pathological lonliness

Rob32

Hey guys, I suppose looking for guidance more than anything here! Basically I'm always lonely, I find it impossible to sit in alone and chill out, I always have to be texting someone (generally female) and more worryingly texting females I'm interested in, it's as if I use female company to fill a hole in my personality, another issue that arises from this however is that I can come across as needy inevitably I stop seein whoever she is and the circle begins again! Recently I met the first girl I've been properly interested in since splitting up with my ex(longest rrelationship to date) and I made a mess of that, it did turn out to be a wake up call but I've done it before and I know I'll do it again unless I break the cycle. Sorry about the wall of text and thanks in advance to anyone who helps.

Hannibal Smith

Have you tried talking to a counsellor to get to the bottom of it? Have you a short attention span in general?

If you know the cycle stop it when it starts. You seem to have a firm understanding of what you're doing so just don't text because at the end of the day it's not just yourself you're messing around.

Rob32

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

Have you tried talking to a counsellor to get to the bottom of it? Have you a short attention span in general?

If you know the cycle stop it when it starts. You seem to have a firm understanding of what you're doing so just don't text because at the end of the day it's not just yourself you're messing around.

Unfortunately I'm not in a financial situation at the moment to see a counselor. My aim for the time being is to recognize the problem and accept it exists and try change the bad habits I've developed.

Tokyo

OP, if I'm to be blunt, it sounds like you need constant pats on the back and reassurance from women, in order to feel like you are interesting to them...

Have you tried taking part in activities that take your focus away from this, and in a more productive direction? for example, taking up a new sport with your male friends (or making new male friends), or interracting with women in an environment other than you texting them because you like them??? Reassurance from others is great, but at the core of it, you must be happy with yourself too....

Rob32

mike_ie wrote: »

OP, if I'm to be blunt, it sounds like you need constant pats on the back and reassurance from women, in order to feel like you are interesting to them...

Have you tried taking part in activities that take your focus away from this, and in a more productive direction? for example, taking up a new sport with your male friends (or making new male friends), or interracting with women in an environment other than you texting them because you like them??? Reassurance from others is great, but at the core of it, you must be happy with yourself too....

Thats exactly what I was thinking, your bluntness is appreciated by the way, I don't need kind words I need to take action! My first port of call is giving up smoking and going back to the gym, tbh upon reflection I feel it's possible my lack of a routine/hobbies have left me with excess Free time which I've been attempting to fill unhealthily.

Tokyo

Rob32 wrote: »

Thats exactly what I was thinking, your bluntness is appreciated by the way, I don't need kind words I need to take action! My first port of call is giving up smoking and going back to the gym, tbh upon reflection I feel it's possible my lack of a routine/hobbies have left me with excess Free time which I've been attempting to fill unhealthily.

Hitting the gym again is never a bad idea, and giving up smoking is a no-brainer really. I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say that you need to establish a routine for yourself again. Find activities that you enjoy to fill that spare time - it doesn't have to be gym 7 nights of the week - see if there are classes or courses in your area for example that you would be interested in taking part in. Great way to meet new people too, in my experience...

Rob32

mike_ie wrote: »

Hitting the gym again is never a bad idea, and giving up smoking is a no-brainer really. I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say that you need to establish a routine for yourself again. Find activities that you enjoy to fill that spare time - it doesn't have to be gym 7 nights of the week - see if there are classes or courses in your area for example that you would be interested in taking part in. Great way to meet new people too, in my experience...

Hopefully this is a step in the right direction so! I'm too distracted with cravings to want to talk to anyone anyway haha

mary55

Try get out and about more running, walking, hill walking so many things to do outside. Though it this weather I suppose the gym might be a better idea. Get out get active!