friends suiting themselves

LegacyUser

Hi just a quick one im a guy in his mid 30s and have a small group of friends, we dont meet that much any more due to the fact that guys are married or loved up or tired after work etc. and we are scattered around different sides of dublin.

i get sporadic contact from them these days...but whats annoying me is that when we do meet...its always...

"do you fancy calling over to me?" so i drive over to them and they can have a few drinks in the local, normally i dont mind but im getting frustrated now because i know its either i go over to them or thats it. They all drive now so theres no excuse...is it that they dont want to spend the few quid on petrol coming over to me?
Im just frustrated because when we do meet up its always on their terms. starting to feel not arsed.

Tokyo

Are they married/settled, and you aren't?? Or do any of them have kids? It's not always fair, but teh friends dynamic often changes like this when people begin to settle down - often the single guy ends up having to do most of the legwork due to the fact that the settled friends have more commitments, or have to answer to their partner.

CaraMay

They are boring and just like to go to their local. Do you have to pay for a taxi home then?

Addle

You have to meet people in a similar situation to yourself if you want to have a decent social life.

I find that I can't depend on people who've settled down.

Merkin

Why can't you just meet in town if you're all spread out over Dublin? Most places are a quick DART into town so why can't nights be arranged in the city centre so it suits everyone? Alternatively, meeting for a few after work swifties is normally good because people may be near town anyway?

Addle

Merkin wrote: »

Why can't you just meet in town if you're all spread out over Dublin? Most places are a quick DART into town so why can't nights be arranged in the city centre so it suits everyone? Alternatively, meeting for a few after work swifties is normally good because people may be near town anyway?

Because they are suiting themselves.

ahnow

Wait, so you have to drive over to them, your friends can go to the local for a drink, but you cant have a drink either because you have to drive back home again?
They sound a bit selfish having you do all the leg work. I'd start looking elsewhere for some decent pals. Feck that!

freshpopcorn

Why don't you pick the location to meet? Your friends mightn't even relies that you have a problem with meeting them.

Addle

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Why don't you pick the location to meet? Your friends mightn't even relies that you have a problem with meeting them.

Probably because if he doesn't go to them, they can't be bothered meet him.

Merkin

Addle wrote: »

Because they are suiting themselves.

Addle wrote: »

Probably because if he doesn't go to them, they can't be bothered meet him.

You're refuting everyone's input. Are you the actual OP in this instance or just basing your answers on presumption?

Addle

Merkin wrote: »

You're refuting everyone's input. Are you the actual OP in this instance or just basing your answers on presumption?

I'm not the op.
My replies are presumptions based on his post and my similar experience.
Other replies don't seem to get his point IMO.

Tokyo

Addle wrote: »

I'm not the op.
My replies are presumptions based on his post and my similar experience.
Other replies don't seem to get his point IMO.

I would argue that my, and other people's experiences are just as valid. Please appreciate that.

Addle

mike_ie wrote: »

I would argue that my, and other people's experiences are just as valid. Please appreciate that.

I do. And so should be granted the same appreciation!

Neyite

Back on topic please.

ALL opinions and experiences are valid when giving advice to the OP. Giving a range of different ways of looking at, or approaching their problem is what PI does best. This means that we RESPECT a differing point of view, offer possible solutions to the OP's problem and don't derail their thread with petty squabbling.

kippy

Do they have kids as well?
Things change when you settle down....priorities and time constraints change a lot as do motivation to go drinking etc. Have you thouggt about changing the dynamic in going for a meal in town instead ......or asking them to call to you etc.....

gugleguy

Will be bit stark here OP, but to be cruel to be kind. One in these bunch of friends is considered the centre or alpha and reading the post they function as a clique. The common factor in this clique is that they are married with children etc. I am saying to explore fresh pasture in term of social scene. YOU have put in the effort to keep connection with them but as far as they are concerned, this simply means that they are still familiar with you, NOT. thanks for coming all the way out here again. They don,nt care about that.

gazzer

Most of my friends are married with kids. I have one set of friends that I went to school with and I probably see them 3 or 4 times a year when we arrange to meet up in Dublin city centre for a few drinks. It usually takes about 2 weeks to plan the next night because of their family committments and usually one or two dont show up because their wife or child is sick.

It used to annoy me because they are my friends and because we are scattered all over the place and trying to organise a night out seemed so much hassle to them but I got over it by making a new set of friends. Some of these are also married with kids but make much more of an effort to go out. I tend to meet them in the city centre once every 3 weeks or once a month. That suits me and them because we couldnt really afford to go out much more than that.