern as long as you fail to address the root issue. It will cause issues when meeting potential partners, and may prevent fledgling romances turning into something more stable. You say you don't want to be alone, but there is more chance of that happening the longer you fail to address YOUR part in the self-sabotage you are doing when it comes to relationships.

The one relationship you need to work on right now is with yourself. You need to learn to value YOU, to respect YOU, before you can expect someone else to.

So now. You are at a crossroads - do you want your life filled with variants of your ex, or do you want a life with love, respect, kindness and happiness. If you want the former, keep doing what you are doing. If you want the latter:

• Stay away from men and dating right now. This sounds counter-productive but really, its not. Like attracts Like, and when you are in a bad place head-wise, you'll attract others who are in a bad place head-wise. And that becomes a bad relationship. So start by getting your own self esteem and emotions in the right place. And when you are, someone great will come along for you.
• Find counselling and book several sessions -print out your threads and let your counsellor read them if you feel its hard to properly open up.
• Read the books that were recommended on your other threads.
• Email these guys and enrol on the next Freedom Programme

As I said before, you have opened up several threads on this issue. As a mod of this forum I should tell you that repeated threads where people don't help themselves or ignore advice usually results in those posters being asked not to post again, or getting banned if they persist. Quite frankly, why should people take time out of their day to consider your problems, write a detailed reply only for you to continually ignore it and therefore waste everybody's time?

Please re-read the advice here, and on your previous threads, and DO something to change the pattern.