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What to say?

  • 08-02-2014 9:10pm
    #1
    risteard7
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 879 ✭✭✭


    Hi, a good friend of mine, his father died yesterday. I'm not really sure what to say to him when I see him? I've never had to sympathize with anybody before.


Comments

  • #2
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Just say 'I'm sorry about your dad'. Ask him how he is doing and if there is anything you can do.

    Try to be there for him over the next 6 months. He will need his friends around him.


  • #3
    Slattsy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,775 ✭✭✭✭Slattsy


    As a mate, best thing you can do is simply be there for him, whether it be for a pint or a game of golf or for a chat over a cup of tea.

    I wouldnt worry about what to say.


  • #4
    Alan Shore
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 735 ✭✭✭Alan Shore


    When I was 17/18 I could never figure out the "sorry for your loss" thing, but now 20 years later I can understand the solace it gives bereaved people to know that others are thinking of them.

    Let them know you are there to talk if they need someone to talk to.


  • #5
    December2012
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,695 ✭✭✭December2012


    Try to avoid coming up with any silver linings - he's in heaven, he's at peace, it was quick / sudden / long time to say goodbye.

    If your friend days any if these things himself you can say "yeah that's true", but don't bring them up.

    The last thing I wanted to be told when my dad died was that he was in heaven / at peace by another person. I didn't want him dead and in heaven.

    However there were some people that I felt comfy enough around that I could say things like "well between us I'm glad he's no longer in pain".

    Things like "I'm really sorry about your Dad dying" or "is there anything I can do?" are more helpful than you think.


  • #6
    dee_mc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,188 ✭✭✭dee_mc


    Don't worry too much about the words, just be there for him. A hug can mean a lot too. You obviously care about him to say you're asking the question - it'll be clear to him too.


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  • #7
    SamAK
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭SamAK


    How old was the father?


  • #8
    Frankie5Angels
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,317 ✭✭✭Frankie5Angels


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Try to be there for him over the next 6 months. He will need his friends around him.

    This and more. He's going to be in a strange place for a good while, possibly years. Don't be afraid to ask how he's doing, ever, even a couple of years down the line. From experience, it's funny how people stop calling or asking and you realise you're pretty much on your own in dealing with it.

    Other than that, a simple 'I'm sorry', a handshake or a hug does the job around the time.


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