Over-emotional Bride needs help!

Nicman

hi lads,

I need help big time!

Getting hitched in a few weeks and the main thing I've been worried/ nervous about is I'm afraid I won't have any control whatsoever over my emotions on the day.
I used to be a pure hard ass, never cried when I was younger etc, but in the past few years I can't look at someone crying with starting myself.

Also, I'm not a "Hollywood cryer" where the tear just peeps out of the perfectly white eye and my face remains the same. No. Red face, red eyes, crooked mouth type thing, you know what I'm talking about!!!! haha!

I wouldn't mind if I cried for a second or two and then pulled it back but I'm afraid if it starts I won't stop and don't want to be a mess throughout the ceremony. I'd like to enjoy it, and enjoy the walk up the aisle without being self conscious about my contorted wet face!

I've asked friends/ family for advice and how they kept the head on the day but no one has given me anything constructive. They just say silly things like "it's nice for a bride to be emotional" or "it adds to the ceremony when there's a few tears". That's great I'm happy for them that I'll entertain them but for me I'll feel like a tool, look a mess, and find it hard to pull myself together once the floodgates open :-(

Dolbert

I found that on the day, especially during the ceremony, once the adrenaline kicked in I was more focused than emotional! Hopefully you will find the same.

Nicman

Dolbert wrote: »

I found that on the day, especially during the ceremony, once the adrenaline kicked in I was more focused than emotional! Hopefully you will find the same.

Thanks I hope so! But did you have any tricks though? Like I feel like I need some mental trick so that I don't start off. I think if I can keep the cool walking up the aisle that I could be ok for the rest of it. But if I break down walking up the aisle it's game over ball bust!

Penny Dreadful

Nicman wrote: »

Thanks I hope so! But did you have any tricks though? Like I feel like I need some mental trick so that I don't start off. I think if I can keep the cool walking up the aisle that I could be ok for the rest of it. But if I break down walking up the aisle it's game over ball bust!

I got quite emotional just as I was about to start walking up the aisle. I saw my lovely husband standing there at the alter and he looked back and me and smiled and I got very emotional. Also because I was there with my Dad and he is just a lovely Dad.
He saw that I was getting a little emotional and so as we were walking up the aisle started chatting about when we walked up the aisle together when I was a kid when we went to mass and stuff like that. It was really sweet and made me giggle.
When we got to the top he gave me a kiss and shook my husbands hand and said his only advice was that we would always be kind to each other and he wished us all the luck in the world.
Granted that nearly set me off again. Husband in the making saw this and told me all kinds of stupid things - he had put a wash on before he left the house that morning so we'd have loads of clean clothes for the honeymoon, the kitchen was a bit messy because the lads had stayed over the night before and he wasn't on form for tidying the morning of his wedding, etc etc.
It was so inconsequential the stuff that was coming out of his mouth that it made me relax totally and just enjoy the ceremony.

Nicman

Oh that's so funny! Your husband sounds like he knows exactly what to do with an emotional woman!! And your poor Dad - yes I'm hoping dad says nothing at all to me, my mum initially asked me could she walk me up the aisle with him and I couldn't say no, but thankfully recently realised the aisle is too narrow for all 3. She would start bawling before we even get to the entrance and I'd be gone!

So maybe I could think about things like the washing or the honeymoon - trivial things and that might help me? On the off chance my fella isnt as quick thinking as yours!!

Penny Dreadful

Nicman wrote: »

Oh that's so funny! Your husband sounds like he knows exactly what to do with an emotional woman!! And your poor Dad - yes I'm hoping dad says nothing at all to me, my mum initially asked me could she walk me up the aisle with him and I couldn't say no, but thankfully recently realised the aisle is too narrow for all 3. She would start bawling before we even get to the entrance and I'd be gone!

So maybe I could think about things like the washing or the honeymoon - trivial things and that might help me? On the off chance my fella isnt as quick thinking as yours!![/QUOTE]

Give him a heads up maybe and then he will be prepared in advance!

Nicman

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Give him a heads up maybe and then he will be prepared in advance!

True, thought of that when reading yours by then thought that maybe it worked because you weren't expecting it :-)

Penny Dreadful

Nicman wrote: »

True, thought of that when reading yours by then thought that maybe it worked because you weren't expecting it :-)

Maybe.
When I look back on it now - there we were in our lovely lovely clothes, holding hands as we walked around the alter to light the candles, him chatting about the washing, my telling him not to stand on the train of my dress (was paranoid he'd stand on it, I wouldn't notice and keep walking and it would rip right up to my knickers:eek::D)- I giggle a lot.
The guests at the wedding were convinced he was telling me how lovley I looked and how much he loved me and all kinds of nice things. If only they knew!

Nicman

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Maybe.
When I look back on it now - there we were in our lovely lovely clothes, holding hands as we walked around the alter to light the candles, him chatting about the washing, my telling him not to stand on the train of my dress (was paranoid he'd stand on it, I wouldn't notice and keep walking and it would rip right up to my knickers:eek::D)- I giggle a lot.
The guests at the wedding were convinced he was telling me how lovley I looked and how much he loved me and all kinds of nice things. If only they knew!

Oh God thats so funny! that totally sounds like us ;-) haha!!! thanks for the advice. You guys sound like a great pair :-)

Penny Dreadful

Nicman wrote: »

Oh God thats so funny! that totally sounds like us ;-) haha!!! thanks for the advice. You guys sound like a great pair :-)

Awww thanks. I think we are but then again I am biased!

Gatica

I defo find thinking about trivial things is a good way to get emotions under control in most situations. I'm also an ugly crier and didn't want to get too emotional but did shed a few tears during our vows. Thinking about plans for the day or your honeymoon sounds like a good way to distract yourself.

December2012

Do lots of stress busting treatments before hand - yoga / Pilates / massages, etcetera.

Watch soppy movies a few days before to get it out of your system - the Notebook, Love Actually.

Try and keep a balanced diet - watch for sugar crashes, etc.

It's a great way to moderate your hormones!

LNH666

I'm sp glad I'm not the only bride to be who has had this thought!!! When he proposed I bawled, and the problem was he did it when we were with friends (who will soon be out witnesses) so they have photos of one of the happiest momentd of my life.... but I look shocking!

Nicman

LNH666 wrote: »

I'm sp glad I'm not the only bride to be who has had this thought!!! When he proposed I bawled, and the problem was he did it when we were with friends (who will soon be out witnesses) so they have photos of one of the happiest momentd of my life.... but I look shocking!

Aw thats awful! I just had my walk through saturday unexpectedly. We had to go to the hotel for something else and the manager suggested we played my aisle song and I do a practice run. I actually felt sick for an hour after!!! YIKES!

Calmsurrender

The bit that got me the most was when our mothers brought up the gifts, for some reason I felt myself welling up at the point and it was totally unexpected. It was like a representation of the two families or something.

Neyite

Its a more sombre example, but I used Bach's rescue remedy for a family funeral where I'd to give a reading - which as you can imagine, was picked because of the parallels with the deceased.

It worked - whether it was the actual ingredients or the placebo effect I didn't care which, but I felt calm and in control of my emotions on the day even though my heart was breaking.

Oh, and I'm a crier at the best of times too. A blotchy red-faced one.

Nicman

Neyite wrote: »

Its a more sombre example, but I used Bach's rescue remedy for a family funeral where I'd to give a reading - which as you can imagine, was picked because of the parallels with the deceased.

It worked - whether it was the actual ingredients or the placebo effect I didn't care which, but I felt calm and in control of my emotions on the day even though my heart was breaking.

Oh, and I'm a crier at the best of times too. A blotchy red-faced one.

That's tough for you. You were great to do it, I wouldn't be so brave ;-) and thanks so much. I hadn't considered rescue remedy but I will definitely try it now after reading this. Did you take it a few times that morning or just right before the church/ reading? Well done, I cry at funerals just listening to the readers. So full of emotion....
thanks for this and hope you're doing well now since

Neyite

Nicman wrote: »

That's tough for you. You were great to do it, I wouldn't be so brave ;-) and thanks so much. I hadn't considered rescue remedy but I will definitely try it now after reading this. Did you take it a few times that morning or just right before the church/ reading? Well done, I cry at funerals just listening to the readers. So full of emotion....
thanks for this and hope you're doing well now since

Took it at the house before we left for the church. Had it in my handbag too in case I needed it later, so maybe your bridesmaid can pop one in her handbag.

Nicman

..Such a good idea. I'll take it in the room before I go down for the ceremony then can get the b-maid to collect it afterwards and keep it on her for me :-) thanks so much. x

Any chance you could watch a weepy movie the night before and cry yourself out? Think about the wedding and all and get the crying done the night before?

Nicman

bluewolf wrote: »

Any chance you could watch a weepy movie the night before and cry yourself out? Think about the wedding and all and get the crying done the night before?

Probably not since my Mum & dad and bridesmaid are coming to stay!! Also I don't want massive panda eyes in the morning :-) thanks though ;-)

Mrs OBumble

If you feel tears forming, roll your eyes toward the ceiling: it's physically impossible to blubber and roll a the same time.

Nicman

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

If you feel tears forming, roll your eyes toward the ceiling: it's physically impossible to blubber and roll a the same time.

For real?!! No way! I will totally try that! I was thinking I'm going to warn dad the night before as well to not say anything emotional to me just before!! :-) you guys are all so good to help :-)

Neyite

Nicman wrote: »

For real?!! No way! I will totally try that! I was thinking I'm going to warn dad the night before as well to not say anything emotional to me just before!! :-) you guys are all so good to help :-)

Just be discreet about it lol. It might look like you are rolling your eyes at what the priest is saying :P And that wont look good on the wedding video. :pac:

Nicman

haha!! Might look like im possessed by some spirit! So look up - but not too far up! lol!

MrsB2be

Thank God I'm not the only one worrying about this! (wedding in July)
I'm an absolute whinger at the best of times (ads, soaps, songs, everything can set me off!)

I'm an emotional wreck the last few weeks. Picking songs, seeing our daughter in her flowergirl dress. Snotty blotchy mess

My friend was the same last year, cried all the way up to the wedding but not once during the ceremony as she was on too much of a high! Hoping I'll be the same

Nicman

I haven't had a tear yet - is that a bad sign? things like the dress and what not really don't do anything to me. I'm afraid that as soon as I leave the room with my dad and walk towards the ceremony that I'll set off and won't be able to stop. I don't mind a tear or two if i could control it but afraid I can't! And then I know my Mum will be a bumbling mess when I walk up the aisle and when I see her I'll be a goner for sure! I don't think there's a concrete fix really, other than medication! haha!
I'm defo going to try to think about whether or not I set the alarm on leaving the house and what I might pack for the honeymoon. Also rescue remedy. Don't know what else I can do!
One piece of advice I can definitely give MrsB2be is check if your period will be due around that time and if you're on the pill change the timing of it well in advance. Mine was due and I retimed it thank god cause I'd have been a complete mess if I didnt!

Sunny Dayz

Wish I had seen some of these suggestions before I got married! I cry at the drop of a hat! Almost everyone in my life has seen me cry, family, friends, work (thankfully not clients though!). When he proposed I started crying as soon as he dropped to his knee before he even said anything! When I went to spread the good news I was crying, tears of joy. When friends announced engagements, babies, deaths etc etc I well up!

The morning of the wedding I was fine, not a bother, busy all morning getting myself and all in the house ready. It wasn't until everything was done, the cars had arrived and the photographer was taking some shots that I started. I look very obvious when I cry! Calmed down in the car and busied ourselves talking about traffic and the vintage car! Started again walking up the aisle and am embarrassed at my face in the photos of my Dad handing me over to hubbie to be! Was fine for the cermony but started up again when we were greetting our guests leaving the church.
Somehow managed to keep my cool during the speeches by sipping wine or water if I felt emosh!

My suggestions would be letting those who will be close to you on the day - Father, hubbie to be, know that you want to avoid weeping and to keep the sentiments to a minimum, maybe have a silly code word for stop crying which might give you a giggle and distraction, try to keep yourself busy and your mind distracted. I found when I had some peace and time to think I started crying but when I was kept on my toes I didnt have time to get emotional.

Finally, if you do start crying on the day, just give yourself a minute, ignore all around you and a few deep breaths. Enjoy the big day!!

Nicman

Aw God - that sounds like how I'll be!!! God I hope im not that bad :-( Yeah i dont want my scrunched up red face to ruin what could be a lovely photo but we'll see what happens. PLanning on saying to my dad the night before not to say anything soppy to me :-)