Valentines card - is that enough?!

2rkehij30qtza5

This might seem a bit silly...
Been with hubby 10 + years now.

Back in the early years I always got roses etc., meal out etc.

Even last year I got a red rose, nice card telling me how much he loves me and he organised a takeaway to the house!

This year....a card. That's it. With about 4 words written inside it. I am currently cooking the dinner with him sitting in the couch watching tv. I gave him what I always give him..nice card and a little pressie..(t-shirt this year).

Every year until this he has made me feel special at Valentines Day and this year it seems he couldn't care less.

I know it is only a day created by the card companies etc. but to me I have always associated it with romance and it seems my other half doesn't give a toss anymore!

Any opinions? Maybe I am over reacting. I haven't said anything to him, but I feel hurt a bit.

Tokyo

I gave him what I always give him..nice card and a little pressie....

I understand why you feel a little let down OP, TBH, it kinda goes both ways - you give your husband a card and something small year after year, yet expect a big display of affection in return. Having said that, is it possible that other factors might come into play here - could money be in short supply at the moment for example? Or working harder than usual? Try to see past your disappointment for a few minutes and ask yourself could something else be at play here.

antodeco

I always get my OH something big each year. This year I didn't. I'm broke (paid off two holidays). I got her a card, and something small (handmade bottle with a scroll and a poem in it. Tiny crystals in the bottle and the word Love written on the bottle).

How has he been other than the card? Stressed in work? Finances low? Family issues?

2rkehij30qtza5

Thanks for the reply. It's not a money thing... We would usually not spend a great deal...even flowers from Lidl for €3 would have said something! Yeah he works hard but he still stops in Dunnes in the evenings. Maybe I expect too much. I was a bit sad today when speaking with my friends and they were all giddy telling me how 'cute' their husbands were with the boxes of chocs, flowers, teddies etc. I just felt a bit embarrassed. It's the first time I never got a token at all. I don't expect anything that costs much. ..just a gesture of romance.

Legs.Eleven

Jewel Microscopic Dough wrote: »

Thanks for the reply. It's not a money thing... We would usually not spend a great deal...even flowers from Lidl for €3 would have said something! Yeah he works hard but he still stops in Dunnes in the evenings. Maybe I expect too much. I was a bit sad today when speaking with my friends and they were all giddy telling me how 'cute' their husbands were with the boxes of chocs, flowers, teddies etc. I just felt a bit embarrassed. It's the first time I never got a token at all. I don't expect anything that costs much. ..just a gesture of romance.

Well, you did get something - you got a card! The above post sounds a bit immature to me if you don't mind me saying. I didn't think grown adults gave a damn about this stuff. Getting the standard chocs, flowers and teddy (hardly imaginative!) doesn't really mean much. If he's loving to you generally, why would you care?

alias06

How is your relationship otherwise? That's the real question. Do you think this is a passive aggressive way of him saying he is not really happy?

Czarcasm

OP it could simply be that your husband just couldn't be arsed with the whole "Valentines Day" thing any more. How does he treat you the other 364 days of the year?

(though the fact that he's out on the couch after getting your card and present, ehh, I'm struggling to excuse that behaviour tbh!).


I'm only coming at it from the perspective of basically I'm with my wife 17 years, and the whole hype around Valentines, Christmas, etc, you get the idea... I just can't be arsed, these days aren't any more significant to me than the other 364 days of the year and if anything, the hype turns me off, because it feels forced.

My wife on the other hand, jesus, "all out" isn't the word, just so she can tell her mates all about "Ohh we did this, this and this".

I just think your husband is long past feeling he has to "prove" he loves you with these gestures that just aren't "him" so to speak, and faking it would probably only make you feel worse.

2rkehij30qtza5

Thanks so much everyone for the replies! Really appreciate you all taking the time to get back to me.
Yeah I probably am being a bit immature!..and over-reacting! It is true..at least a got a card!

Tokyo

Here's a suggestion - and I mean this in the kindest way - how about instead of wondering the what-if's on here with us, you put down the computer, and enjoy the rest of the evening with your husband. Gift or no gift, that's what the evening should be about

Merkin

Jewel Microscopic Dough wrote: »

I was a bit sad today when speaking with my friends and they were all giddy telling me how 'cute' their husbands were with the boxes of chocs, flowers, teddies etc. I just felt a bit embarrassed.

You should be embarrassed for your friends with that carry on, seriously! These people are succumbing to a commercial day created by the card companies and then boasting to their mates in a pathetically competitive manner as to how big their fecking teddies were......honestly :rolleyes: Don't give in to such immature peer pressure.

I honestly am NOT a fan of Valentines at all, never have been and my hubster knows this but he presented me with a mahooosive bouquet of flowers over breakfast this morning, very sweet of him but I didn't tell a soul. It's a bit sad to go around telling people IMHO.

My question is this, is your husband good to you the rest of the year? Is he kind and loving and affectionate? If so then today doesn't matter on the grand scheme of things, not really.

Mr.Fred

over reacting in my opinion. It's a hallmark day do ye not love one another the rest of the year.

Wellyd

OP the only thing I ever ask for is a nice card. This year I bought the card from me from my OH because I know he's up to his eyeballs with work. I left it in the bag he brings to work the other day. He texted me at lunch time that day to say he'd be lost without me. That alone meant more to me than anything else. He's made grand gestures before and I thought they were nice but I'd rather the small things everyday than the ridiculous gesture once a year.

Jen Pigs Fly

To put it into perspective. I got nothing, my bf didn't even bother to come down to see me ... I'd have loved a card.

Legs.Eleven

Jewel Microscopic Dough wrote: »

Thanks so much everyone for the replies! Really appreciate you all taking the time to get back to me.
Yeah I probably am being a bit immature!..and over-reacting! It is true..at least a got a card!

This is how I see it, OP: lots and lots of men buy stuff for their girlfriends on Valentine's Day not because it's heartfelt but because they know it's expected of them and they might end up with thick girlfriends/wives if they don't. You have men running around in a blind panic at the last minute buying something (usually overpriced garbage, let's face it!) without any thought just because it's the done thing. Not very romantic! For me personally, the most romantic stuff is the little day-to-day gestures that show you care for each other. My own boyfriend is not one for grand gestures but he's affectionate, he's always there for me and sends me texts now and then out of nowhere to tell me he loves me. I understand the dynamics within certain female friendships but rise above it. You've a man who loves you and for that, you're blessed

Czarcasm

Jewel Microscopic Dough wrote: »

Thanks so much everyone for the replies! Really appreciate you all taking the time to get back to me.
Yeah I probably am being a bit immature!..and over-reacting! It is true..at least a got a card!

Ahh I don't think you should be so hard on yourself either OP, it's easy to get caught up in all they hype so you feel as "normal" as the rest of your mates. They're only doing the same as they think you are!

When you're able to be comfortable with each other and share each others company you don't need all the tokenisms, I'm sure your husband would much rather your time over an extravagant or even token gesture any day of the year, and your time is more valuable a gift to give to anyone than any card or present to show a person how much they mean to you.

zombieland

In relation to the question poised at the start of this thread, is a card enough, I hope so....I had to make mine, literally with the kids markers, I made up a poem and did it. We're skint and I've been savin for weeks to be able to take her to dinner, but I can't...my wife is in bed sick with my kids.So I'm sittin here with a beer, one of many....very disappointed that I couldn't get away with my lovely wife for the first time since we got married.

But we'll get there eventually.

zombieland

p.s. I got thge beer at Christmas as a present.And I do love my wife.

Can I just say, it's the same with me, I'm married 7 years and I didn't even get a card let alone anything else!

What I did get today was a man who left for work at 7:30am to go to a job he hates so he can pay for the mortgage to provide my son and I with a lovely home. As I type this I am sitting across from a roaring fire that is full of the firewood he chopped one cold saturday a few weeks ago so we would be warm.

He was never a man for romance or big gestures, he's a practical man who shows me he loves me every day by his dedication and loyalty. I don't need a special day of the year to know this.

You need to focus on the ways he shows you he loves you- cards, roses, chocolates, they are only 'things' they are soon forgotten.

charlietheminxx

I didn't even get a card and it doesn't bother me a bit. My OH bought a load of stuff in and cooked me an amazing dinner from scratch. I am so touched he went to all the trouble and effort and researched how to make something I love that he'd never cooked before. It means so much more than flowers and the like.

It does depend on the relationship and I can see why you'd be upset given that a small gift is usually your tradition, but that's not the important stuff. If he treats you well and is loving and caring in other ways then you're luckier than most. I would have jokingly said "where's my fecking present?!" to see what he said though :P

CaraMay

I said this year that I didn't want flowers for st valentines day and I got the most lovely and thoughtful card which was worth 1000 roses.

If you don't feel appreciated for the rest of the year then the big gesture on 14/2 takes on more importance but for me the cups of tea in bed are worth much more than flowers / chocolates etc