first sexual experience bad

LegacyUser

i am not that young but i have never had a girlfriend i used to be a bit overwieght but i have now lost weight about a year i had drunken sex with a girl we had no protection and she said to just lie here naked sorry to be graphic but she then just stuck it her i thrust a few times and she pulled it out. it wasnt a good experience. i got drunk and let it slip to a friend who told a few people without mentioning her name . she then heard this back and told everyone how rubbish i was. me and her never really got before this so i was very surprised when we ended up in bed. rececently another girl came onto me (in fact she tried to take off my clothes) and we were snogging but i was almost too afraid to take her to bed and she lost interest and went away

how do i get over this fear

i have had in the past year a few girls come onto me most of the time its girls with boyfriends i dont why this is. i dont like telling my friends this as it seems as if i am boasting but it never seems to lead to anything sometimes the girls seems to be doing just to tease me. how do i know if sosmeone is genuine. i am also afraid of chatting up girls as i dont want be laughed at or come across as sleazy or desperate or creepy. another thing is

blatantrereg

Stop fixating on sex. Don't look for one-night stands when you aren't comfortable with the idea of actually going through with them. Better to enjoy a few dates with girls, get comfortable, then when you are both comfortable enough, maybe have some fun in bed.

You were treated disrespectfully in direct response to you being disrespectful yourself. Bragging about sexual exploits is incredibly lame, disrespectful, and a strong indicator of lack of experience by the braggart. Also it is definitely better to look for partners whom you actually like.

Tokyo

OP: First lesson - use protection in future. Last thing you want is an unplanned pregnancy, or STD to add to your worries.

Sponge25

Man, everyones first sexual experience is bad. lol.

Penny Tration

Most peoples' first time in bed is bad. What you did wrong was tell people about it. Never tell mates about sex you had unless you're happy for it to get back to the girl.

Don't bother with one night stands. You're obviously not very comfortable with them, if you're too awkward to take it beyond kissing. That's fine, lots of people don't do one night stands, myself included.

Juat waiting until you meet a nice girl and start dating. Generally if you're dating someone who likes you, they'll show you what they like in bed, not tell you to just lie there! I'm very inexperienced compared to my boyfriend. I've slept with a few people, but it was run of the mill, frankly boring sex. Before my bf and I slept together, I told him that I'm inexperienced compared to him. Instead of just telling me to lie there, he showed me what he liked, and made it very clear if he liked something I did. That is what a nice girlfriend will do.

So don't focus on sex. Sex isn't the be all and end all.

Just wait til you meet somebody nice, take it slowly and see where it leads. You'll enjoy it much more.

iusedtoknow

Most people that claim their first time was amazing are either god's or liars.

The first time is always a bit meh, often with a feeling of "was that it?". As others above have said - focus on the other side of things for a while. Sex gets better the better you know someone, the act itself becomes almost secondary to the intimacy around it, of sharing your likes and dislikes with each other.

Concentrate more on the relationship part first with someone you actually like, then it'll follow naturally.

And 2 final things...use a condom and stop talking to others about your experiences. One will keep you from STD's and unwanted surprises, the other will stop karma biting you in the ass.

heretochat

A couple of things:

- Sex is not the be all and end all, yeah I am sure that there are a lot of people around you talking about it, but this will only add to your own sense of pressure if you listen to all the bravado etc.

- Speaking from experience, my own first couple of times were nothing to write home about, and in fact were fairly awful experiences. First time I really enjoyed it was with a girl I really liked and whom I waited for a while before moving into the sexual sphere.

- So take your time, you don't have to rush into sleeping with girls, and always be safe.

oscar_mike

Ha been there my friend!! Unfortunately there is no secret to it, just time and experience! if it was a drunken thing then you can be full sure that most people feel like sh*t the next day. And you can bet your life on it that most guys/girls have an embarrassing, humiliating and laughable sex story!!

But to be serious for a second, do always try to wrap your chap because STDs and children can put a damper on things....
Secondly if you feel up to it, it wouldn't hurt to drop that girl an apology text or something. Shes going around saying your **** in bed because her feelings are hurt. Most women don't think about sex like guys do and wouldn't judge a guy in bed the way you might think. You don't want a bad rep with the ladies for an honest first time mistake.

If anything you might get a second round out of it ;-) Fair play on the weight loss though...

LegacyUser

oscar_mike wrote: »

Ha been there my friend!! Unfortunately there is no secret to it, just time and experience! if it was a drunken thing then you can be full sure that most people feel like sh*t the next day. And you can bet your life on it that most guys/girls have an embarrassing, humiliating and laughable sex story!!

But to be serious for a second, do always try to wrap your chap because STDs and children can put a damper on things....
Secondly if you feel up to it, it wouldn't hurt to drop that girl an apology text or something. Shes going around saying your **** in bed because her feelings are hurt. Most women don't think about sex like guys do and wouldn't judge a guy in bed the way you might think. You don't want a bad rep with the ladies for an honest first time mistake.

If anything you might get a second round out of it ;-) Fair play on the weight loss though...

an apology really? is that a good idea?

i still see her a very odd time but she more or less blanks me

it all happened a while back but still have the fear

oscar_mike

Don't get me wrong OP, im not saying you have to apologize or that you owe her one. its just if shes in your circle of friends it might makes things easier. You don't want her ruining your rep with all her friends either in case your trying to get in with them. If shes not in your immediate circle or you don't particularly care then just put it down to life experience and move on. It will make a funny story in time.

The fear is no biggie either. I have yet to meet somebody who hasn't made a total disgrace of themselves when drunk. Part of life. Something tells me you will get better in these situations as it seems your not short of opportunities with the ladies!

Merkin

Do not apologise! You have very little dealings with her and it seems to have blown over.

I think you're both equally at fault.You instigated it by slagging her and the experience off and she merely stooped to your level by responding in kind.

Maybe stop fixating on sex and get comfortable with foreplay, intimacy and women in general and then sex will come naturally to you.

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

Do not apologise! You have very little dealings with her and it seems to have blown over.

I think you're both equally at fault.You instigated it by slagging her and the experience off and she merely stooped to your level by responding in kind.

Maybe stop fixating on sex and get comfortable with foreplay, intimacy and women in general and then sex will come naturally to you.

i didnt slag her off it sort off got blown out of proprtion. i am not in her company but once a month or so we end up together. i was surprised when a friend of mine from another town knew about it. it feels like she has told every single person i know

i feel like it has put me under a microscope

Merkin

op....,,.. wrote: »

i didnt slag her off it sort off got blown out of proprtion. i am not in her company but once a month or so we end up together. i was surprised when a friend of mine from another town knew about it. it feels like she has told every single person i know

i feel like it has put me under a microscope

I think it's better not to talk about sexual encounters, good or bad. It never reflects well on anyone. So while you may not have directly slagged her off, you probably did relay your disappointment at how the experience panned out, which in turn she would feel reflected badly on her.

What's done is done. Someone else will be the subject of gossip next week so try not to worry too much, it will blow over.