dirty house

marie12

i was curious to know what people would do if when visiting a family member regularly for over night visits. basically the house is pretty dirty, i won't go into details but i can't stand it. i love to see these family members but they live few hours drive away and its expected i stay the night. what would you do?

whiskeyman

Is it dirty as in messy, or actually dirty that could pose a hygenie risk?
If its the latter, perhaps you need to mention it to them, especially if they've kids.
If they don't have kids and the place if a dump, I'd be worried to be honest.

marie12

whiskeyman wrote: »

Is it dirty as in messy, or actually dirty that could pose a hygenie risk?
If its the latter, perhaps you need to mention it to them, especially if they've kids.
If they don't have kids and the place if a dump, I'd be worried to be honest.

its dirty as in dirty, i wouldn't mind mess as much. there are no kids in the house. i would love to stay in a b &b but wouldn't that offend? i can hardly sleep in the bed or put my things anywhere. hard to know what to do

Oryx

Mentioning it could be the cause of a huge rift. Most people wouldn't take kindly to that kind of criticism, so its easier suggest it than do it.

How you approach it depends on your relationship with the person, and what the untidiness stems from. Is it because they are unable or just unwilling to keep a clean house? And how bad is it anyway? Could it just be a difference between very high standards on your part and low ones on theirs?

If you don't think its appropriate to bring it up directly, then you have to work around it

Stay in a nearby hotel as 'you don't want to impose'
Bring your own bedding
Invite them to yours
Ask another person who knows them for input/help.

Lisha

Id stay some where else before id tell them the house was dirty . Play it like you feel like treating yourself and you don't want to put them out .

Really I suppose you have to decide what's more important, 1. You being clean for 1-2dsys
2. Your relatives being happy cos you visited.
3. How badly would a falling out affect your lives and relationships.

Sometimes I think when watching show s like 'how clean is your house' that a cronically dirty house can be z sign of inertia or sons form of depression

Could you ask does she need help with reorganizing/dumping clutter?
Bottom line though is that it's their house their rules .

I know my sister in law finds my house unacceptable but my house Is not dirty but kids toys are all over the playroom floor and she hates it. Her house is pristine and IMHO it's a bit tragic her child does it bother with his toys as He now prefers them lined up like a show room

A middle ground is possibly the best option . Tbh I could not handle using a dirty bathroom.

marie12

i agree, saying something would really upset/annoy them. I don't think they see what i see. yes I am a clean freak but I dont expect others to be - its pretty bad though. good ideas Oryx - the hotel sounds v tempting but I dont want to offend in that way either. i have invited them to my place umpteen times and they have yet to come, they prefer being at home.

littlecat

marie12 wrote: »

i agree, saying something would really upset/annoy them. I don't think they see what i see. yes I am a clean freak but I dont expect others to be - its pretty bad though. good ideas Oryx - the hotel sounds v tempting but I dont want to offend in that way either. i have invited them to my place umpteen times and they have yet to come, they prefer being at home.

Could you say a friend you haven't seen for years has moved close by and you're going to stay over with them for a catch up but see your family in the day or evening? Then book into b&b or hotel. That could then become the excuse every time - that's what i'd do because i could never bring myself to confront someone over something so personal! It's only a white lie to save bad feeling.

marie12

thank you all for your advice in a tricky situation. I think i will try the hotel idea and see how it goes. I don't want to upset anyone but I also want to be comfortable and not feel icky.

P. Breathnach

Look at some of the deals sites: very often you can pick up something like a 2B&B + 1D for very little money. Buy the deal, then tell your family member what a bargain you got, and you are looking forward to combining your fun break with seeing them.

Rinse and repeat, and it can become the norm for your visits.

Big Bag of Chips

Why do you visit so often?! Honestly, you say you have invited them to come to you umpteen times, and they have yet to visit, so why not just cut your visits down?

You seem to be putting yourself out an awful lot when you are not happy about it, for people who don't seem willing to do the same for you. You don't want to visit, but you do. You don't want to stay the night, but are "expected to stay over", so you do. You don't want to stay in the house, but you do because to not do would cause offense..

So what if they are offended by you going to a hotel? You are offended by having to stay in a dirty bed.. why is their offense more important than yours!? By all means go visit them, but suit yourself and do what you are happy with while you are there. What is the worst that will happen if you go to a B&B or hotel for the night?

tinkerbell

^ This.

OP, I would not stay in a dirty house. Why do you visit them so often anyway? You shouldn't have to fork out for accommodation all the time so it's gonna be costly. Stop visiting them so much and ask them to visit you instead.

freshpopcorn

Could you explain a little how the house is dirty because some people have very high standards.
How far away is the house from yours? When ever we go to see my aunt we just say we have something to do at home the next morning.

Matteroffact

Staying in a dirty house would put me right off. In fact it has happened to me, and now I just see this person during the daytime and then drive home before nightfall. I would never stay in this person's house again as the sheets on the bed had not been changed or the pillowcase, the bathroom was filthy and a cat was sitting on the couch and I was expected to sit there too. To be honest with you I would be afraid to eat in this house in the future, so now I just meet this person in a restaurant and we catch up there.

Ham Sambo

It really depends who the family members are, if they are parents then you could possibly visit them in the morning time and make out as if you want to 'help' with some of the chores etc, you shouldn't be in a position where you can't talk to your parents, if it was siblings then I would stay somewhere else, because it wouldn't be worth the effort.