believing in pregnancy after baby loss

LegacyUser

I had a miscarriage in December just gone, it was my first pregnancy and was heartbreaking. I did not miscarry naturally as it was called a missed miscarriage so a scan verified that the baby didn't grow.
I found out two weeks ago that I am pregnant again, less than 7 weeks after losing my last baby. I really did not expect this to happen so fast and we even used condoms some of the the time following the d&c as I wanted to limit any chance of a post-op infection. So this pregnancy has come as a massive shock to us both and we haven't uttered a word to friends or family.
The thing is I am so afraid of another miscarriage, I just can't seem to believe that there is a live baby growing inside me. Maybe because the last baby never grew but I can't seem to let my mind believe that this time will be different. I don't even have half as many symptoms than I did last time. Sometimes I feel totally normal and my boobs aren't sore this time!
I am being scanned in two weeks time and I am terrified. Is there anything I should be thinking or doing? Until I get a scan there is no way for me to know if there is a live, growing baby in here but how do I keep myself from stressing? I honestly don't know how I could survive losing this baby.

Pessimist

You poor thing :-( Miscarriage is heart breaking, especially with your first pregnancy. It takes the 'romance' and fun out of subsequent pregnancies, I totally get where you're coming from.

I had two miscarriages (one missed as well) before I had two healthy, happy babies. There was really no explanation for the miscarriages but I looked for reasons everywhere.

The pregnancy will get easier as you have scans, get bigger etc. all you can do is try to relax - just because you had one miscarriage, doesn't increase your chances for a second one. Plus it's a good sign you got pregnant so quickly again.

I firmly believe you can't shake a good apple from a tree, so just trust your body and try to eat well and relax. Take your folate and cut out alcohol and all the stuff they tell you to - that's all you can do.

I know this will not help now, but even though the miscarriages were painful, awful things, I probably wouldn't have my two beautiful children now if I didn't have them. What is meant to be will be and my two children weren't ready to be born yet. Hopefully that makes sense.

Best of luck - I wish I could give you a big hug as I know how painful it is.

Btw, some of the hospitals have early pregnancy units where they'll do early scans for you to help ease your mind and check you're okay.

seenitall

soscared wrote: »

I honestly don't know how I could survive losing this baby.

Hi OP,

I really don't think this train of thought is doing you any good. You are just stressing about something that may well be inexplicable, unavoidable and is almost certainly beyond your control, and so potentially harming the progression of your pregnancy in the process - which, ironically, is within your control.

What I have read somewhere recently, written by a woman who has experienced several miscarriages, is that, mentally, she doesn't treat her pregnancies as viable any more, until she is past the 12 week mark. Think about it. No stressing, no anxiety, no pressures (or, the idea is to minimize them in that way, I suppose). Resulting in a more relaxed, happier pregnancy, than an anguish-ridden one.

Once you're out of the danger zone, time-wise, you will be able to relax more, and hopefully even enjoy your pregnancy. In the meantime, your scans and other appointments aside, I would treat it merely as a possibility, emotionally. That's my advice.

Best wishes.

inlikeflynn86

Hi op

Im very sorry for your loss x

Reading your post was like reading about myself last year. I miscarried in November 2012 and last January i got a positive. I was so anxious and nervous waiting for my scan that when we were finally there i cried. I now have a beautiful 4 month old boy. As said already whats meant to be will be.

Theres nothing you can do except relax and rest as much as you can. Think positively and try breathing excercises.

Thinking of you xx

fro9etb8j5qsl2

My heart goes out to you OP I miscarried my first baby after ttc for 2 years and it was absolutely heartbreaking. When I eventually became pregnant again, I found it very difficult to relax and trust that everything would be ok. Hearing the heartbeat was some bit of reassurance but I was still panicky about everything in the early days. However, my OH was a total rock and he kept telling me that even though it's out of our control and totally terrifying, all we could do was be positive and believe that everything would be fine. It did take a while but I finally did calm down and began to enjoy my pregnancy

One thing I will say is try to stay away from 'dr google' in the early months, you'll only drive yourself mad. If you have any doubts or questions, ring your doc or local maternity. A lot of women are afraid to do this for fear of coming across as paranoid but these people are used to dealing with pregnancy day in day out and they would rather you ring and ask them than worry yourself sick ovrr something you read on the internet.

Good luck OP hope everything works out for you

Hannibal Smith

Hi OP. I had a missed miscarriage in 2010. I had no idea the pregnancy wasn't going well and turned up to my 12 week appointment full of the joys and expecting to see a heartbeat. But there was none. I fell pregnant 6 weeks after the miscarriage, it wasn't planned and I was a nervous wreck, but thankfully that ended with a beautiful boy.

Go for an early scan. Explain to the hospital what happened and why you're anxious and they're usually fairly understanding and will fit you in. Once you see the heartbeat it will hopefully set your mind at ease.

Try to think positive. There is no point thinking negatively, it will change nothing and will only serve to wind you up until you see the heartbeat.

It's all easier said than done I know, but hopefully things go well for you this time. Congratulations!

ncmc

I’m so sorry for your loss OP, I have never had a miscarriage thankfully, but I am pregnant at the moment and I can’t imagine the pain and loss you must be feeling. I too was very scared and worried for the first few weeks of my pregnancy, mainly because we had been TTC for three years and in the end had a ‘spontaneous’ pregnancy i.e. no drugs or fertility treatment on the month we conceived. I was afraid to go to the bathroom in case there was blood and it was made worse by the fact that I had no morning sickness or symptoms. I just couldn’t believe that I was lucky enough to be pregnant and have everything go smoothly. I had an early scan at 6 weeks and they were able to detect the heartbeat. I was told by the nurse that once the HB is present, the chance of MC drops to about 2%.

I know it’s impossible not to worry and it doesn’t matter what anyone says, you ARE going to worry and that’s totally understandable. Just try and focus on your scan date, try and eat as healthy as you can and get as much rest as possible. Don’t worry about lack of symptoms, it’s very early for symptoms and I had none whatsoever all the way through my pregnancy (I’m 23 weeks now)

Best of luck to you. I will have fingers and toes crossed that you will see a little healthy baba and a good strong heartbeat at your scan.

LegacyUser

Thank you all for the advice and well wishes. All I can do is try keep calm until the scan, at least then I will have a better idea of where we stand this time. It's just hard to believe that there is a baby in here because the last time the baby was gone despite me having pregnancy symptoms and everything. I just have to try switch off in the meantime because I can't possibly know until then. I really hope this baby will be fine though, I really hope I'll have a healthy, happy baby in my arms in September

On the pregnancy forum, I agree it is a fantastic forum full of lovely people but it takes far too long for anonymous posts to be approved and I'm not ready yet to post under my username as I have some family and friends on boards.ie and do not want anybody knowing about this pregnancy, simply because I don't think I could deal with having to tell everybody again if the worst does happen. Let's hope that won't be the case though!

LegacyUser

Well, I have my scan today to see if baby is growing and has a heartbeat. I'm already shaking.
Last time I went to this scanning room I left with my heart broken.
Please God today will be a happy occasion!

Tokyo

Best of luck today OP. There is absolutely no reason to assume the worst, so don't stress. I hope the scans give you the relief that you deserve

ncmc

Oh best of luck OP, I really hope you get a positive result today and get to see a lovely healthy little bean!

nikpmup

Ophavingameltdown wrote: »

Well, I have my scan today to see if baby is growing and has a heartbeat. I'm already shaking.
Last time I went to this scanning room I left with my heart broken.
Please God today will be a happy occasion!

Best of luck OP, there's no reason you shouldn't have a healthy pregnancy this time x

tinkerbell

Ophavingameltdown wrote: »

Well, I have my scan today to see if baby is growing and has a heartbeat. I'm already shaking.
Last time I went to this scanning room I left with my heart broken.
Please God today will be a happy occasion!

Best of luck, OP. Thinking of you today.

Jimmy Bottlehead

tinkerbell wrote: »

Best of luck, OP. Thinking of you today.

Best of luck.

Chara1001

Good luck op, I hope it went well

fro9etb8j5qsl2

Hope it went well for you

LegacyUser

I'm so delighted, I got to see the baby with a good strong heartbeat & I'm almost 9 weeks!! So not long to go to that 12 week mark. I was so terrified of today's scan, thank God all is well!!
Thank you all for reassuring me x

Tokyo

I think that I can speak for everybody here when I wish you our utmost congratulations!!

ncmc

Yay brilliant news! I was thinking of you all afternoon and kept checking for updates. So delighted for you, now you've seen the heartbeat, chances are overwhelmingly in your favour. I'm not going to lie, you're still going to worry, but hopefully you can allow yourself to be happy and excited too! Hopefully we'll see you in the pregnancy forum now!

Merkin

I'm so happy for you, wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy. When you feel ready pay a visit to the Pregnancy forum, very friendly bunch over there!:)

Edit, great minds ncmc!

tinkerbell

Sorelieved wrote: »

I'm so delighted, I got to see the baby with a good strong heartbeat & I'm almost 9 weeks!! So not long to go to that 12 week mark. I was so terrified of today's scan, thank God all is well!!
Thank you all for reassuring me x

OP, I'm so thrilled for you. Wishing you all the best for a wonderful, happy, healthy pregnancy *huge hugs*

bp

I am delighted for you :-)

nikpmup

Great news - once you see the heartbeat, statistically the chances of miscarriage drop hugely. So try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy