Sitting on my own at lunch = loser?

LegacyUser

Hi, this might seem like a small issue in comparison to the usual stuff on here, but it's one i'd like some advice on nonetheless. Basically, i'm 27 and have suffered pretty bad social anxiety for the last 6 or 7 years of my life. Only this year, I've started to really address the problem and take actionable steps in solving it. I recently got myself a job, and whilst I haven't transformed into a social, entertaining chatterbox because of the job, it has definetely improved my confidence. I have had a few good interactions with people instead of hiding from social situations, and can look people in the eye while talking to them now (used to never be good at this).

Anyway, on to my issue. Basically last week myself and a few people from work who I wouldn't know very well yet (I only started 3 weeks ago), went out for a bit of lunch. I noticed the table was full with my workmates on it so I decided to sit at a table near them on my own. 3 more workmates then sat down. 2 at 1 table, with 1 of them sitting on her own. My issue is that I think they all thought i'm a weirdo though because I never bothered joining the guy who was on his own. Also spaces became free beside the bigger group and I didn't bother sitting at their table. One of them said to me afterwards "what was that about with you sitting on your own at lunch?" Now since that I haven't been able to get the thought out of my head that they all think i'm a weirdo or a socially anxious idiot. They obviously discussed it otherwise it wouldn't have been mentioned to me. I'm not sure what advice i'm looking for. I guess I just feel from experience that once people think i'm awkward or socially anxious, it will be very difficult to change their opinion of me and thus make my work life not much fun. If anyone has an opinion to offer I'd appreciate it.

dellas1979

Why didnt you sit at the table where one of your colleagues was already sitting?

The Pheasant2

Say your dog died that day or something so you were feeling down and just wanted to be alone.

From now on don't sit alone if there are seats free at occupied tables - the first incident will be forgotten in a couple of days

Teyla Emmagan

Next time just go up and say 'can I join you?', and sit down. Don't fret about what's in the past, you are only a recent joiner, and will easily be forgiven. An awful lot of people find it hard to relax and 'join in' when they are new. But just give people a smile, and follow them. I'm not great with new people either, but you have obviously made huge progress in the last year, and will continue to make more. Whoever asked why you were sitting alone was not doing it to make you feel bad, they are the one who wanted you to join in. The rest of them may not even have noticed. People can be amazingly oblivious, so remember most of this is in your head. Just stick with them the next time.

And congrats on the new job!!!

LegacyUser

dellas1979 wrote: »

Why didnt you sit at the table where one of your colleagues was already sitting?

dellas1979 wrote: »

Why didnt you sit at the table where one of your colleagues was already sitting?

I'm not sure really. I guess it was my old anxious habits kicking in again. I got myself comfortable on my own then the food came and I didn't move from the spot. I sat there texting after I finished my food. I was chatty with some of them after we left the place but I have a feeling it's going to be very difficult to brush off the obvious label that I have on me now as a strange person. I already replied to the guy who asked why i had sat alone. I said I wasn't sure why I did, so I can't use the dog dying excuse.

dellas1979

sociallyanxious2014 wrote: »

I have a feeling it's going to be very difficult to brush off the obvious label that I have on me now as a strange person.

So, you have super powers to know what people are thinking?

You are the one labelling yourself as strange.

In incidences like this, learn and move on. Dont obsess about it. Next time just sit with your colleagues. And even if you dont know what to be saying, feel awkward or dont know what to do. Just smile or nod. Or smile and nod.

Edit: And well done on all you have achieved in the past year! That has taken real courage and responsibility.

Big Bag of Chips

Everyone thinks that they are the problem!! You sat on your own. Now you think that all your colleagues think you are a weirdo. Your colleagues probably think various things from, were we not friendly enough? Did I say something to upset her? Did we not move over to make room for her? Etc...

You are the only one thinking about this tonight. People aren't robots. People know if someone is shy, or awkward in a,situation and they generally don't tend to bring it up to the person, or think badly of the person because of it.

You have your issues which consume your life.... Everybody else is too busy with their own lives to be worrying or wondering about you!

Stavro Mueller

You are being waaaay too hard on yourself here. At worst what you did could be described as being a little odd but it's certainly not the catastrophe you're making it out to be. What you need to be careful about is getting into a negative thought process and starting to believe that you are indeed strange. If you make an effort to sit with your colleagues at lunchtime from now on and continue to interact with them, the memory of today will fade.

Fear Sneachta Ban

Sometimes there's a no win situation. Sitting on your own might seem weird but sitting with them would give you a chance of saying or doing something stupid. It's easy to say that people barely passed a thought on it or have forgotten about it. I'm sure the OP knows this deep down but that's not the way socially anxious people think.

Overheal

You know, I hear the advice to just hide it etc. a lot on here? And for as long as I have been on boards and as often as I have been in some weird situations because I am such a _____, I have never had to lie about something, nor have I ever looked down on someone for admitting to having a social anxiety or social difficulty. It's as simple as saying "I don't know, I felt a bit awkward the other day." People are pretty understanding, at least in my experience. Maybe there are some cultural differences in this arena, but the fact is it becomes a normal, dismissive thing, and not some big secret that overshadows your waking life. And I get on just great. You will too.

Matteroffact

If anyone mentions this again to you just say that you were waiting to be asked to join the other table, being new to the company and all of that, and when nobody asked you you decided to stay where you were. This will let them see that you are not a weirdo, and that they, in fact, should have shouted over to you to join them.

smallgarden

From my reading, you sat at a new table when first one was full and others came along after and sat somewhere else leaving you on your own?

thegreatgonzo

You are overthinking this.

If my food had arrived, I wouldn't have moved either. It's annoying. The others should be able to understand that.

FollatonWood

Do you like sitting on your own?

I like sitting alone at lunch, I see my colleagues all day so at lunch time I like to have some time to sit alone and read a book or do some writing and just zone out. Everyone is different OP. What I'm saying is that if you prefer sitting alone then sure it doesn't matter what they think!