Mental health issues and judgement

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, just really need to vent and ask for some advice. Basically, I've been struggling with what I now understand are some quite serious anxiety issues. Not sure how or why they cropped up. A combination of factors, I imagine. I went through a few years of quite taxing health issues (was having scopes, biopsies, scans on a regular basis), always waiting for results was taking a massive toll on me, as was having to miss a lot of work to go for them. Lost my granny and a good friend within a week of each other last year which was hard, and have not managed to find a permanent job, so rely on a week by week job whereby sometimes I get very few hours and struggle a lot with money, paying rent etc and other times Im swamped with work and struggle to cope with it.

Basically, I couldn't afford CBT or counselling and dr would not refer me, so I trucked on and just did my best to get on with it. I suppose on the outside my life looks OK - I'm reasonably attractive, thin, have a long term boyfriend, I know I am luckier than many people, but the demons I constantly struggle with, worrying about every last thing, worrying what people think....the problem with this is that it manifests itself outwardly as me sometimes coming across as depressed, miserable and stressed and people really dislike me because of it.

I don't think I'm a horrible person, I try to be nice to everyone and consider people's feelings but I feel like people constantly judge me. The worst bit is that they sometimes get a negative impression of me if they meet me on a bad day or I go through a very bad period with my mental health and then they never change that impression. I went through a bad low last October/November but have been much better since and smile/laugh a lot, but one of my colleagues is constantly telling me what a miserable person I am. I also managed to get pegged as selfish because I told a colleague I'd rather she didn't observe me (I'm a tutor) because I was very anxious and barely fit to teach the class, let alone have someone watching and judging...ever since I have gone out of my way to let colleagues know they can observe me if they would like to pick up some pointers, and to share my materials and help people out, but I'm still 'selfish' because of that one time.

It all just feels so pointless. I try very hard not to let my anxiety affect others, and am never mean or snappy. In fact, my boss (who knows my issues and is very supportive) has said I'm less snappy than just about anyone else on the team. I talk too much and sometimes say the wrong thing because I'm nervous but I'm not mean and it just feels like people are so unfair with their judgements. I would love to be a happy, smiley, sunny person who brightens up everyone's day, but at the moment, I'm not capable of it and try to just be pleasant. I think most people do like me but there seems to be a significant number of people who just can't take me for what I am and give me a break.

username123

I realise that this is probably not the kind of advice you are looking for but I'm going to say it anyway. You know the way you're mind is wrapped up thinking about yourself, your daily bits and pieces, a bit about your mental health issues or what other people think? Well, most peoples minds are wrapped up thinking of themselves, their daily bits and pieces, what other people think etc. It's normal to think about what other people think, but it's not normal to overthink it. Most people aren't thinking about you at all, except fleetingly when you pass through their field of vision or encounter them. And for the most part, the thoughts they have are the same private innocuous thoughts you have about other people. Irrelevant usually.

So what if someone does have a negative thought about you? Don't you also sometimes have negative thoughts about people? It doesn't matter. Not everyone can like you, just like you won't like everyone. What's important is that people like your boss are supportive.

It's you judging yourself that's the problem. Not other people judging you. You need to learn how to be kinder to yourself. Get a good self help book on it or go back and talk to your doc and get referred into the public system.

Merkin

username123 wrote: »

You know the way you're mind is wrapped up thinking about yourself, your daily bits and pieces, a bit about your mental health issues or what other people think? Well, most peoples minds are wrapped up thinking of themselves, their daily bits and pieces, what other people think etc. It's normal to think about what other people think, but it's not normal to overthink it.

This is so so true.

OP you sound wholly absorbed in yourself and consequently think that other people you encounter afford you the same amount of head space. They really, really don't. People have their own lives and issues to contend with and you probably barely even register on their minds.

It seems your level of anxiety is consuming you so if you are not happy with the way your GP has dealt with the situation you are perfectly within your rights to go and seek a second opinion.

sambuka41

Change GP asap! You have the right to access health care and CBT or a Mindfulness course would be really beneficial for you.

With this place you are in at the moment, it is very difficult to get perspective, its a cycle of rumination, self doubt and judgement. But it can be broken. As the others have said, no one out there is as hard on you, as you are on yourself.

No one is even thinking about you, what you said to your colleague all the time ago is most likely gone from their memory, and if it's not, its not the end of the world. Everyone has bad days, reliving them in your head is the part that is causing your anxiety. Let those days go, it can't be changed.

best of luck

Ham Sambo

Hi ya, a little bit of advice from somebody who went through something similar, first of all change your GP to another GP who understands what you are going through, perhaps he/she might prescribe some medication to soften your anxiety attacks, that's what happened in my case and I never looked back, if popping prescribed medication into your mouth every day helps you through that day then in my book that's ok, you would also benefit from a visit a trip to a CBT, you are not alone with this, why suffer when there is so much help out there, but first of all change your GP today. best of luck!!

oscar_mike

Letting that colleague know that you are not interested in her constantly telling you how miserable you are would be very helpful.... and to cease it immediately! Or just tell her to go f**K him/herself if they don't get the message because he/she is out of line there. No reason you should have to listen to that on a daily basis, if you hear it enough you you might start believing it!

Secondly, i know its easier said than done but stop worrying so much about what others think. If your boss your cool then i think your okay.

But i think what will really help you is if you learn to unwind sufficiently and/or distract yourself after work. A good run in the evenings will help clear your mind and any frustrations of the day. If you make yourself tired enough then you can look forward to a solid nights sleep... A BIG HELP! Alternatively you could try listening to relaxing sounds on your phone/mp3 player, mediating, burning incense, sauna, steam room, reading etc. Stress can seriously take its toll on your health.

OzzieD

Hi

There are 2 books I would recommend to you which should really help you out

1. Anxiety Free: Stop worrying and quieten your mind
By Patrick Mckeown his website PatrickMckeown.net

2.The Power of Now
by Eckhart Tolle

best of luck.

R.D. aka MR.D

hi OP,

I also have a lot of anxiety but i'm on top of it most of the time. I agree with other posters who say that you seem overly concerned about what others think about you. They may not be putting that much thought into it.

I don't agree with the poster that says to tell your workmate to f off. I know from working in an office that sounds like what the OP does. She's a tutor and i'm an ESL teacher. If one person is constantly complaining or being negative it can really do damage to office morale. The next time the person says something why don't you say something like; 'Ah yeah, i've been a bit negative and mopy in the past but i've changed my ways for the better. From now on there will be nothing negative coming out of my mouth' and mean it! Even if you want to complain about something then don't. Try to take a different attitude and see what happens.
Fake it til you make it, as they say.

I've read some CBT books and wile not all of the techniques work for me, they do have some good information in them.

oscar_mike

Fake it? Thats not being very true to yourself is it??

Big Bag of Chips

anxiousgirl, you have started many threads here under your registered username, all with more or less the same theme running through them. Your last few threads were locked and you were asked not to post again, as it was obvious from your repeated threads, and same advice being repeated that the posters of Personal Issues had offered all they could by way of help and advice to you.

If you are constantly coming up against the same issues, you need to look to yourself for solutions. Something needs to change, and it needs to come from you. Advice from posters here is all well and good, but if it is not helping your situation, (and the fact that you come back posting similar issues again and again obviously means it's either not helping, or you haven't taken any of the advice already offered) then there is no point in allowing your threads to continue.

You need to find help and support from people who CAN make a difference for you, and I'm afraid, as you've been told numerous times before, that is no longer the posters in PI.

All the best.