6 year old says no one will play with her

greengirl31

Hi All,

I’m not sure if I should be posting this in the parentingforum or not so if the Mods think it should be moved go ahead.



My little girl is 6 and in senior infants. She’s an only child but she’s been in crèche sinceshe was small so she’s been around other children and has mixed quite well withthem. That said, she’s quite happy to play by herself and too much noise and commotionupsets her.



My main concern when she started school was how she’d faresocially and apart from the odd issue where someone would be shouting at hertable or something like that, all was fine. I did speak to her teacher about this too andshe said that she’d keep an eye out for anything strange but all was well. Things seemed to be going ok till recentlythis year too but last Friday when we were talking about her day in school shegot so upset because she said no one would play with her !!! When I asked morequestions it seemed like she didn’t want to play the game that the other girlswere playing so I explained that her not wanting to play the game was differentto them not playing with her and I tried to explain that sometimes you have toplay what the group are playing. She told me how they’d always give her the rolesthat no one else wanted and she could never pick the role or the game and allthe other childish things that kids come out with. All through the sobs … My heart was breaking!!!



So I’ve been asking her since, how were things in the yardand I’m getting the same story but no crying. I’m not sure how much to make of this … Is this common (particularly ingirls)? If I give it too much attention will she dwell on it too or if I fob itoff will that be worse because she’s such a worrier ? Should I speak to theteacher about it ??



Any advice would be appreciated



Thanks



A

Lisha

Hmm it's s tricky one alright and quite upsetting really.
My son had issues too with not wanting to play as others were playing. He wanted 'his version' of the rules to be obeyed. I had up explain that he cannot rule the roost and that sometimes we all have to go with the majority.
But then I heard that one little treasure was nominating the kids he did not like to be 'subs' and so making them stand and watch the others playing. I was quite upset and did speak to teacher who was horrified and spoke to the class about the issue stressing that no child was to be left out.

I also found that having kids over for play dates really helped to integrate my son.

Girls can be tough on each other though.
I hope the issue resolves itself soon
Best of luck

tl:dr
Speak to teacher , have play dates and maybe see if there is an after school activity that other kids do that you could include your daughter in

Big Bag of Chips

I think in life there's leaders and followers. Your daughter obviously isn't as strong a personality as "the leader" of the class. There are 12 girls in my daughter's class, and there are 2 who get to organise the games and the others just do what they're told! They all seem to be good friends though, although one is regularly described as "bossy" by a few of the others!

As they get older, they get more confident in themselves, and also start clicking with kids with similar personalities. For now, you sort of put up with it, to an extent. You can ask the teacher to keep an eye, and the teacher might try encourage them to let everyone take turns etc... But at the end of the day, the "boss" will always find a way to make their way back to the top.

In my daughters class if someone else gets to decide the game/rules etc, one of the 2 "leaders" would go off to a corner crying, until everyone was around her trying to make her feel better, and then they'd decide she could be the boss that day!

It's playground politics... But it tends to level off as they get a little bit older.

byhookorbycrook

Children will often say they had no-one to play with, ALL DAY, when in fact they might mean for 2 minutes. Mention it to the teacher and don't focus on it at all at home, as she may be subconsciously enjoying the attention she is getting from you when you ask her. Though I despise the term "play date" it would be a good idea to have another child to play sometimes at home. Check in with teacher in about 2 weeks time again.

luketitz

I'd agree with Big Bag of Chips, above. Playground politics are in full swing here, it's a dog-eat-dog world out there, Christ I remember it myself! But as she grows older, she'll learn to assert herself in different ways, as the significance of games and stuff wanes. Tough one to offer advice on as it's all relative to the child's own little persona - I wouldn't fret over it until it becomes a more serious, ongoing issue though.

greengirl31

Thanks for the tips Folks ....
I think I'm just going to keep an eye on for a while ... It may be a case that it's just a few minutes that they don't play together and she may also be enjoying the extra attention.
She did announce yesterday that she's going to play by herself from now on ... then in the next breath how she was playing with xxx !!!
But I remember the playground politics myself and it's horrible .... Girls can be B1tches .... even at 6 !!!!