Sister Expectant on Engagement card/gift

Mc Kenzie

Hi Everyone

I have had a few posts on here in the past while but i guess its nice to have another point of few.

I hope its in the right place.

My issue is around sending cards for engagements. Both my sister and my brother have both got engaged recently to their partners.

I had posted an issue regarding the ralationship with my older sister. Since iv come to accept we are quite different but at the end of the day i do like spending time and she will always be my sister.

Anyways, She was saying lately to both my mum and I that we dont think, and that we should of send them a engagement card! Ok I understand for freinds and distant family this is nice, but i see my sister quite often she lives in my home town.

When she got engaged, she announced it on facebook, which is how i found out, and i would of liked to congratulate her before everyone already had on facebook. However she was travelling at the time so i understood partly.

My brother is in living outside europe and is particularly far, but he called and i spoke with both him and his fiance to congratulate them and best wishes and all that.

I feel its more formal to send a card or gift, i rather just speaking to them wishing them the best personally.

I havnt had many friends engaged as im in my mid twenties, so maybe im unaware of the right eticut for engagments.

Since there my direct family i didnt feel such a need. My sister seemed to nag my parents into getting her a card for her engagement.

Anyone like to maybe wise me up. ??

Big Bag of Chips

A card is a small token, that some people like to keep to look back on. It's a happy time for her, and she'll probably keep all the cards she gets and look back over them occassionally.

Which reminds me, my sister got engaged at the weekend... I better pick up a card

tinkerbell

Normally I'd agree and say that you should send a card but your sister posted up her engagement news on facebook and that's how you found out. I find that really insulting tbh. She's your sister and this is how she tells her siblings this massive news? That to me says that etiquette is pretty much gone out the window, so I wouldn't send a card. I'd be sending a congratulatory text or even better, a message on facebook

Mc Kenzie

tinkerbell wrote: »

Normally I'd agree and say that you should send a card but your sister posted up her engagement news on facebook and that's how you found out. I find that really insulting tbh. She's your sister and this is how she tells her siblings this massive news? That to me says that etiquette is pretty much gone out the window, so I wouldn't send a card. I'd be sending a congratulatory text or even better, a message on facebook

It was something i was upset about at the time the facebook thing. But i got over it and i wouldnt hold it against her. Im wondering should i send a card to my brother, as she seems to be fussing about that. As iv explained i spoke with them and congratulated them both.??

Big Bag of Chips

Do I remember correctly that your sister had contacted your mam the day before announcing it on Facebook to tell her? So maybe she thought you already knew?

I don't really see why you are getting so worked up over a card! It is a couple of Euro. If you want to send a card to your brother, do. If you want to send one to your sister now as a keep sake, do. If you don't - then don't. Everyone will get over it, and in the grand scheme of things it means nothing.

Tokyo

OP, if sending an engagement card is the done thing, then I'm not sure why you are getting so defensive over it. You'd send a postcard if you were on holidays, or a christmas card. It's just a nice gesture, and you'd have written a card ten times over in the time it took you to write your first post here.

Many couples make photo albums of these cards, and look back on them in the future as a fond memory of one of the happiest days in their lives. For the sake of a couple of euro, why wouldn't you want to be a part of that memoir?

Matteroffact

If you would send your brother and sister birthday cards on their birthdays then why not send them engagement cards on their engagements?

dixiefly

I am sorry but, in the bigger scheme of things, this is not a big issue.

If it was me I would be unhappy about the announcement on FB but I wouldn't dwell on it, I would get a card but wouldn't go overboard on a gift.

bee06

I think some people are "card" people and some aren't. I'm not, I just don't get it and my family are the same so when I got engaged I didn't get cards from any of my brothers and sisters which didn't bother me. We got loads of cards from OH's family then because they give cards for everything!

Sounds like your sister is a card person so I'd get her one (maybe one of those personalised ones online even) and just remember cards are needed for occasions for her in future.

Calmsurrender

The cards are nice to look back on for some people. Like bee06 says, some people are into cards.
If your sister just wants a card with the hope of it being full of cash then thats another thing.
When I got engaged I got a card from one sister, but not my brother, he's not a card person. My sister is and so is my mother. I got one from a friend who lives abroad but my other friends just texted etc.
Maybe coz your sister was travelling when it happened she , not meaning to, missed out on the excited congratulating phone calls and was expecting a bit more of a fuss when she got back? Maybe a load of his relatives sent cards and she's wondering why you didn't do the same?
I'd buy a card and drop it up to her next time you're going. the moment is kinda gone now due to the fact she had to tell you she wanted one but sure at least she'll have it and won't be able to complain about it anymore

Mc Kenzie

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Do I remember correctly that your sister had contacted your mam the day before announcing it on Facebook to tell her? So maybe she thought you already knew?

I don't really see why you are getting so worked up over a card! It is a couple of Euro. If you want to send a card to your brother, do. If you want to send one to your sister now as a keep sake, do. If you don't - then don't. Everyone will get over it, and in the grand scheme of things it means nothing.

Actually im not getting worked up at all, and of course i dont mind spending money on a card its not that at all. I think she told my mum before the facebook thing, but i dont live with them so my mum wouldnt of had a chance to tell me as i just seen it on facebook that day on my phone, after work.

unfortunately it was last summer so maybe the moments past, but she brought it up recently so i was just wandering what is the "done thing" and as i said my friends have not become engaged and i was wandering whats the usua, that is all. I guess im not a card person as long as people wish me the best im quite happy.

thefeatheredcat

It could be a subtle reminder about a card when the wedding day comes though. Even if the moment may have passed to send an engagement card, perhaps it matters enough to her to still receive one, even if it's some time after.

If they are planning on a family, maybe it's also about starting new traditions like a card for a child in the future, a congrats on new baby card and baby's first birthday cards, I think your sister probably would appreciate it in the future.

IrishEyes19

Could you not meet her for coffee congratulate her and pop into the conversation that you sent her a little card in the post. That way you have congratulated her informally and avoided any potential argument that could arise from not getting a card

Mc Kenzie

Yes of course your right, i guess with all these type of events likely to happen it does seem relevant in the grand scheme of things to send one.

Prob iv been so used to birthdays and christmas prezzies only its new when new life events begin to happen. Thanks for all the advise people

Mc Kenzie

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Could you not meet her for coffee congratulate her and pop into the conversation that you sent her a little card in the post. That way you have congratulated her informally and avoided any potential argument that could arise from not getting a card

Yes thats a nice idea too...thank you

CaraMay

And do mention to her that you were hurt she didn't tell you personally. She seems happy enough to tell everyone else when she is dissatisfied.

Hannibal Smith

I have to say I wouldn't send a card. Regardless of what happened regarding the announcement. ...sending some one a card is your decision and she's very rude to be dictating to people and it screams bridezilla.

I remember your other thread and people posted saying move on its her day etc...but she's making it extremely difficult for you. It might be her wedding but it doesn't justify dictating etiquette to all and sundry when she didn't display any etiquette herself regarding the announcement.

cocker5

OP,

From being engaged and married myself I was overwhelmed with peoples kind gestures with cards and thoughtful messages and some gifts too...

TBH when any of my friends got engaged I woud always send a card, if close friends with a nice bottle of champagne.

With regrad to my sister I would def get her a card and a gift as she did me... not beacuse we have to but because we want to, just something small to mark the special occasion etc

But each to their own different families have different dymanics

I'm bewildered at the sister but then I've never understood why cards are so important to some people.

Personally, I wouldn't value a card that I had to harass someone into sending me.

I'd tell her I wish her every happiness, and if getting a piece of cardboard with that sentiment printed on it is important to her, I'd hand her one. I don't think I'd post it, but that would be my personal act of rebellion :P

Wellyd

bee06 wrote: »

I think some people are "card" people and some aren't.

I'm a "card" person. I literally have about a thousand cards in a box in the top of the wardrobe! I actually treasure them. I recently took down the box and couldn't believe how many I had from such a variety of different people. But I never throw a single one out. I have one from my granddad from Christmas a few years ago. He wrote on it when he was sick in hospital. Unfortunately he died a few days before Christmas but I still have his card and it means so much to me. I have thank you cards for cakes I made for kids christenings and then more from as they got older. A card really is such a simple thing to give and most are quite inexpensive. I know it may have hurt you that your sister announced her engagement on Facebook and not told you personally but really swallow your pride and send one. It may be something you regret in a few years if you don't. A stamp will cost 60c and if you went to a pound shop you could get a nice card for around a €1. That small amount of money could save a lot of unnecessary hostility.

ladygirl

I think a card is a lovely little gesture. I keep all the cards I get for important birthdays, events etc as keepsakes. Every now and then I have a read through them and get the "warm and fuzzies"