couple taking over house

LegacyUser

I moved into a house share situation a few months ago. I was supposed to be sharing with 3 other people - all male. On moving into the house, I discovered that one of their partners lives with them in the house and they share a bedroom. They also have a pet in the house which I wasn't made aware of before moving in.

She only works part-time hours and the rest of the time lies around the living area watching tv and constantly cooking. When he gets in from work he joins her and they both hog the tv, hog the cooker and have made the place totally theirs. They never go anywhere so they're constantly there when not working. I rarely see the others living in the house and notice they spend all their time in their bedrooms when they are there. I'm paying quite a bit in rent and didn't expect to be restricted to my bedroom or made to feel like a gooseberry. I did at one point for a few weeks force myself into the situation and sat watching tv regardless until I arrived home one evening to find each of them lying across separate sofas clearly 'making a point' as it left nowhere else to sit down. Their belongings are spread all over the house and if I leave any of mine in the common areas, they are moved or I'm asked to remove them.

I'm beginning to feel like a non-paying visitor in a house I pay to live in and should be allowed use the amenities. I'm fed up and on the point of moving out but the location etc suit me and I'd rather not have to move at the moment. Has anybody else experienced something like this before?

scarymoon1

p1ntguy wrote: »

I moved into a house share situation a few months ago. I was supposed to be sharing with 3 other people - all male. On moving into the house, I discovered that one of their partners lives with them in the house and they share a bedroom. They also have a pet in the house which I wasn't made aware of before moving in.

She only works part-time hours and the rest of the time lies around the living area watching tv and constantly cooking. When he gets in from work he joins her and they both hog the tv, hog the cooker and have made the place totally theirs. They never go anywhere so they're constantly there when not working. I rarely see the others living in the house and notice they spend all their time in their bedrooms when they are there. I'm paying quite a bit in rent and didn't expect to be restricted to my bedroom or made to feel like a gooseberry. I did at one point for a few weeks force myself into the situation and sat watching tv regardless until I arrived home one evening to find each of them lying across separate sofas clearly 'making a point' as it left nowhere else to sit down. Their belongings are spread all over the house and if I leave any of mine in the common areas, they are moved or I'm asked to remove them.

I'm beginning to feel like a non-paying visitor in a house I pay to live in and should be allowed use the amenities. I'm fed up and on the point of moving out but the location etc suit me and I'd rather not have to move at the moment. Has anybody else experienced something like this before?

That's so rude of them. I moved into a house recently and anytime anyone has a partner over they go into the second sitting room to watch tv so as not to make anyone feel like a gooseberry! I'd move out as it looks like they are not going to change. The lying on the couch thing was their way of saying "this is our space so push off"!!! Not nice and I wouldn't want to live with people like that

Lux23

Yes. I moved out.

ahnow

Shockingly bad behaviour. Unfortunately, a culture in this house seems to have already been established and this is acceptable behaviour. You'd be better off moving than going through the up hill battle of trying to change them. Complete nightmare OP, poor you! I would tell them exactly why I was leaving though, completely disrespectful behaviour on their part!

Chucky the tree

Move out but at least man up for the rest of the time you are there. If they ask you to move your stuff then tell them to move their's. If they are lying across both couch's then go in a sit down. If just let them walk all over you they will keep doing it.

lillycool

It's unacceptable, your housemate is paying for a room for himself sharing with others - not a house for himself and his girlfriend to have free reign.

One solution is to draft a few mates in to help, have them over a couple of times a week lying on the couch similar to your housemates unpaying guest. It will eventually come to a head.

Ham Sambo

Seriously. I think you have to sit these two down and work out some house rules, the are completely taking the p*ss here.

Tokyo

I see you've met the alpha male then Have been lucky enough not to be in that situation myself, but I had a friend that put up with it for years, could never understand how he did it. Same situation, had to ask to watch the TV, then put up with the grunting and whinging until the remote got handed back, etc etc.

As ahnow pointed out, the problem here is that you are last man in, and as such you don't really get to 'change the rules', as it were. If the others are shutting themselves in their rooms each night, then this pattern has been established long before you got there, and sorry to say, you aren't going to change it. It's wrong of course, but the guy has marked his territory, and if you try to reason with him, it's not going to happen. Not if they are already sprawling across sofas to make their point. They want the privacy of their own place, but with the benefits of splitting the bills four ways.

I know you don't want to, but if you want a decent quality of life, start looking for somewhere new. Be upfront, and tell them why you are moving out - you don't really have anything to lose.

On a related note, are the utilities split four, or five ways? If it's the former, I'd be having a discussion about that too...

Emme

Move out, and after you go ask the landlord to bill you for a fifth or 20% of any utilities you might owe as there were five living in the house up until you left.

Those two are taking the p*** and more fool anyone who puts up with it.

ganmo

Take the fuse out of the tele!

Then move out and tell the landlord it's due to health reasons arising from the couples pet.

Gannicus

Ham Sambo wrote: »

Seriously. I think you have to sit these two down and work out some house rules, the are completely taking the p*ss here.

I think this is the best solution. Maybe have a word with the other housemates on the Q.T. and see if they feel the same as (if all they do is spend their time in their rooms they may well do).

If this is the case maybe everyone should sit down with him and calmly (maybe her too if she officially lives there) discuss this and even state that the utilities be divided up amongst everyone in the house herself included.

We had a similar issue in a place I rented before. A friend's missus moved in about month after. She spent hours a day in the shower (2 x 30-45 mins showers) and they bunkered down in the living room then tutted and huffed when we had people over interrupting her tv shows

She was never on the lease nor had he asked us if she could move in or if there was an issue. Needless to say it all came to a head in an ugly manor and tensions were high in the house for the rest of the 12 months and we all left then when the lease ran out.

kylith

Talk to the other housemates first and see if they would confront this guy with you as there's no point in trying to change the status quo by yourself. If bills are split four ways currently then they should be split five ways since there are five people living there. I certainly wouldn't be paying for a TV package I never got to use.

If I were you I'd get together with the other housemates and take back the living area; have a movie night and a few beers. If the problem pair are ever draped over both sofas then just ask them to budge up so you can sit down. At all times be friendly and polite, and if challenged you can just point out that you pay the same as them and have as much right to the living space. If they want the place to themselves they should have rented somewhere for themselves.

Of course, if the others in the house aren't interested in backing you up you would be better to find somewhere else.

I've had to rent out a room in my house before and even when I haven't got on with the person and have wished they'd stay in their room I'd never have tried keep them out of the living room because they were paying for the use of the whole house, not just a bedroom.

Mr Boom Boom

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Move out but at least man up for the rest of the time you are there. If they ask you to move your stuff then tell them to move their's. If they are lying across both couch's then go in a sit down. If just let them walk all over you they will keep doing it.

So true. You "train" people how to treat you - good or bad - by your own behaviour. Door mats are there to be trodden upon

ceannbui

Agree with advice given. Tell them you're considering moving out, make it clear why and man up. If you accept being treated like this now it'll happen again

fineso.mom

Does the landlord know about the extra 'tenant' and the dog ? He has a right to know who is staying in his house. More importantly you have a right to full use of the house,,,how dare they carry on like that. Agree with other posters though, it's gone on too long to change easily. Even if you like the area and it's convenient for work or whatever,,think how much nicer it would be to come home to a place where you can relax. Give notice and be sure and tell the landlord why ( two extra tenants, a bitch and the pet!). And have your friends over every night for the last week of your stay to watch box sets of whatever series would annoy them most.

Santa Cruz

Ham Sambo wrote: »

Seriously. I think you have to sit these two down and work out some house rules, the are completely taking the p*ss here.

Waste of time. People who behave like that won't change. Leave but before you go put a dead fish in the mattress under their bed while they out.

Sir Oxman

Living with couples is a massive no-no (I know you didn't know to begin with)
You need to mark your territory and feck what atmosphere it creates as the atmosphere is already awful or look for somewhere else (the others appear to be institutionalised!)

Definitely do not pay 1/4 of the bills.

LegacyUser

I would never live with a couple - even if they were both separately great friends of mine beforehand. It totally changes the house dynamic. I'm sorry, but you should just move out - any stand you take will just be temporary, and you will be paying your full rent and not getting a 'shared house'. Even if things improve, you'll still be getting the awkward vibe. Just find another place to live - and triple check the situation re BFs/GFs beforehand

Taltos

Santa Cruz - you were already serving a one month ban from RI. We are now applying a three month ban to both forums as clearly you are not ready to contribute in a constructive fashion. If when your ban is lifted you find you still not post in a reasonable manner we will then extend your ban appropriately up to a permanent ban if necessary.

Aseth

OP, I think the best solution would be contacting the landlord and clarifying if s/he is aware how many people are living in the house. Do tell him/her about the pet.
I don't think there's any other option for you - from what you wrote others are staying in their rooms so clearly have been 'terrorized' by the couple and don't want a confronation. Since you are paying bills and you like the area I don't see why you should be the one moving out because of somebody's behaviour. Quite the opposite.

freshpopcorn

Hard to know what to do in the situation.
Are you the last into the house? If the other tenants are there longer the landlord mightn't like the New guy running and telling him tales/causing yum hassle.
Have the others complained about the couple? Some people wouldn't do it.
If you do contact the landlord try and have some proof because the others might deny it.

endacl

Tricky situation. House meeting? Talk it out?

Sharing with couples can be hard. Even if they're friendly, considerate and inclusive, they're still a discrete unit of two people from which the others are excluded.

Paddy Cow

What kind of pet is it? There's a huge difference between a goldfish and a cat that would shed all over the house. Most landlords don't allow pets so you could have some leeway there.

You have two options:

1 Move out

2 Train them to accept that you live there too. Keep going into the sitting room to watch tv in the evenings. If they go back to lying on a couch each, just say something like "sorry, would you mind moving over please". They will huff and puff but they can't outright refuse to move. Pick a programme that you want to watch and say to them "oh such and such is on at X time. Do you mind if we watch it?". If you can, have a couple of friends come over one night to watch a match. Give them plenty of notice so they can't complain.

This approach will take a lot of assertiveness and patience and be awkward at times but they have to get used to the fact that they are living in a house share. They are not doing you a favour by letting you have a room and some times use of the kitchen.

I lived in a 3 bedroom apartment and for about a month there was only two of us living there. The other guy spent all of his time in his room (he's always been like that, I didn't run him out of the place ). I got used to having the sitting room all to myself and my friend used to call over quite often. When the new guy moved in, he spent most of his evenings in the sitting room. He was a nice guy but it took me a few days to get used to sharing "my space" with someone else again. Even my friend commented that it was "weird" having a new person around and she didn't even live there!

I'm not condoning the couple's behaviour at all but they have got into a routine of having "their space" and it's up to you to decide whether it's worth retraining them into sharing that space.

mary55

Confront them about it. That is a ridiculous carry on. If they want a place to live together tell them to get a place of their own. It's not fair on you it's your place as well.

RoscommonTom

It sounds like they want their own place but are to mean or poor to pat for it, theyve no right to be taking over the place, stand your ground abd maybe get some other fellas around to take over the couches with you,

Brussels Sprout

mary55 wrote: »

Confront them about it. That is a ridiculous carry on. If they want a place to live together tell them to get a place of their own. It's not fair on you it's your place as well.

I've been in the exact situation that the OP is on about. It's very hard to do what you're saying as it'll be a 2 on 1 and no mater how logical, reasonable and in the right you are it's just not a battle you can win as they'll back each other up and make you out to be some kind of crank. Move out for your own sanity OP. Life is too short.

StickyIcky

Any update OP?

Big Bag of Chips

StickyIcky, as per our Charter

Do not ask for updates/to be kept updated - this prevents threads turning into blogs or soap operas for others amusement and avoids puting pressure on the original poster to return to the thread.

CatFromHue

Do you have a contract for the house share and if so how many does it say live there or what does it say about pets?

The reason I ask is to do with you negotiating your way out of the place with the landlord.

I personally just wouldn't be bothered with the hassle of it all and would be looking for a new place.

Then if anyone asks why you're moving out you can just explain that you felt cheated by there being an extra person in the house and you don't like being treated like a second class citizen by their actions.

sligoface

Had this happen to me, moved in to 3 Br house advertised with 1 female and 1 male housemate. Soon found that the 2 were a couple and sharing one room. Every night during the week except the odd Sat nite they had the sitting room taken over and since I was in college I either stayed in my room or went out. They then wanted to get SKY in, were all disappointed when I told them I would not pay for a third of it, also wanted money for coal for the fire I never felt the heat off. They then rented out the 3rd BR making the house more crowded, but the guy got fed up being forced to sit in his tiny box room and moved out after two months. We also found out the male housemate was actually the landlords son.

They had a dog they left out the back in a doghouse. This wasn't advertised either but I love dogs anyway. Except they never walked it ever, and rarely cleaned up his poo on the garden, which was all concrete, no grass. The dog would come up to the window any time you went to the kitchen and give you the saddest look, pleading for attention and companionship. I started walking and cleaning up after him after college whenever I could to see if they would get the hint that they were not taking care of him but they didn't care. They then went and bought a purebreed pup from a breeder without saying a word to me beforehand and proceeded to spoil it, ignoring their other dog even more.

When the college year ended I wanted to move but I stayed as I had gotten a part time summer job and it was really close to work, plus I had moved four times in 3 years. But I also had a new girlfriend, and decided to make a point. I finished work earlier than they did, and every evening when they came home we were cuddled on the couch. They could say nothing as they had done the same to me. I normally would not have ever done that in a shared house.

What do you know, they ended up moving out after getting a bit of their own medicine.

Eventuallly I got a new housemate who was single so I didn't do any of that any more. I'd bring her over a few times a week but made sure we didn't hog the sitting room, if we were there when he came in we would sit up instead of lie on the couch, have a chat, hand him the remote and let him watch whatever he wanted, or we would hang out in my room instead.

Before that, in another house, I had a housemate move his gf in without notifying me or the landlord. She just suddenly stayed over every night and her stuff was everywhere. She came home one evening and complained that I left a dirty pan from my dinner in the sink and she wanted to cook with it and wanted me to wash it. I first asked her was she paying rent, she said 'No, but John is and I'm his gf.' I then had to explain to her that I had actually recently bought the pan in question, and would clean it at some stage before going to bed, but if she wanted to use it before that she could, yet would have to clean it herself, or alternatively, use the bent, burnt and scratched one with that came with the house. I then informed her that I she would be required to pay an equal portion of all utilities and that I would be informing the landlord. I told the landlord I had no intention of sharing with a couple and soon moved out. He raised their rent as he told them he usually got x amount per tenant and would have the same issue with others not wanting to share with couples.

So with these situations, you have to step up and be just as annoying or rude as they are to get them to move, or, much simpler, just move out yourself. And make sure that from now on you always ask if there are couples living there and ask what the policy is on partners staying over. Make sure after you get the answer that you clarify that you are asking because you don't want to share with couples, and not because you want to have someone else staying all the time.