Boyfriend broke my wiper over valentines fight? Please help

princess321

Me and my BF have been off/on for the past 7 years. When we split up in the past I have met someone else briefly on a rebound thing and he has not forgotten it since he brings it up nearly every day and gets so irate over it. On Friday I received a dozen roses delivered to work. I had no idea who sent them so out it up on FB hoping whoever did send them would come forward. He is not on facebook but often checks my profile through a friends so seen it. Now I didn't tell him at this stage because we were rowing over trust issues so I was hardly going to throw it in the mix but was going to tell him. I rang the florist and they couldn't reveal any info but I heard at work it was someone here just as a harmless prank. I told my friend on twitter I found out who but didn't tell him I found out because he would flip the lid and b) I am still not 100% sure but he seen the message on twitter and went beserk saying I'm a liar and I'm poison.
I go out to my car this morning and find a rose under my wiper and my wiper broke in half. 3 guesses who done it. I am shocked I dont know what to do any advice on this situation greatly appreciated

Whispered

rowing over trust issues and you post a picture of flowers, I presume you knew weren't from your boyfriend, onto Facebook. Then you lie, on twitter. Well it seems you were looking for a reaction and you got it.

littleblackDRS

I don't really understand what else you were expecting? You were arguing about trust issues, so you decide to withhold even more information. You rub his nose in it by putting it up on facebook. To be honest, it sounds very childish and immature.

Merkin

It doesn't sound like either of you are remotely mature enough to conduct a relationship.

princess321

Well I was hardly going to out and say that to add insult to injury at the time I was going to tell him when I saw him and it calmed down. I didn't ask for the flowers I didn't ask for any of it yet I am being punished. Since when did I ask for damage to be done to my car on what grounds is that acceptable can any one tell me?

princess321

littleblackDRS wrote: »

I don't really understand what else you were expecting? You were arguing about trust issues, so you decide to withhold even more information. You rub his nose in it by putting it up on facebook. To be honest, it sounds very childish and immature.

I didnt rub his nose in it because he is not even on FB he spies on me through a mates a/c

Merkin

There's not a huge difference between either of you to be honest.

You are behaving in an abhorrent passive aggressive manner by posting your personal business over a whole host of social media mediums to antagonize him.

He broke your wiper in retaliation.

The pair of you a. need to cop on and grow up and b. split up as you don't sound in any way suited.

CaraMay

Ye are toxic together.

Dump him, be single for a long while and move on.

littleblackDRS

princess321 wrote: »

I didnt rub his nose in it because he is not even on FB he spies on me through a mates a/c

But you know he does, and you knew he's see it. I would count that as trying to rub it in. You've gotten some good advice here, this relationship sounds toxic, and neither of ye sound mature enough to be in it.

bp

No he should have broken your wipers no matter what the situation.

Secondly to bring up a rebound while you were broken up is plain annoying - if he cannot get over it now he never will.

Putting the flowers on fb and twitter was a little silly when he hadn't been told but sure it's done now.

Finally a dozen red roses on valentines day especially are very expensive.....could the admirer like you? Could it have been your boyfriend.

I don't think you guys are right for each other at the moment and your out of relationship fling is only adding to the mix (not that it was anything bad) but unless he can move on from it this relationship won't last.

I think you guys need to have a serious chat in a neutral area or counselling to try and sort things out. Good luck and I hope it works out either way

December2012

You are in a spiralling pattern of a dysfunctional relationship.

Whoever broke your wiper is an abusive bully.

If you really think it's him, break up and stay broken up.

PucaMama

littleblackDRS wrote: »

I don't really understand what else you were expecting? You were arguing about trust issues, so you decide to withhold even more information. You rub his nose in it by putting it up on facebook. To be honest, it sounds very childish and immature.

A great example of victim blaming.

Op break up with the bully.

Starokan

You were clearly wrong to post details of the flowers on facebook, i don't think any partner would relish reading or hearing that their other half was receiving gifts from someone else and that said other half was actively trying to find out who sent them. After 7 years you must know your partner well enough to have an idea of how he would react.

Despite that and assuming you are right and that he broke your wiper then that is behaviour that cannot be condoned. Its threatening behaviour and leaving the rose as a calling card borders on the absurd. I personally would inform the guards my car was damaged.

I would echo what others have said, when you reach stages like this in a relationship that has been on and off for so long I think its time to call it a day. Both of you would in all likelihood do better apart from each other and would benefit from the chance to meet new people

username123

So you like drama eh?

Someone broke your wiper - I suggest you report a case of criminal damage to the Guards and then you can tell them the red rose connection when they are taking the details.

princess321

username123 wrote: »

So you like drama eh?

Someone broke your wiper - I suggest you report a case of criminal damage to the Guards and then you can tell them the red rose connection when they are taking the details.

Excuse me I have not reported it to the Guards and I dont appreciate your comment I asked for advice not a snooty comment. Go find a hobby

Overheal

You should report the issue to the police. That is irrespective of any relationship issues that may be present.

With regard to the relationship, hopefully you can see that relationships are not supposed to be like that. They are built on trust, not battled on mistrust. Doesn't it always suck to leave those we are most familiar with, but frankly many times it's in our own best interests, and theirs. Can you imagine having this kind of back and forth for the next 7 years? Hopefully, the answer is no.

It sounds like you baited your bf to paint yourself as a hapless victim. He shouldn't have broken your wiper, and you should have behaved with some class.

He sounds like a bully, you sound like a drama queen. It's an explosive and nasty combination.

Ah_Yeah

princess321 wrote: »

Excuse me I have not reported it to the Guards and I dont appreciate your comment I asked for advice not a snooty comment. Go find a hobby

They did give you advice. They are stating the blatantly obvious - you clearly get off on drama, otherwise why in god's name would you have posted details of an anonymous bunch of flowers sent to you, across multiple social media channels, knowing that he checks up on you?

This relationship is absolutely toxic - how old are you? If you have been in this relationship seven years you should really be at an age where you have a bit more common sense than to act like a teenager.

ElleEm

OP, I would echo the advice given. Contact the Gardaí and completely sever all ties with your ex. You appear to have a really dysfunctional relationship.
Posting that photo was antagonistic and dramatic. Maybe your relationship is driven by that sort of thing but it is really unhealthy.

Tokyo

princess321, welcome to the Relationship Issues forum. RI is a discussion forum, and by posting here you are accepting that each person responding is entitled to their opinion - it is for these varying and different opinions that people seek advice here.

Responding in the manner you have done above is not acceptable. If you don't agree with a viewpoint, feel free to respond to it but please at least do so in a respectful way that complies with our charter.

I would like to remind everybody else to keep the responses civil and constructive.

Thanks
Mike

CaraMay

princess321 wrote: »

Excuse me I have not reported it to the Guards and I dont appreciate your comment I asked for advice not a snooty comment. Go find a hobby

You don't seem to want to listen to the advice. What do you expect here??? 'Ah he is a lovely lad so stay with him?' Not gonna happen!!! You are on the road to a hospital stay. First property, then people.

You need counselling as you are a willing participant in this drama.

LegacyUser

princess321 wrote: »

I didnt rub his nose in it because he is not even on FB he spies on me through a mates a/c

You knew he might see it. You actually did it make him jealous, if you're honest with yourself. If you're annoyed about the wiper report the damage. Not quite the reaction you were looking from him, was it?

This relationship is going no where. You said he has never let it go about you and someone you rebounded with, so what is the point? To add fuel to the fire you're brain melting the guy posting about random flowers you got in work. You're not exactly helping him to regain trust, are you? I don't know what kind of a reaction you're expecting here. Split up, and grow up!

Zen65

princess321 wrote: »

Excuse me I have not reported it to the Guards and I dont appreciate your comment I asked for advice not a snooty comment. Go find a hobby

I think this might be an indication of the level of maturity you both display in your relationship. I can only echo what others have said here about the need to grow up, and more specifically the need to develop your sense of empathy.

Regardless of your childish behaviour, there is no reason to accept a relationship with a bully, especially one who resorts to acts of violence. If you're sure this 'bf' is responsible for damaging your car then you should break up and never have any further involvement with him.

Perhaps you could talk to somebody older and wiser than yourself (and not online) to learn how real relationships work. After 7 years you appear not to understand the basics of how they should be conducted.

Be at peace,

Dee01

I lived with a couple exactly like this. It was horrible for everyone involved. Its point scoring, head games, drama and worse. I won't go into the details, but needless to say, it all ended in tears.

He shouldn't have left you a scary 'message', but u should not have put head wreaking messages on fb etc when you know he looks at ur page.

Why were u so sure they weren't from ur bf? This isn't a relationship IMO. Its a destructive game you are both playing.

Calmsurrender

I would break off the relationship.
Posting the pic of the flowers and not telling him about it when you already have trust issues and he's obsessed with a fling you had when you were broken up was at least shortsighted and silly.

I can understand you might have been a bit worried about telling him before you knew who sent them because he's already distrustful of you but to be honest if you can't talk to him about things you really shouldn't be in the relationship, either of you.
Break up, move on .

Koptain Liverpool

PucaMama wrote: »

A great example of victim blaming.

Op break up with the bully.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Yeah the poor victim - what rubbish.

The OP is as bad as her boyfriend and behaved like a spoilt child. She wanted a reaction and she got one.

Koptain Liverpool

CaraMay wrote: »

You are on the road to a hospital stay. First property, then people.
.

Overreaction much????

Addle

I wouldn't be surprised if the OP had sent the flowers to herself.
I can't understand why a colleague would spend money on such a 'prank'.
You're all as bad as each other.

Tokyo

Koptain Liverpool, there has already been an in thread warning about keeping responses civil and constructive..

Pot shots at an OP who came looking for advice and maybe some perspective is not acceptable.
Before posting in Relationship Issues again, please read the Forum Charter, as future response of this nature will result in an infraction or ban.

Regards,
Mike

Katgurl

A dozen red roses for a harmless prank on calentine's? Who has that kind of money?!

I think there is a lot more to this story.

Your relationship has gone to a bad place and you think it's normal. It's not. Leave him and do not get into another relationship for a while. You are both as bad as each other.

Big Bag of Chips

Are you going out with your boyfriend at the moment? If you are why would he not be the first person you would think of when you got the flowers? I know you say your bf isn't on FB or Twitter, but he knows people who are. So even if he didn't go checking up on you he would have heard it from friends who saw it. Which is probably what actually happened, rather than he logged in on Valentines Day, just after yo posted a picture of a dozen roses, to see what was going on... Somebody told him.

If I was in a relationship, and all my friends knew I was in a relationship, and I got a bunch of flowers that I was fairly certain wasn't from my bf, the last place I would be flaunting it is on Facebook.. you are just drawing attention to everything that is wrong with your relationship for all to look at. "Airing your dirty laundry in public" it is called.

What advice are you looking for? If there has been criminal damage done to your car you report it to the guards. If you don't want to report it to the guards because you know it was your bf and you don't want to press and charges etc, then you break up with your bf now.. forever, no more on again/off again. And you stop contacting each other.

maguic24

OP, like a lot of posters have said here, just end the relationship. Posting a picture of a bunch a roses you received on social media was very insensitive in my opinion. Your boyfriend is feeling insecure and you are having trust issues, you shouldn't have posted the bunch of flowers online. It shouldn't matter who sent you the roses, you have a boyfriend.

That aside, breaking your wipers was an unacceptable response. It's clear from your post that neither of you are happy in this relationship.

To be in a healthy functioning relationship, you have to trust your partner. If a bouquet of flowers were delivered to my office, I think my bf would be the first person I'd tell. I receive gifts all the time from different people but it has never been an issue in our relationship (he gets the odd pressie here and there too) and I would always tell my bf. I wouldn't for a second contemplate putting it up on social media or not telling my bf. To really love someone you have to trust each other.

I would also report any criminal damage (such as the damage done to your car) to the Gardaí.

dellas1979

Its a simple case of ye are both antagonising each other.

If you are so shocked about the window wiper, as suggested here a few times, report it.

Its just hard to relate to a situation where by the person brought it, some what, on themselves and isnt doing anything about anything.

I really don't understand people who seem to think they're better off being in dysfunctional, if not destructive, relationships as opposed to being single. And the truth of it, OP, is that I think you're one of these people. You say that you've been off/on for the past 7 years - that, to me, says that you've broken up more than once? Is that right? Next time you break up, just stay broken up. As many others have said, you're as bad as each other. Do both of yourselves a favour and just finish up with each other permanently and move on with your life.

And maybe second think posting your personal life all over social media.

maria34

Op i dont know why you think it was your bf? Maybe it was that admirer or whoever it could have been.

One is playing stupid games in facebook, knows she gets reaction as the other one is sniffing after her.

Drama queen and unsecure person. Thought people mature as they get older...

Report him and find someone else who can handle your drama. It will be hard as theres not so many around im afraid.

dixiefly

princess321 wrote: »

Me and my BF have been off/on for the past 7 years. When we split up in the past I have met someone else briefly on a rebound thing and he has not forgotten it since he brings it up nearly every day and gets so irate over it. On Friday I received a dozen roses delivered to work. I had no idea who sent them so out it up on FB hoping whoever did send them would come forward. He is not on facebook but often checks my profile through a friends so seen it. Now I didn't tell him at this stage because we were rowing over trust issues so I was hardly going to throw it in the mix but was going to tell him. I rang the florist and they couldn't reveal any info but I heard at work it was someone here just as a harmless prank. I told my friend on twitter I found out who but didn't tell him I found out because he would flip the lid and b) I am still not 100% sure but he seen the message on twitter and went beserk saying I'm a liar and I'm poison.
I go out to my car this morning and find a rose under my wiper and my wiper broke in half. 3 guesses who done it. I am shocked I dont know what to do any advice on this situation greatly appreciated

Really poor judgement on your part going to social media with this considering the trust issues. I think any normal person in a situation with significant trust issues would take the flowers thing as a prank but be quiet about it and not broadcast on social media.

You ask for advice, I agree with much that has been said. You should take this as a wake up call to finally finish with him. Contact him and end it. Also, try and be more tactful in the future. In my opinion, with social media stuff sometimes less is more.

cocker5

princess321 wrote: »

Me and my BF have been off/on for the past 7 years. When we split up in the past I have met someone else briefly on a rebound thing and he has not forgotten it since he brings it up nearly every day and gets so irate over it. On Friday I received a dozen roses delivered to work. I had no idea who sent them so out it up on FB hoping whoever did send them would come forward. He is not on facebook but often checks my profile through a friends so seen it. Now I didn't tell him at this stage because we were rowing over trust issues so I was hardly going to throw it in the mix but was going to tell him. I rang the florist and they couldn't reveal any info but I heard at work it was someone here just as a harmless prank. I told my friend on twitter I found out who but didn't tell him I found out because he would flip the lid and b) I am still not 100% sure but he seen the message on twitter and went beserk saying I'm a liar and I'm poison.
I go out to my car this morning and find a rose under my wiper and my wiper broke in half. 3 guesses who done it. I am shocked I dont know what to do any advice on this situation greatly appreciated

OP, you on / off boyfriend should not of broken your wiper, he is 100% in the wrong with regard to this.

BUT on the other scale you too are in the wrong, you knew he would see your post on facebook abeit through his friends facebook page... deep deep down i think you actually enjoyed maybe p*ssing him off a bit.

So your both to blame for what happened, him for being a knob and breaking your wiper but you also for purposely trying to rile him up.

TBH you sound like a match made in hell, both immature and childish... he sounds a bit like a bully and you a drama queen who loves the attention, why else would you post the picture on facebook...

Its best if you both move on... seperately

iPink

OP not really much to add to what others have said except I think there has been some judgemental & name calling posts (nothing unusual here really)... personally I wouldn't go down that route myself.

People get into habits and ruts in relationships. .and I always think it's so easy for people on the outside with no emotional investment to judge what is wrong with other people. .. so much harder to see the trees when you are in the forest! !
also how harsh can you be when you don't have to look into someone's eyes and see the pain your judgement or throw-away comment brings! !

Having said that. .. I agree that this relationship does seem toxic & dysfunctional by what you have said though I'm sure that's only a tiny snap shot of your lives together. .. if it was your bf then it looks like he maybe acted out of frustration? IF it was a stand alone incident in 7 years I wouldn't be too worried BUT if he had done things like this before or worse then yes, it might be an indication of worse things to come. ...

either way OP, this might be a nudge to take a step back, focus on yourselves for a while & maybe try to figure out if this is really the kind of relationship you want to be in??

Take care

Nicman

Firstly and most importantly, what make of a car is it?
Secondly, it's very dangerous to drive around without a wiper in this weather.
My advice would be to go to the manufacturer, get a quote and then go to a motorfactors to see if they have a replacement non genuine wiper that would work for less cost.

Best of luck, would hate it if anyone broke my wiper.

suicide_circus

you provoked a reaction and got it. princess 123 indeed.