Girlfriend wanting space.

helpme23

Hi me and my girlfriend have had a major break down.She loves me to no end.But I always need to ask does she, now she said she cant take it anymore that if i cant see that she does by now i never will.
And that it is annoying her that I have to ask.Im really upset.I know i have some big insecurity problems and thats why I ask ,when i see her upset.Now a major thing happened her last week which has got her really down and her head was and is annoyed about it.

But I always put my big foot in it and i did the other nite.I asked what she really wanted, even though she has told me loads of times,she loves me and said she wanted to have a baby with me.She said this a few times.But I only asked about all this when I seen her down the last week or so.I wanted to know if she is ok and not annoyed with me.

I know previous to this I haven't been in a good place with myself and it has taken its toll on our realtionship.It has caused alot of rows wit us.And we both know this.But Im madly in love with her and I know she is with me and she says she still wants them things with me like a future and have kids.But she saying she cant because us rowing and me questioning her love for me.

Also what happened last week was a terrible thing so she is feeling very down.But has a serious strain with maybe what she has said to me about wanting a future wit me and now regrets what she has said,and really doesn't want to be with me anymore.Im just feeling so crap because i know she loved me I could see it and feel it but now it has gone a bit cold.

Words can mean totally different than what is actually happening.We both live in the same place and it will be hard to see a girl who you feel for and want if all she wants is to be friends, not after everything that has been said.

Loughc

Is there any chance you can edit your post into paragraphs, I really want to help you, but I'm actually straining my eyes trying to read that!

Tokyo

OP,

I hate to say it, but I can see where the girl is coming from. Your post doesn't say how long you have been together, but from the sounds of it, it's been a reasonable length of time. But the situation you find yourself in now falls solely on you, and your insecurities. And your girlfriend seems to be at the end of her tether.

Look at it from her point of view for a second. She tells you that she loves you, but you constantly ask her if it's really true. She tells you that she wants to have a child with you in the future, but you ask her if she really loves you. She has stuck by you through thick and thin, even with all of your insecurities, and you still doubt that she loves you, and say it openly to her.

To me, it's fairly obvious that the girl loves you deeply, but is questioning her future with a guy that, no matter what she says or does, never seems to appreciate her feelings for him. And TBH, it's a horrible situation for her to be in. There are few things worse than loving someone, and for them to never be able to recognise it.

My opinion for what its worth, if you don't learn to deal with your insecurities, your relationship will fail. As will the next one, and the one after that. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor to help you deal with these issues? In your situation, I'd highly recommend it. Perhaps you could include your partner in this too, at least sit down with her and tell her that you want to find help to deal with help this issue, and maybe she could help you find a counsellor? She might appreciate seeing you being proactive about this, for you, and for her.

helpme23

We have been dating since May of last year and we really hit it off and i know it is my fault because i cant help it i feel so stupid.I have had issues with myself for years.I always have to ask no matter what it is my problem.I am seeing a counsellor only once a week.But im trying to deal with my problems i think its finished and i think i will just let her go i have caused to much hurt and i dont mean any of it because its never enough for me to see the actual truth.I love this girl to bits and know she does.But when i see her in bad form sometimes I ask her if im the problem.I dont know if she will want to continue but i dont think she will to be honest.Am heart broken and wish i wasnt the way i am.Because this has ruined a lot of things before with others.Only this time i feel for this girl more so than anybody else.

Merkin

I think you would probably benefit from professional help.

Put yourself in the shoes of your girlfriend for a moment, just how grating and irritating would it be to have someone constantly question your motives? There is also the suggestion/subtext from you that she is a liar if she tells you how she feels and then you continue to refute that.

I would go and speak to a counsellor if I were you to work through your insecurities and tell her you are doing that.

helpme23

yea i am but my problem is with me and i have been treated bad and lied to in the past by x friends and i am trying to move on from my past.Its not easy at all.I feel suicidal with how i feel.

Tokyo

Hi OP,

If you are having suicidal thoughts, then this is a separate issue from the original post, and you've headed into territory that, as much as we may like to, we are in no way qualified to help you with.

I would suggest that, as you are already meeting with a counsellor, that you discuss these feelings with him or her, and that you immediately contact the Samaritans
http://beta.dublinsamaritans.ie/

or aware
http://www.aware.ie/

Good luck.

Taltos

I am sorry OP but as you are feeling suicidal we have to close this thread.
Please contact one or more of the organisations below and ask them for help.
We will also pass details of this thread to the user turn2me.org who will be in touch offering their services to help you through this difficult time.

From our charter:

Depression / Mental Health
http://www.irish-counselling.ie/
http://www.dublinsamaritans.ie/
http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/
http://www.grow.ie/
http://www.aware.ie/
http://www.shineonline.ie/
http://www.recover.ie/ (Schizophrenia Ireland)

Suicide
http://www.nosp.ie/ (national suicide prevention)
1Life Suicide Prevention Helpline - 1800 247 100
http://www.pieta.ie/
https://www.turn2me.org/ - registered rep on boards contactable at turn2me.org