Stay at home mums :)

Sligo1

Just want to say I think is awesome .

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

Roselm

Sligo1 wrote: »

Just want to say I think is awesome .

http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/

Edited as I made a mistake in my original comment:

Did you read the article linked to at the bottom about not calling your wife the boss?

I agree that people see raising kids at home as the easy option because you dont have to go out to "work" and that people forget that raising kids is 24/7 and you can never fully switch off.
Also I too hate the "boss lady" thing. I would hate for my partner to see me as the boss of him.

But in the second article though it really decended into men are the leaders of a household/relationship and the only place women should be is in the home raising the kids in the man's household. It just smacked of an undercurrent of it is therefore wrong if women/men don't want this role.

He also equated men who are not 'leaders' as whipped (my words not his) rather than discussing the alternative of how a household could be in balance where each partner helps the other out rather than having strict roles.

When I have children I would like to raise my own kids at home for their early years but I would certainly be unimpressed if someone told me that this was my role as a mother to do this and there was no choice in the matter. He totally misses the fact that there are also plenty of stay at home dads who fulfill this role now.

Am I being oversensitive? Maybe I'm reading too much into what he says but I dislike his attitude although he does try to make his point in a rational considered way.

Sligo1

Really? Gosh I didn't read any of that? Maybe it's because I was reading quickly? Again had a very very quick skim there as running out the door but didnt see that bit?

I posted this as someone who has worked and studied non-stop in a physically, intellectually and emotionally demanding job for 12 years until having my son a year ago. And I have to say my new found respect for stay at home mums/dads is massive.

Bringing up my son has been the hardest job I have EVER had albeit the most rewarding. I'm due another baby in a month so won't be going back to work for another 6 months to a year probably... And at that I would look at going to work as having a break compared to what I do. Yes it's my choice, and yes I love it. But it's bloody hard work and anybody else who thinks otherwise.... Well....

If what you say is in actual fact part of what was initially linked then I would agree with u... I just can't see it...

Sligo1

This is all I read up to...

“You’re a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?”
It’s happened twice in a week, and they were both women. Anyone ought to have more class than this, but women — especially women — should damn well know better.

Last week, I was at the pharmacy and a friendly lady approached me.

“Matt! How are those little ones doing?”

“Great! They’re doing very well, thanks for asking.”

“Good to hear. How ’bout your wife? Is she back at work yet?”

“Well she’s working hard at home, taking care of the kids. But she’s not going back into the workforce, if that’s what you mean.”

“Oh fun! That must be nice!”

“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”

This one wasn’t in-your-face. It was only quietly presumptuous and subversively condescending.

The next incident occurred today at the coffee shop. It started in similar fashion; a friendly exchange about how things are coming along with the babies. The conversation quickly derailed when the woman hit me with this:

“So is your wife staying at home permanently?”

“Permanently? Well, for the foreseeable future she will be raising the kids full time, yes.”

“Yeah, mine is 14 now. But I’ve had a career the whole time as well. I can’t imagine being a stay at home mom. I would get so antsy. [Giggles] What does she DO all day?”

“Oh, just absolutely everything. What do you do all day?”

“…Me? Ha! I WORK!”

“My wife never stops working. Meanwhile, it’s the middle of the afternoon and we’re both at a coffee shop. I’m sure my wife would love to have time to sit down and drink a coffee. It’s nice to get a break, isn’t it?”

The conversation ended less amicably than it began.

Look, I don’t cast aspersions on women who work outside of the home. I understand that many of them are forced into it because they are single mothers, or because one income simply isn’t enough to meet the financial needs of their family. Or they just choose to work because that’s what they want to do. Fine. I also understand that most “professional” women aren’t rude, pompous and smug, like the two I met recently.

But I don’t want to sing Kumbaya right now. I want to kick our backwards, materialistic society in the shins and say, “GET YOUR FREAKING HEAD ON STRAIGHT, SOCIETY.”

This conversation shouldn’t be necessary. I shouldn’t need to explain why it’s insane for anyone — particularly other women — to have such contempt and hostility for “stay at home” mothers. Are we really so shallow? Are we really so confused? Are we really the first culture in the history of mankind to fail to grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood? The pagans deified Maternity and turned it into a goddess. We’ve gone the other direction; we treat it like a disease or an obstacle.

The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?

It’s true — being a mom isn’t a “job.” A job is something you do for part of the day and then stop doing. You get a paycheck. You have unions and benefits and break rooms. I’ve had many jobs; it’s nothing spectacular or mystical. I don’t quite understand why we’ve elevated “the workforce” to this hallowed status. Where do we get our idea of it? The Communist Manifesto? Having a job is necessary for some — it is for me — but it isn’t liberating or empowering. Whatever your job is — you are expendable. You are a number. You are a calculation. You are a servant. You can be replaced, and you will be replaced eventually. Am I being harsh? No, I’m being someone who has a job. I’m being real.

If your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations. If she quit her job as a computer analyst, she’d be replaced in four days and nobody would care. Same goes for you and me. We have freedom and power in the home, not the office. But we are zombies, so we can not see that.

Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.

Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.”

Of course not all women can be at home full time. It’s one thing to acknowledge that; it’s quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.

Finally, it’s probably true that stay at home moms have some down time. People who work outside the home have down time, too. In fact, there are many, many jobs that consist primarily of down time, with little spurts of menial activity strewn throughout. In any case, I’m not looking to get into a fight about who is “busier.” We seem to value our time so little, that we find our worth based on how little of it we have. In other words, we’ve idolized “being busy,” and confused it with being “important.” You can be busy but unimportant, just as you can be important but not busy. I don’t know who is busiest, and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. I think it’s safe to say that none of us are as busy as we think we are; and however busy we actually are, it’s more than we need to be.

We get a lot of things wrong in our culture. But, when all is said and done, and our civilization crumbles into ashes, we are going to most regret the way we treated mothers and children.

******
Find me on Facebook.

Twitter: @MattWalshRadio

sillysmiles

God he is annoying. To me that reads as completely disregarding the role of a dad, that the entire parenting is the responsibility of the mother.
Completely disregards that staying at home is a choice and a choice that is not available to a lot of parents.
That the only reason a parent would return to work is because they are materialistic.

pwurple

Bit sexist.

Why couldn't he say stay-at-home parents?

Roselm

Sligo1 wrote: »

Really? Gosh I didn't read any of that? Maybe it's because I was reading quickly? Again had a very very quick skim there as running out the door but didnt see that bit?

I posted this as someone who has worked and studied non-stop in a physically and emotionally demanding job for 12 years until having my son a year ago. And I have to say my new found respect for stay at home mums/dads is massive.

Bringing up my son has been the hardest job I have EVER had albeit the most rewarding. I'm due another baby in a month so won't be going back to work for another 6 months to a year probably... And at that I would look at going to work as having a break compared to what I do. Yes it's my choice, and yes I love it. But it's bloody hard work and anybody else who thinks otherwise.... Well....

If what you say is in actual fact part of what was initially linked then I would agree with u... I just can't see it...

Oh...I read on into another section and then forgot...sorry.
So at the bottom on that page there is a link below to another article by him about stop calling your wife boss lady...

Hannibal Smith

The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?

---

^^^^^ love it!!

We're living in an age where it's supposed to be full of equality. ..but its a fantasy. I stayed at home for 2 years and if I got a penny for every time I had to explain why I couldn't afford childcare so couldn't work and had to answer why I had kids if I couldn't afford them id be rich. The way society has shaped it is that optimum thing is to return to work, organise child care and do it all. If not you're taking the lazy way out.

When I decided to return to work..my skills were out dated after only two years and it took me 10 months to secure a job. Despite hatching out a great career for myself. ..im now starting at the bottom rung if the ladder again and have to work my way bavk up. And though people will deny it...once you have kids you become least favorable to employers because you are confined by creche collection times and the possibility of needing time offnto mind sick children.

The family is supposed to be a protected unit under the constitution. ..but its more of a hindrance in the working world.

I was watching something during the week on Sweden and men get a year off to mind children. Its parental leave not just maternity leave. Father coffee mornings are very popular.

Anyhow. ..end of rant...touchy subject. ..family rights! ! Lol

Sligo1

sillysmiles wrote: »

God he is annoying. To me that reads as completely disregarding the role of a dad, that the entire parenting is the responsibility of the mother.
Completely disregards that staying at home is a choice and a choice that is not available to a lot of parents.
That the only reason a parent would return to work is because they are materialistic.

I think perhaps he is only writing fom his experience of going out to work while his wife stays at home with the kids. Perhaps it comes across as a generalisation but IMO it probably Wasnt meant to. Lol... I dunno... I'm not the author.

He could have referred to stay at home parents definitely... I did in my last post as either are great at the job.

I'm just coming from the perspective that some people really don't know what a stay at home parent entails and sometimes are misconstrued as 'having the life'. Which is completely wrong IMO. That's just where I was coming from when I linked it....

iguana

Roselm wrote: »

By the end though it really decended into men are the leaders of a household/relationship and the only place women should be is in the home raising the kids in the man's household. It just smacked of an undercurrent of it is therefore wrong if women/men don't want this role.

He also equated men who are not 'leaders' as whipped rather than discussing the alternative of how a household could be in balance where each partner helps the other out rather than having strict roles.

Was this in the comments? As I didn't see anything remotely like that in the article.

ETA: Is it in even in the comments? I skimmed them and couldn't see it so I also did a search for the words 'leaders' and 'whipped' but they appear in neither the comments nor the article.

lukesmom

I agree when he says that staying at home to raise your children is better for everyone.

Roselm

iguana wrote: »

Was this in the comments? As I didn't see anything remotely like that in the article.

ETA: Is it in even in the comments? I skimmed them and couldn't see it so I also did a search for the words 'leaders' and 'whipped' but they appear in neither the comments nor the article.

Yeah sorry,I'll edit my original comment.As I said this was in another article he wrote which is linked to at the bottom-Stop calling your wife the boss.
His tone in this other article grated with me.

Sligo1

Roselm wrote: »

Yeah sorry,I'll edit my original comment.As I said this was in another article he wrote which is linked to at the bottom-Stop calling your wife the boss.
His tone in this other article grated with me.

Lol... I didn't see or read one Roselm... But fwiw I AM the BOSS.... Always will be in my house.... Rofl....

Chattastrophe!

lukesmom wrote: »

I agree when he says that staying at home to raise your children is better for everyone.

I think it's hard to say that's true in every family.

Sure, there might be some families that it works for. I know for sure it would never and could never work for me. My career is important to me, and it's important to me that my child sees me going out and having a life of my own ... and of course you can have a life of your own without having a career, but for me, it's a big part of my life and I wouldn't be willing to give it up.

I believe I'll be a better mother for having other things going on in my life - work, exams, etc. It'll make me appreciate the time I spend with him even more.

Having said that, I'm sure I'll be in bits when it comes to the time I've to go back to work after maternity leave. Especially since I'm very much aware that we won't be having another one for quite a few years. So I just need to make the most of the precious few months I have with him now.

Sligo1

Chattastrophe! wrote: »

I think it's hard to say that's true in every family.

Sure, there might be some families that it works for. I know for sure it would never and could never work for me. My career is important to me, and it's important to me that my child sees me going out and having a life of my own ... and of course you can have a life of your own without having a career, but for me, it's a big part of my life and I wouldn't be willing to give it up.

I believe I'll be a better mother for having other things going on in my life - work, exams, etc. It'll make me appreciate the time I spend with him even more.

Having said that, I'm sure I'll be in bits when it comes to the time I've to go back to work after maternity leave. Especially since I'm very much aware that we won't be having another one for quite a few years. So I just need to make the most of the precious few months I have with him now.

I agree with all you have said as my career is extremely important to me aswell. However, I don't really think that was the point of the link. I think it was more to express that stay at home parents have such a massive job and a lot of people who go to work everyday sometimes don't realise this.

I for one can honestly say my own husband didnt have a clue how demanding looking after a baby or toddler was until I went off for a weekend with the girls and he had all the responsibility. Wheni came home on the Sunday afternoon, he was completely red faced and exhausted.

I don't really think the link is saying stay at home parents are 'better' etc than those parents who go to work to provide for their families and have their own time and life. IMO I think this is also a great accomplishment and can teach the child exceptional values and goals.

It's really more focused on those people who are of the belief that stay at home parents do sweet fu(k all day long.. Which IMHO is complete and utter sh*te.

Chattastrophe!

Oh absolutely.

I can't even express how big a deal it is when my boyfriend gets home in the evenings and takes over for a couple of feeds. It's ridiculous.

sillysmiles

Sligo1 wrote: »

However, I don't really think that was the point of the link.

I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.

Sligo1

sillysmiles wrote: »

I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.

Are we reading the same link?? I really don't think we are....

wolfpawnat

sillysmiles wrote: »

Completely disregards that staying at home is a choice and a choice that is not available to a lot of parents.

I find that assumption horrifically insulting personally. I hear it a lot, "Oh, it must be nice to be able to get to stay home" "I wish I had the choice" I want to ram those words down their throats. Stay at home parents are often in the same boat as working parents, they cannot do the opposite due to financial restraints. I am at home because I have no job, I cannot find one and I cannot afford to take up low paying employment as childcare is too expensive. People feel the need to rationalise their family situation way too much IMO. People are so bloody critical of one another, especially women these days.

Sligo1

sillysmiles wrote: »

I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.

Just re-read the link there and completely disagree with your statement. But hey, boards is all about opinion. And IMO I still think the point of the post was that some people tend to look down on those parents who stay at home with their children, whether they stay at home by choice or by necessity. And I think he has a point. I think he's just trying to say that those people who Look down on those who stay at home or think stay at home parents do nothing all day need a reality check.

Perhaps we are not reading the link in the same context or perhaps we have just taken different things from it. Either way I stand by my opinion

dollybird2

Being a stay at home mother is a very demanding and thankless job. Demanding as in it is literally 24/7, there aren't set tea/lunch breaks or a start/finish time.
Thankless from the perspective that nobody thanks you for having the baby fed/changed/dressed, no salary raise for good performance or meeting deadlines.
This is balanced by the sheer joy of seeing your child grow and develop and the happiness a parent can take of a growing bond with their child.
I have the utmost respect for parents that work in their home as a parent and believe that there should be a Government incentive for parents that choose to do so or do so as there isn't a choice due to circumstances.

My own personal circumstances dictate that I need to bring in a wage, I have lived on a minimal income to date so that I could spend the time at home with my child, but I cannot continue this due to financial reasons.

Hannibal Smith

sillysmiles wrote: »

I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.

I didn't get that at all from the link. My take on it was it was promoting yhe idea that stay at home parents aren't taking the easy way out and staying at home is difficult.

It's about time there was a discussion in the public domain on it imo

Rosy Posy

wolfpawnat wrote: »

People feel the need to rationalise their family situation way too much IMO. People are so bloody critical of one another, especially women these days.

This.

IMO there is so much guilt involved in every parenting decision made that a lot of people feel the need to put down the choices of others in order to justify their own choices.

My own MIL who is a medical professional tried to convince me that there is no health benefit to breastfeeding after 3months! Just because this was as long as she breastfed her kids for. Not that I'm saying that she should have been forced to bf for longer- that was how it worked for them and their family with her job and how she was comfortable parenting; it just happens to be different to the way that we parent and arrange our division of labour.

Why dafuq can't we all just relax and realise that every family is different and needs to work out how to arrange things so as to best suit ourselves and our lives. I love being a SAHM but I know plenty of women who would go nuts at home all day with little kids for company, and to force them into that role surely would be worse for the family as a whole. By the same token lots of families need to make decisions based on finances that aren't exactly what they want to do or what they might feel is best for their families well being at the time, but if it means they can have a roof over their heads or their kids go to college down the line then surely that's for the benefit of the family too.

After doing this for a few years I've finally learned to turn my back on guilt (with three little ones and one on the way you need to cut loose any non essential drain on your energy!) and stop feeling the need to defend my choices or to compare them to the choices of others.

icescreamqueen

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I find that assumption horrifically insulting personally. I hear it a lot, "Oh, it must be nice to be able to get to stay home" "I wish I had the choice" I want to ram those words down their throats. Stay at home parents are often in the same boat as working parents, they cannot do the opposite due to financial restraints. I am at home because I have no job, I cannot find one and I cannot afford to take up low paying employment as childcare is too expensive. People feel the need to rationalise their family situation way too much IMO. People are so bloody critical of one another, especially women these days.

Thank you for saying that! Since becoming a mother I have never been judged so much in my life and I absolutely hate it. The biggest offenders are women. We are completely critical of each other and I have to say it's the hardest thing I've come to terms with about coming a mother. One day I got that I looked very 'Mumsy' because I was dressed very casually. I'm quickly assessing who my real friends are.

iguana

Do people who feel judged feel judged in real life or just in online discussions? I have to say I don't think I've ever felt especially judged in real life because of the way I parent. Maybe I have been but if I have it's never penetrated me. People have made stupid comments but I just let it roll off as in the next breath they tend to compliment my son, so I know that they're genuinely just passing on their perceived wisdom but they can't believe it deep down or they wouldn't think my son is so happy.

wolfpawnat

iguana wrote: »

Do people who feel judged feel judged in real life or just in online discussions? I have to say I don't think I've ever felt especially judged in real life because of the way I parent. Maybe I have been but if I have it's never penetrated me. People have made stupid comments but I just let it roll off as in the next breath they tend to compliment my son, so I know that they're genuinely just passing on their perceived wisdom but they can't believe it deep down or they wouldn't think my son is so happy.

I have had to defend myself both in the cyber world and in real life. I assume these people (mostly women) are unhappy in their lives, be it because of having to work and cannot stay home, or because of another perceived injustice, only people who are angry with themselves feel the need to put others down.

A lot of it is the cyber world, mainly because on sites like this, you are only pixels on a screen, you don't have to answer for your comments.

But in the real life, I find it odd, you get condescending looks and the "Oh, that's nice" from people, but then there are some truly odd people, such as the 50-70 year old women, who never worked after saying "I do". I get "Well it was different in my day, women work these days" followed by them giving out about kids being raised in creches And women who feel that being at home is "letting men dictate" the "men ruling and keeping us down" people.

sillysmiles

wolfpawnat wrote: »

I find that assumption horrifically insulting personally.

It wasn't meant as an insult to anyone.
When people have kids (or before they have kids) they have to decide or at least have an idea about how child care is going to work out post maternity leave.
For some people one parent staying at home will be the best option for the family. For other families, both parents will work as that is the best option for their families.

These are decisions that will have to be made - whatever people decide is the best case situation for their family. There isn't a one size fits all nor a single solution that accounts for the multi-factorial aspect of family life.
The options regarding childcare are a choice or a decision that each family needs to make.

Rachineire

I liked the article. Staying at home with children is a hard job. I know I couldn't do it...I'm only working part time right now and honestly im not really any better off financially for it, but I find working necessary for my sanity! Kudos to any parent that dedicates themselves to staying at home! It can be extremely rewarding at times but its also relentless non stop. Babies don't getthe cconcept of a 5 minute break! I think more articles like this should be prevalent to try and dispel the notion that being at home is all fun and games!

sillysmiles

Rosy Posy wrote: »

This.



Why dafuq can't we all just relax and realise that every family is different and needs to work out how to arrange things so as to best suit ourselves and our lives. I love being a SAHM but I know plenty of women who would go nuts at home all day with little kids for company, and to force them into that role surely would be worse for the family as a whole. By the same token lots of families need to make decisions based on finances that aren't exactly what they want to do or what they might feel is best for their families well being at the time, but if it means they can have a roof over their heads or their kids go to college down the line then surely that's for the benefit of the family too.

Part in bold. This is the crux of what I was trying to say. There's isn't a global - it is best that all women work or all women stay at home. What is best is that people make the choice based on their families needs and situation.

wolfpawnat

sillysmiles wrote: »

It wasn't meant as an insult to anyone.
When people have kids (or before they have kids) they have to decide or at least have an idea about how child care is going to work out post maternity leave.
For some people one parent staying at home will be the best option for the family. For other families, both parents will work as that is the best option for their families.

These are decisions that will have to be made - whatever people decide is the best case situation for their family. There isn't a one size fits all nor a single solution that accounts for the multi-factorial aspect of family life.
The options regarding childcare are a choice or a decision that each family needs to make.

I'm not directing the comment directly at you sillysmiles, it is more of a general statement Our decision on childcare was fairly swift, we were both in college. Can we afford it, no. So I sacrificed my degree as his had better employment prospects and higher income, so many people have to decide it.

Gee_G

I'm a 28yr old mother to an 18month old and I have not returned to work since he was born. I have lost count of the amount of shocked /surprised reactions I have gotten from people when they ask me if I am back at work.
I have spoken to a lot of my friends about this lately (some with kids and some not). No more than years ago when it was expected for women to stay at home, it is now expected that they put their children into childcare and go back to work.(I think anyway!) Yes, I have been judged and I have also had a few comments like "we'll for some" etc. I don't pass much remarks but I just wish people would mind their own business and the world would be a happier place :)

sillysmiles

Sligo1 wrote: »

Just re-read the link there and completely disagree with your statement.

You are totally right, opinions differ. I should point out that it is his article that bugs me and him, not the general point that he is trying to get across. But I find it hard to take him saying "people should be judgmental of SAHM when he is judgmental or everyone else (IMO).
I do agree that people shouldn't be judgmental of SAHM but I would add that people shouldn't be judgmental of anybody else's family set-up.


These is some of the things in this article grated on me.

Look, I don’t cast aspersions on women who work outside of the home. I understand that many of them are forced into it because they are single mothers, or because one income simply isn’t enough to meet the financial needs of their family.

This (to me) reads as though unless you are a single parent or broke, then you are a bad parent for wanting to work outside the home. The fact that he has "professional" in inverted commas in the sentence that follows (to me) screams sarcasm and disbelief at these so-called professional women.

This conversation shouldn’t be necessary. I shouldn’t need to explain why it’s insane for anyone — particularly other women — to have such contempt and hostility for “stay at home” mothers.

Maybe it should be that there is less contempt for whatever people decide to do in their family situation.

Of course not all women can be at home full time.

There is never a suggestion that a father could be at home part-time or that a viable family situation with the father at home. It just doesn't enter his language. I understand that he is speaking from a personal view point but it is very one sided and singular.

iguana

sillysmiles wrote: »

There is never a suggestion that a father could be at home part-time or that a viable family situation with the father at home. It just doesn't enter his language. I understand that he is speaking from a personal view point but it is very one sided and singular.

I read through a few of his other posts, like the one Roselm mentioned, and he is writing from the perspective of someone who's religious beliefs place him, as the male, as the leader of his household and his wife as a respected but ultimately submissive family member. Imo, that sheds a different light on his views of stay at home mothers, especially as he never mentions fathers staying home. For all the great things he has to say about how hard staying at home can be, I have a suspicion that while he does see it as demanding, important work, he also sees it as woman's work and not the work of a family leader, ie the man.

Sligo1

iguana wrote: »

I read through a few of his other posts, like the one Roselm mentioned, and he is writing from the perspective of someone who's religious beliefs place him, as the male, as the leader of his household and his wife as a respected but ultimately submissive family member. Imo, that sheds a different light on his views of stay at home mothers, especially as he never mentions fathers staying home. For all the great things he has to say about how hard staying at home can be, I have a suspicion that while he does see it as demanding, important work, he also sees it as woman's work and not the work of a family leader, ie the man.

You see I haven't read the other article Roselm mentioned. I can only comment on what I've read and linked... From what you and Roselm say of his other article I am sure I would here with you. I hate sexism. And I hate this "man is leader" notion... It's just I haven't read his other stuff.

I'm only coming from the perspective that some people don't understand how difficult being a stay at home parent can be. And some people do in actual fact berate it. IMO whatever any parent does to help and provide for their kids is a great thing. Be that at home or at work. It is all conducive to bringing up a great family unit. Just some others don't see it tht way.

Synyster Shadow

For me I can see that everyone has there own life style and choices may vary due to this..

In my bubble I have the choice to work or stay home with kids which I'm Lucky. I'll have a just turned 1 year old and a newborn come April and feel it will help if I can be at home (totally just commenting on my situation)
Of course there will always be someone to say you should go working when number 2 comes. This happens to be my MIL as she doesn't want to go out working and is under the illusion that 2 babies will be easy to watch. My husband said that I'm gonna watch them myself until they hit a certain age which she wasn't happy bout. But for me been told I'd never have babies now having them I'm just not ready to leave them.

I think everyone has a different way. I also think he wrote about his own wife and how he didn't like peoples reactions to his wife staying at home. Maybe they needed help getting pregnant and of so that can influence what happens when baby/babies arrive