I feel I was in the right

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I went out tonight with pals to a nightclub. Nightclubs wouldnt be my scene at all. I'm 24 and I loved them when I was 18/19 starting out in college but I grew to like the pub scene more as I could chat away to friends and socialise more. it just suited me and my pals. we were on the same wave length.

Fast forward tonight, my best pal wanted to go to a nightclub, not like her at all but fair enough, it was a random night out, hadnt planned it and sure I hadnt been in a long time anyway. we headed there with a group, it was grand, chatted away ect....danced.

later in the night a fella showed up who we all knew and we knew who liked her. He made moves but she rebuffed him. towards the end he tried again but brought his pal along for me, I could see his friend making signals at the guy. my friend being drunk got with the guy, and I was left talking to the friend. I was sober by the way. Work tomorrow. It was so awkward. the friend was leering at me, trying to get with me. I was as polite as I could be, but I said I wasnt interested, he kept trying to kiss me and I pushed him away. I did say that my friend was with his friend but that didnt mean he had to try it on with me. Maybe that was wrong, but he was so forward having only met me two seconds beforehand that I felt very uncomfortable about it. Not to mention having only told him my name and where I was from, he had forgotten both. He called me uptight and that I was over thinking things, and to see where things go. that ya he was on the "job" for his friend who was with my friend.

I just looked at him, made my excuses, text my friend that I was getting food and to ring me if she was looking to share a taxi before half 2. I had to get out of there. The problem is those words got to me. I feel I was right. Im not a tight ass in regards to being a wingwoman/man, but it was just the arrogance afterwards as if it was his right to kiss me and trying to touch me when I said no and making me feel like the weirdo. Yet I feel like the oddball being called those names. That Im no fun. any thoughts would be welcome

Grayfoxy

confusedgirl24 wrote: »

Hi guys, I went out tonight with pals to a nightclub. Nightclubs wouldnt be my scene at all. I'm 24 and I loved them when I was 18/19 starting out in college but I grew to like the pub scene more as I could chat away to friends and socialise more. it just suited me and my pals. we were on the same wave length.

Fast forward tonight, my best pal wanted to go to a nightclub, not like her at all but fair enough, it was a random night out, hadnt planned it and sure I hadnt been in a long time anyway. we headed there with a group, it was grand, chatted away ect....danced.

later in the night a fella showed up who we all knew and we knew who liked her. He made moves but she rebuffed him. towards the end he tried again but brought his pal along for me, I could see his friend making signals at the guy. my friend being drunk got with the guy, and I was left talking to the friend. I was sober by the way. Work tomorrow. It was so awkward. the friend was leering at me, trying to get with me. I was as polite as I could be, but I said I wasnt interested, he kept trying to kiss me and I pushed him away. I did say that my friend was with his friend but that didnt mean he had to try it on with me. Maybe that was wrong, but he was so forward having only met me two seconds beforehand that I felt very uncomfortable about it. Not to mention having only told him my name and where I was from, he had forgotten both. He called me uptight and that I was over thinking things, and to see where things go. that ya he was on the "job" for his friend who was with my friend.

I just looked at him, made my excuses, text my friend that I was getting food and to ring me if she was looking to share a taxi before half 2. I had to get out of there. The problem is those words got to me. I feel I was right. Im not a tight ass in regards to being a wingwoman/man, but it was just the arrogance afterwards as if it was his right to kiss me and trying to touch me when I said no and making me feel like the weirdo. Yet I feel like the oddball being called those names. That Im no fun. any thoughts would be welcome

Heya,

He was drunk, looking to score, it happens, you were 100% in the right, put it this way, how can you be called uptight because you won't wear the face off a random drunk person (when you are sober) that you just met? You can't, he was just being a drunk dickhead trying to insult you. But to be honest, shame on your friend for abandoning you like that. I don't mean to sound sexist here (and this doesn't apply to EVERY woman or EVERY man, but for the most part-), but to be honest, it was quite reckless of your friend to leave you alone in town, and quite unsafe, lets suppose that guy wanted one thing, after you turning him down, in his head he was going to get it anyway. Quite unsafe to be alone in town at night as a woman. It is different for lads (for the most part).

Hence why whenever I go out with my group of friends, I am always the sober one, I drive everyone in and home and make sure none of the girls get hassled. Might just be me.

Anyway, yes, you were right, he was a dick, your friend was irresponsible and careless. In my eyes.

Meauldsegosha

OP you did nothing wrong he overstepped the mark. You said no and made it clear that you weren't interested. Don't give his words another thought.

Neyite

I've personally felt that its very hard to enjoy a nightclub atmosphere unless you are at least tipsy. I'd happily go and dance all night long sober but standing around 'minding the jackets' while your mates are all snogging is just boring. A drunk, leering stranger, with a less than sparkling wit who openly admitted he was only trying it on because his mate was occupied by your friend said something horrible to you because you turned him down. Yeah, real smooth.

Don't give it another thought. If anything, laugh at the situation, because its ludicrous. The lad clearly needs to put in a bit more of an effort if he wants to pull in future.

Czarcasm

confusedgirl24 wrote: »

any thoughts would be welcome

Well, my first thought upon reading that OP was I'd to go out for a coffee and a smoke to stop my skin crawling. Yeah, even reading it again, same.

Anyway, I honestly would hope this sort of letcherous behaviour from two individuals wouldn't color your judgement of all guys in the same way as nobody in their right mind would think you're a tight ass just because you weren't into some guy who was all over you like a bad rash.

He said it because he knew it would get to you, it's really that simple. I wouldn't pay any more heed to it than just that. You didn't do anything wrong here, and I imagine your friend will be waking up this morning somewhat the worst for wear regretting having gone off with the other clown.

thefeatheredcat

You were completely in the right, and well within your rights to say no. You didn't do anything wrong.

The guy was being insulting because he's an asshole who couldn't handle being rejected despite his "efforts" in making advances. In particular if it was at the end of the night, he would have been expecting hooking up with someone and that bit pissed off that you said no, which you had every right to.

You haven't done anything wrong, you weren't comfortable with the situation and you took control of the situation in leaving. And for what it's worth, I would see that as being rational, sensible and mature option, rather than perceiving someone as uptight or no fun, in removing themselves from a situation that they are uncomfortable with over going along with it for the sake of it.

Forget what this guy said, he's really not worth letting what he said get to you.

P. Breathnach

confusedgirl24 wrote: »

... Nightclubs wouldnt be my scene at all...

That's the issue in a nutshell. And there is no conceivable way that you can be judged wrong in feeling like that.

Nor should you feel bad about refusing to be easy pickings for some drunken lecher.

Your only mistake is in even wondering if you might be in any way wrong.

LegacyUser

OP, here thanks guys. I think its because the odd time I do go out sober, I have a great night. Love meeting up with my friends and so forth so I really was out my element in the club. Very alien to me I guess. Funny how we all grow out of things. Yeah I feel much better and thanks P.Breatnach, you're right I shouldnt even consider those words. It was just awful. I actually wouldnt be insulted by a drunk guy trying it on, Id have made my exit if I wasnt interested same as this time, it was the fact that he thought I was a "job" and distracting me. Disgusting and then within two seconds of hello tried to kiss me. way too much.

I'm not a prude by any means but I was sickened.

ivytwine

Hey OP, don't worry there's nothing wrong with you at all! Don't feel bad about it.

I presume you're mid-20s age bracket? I'm the same age as you and I used to love nightclubs when I was a young'in but now, no thanks! Would rather go to a pub or maybe a late bar where I could catch a gig.

Myself and my friends were at a certain notorious Dublin establishment before Christmas and it was just horrible, the guys were awful creeps- out for one thing. Sounds like you were somewhere like that- I'd pay him no heed, he sounds like the type of the guy to get nasty when rejected. It's anything but personal, he doesn't see women as individuals at all (or at least he doesn't when drunk).

Don't let it get you down, and maybe remind your friend that it's not very nice to abandon you on a night out.

Paddy Cow

Op you were in a no win situation. That "man" was drunk and acting the bollix. It wouldn't have mattered how gently you rebuffed him, he couldn't handle being told no, so his reaction was to insult you, rather than walk away. You did nothing wrong. No one has the right to try and snog you two minutes after meeting you. Don't let what he said get to you. Sounds like he is the type of guy who doesn't know how to approach the ladies and will brand women as "stuck up bitches" :rolleyes:

Ham Sambo

Of course you were right!, like all the other posters said he was drunk and in his eyes you should have went along with what he had in mind, after all his mate copped off with your mate!! However in the cold light of soberness it is a different story, just put it down as some drunken idiot acting the bollix, by the way where did your friend end up??