Grey Hairs

scared_silly

Context: I've always had a few grey hairs on the side of my head, never bothered me. I turned 29 last week.

I was just in the restroom and I had a look at myself in the mirror and I noticed I have a few grey hairs on the top of my head. I said to myself "Wow, that’s weird, never noticed that before. I’m 29 now so I guess it’s expected" then I thought to myself "Fcuking hell, I’m 29 wtf!?!" Such a strange feeling.

I don’t feel 29 (I go to the gym 4/5 times a week, I’m fitter and stronger than I’ve ever been at any stage of my life)
I don’t look 29 (I feel like I look the best, dress the best, carry myself better than I have ever have, etc.)
I don’t act 29 (I still find childish stuff hilarious, prob drink too much, don’t take my career as serious as others my age do)

I know age is nothing but a number but I can’t help thinking, is this my peak? Is it all downhill from here? I guess partly the reason I feel that is because I don’t know what I am supposed to do next?

During my college years, I was very shy and had low confidence, it all basically revolved around being scared of girls and I missed out on tons of opportunities with girls. When I was 23 I made a conscious effort to get better with girls and become a more confident individual. There were lots of ups and downs in the past 5 years but I’m a lot more confident and out going guy, not anywhere close perfect (there is so much more I’d like to be better at) but right now I’d be unrecognizable to my 23 year old self and I’m so proud of that.

Since leaving college I've lived the same way, work 5 days a week, go out and drink at weekends and try to pull girls. The first couple of years it was just hooking up but as they years went on, it was progressing to go on dates and try and find the one. I feel like I’m living 5 years behind everybody my age, in a way I’m chasing the opportunities I missed in my past.

All my friends are settling down into LTRs, buying houses, getting married, etc. right now, to me I don’t feel like I want that to happen to me anytime soon. I always felt it’d be mid 30’s before I’d do that so I don’t feel the pressure of having to rush myself into settling for anybody.

I still want lads’ weekends away and nights out but as years have gone by, I’m finding there are not many lads left and recently it’s hard to find somebody to go for anything more than a few quiet pints with. So I girl I have been seeing since November, we decided recently to be in a relationship. I got into the relationship mostly to try out being BF & GF and see what all the fuss is about. I like her and I love hanging out with her but I have a good reasons why I know she is not the one. I must admit I like having somebody to spend my time with, going on trips and doing random activities. I feel like I’m going out with her because there isn't too much going on with my friends right and I like the company and its early stages so maybe I’ll fall in love with her as we spend more time together. Right now, I wouldn't be devastated if we broke up tomorrow, is it normal to feel like that? In the past, I would have been devastated if a girl broke up with me but that was mostly out of insecurities and neediness.

I don’t know if it’s because I still have my insecurities deep now and I’m afraid if I settle down, in case I will miss out on something or someone?

I feel a little lost; I don’t have any long term goals in my life at present. I have always just been going with the flow and in most cases not thinking past the coming weekend.

Any comments are much appreciated.

thegreatgonzo

I don't think it's fair to waste that girl's time if she is more invested in it than you are. How do you think she views the relationship?

I mean this nicely but I think you need to grow up a bit. Growing up doesn't necessarily mean marriage and mortgage. I would call it being an independent entity. You are mainly with this girl because you miss having the lads around. I could be misjudging you but you sound like you can't do stuff on your own.

You say you don't have long term goals, but maybe you could start with some short and medium term goals and the rest might fall into place. At 29 you are young enough to start a new career if you wanted to. Night courses, voluntary work, new sports and hobbies are great ways of revitalising yourself and can inspire you to do other things. You are never to old to learn something new or find new passions or interests, and definitely not at 29:-)

Mr. Incognito

Congratulations. you are 29. You will age. You are not 21, no matter how much you feel like it inside.

Every lad goes through it. I'm 32. I like my grey hairs. I have earned them. Maybe if you start working on interests outside the pub you might find yourself. learn.an instrument, write, make wider friends, date outside your circle, travel, do new things because someone who is selfish enough to string a girl along for his own fleeting satisfaction and is paranoid over grey hairs is pretty self absorbed. I recommend some charity work to get some perspective and maturity. best of luck with the search.

FollatonWood

Hey there.

Firstly, I get the whole 'shiiiiiit I'm getting old!' thing. But the truth is, it's all relative.

You say you work 5 days a week - do you like your job? Because I know that it can be pretty soul destroying doing a 9-5 without any prospects or enjoyment from it. I have what would be considered a good job and I'm nearly 28 , but I'm going back to college part-time this year for what will be very long trek of study to get into the area I'm passionate about. It's just taken me til now to get to the point where I knew exactly what that was. Maybe you need to sit down and figure that part out first; are you happy to do the 9-5 and fill your life outside of work with things you get enjoyment from instead? Or if you don't enjoy your current role, would you like to find something you enjoy more to take up your working hours? If so, make a plan to get there.

As for your relationship, well basically - it's not one. A relationship is a two way street and it sounds like you're not really 'in' it at all. Let the girl go before she gets hurt. Don't rush yourself into a relationship for the sake of it, become content with your own life first before you start looking for someone else to come into it. How can you hope to make someone else happy when you're not happy yourself? When you find someone worth investing your heart in, you'll know - trust me.

p.s. grey hairs on a guy can be very attractive!

GreeBo

I'm 36 and lost the majority of my hair when I was 27-ish


I'd take your grey hair in a heartbeat tbh!

That said, I found a perfectly white/grey one on my chest the other day..man I yanked that sucker out so fast!

basically, you are only as young as the woman you are feeling, in my head Im still about 23, to hell with reality!

Legs.Eleven

You're growing older like we all do and we all have to learn to deal with it. Let the girl go before you hurt her. You're acting selfishly and not considering her feelings at all.

scared_silly

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated perspective.

Myself and her have talked pretty openly about how we feel about each other, probably too openly. She has her reservations about me and i have my reservations about her but we both know we like each other and we want to give it a try. Maybe we are both just too stupid to walk away. I don't know why i don't like her more, its confusing.

I'm surprised that at the reaction is that i'm wasting her time because I don't think she is the one at the moment and that I wouldn't be devastated if we broke up. I don't see how people could be so attached to somebody they have only been BF & GF with for a month. I'm guessing from people's reactions that this is not normal?

@thegreatgonzo I've been on my own for awhile up until recently and i have always done my own thing.

As for work, i'm reasonably happy in my career. Although at times work takes second place to my social life, i feel at times i do an average effort and get above average results and i coast by. Its always in the back of my mind, what would i achieve if it gave it my all and why don't i give it my all?

TBH i don't really care about the few grey hairs, i was just noticing it in the mirror that made me thinking i'm actually older than i think i am and it freaked me out a bit since i never thought about it before.

I think I do need to take some time to refocus on what i want to achieve socially and in my career.

Legs.Eleven

scared_silly wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated perspective.

Myself and her have talked pretty openly about how we feel about each other, probably too openly. She has her reservations about me and i have my reservations about her but we both know we like each other and we want to give it a try. Maybe we are both just too stupid to walk away. I don't know why i don't like her more, its confusing.

I'm surprised that at the reaction is that i'm wasting her time because I don't think she is the one at the moment and that I wouldn't be devastated if we broke up. I don't see how people could be so attached to somebody they have only been BF & GF with for a month. I'm guessing from people's reactions that this is not normal?

@thegreatgonzo I've been on my own for awhile up until recently and i have always done my own thing.

As for work, i'm reasonably happy in my career. Although at times work takes second place to my social life, i feel at times i do an average effort and get above average results and i coast by. Its always in the back of my mind, what would i achieve if it gave it my all and why don't i give it my all?

TBH i don't really care about the few grey hairs, i was just noticing it in the mirror that made me thinking i'm actually older than i think i am and it freaked me out a bit since i never thought about it before.

I think I do need to take some time to refocus on what i want to achieve socially and in my career.

You've been "seeing" her since November though and you made it official recently. Usually you make that transition if you see the relationship going somewhere and you really like the person (not necessarily love at this stage). 3 or 4 months after knowing my boyfriend, I wouldn't have been happy if he ended it. You're not taking her feelings into account.

Do you think she'd be happy knowing you're only with her so as not to be alone and that you wouldn't care if it ended tomorrow? That's the question you have to ask yourself.