Stuck On Someone

LegacyUser

Firstly, I apologise in advance - I fully realise that this problem is stupid and insignificant compared to others on this forum. But it's gotten to the stage where I need advice before I drive myself mad!

Basically I've been stuck on the same person for 3 and half years now. To start off this guy transferred into my school in fifth year. Tbh, I never even noticed him until one day my friend drew my attention to him. I don't know what happened, but the minute I saw him I liked him. It's not that he was wildly attractive either, although he was good looking to me and a lot of other girls fancied him. Anyway I found out he liked me, a lot (through over hearing things from his friends, because also he had a habit of staring, plus if I was in the vicinity of him he would always draw attention to himself so I would notice - he was just pretty obvious.) I think the attraction just grew from there. I looked forward to the few classes I had with him, went a specific route between classes just to run into him (I know, pathetic). Basically I just thought about him, many a time I spent day-dreaming about him in class and at home. All the while I said to myself: this will pass, it's only a little crush. Honestly, I was never a girl who had major obsessions with lads or even celebrities previous to that so this was new. I also never let on I liked him, it wasn't that obvious at all on my part.

Anyway although we both liked one another, nothing ever happened. We moved in different circles. He had a pretty bad reputation by sixth year, had pissed a lot of the girls off and just generally annoyed them. I was quiet, I never got involved with any guy in school I just thought it brought unnecessary stress/attention on you. A part of me knew that if I did meet him out in a more social environment something would happen but usually when me and my friends did go out we would go to different pubs/ niteclubs etc. We did our Leaving and that was that. I didn't know what to feel that summer, a sense of regret maybe that I hadn't bothered to get to know him. I think we spoke all of two words in our two years in school, initiated by him. I didn't even make it to the Debs that summer.

Life went on, I went to college. To be honest (and I don't want to sound arrogant) I was never short of male attention/ interest. I kind of just ignored that sort of thing in school because I didn't want anything to interfere with my study plus I wasn't interested in most of the lads anyway. When college began I was surrounded by new faces and a good few lads caught my eye. I didn't have the restraints of school anymore so I could let loose per se. For a short time I did start to really like one guy and I thought great! I'm moving on. But then when I had a few drinks on me I would start telling my friends about the guy from home. Even during the day sometimes my mind would wander and wonder what he was doing or who he liked now. I missed seeing him around tbh.

Relationships with other lads just never worked. I always ended up breaking it off, it was unfair to them. I found myself weirdly gravitating towards his look-a-likes too! I did try, it just never felt right.

My best friend who had taken a year out started college this September. She ended up in the same college as him. Sometimes I went up at the weekends to see her, a part of me expected to see him or meet him out. I never did though. Then on the October midterm she asked me up, they were still in college but I was off so I said okay. I got drunk one of the nights and made an eejit of myself. I ran into a friend of his and shouted something stupid at him. I knew the next morning it would get back to him. I was walking into the college the next day to meet my friend when a car drove up, it was him with a bunch of lads. He was saying something to me and smiling but I couldn't hear because traffic was busy so I just kept walking. I was kind of angry tbh, he was speaking to me from a car for one thing and God only know's what he was saying to me, especially since he was surrounded by a bunch of leering gombeens. But still it was the first time I'd seen him properly in ages and I was a little delighted inside. I suppose it signalled hope? Pretty sad on my part.

Time went on, I never saw him again. At this point I was just really frustrated with my inability to move on. There was no real redeeming features to him, I mean he didn't have the nicest personality from what I could tell, he had a bad reputation with a lot of girls, he was a bit spoilt etc. I had never even talked to the guy for God's sake, nevermind go out with him and he still lingered there in the back of my mind. At this stage I was just sick and tired of myself. Even when I was at home I'd make an excuse to drive through the village where he lived when on the way to somewhere else. As I said before, pathetic! Meanwhile I was falling out with people in college, certain lads putting pressure on me to go out with them when I had no interest and just wanted to remain friends.

I met up with a close friend at Christmas. She always gossiped about people from school and he came up in conversation (I may add here I never told any of my friends from school I liked him, I displayed the exact opposite and they were none the wiser). She said: "guess who has a girlfriend? Not in a millions did I think he'd settle for one girl!" I said who? And she said his name. My heart dropped. I can't describe how exactly I felt but I can only say I felt sick to my stomach. She then proceeded to take out her phone and show me a picture of the two of them. Terrible, shattering.

Since then he's actually broken up with her. But I'm sick of feeling like this, especially when I never even knew him properly. I know it's silly and for the most part it's frustrating because in other parts of my life I'm always rational. I know I don't love him, how can you love someone you never knew? But why can't I move on? It's so stupid and really pathetic. I have my choice of lads and I can't look past him. I was even sad on Valentine's Day for God's sake. Does anyone have any advice? I would appreciate it. Sorry for the long post.

retro:electro

Hi op, I am going to keep this short and sweet, you need to move on.
You are completely fixated on a guy who you have never even had a conversation with and who to be completely honest sounds like a total player.
I have no idea why you seem so infatuated with him, you've said yourself he doesn't have any particularly redeeming qualities.
I think it's time you move on and find someone else to turn your attention to, preferably someone who you have spoken to.
Not to insult you but the whole dilemma sounds a little childish, you dreaming about him three years on and him shouting at you from a car with his idiot friends, he is hardly worth your time.
On the other hand tho if it bothers you so much I can't understand why you won't do something about it, add him on Facebook or something?!
Other than that I don't know what else to tell you.