Social Anxiety

TheFarrier

Hi

I suppose the reason I'm here is to quiz a few people about social anxiety.
I only heard of it ten minutes ago for the first time, but I googled it and the description of it described me so well that I almost felt some relief that its not just me.

I just can't handle being around large groups of people, even family members and friends, but especially those new to me.
For example if I was to walk into my local pub, and a few of my best friends were there with a few others I didn't know, then I'd find it very hard, almost impossible to go and say hi, let alone sit among them, even if id arranged to meet them there.
Most of the time I'd pretend I hadn't seen them, and either wait till someone spots me and calls over, or else I'd head for the toilets or smoking area when one of them heads out.
I know this sounds a bit odd, but I feel this social anxiety is ruining my life. I don't have the social life a normal lad of 21 should do. I find it very difficult to talk to girls I'm not already friendly with, which makes approaching a girl I might fancy on a night out damn near impossible.
Another few examples, say I was arranging a few pints with friends of an evening, and someone mentions that there's a party, like a 21st on in my usual pub. My mates, like any lads out age, would be mad to go, whereas I'd rather go to a different place even if 'twas empty.
With a few pints in me it's not as bad, I could chat away to most people, but still getting beyond a normal chat with a lady is just not gonna happen.
My love life is the where the problem really is. Im 21, iv kissed maybe 6 girls in my life, and slept with one. I'm literally terrified of chatting up a girl, even if I might know here, as I'm terrified she'll think I'm weird, or make a fool of myself.
I feel like everyone is judging every move I make, all the time.


Can anyone recommend a way of getting over this, as I'd really like to live a normal young lads life before I find myself old and alone with no friends.

Fear Sneachta Ban

Go to a gp, this is scary I know. You don't have to go to your regular gp if you have one, you can travel to see one. Do you have a medical card? If you qualify try to get one. It means you wont spend 50 euros per visit.
You can also be put on a list for counselling. There's a 8 week free service with the HSE, queue's can be lenghty for this.
You probably don't want to do any of this stuff. I can't gaurantee it will work for you either but it's better than the alternative. This being you let this drag on and it becomes worse over time. I'm not an expert on this. I haven't found any answers. There's no magic pill or no easy solution. Others with more expertise will give you extra advice but everyone will tell you to go to a gp.
Good luck with it all.

Big Bag of Chips

Fear Sneachta Ban, please take some time to read the Forum Charter here before posting. Offering medical advice or a diagnosis anywhere on the site is strictly forbidden.

This is one rule we take very seriously.

I appreciate that you are trying to help, but you cannot possibly know from a few lines of a post, what a poster may or may not be suffering from or what a GP will diagnose them with.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

It sounds like you wan to take all of the steps in the right direction in terms of getting past your anxiety, so congratulations on that. However, seeing as you are getting into the realm of asking for medical advice, your first port of call should certainly be your GP. He or she will be able to give you a proper assessment, and point you in the right direction in terms of what you need. Good luck.

[edit]Apologies, didn't see BBoC's post befoere I posted...[/edit]

Chazz Michael Michaels

TheFarrier wrote: »

Hi

I suppose the reason I'm here is to quiz a few people about social anxiety.
I only heard of it ten minutes ago for the first time, but I googled it and the description of it described me so well that I almost felt some relief that its not just me.

I just can't handle being around large groups of people, even family members and friends, but especially those new to me.
For example if I was to walk into my local pub, and a few of my best friends were there with a few others I didn't know, then I'd find it very hard, almost impossible to go and say hi, let alone sit among them, even if id arranged to meet them there.
Most of the time I'd pretend I hadn't seen them, and either wait till someone spots me and calls over, or else I'd head for the toilets or smoking area when one of them heads out.
I know this sounds a bit odd, but I feel this social anxiety is ruining my life. I don't have the social life a normal lad of 21 should do. I find it very difficult to talk to girls I'm not already friendly with, which makes approaching a girl I might fancy on a night out damn near impossible.
Another few examples, say I was arranging a few pints with friends of an evening, and someone mentions that there's a party, like a 21st on in my usual pub. My mates, like any lads out age, would be mad to go, whereas I'd rather go to a different place even if 'twas empty.
With a few pints in me it's not as bad, I could chat away to most people, but still getting beyond a normal chat with a lady is just not gonna happen.
My love life is the where the problem really is. Im 21, iv kissed maybe 6 girls in my life, and slept with one. I'm literally terrified of chatting up a girl, even if I might know here, as I'm terrified she'll think I'm weird, or make a fool of myself.
I feel like everyone is judging every move I make, all the time.


Can anyone recommend a way of getting over this, as I'd really like to live a normal young lads life before I find myself old and alone with no friends.

When I was 21 I was like that. I grew out of most of it, but I still find approaching random women scary, and I'm 33! My point is, you have a long way to go, you'll grow more comfortable in your skin, become more confident, etc. Try join a gym or social groups like hiking, theatre, etc.

Don't jump to the conclusion that you are ill.

Fear Sneachta Ban

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Fear Sneachta Ban, please take some time to read the Forum Charter here before posting. Offering medical advice or a diagnosis anywhere on the site is strictly forbidden.

This is one rule we take very seriously.

I appreciate that you are trying to help, but you cannot possibly know from a few lines of a post, what a poster may or may not be suffering from or what a GP will diagnose them with.

Sorry, I'll edit it now.

Est28

I don't have any long winded advice.

All I can say is I was an extremely shy and quiet kid. Right up through college.
I wouldn't talk on the phone or ask someone the time. Groups made me very uncomfortable and I'd find reasons to get out of it.

Anyway... all I can say is that all you need is exposure to it.
Yes, it will be terribly difficult and awkward the first few times but it's like anything, the more you do it, the more you get familiar with it and comfortable being around it.

For example, if you had to go to a meeting where you knew nobody and had to chat to strangers... you know it's going to get your anxiety up. But tell yourself it's good for you, accept the anxiety will be there beforehand, accept you might be short of things to say but do it anyway... and just accept it'll be very tough.

Now afterwards, you have some experience of whatever setting it is. Afterwards you can even think back and say "What could I have done/said in that situation"... and now you have something to build on for next time, you're more prepare so you'll be a tiny bit more relaxed.

Rinse, wash, repeat and eventually it becomes more natural.

I'll always be a little introverted on the inside and enjoy more own company over large groups... but these days I'm not intimidated by groups or social settings and really it was due to the above advice.

Chatting to a professional might help but really the above is what you've got to do on your own eventually.

Sandimandi

I'll throw in my 2 cents.

I've had Social Anxiety for a long while, I didn't know what it was until recently,now I'm finally beginning to understand what it has done to me and why I have have it (alcoholic father).

CBT is good for anxiety.