Would you date a short guy?

Jabberwocky_I

Hi all,

Curious as to whether or not you would feel comfortable dating a shorter man? I'm relatively tall and have recently met a guy who is shorter than me. He's funny and smart. Seems to be a great guy. The height thing is proving to be a real mental barrier for me though. I just cannot get comfortable with the idea of dating someone who is shorter than me - a good few inches.
I feel that this is silly and that people are people and I should stop being so superficial. It's niggling away at me.
Can some of you share your thoughts? Maybe some of you have been in relationships with shorter men...?

Thanks:)

Shelga

If your instincts say you're not attracted to him, trust them and bail. In my experience, things don't improve. Nothing wrong with you for not fancying a shorter man as much as a taller one.

fallen01angel

Hi OP, the thing is,it really is different strokes for different folks.One of my best friend's is about 6 foot, her husband is about 5'7....and she has always had a thing for shorter guys.At the same time I'm 5'7 and ideally am happier dating much taller guys.You say he's smart and funny but you don't mention if besides the height issue you find him attractive.If you're not that into him without the height issue then you might as well call it a day, but if the height thing is the one and only reason for your doubts then it might be worth giving it a little while longer before deciding.

fatknacker

Shelga wrote: »

If your instincts say you're not attracted to him, trust them and bail. In my experience, things don't improve.

I'd disagree. Attraction generally grows in ways beyond physical appearances. Especially when it's ones that boil down to perceived social approval.

Snoopy1

I think this is silly. Ive dated shorter guys taller guys and it doesn't bother me, same way ive dated bulky guys and skinny guys. Its the person inside that matters.
Get over your mental barrier, or set the record straight with him, but dont string him along till you decide whether you can date short guys or not.

Sauve

Mod

Hi OP,
I have moved your query to this forum, I think it's a more appropriate place for it.
Regards,
Sauve

Tokyo

OP, I think at the end of the day it's a moot question - it doesn't really matter who anyone else would date here - the question is, would *you* date a short guy? You have pointed out all of these wonderful attributes of the guy, yet at the same time you seem to have a serious hangup about his height, that you can find a way to get comfortable with.

If you can't see past something like the guy's height, the best thing to do would be to let him go so that he can find somebody that isn't as superficial. Reverse the roles for a second - if he told you that he didn't date any girl smaller than a C-cup, you'd be pretty outraged, right??

Dellnum

You don't deserve him.

I wouldn't personally, since I don't make 5ft

If you're not attracted, you're not attracted, but if you give it a while it might become less important if you really click with the guy. You've nothing to lose

beks101

mike_ie wrote: »

If you can't see past something like the guy's height, the best thing to do would be to let him go so that he can find somebody that isn't as superficial.

I think that's a bit unfair. Physical attraction isn't something you get to control, you're either attracted or you're not for any number of reasons. Same way if a man is into big busted women, doesn't mean he's frowning upon the lesser endowed women - he just has a physical preference and nothing wrong with that.

OP - I think your issue here is figuring out what exactly is going on with you. Is this solely down to physical attraction - you simply don't fancy the guy, lovely and all as he is - or are the social expectations surrounding height and what you perceive to be "normal" standing in your way.

The first IME is not easy to get over and I'd imagine you'd be fooling yourself if you thought the attraction would grow when you're already feeling uncomfortable about him. The second is a matter of forgetting about everyone else and just going with your instincts. There are lots of couples around where the woman is taller, it's not an issue for many, many people and if someone makes you happy and excited to be around them, then fcek the "status quo" is what I say. A good man who gets you hot under the collar is a rare and wonderful thing

tomdempsey200

it sounds like you're not attracted to him

mike_ie

mike_ie wrote: »

If you can't see past something like the guy's height, the best thing to do would be to let him go so that he can find somebody that isn't as superficial.

It's ok for her to not be attracted to him, it doesn't make her superficial any more than it makes a man superficial if he's not attracted to obese women.

You're entitled to preferences.

thegreatgonzo

mike_ie wrote: »

OP,

If you can't see past something like the guy's height, the best thing to do would be to let him go so that he can find somebody that isn't as superficial. Reverse the roles for a second - if he told you that he didn't date any girl smaller than a C-cup, you'd be pretty outraged, right??

Everybody has preferences.
Perhaps there is no great attraction in general and the most obvious thing is the height. I'm assuming that OP hasn't called him a shortarse to his face.
OP if you aren't into him you aren't into him. If it only comes down to height though, and you think otherwise he is right for you then I would consider the possibility that you are being very very silly:)

Jabberwocky_I

Thank you all for your responses. I'm sorry if my question has offended anyone - that was not my intent. I know this is an issue with me and I'll have to work about figuring that out. I am definitely attracted to him, but it's early days so it may or may not lead somewhere.
Thanks again

IrishEyes19

I think people are on a lot of high horses here, it really is preference, that is where the base of attractiveness starts and afterwards develops into personalities and connecting to that person. You may find you really like this guy regardless or else the issue is too much, no one has the right to make you feel bad here for it. People could easily bring up the issue of weight, facial features, piercings ect........but height is a touchy issue. I would give him a chance if you connect emotionally, I do think thats the last thing that stands when you get to know someone proper. Beautiful people can look very ugly after a few dates and you realise they are not very nice personality wise.

Witchie

I am not into short guys yet fell madly in love and went out with a guy the same height as me (5' 7") for almost 3 years. I did feel awkward and uncomfortable when I wore heels so I stopped wearing them when out with him and that sorted that issue for me.

That said I am more attracted to really tall guys so not sure I would be interested in another short guy but that is down to preference. If he swept me off my feet and fell for him I don't think it would matter.

macplato

OP, you need to figure out the source of that mental barrier. Is it because your preference is for tall men, or is it because on some level you are concerned about what other people will say about you dating a short man?

If it's down to your preference - as some people already mentioned - there is little to nothing you can do about it. On the other hand, if you simply fear other people's judgement, there is plenty you can do to make it irrelevant.

Be honest with yourself, OP, and give yourself some time to get used to going out with a man who is shorter than you, especially if you are not sure why it bothers you. I've never gone out with a man who was shorter than me, but I was in a relationship with someone who was only 2 inches taller (he was 5.6, so not tall at all), and I found that it took some getting used to, even though I've never been into tall men at all.

You said you are attracted to him, and you see many positive qualities in him - I'd say, give it a go.

Wibbs

Generally speaking you either feel it or you don't. Sure we can all wax philosophical about being mature and bigger than all that, but in reality even the daftest things can have any one of us thinking "nope". Now you say you are attracted to him J, so now you have to work out if this is an actual issue, or a sideshow to the main event.

As you also said it's early days so it's still up in the air. Have you considered that those sometime doubts that often come up in the early stages may be making you concentrate more on this stature thing? Its common enough too that we can convince ourselves out of things for all sorts of daft and sometimes good reasons and point to something as an explanation to ourselves, even though it was minor.

My advice FWIW? Don't sweat it too much J. See where the next few meetings take you and play it by ear, an open ear.

ongarboy

I think height is such an emotive and self concious issue (particularly for guys if they have hangups about being short or for girls who are taller than their potential suitors and have a hang up about it) that it is treated differently (and defensively) to almost every other attribute that can be a turn on/turn off (beard or no beard, red or blond hair, high pitched vs deep voice, too fat or too skinny, thick accent or not, confidence or not, doormat or not etc). It it just a preference at the end of the day like any other and people should not be accused of being superficial if it just doesn't do it for them like any other attribute that would mean the difference between chemistry or not. We all have preferences that are different to others.

What I do think is interesting though, is that OP says she is attracted to the guy in most other ways so there is an opportunity for her to decide whether she can get over the height issue. I would also agree she should go on a couple of more dates to get to know the guy better. Something might just click for her to overlook the height issue. If she still has issues at that point, then I do think it's time for her to give the guy and herself a break to find someone more suitable.

Nicman

I get it - you don't want to feel like a horse beside him. It doesn't mean you have prejudices about shorter guys! I met a guy who is the same height as me, felt slightly unsettled by it at first but then I realised that it was silly. I fell madly in love with him and ditched the heels! The rest is history. It doesn't bother him at all. My love for heels is a thing of the past because I love him more. So you have to decide if this is too big an issue for you to get over. If it's not then go with it. Also if you guys stay together, NEVER give him crap about being shorter or slag him off about it ( I know you haven't yet but it can be easy to when you get comfortable with someone). Respect each other always.

Emme

OP if you don't fancy the guy let him go and find someone who does - I guarantee you he will have no problems finding someone else.

Merkin

It may or not be something you can get past and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Not fancying someone because of their height does not make you a bad person. A few years ago I met a great guy who was perfect on paper who I got on very well with but he was three inches shorter than me (without me in heels). It was like dating a Smurf. I just couldn't get past it and I wasn't going to force the issue, his height definitely impinged on me fancying him.

If you're actually attracted to this guy then go on another date and see how you feel but if you find yourself cringing because you've to stoop down significantly to snog him then I don't think that is something that is going to necessarily change. If you don't fancy him you don't fancy him, don't force the issue and don't feel bad about it either.

purplecow1977

How much shorter is he? I mean, 1" shorter is not a big a deal as 10"!!!

Personally, if you're querying it now, it doesn't bode well.

As you said, it's early days so you may discover that it fizzles out anyway.

Try to look past the height thing and just see how ye get on.

ShaShaBear

I'm taller than my fiance if I wear flat shoes. If we are both barefoot we look the same height but he is an inch or so shorter! Has never bothered me at all, I get to wear flat shoes out, my arm doesn't get tired from him holding my hand 6 feet above the ground, we can buy normal beds, I don't get whiplash from trying to kiss him and the 69 position doesn't require an hour of yoga to stretch me out first :P I used to always go for taller guys, my last boyfriend was 6ft7 and I am 5ft5! But this has turned out to be way easier, much more comfortable and the hugs are really nice!