Newly wed / new mother 19 years ols nees help!!!

Hazeleyedgirl

Alright y'all. I'm 19 and my "husband" is 24 and we just had a baby. About 4 months into my pregnancy I was on his phone and well I found a whole bunch of naked pics of exes and porn stars... I was so hurt. He even has checked out my 15 year old sister... he said he would stop he promised on everything .. yet he keeps freaking doing it! it hurts so bad idk what to do. .... It makes me feel so down about myself. Please someone help me get through this bullsh*t

Ham Sambo

Simple solution to this would be, and I don't condone what I am about to say, but the next time you get his phone hit it gently with a hammer until it smashes into 100 pieces, However I would be very concerned about his interest in your 15 year old sister.

Tokyo

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

....He even has checked out my 15 year old sister...

Never mind the porn for now... what do you mean he has "checked out" your 15 year old sister????!!

jellyboy

Hi op

i take your post at face value

rather than posting on boards to get advice i would seek real human help
if theres an indication that he is "checking out" your 15 years old sister then she's in danger and needs support of police,social services, familly.

get support from marriage counsellors and ask ,is it too much too young to be married with a kid and settling down with him in light of his
pictures,exes

is this your future ?

Taltos

Ham Sambo - taking a day off for suggesting criminal damage to another's property.
Please note our charter is very clear - suggesting anything illegal is not on here.

Can I remind posters to please ensure you are familiar with our charter and expectations, if you post in a manner that breaches our rules or continue to post in a manner that is not acceptable we will have no choice but to issue lengthy bans.

Thanks
Taltos

Tokyo

OP, to expand on my post from last night, it's pretty important that you elaborate on what you meant when you said that your partner is 'checking out' your sister??? Is it a case of you catching him sneaking a sly glance at her, or did you find something on his phone amongst the porn and the naked photos of his exes??? If it's the latter, then there are far bigger issues at stake here, as it's a criminal offense and needs to be treated a accordingly - after all the safety of your sister (a minor) is what's paramount here.

Even if it's the former, it's a big no no. The porn actually doesn't bother me so much, the fact that he still has photos of his exes doesn't bode well though, and I'm sure that they'd be delighted to hear that he still had those photos. The sister thing... well ask yourself if you had a pregnant friend and her partner was busy looking her kid sister up and down all the time... what would you be thinking????


At best, this guy isn't mature enough or in any way committed enough to be in a relationship with you, or anybody else. He CERTAINLY isn't in any way committed enough to be having a child, given his priorities right not.

At worst, well, do I really need to spell it out....

Hazeleyedgirl

No, no pics. Like looking at her butt,and chest ... not even just looking like freakin oogling her. I was just like why are you looking at her butt... his reply was "I can't help it, what do you expect butts are my fetish" I was just appauld at the fact that he would even think about saying some crap like that. I know I'm young but... I have a kid with him I can't just leave, my baby needs a father..

Tokyo

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

No, no pics. Like looking at her butt,and chest ... not even just looking like freakin oogling her. I was just like why are you looking at her butt... his reply was "I can't help it, what do you expect butts are my fetish" I was just appauld at the fact that he would even think about saying some crap like that. I know I'm young but... I have a kid with him I can't just leave, my baby needs a father..

1. Your sister needs to be protected from creeps like your partner.
2. Your kid may very well need to be protected form creeps like your partner.

He's 24, starting at the arse and chest of the 15 year old sister of his pregnant partner, and he doesn't even try to deny it. That's not just crossing the line, that's so far over the line that the line can't even be seen anymore. Bottom line is you have an obligation to yourself, your child, and your sister, not to have this disturbing activity in their, and your lives.

Hazeleyedgirl

Ham Sambo wrote: »

Simple solution to this would be, and I don't condone what I am about to say, but the next time you get his phone hit it gently with a hammer until it smashes into 100 pieces, However I would be very concerned about his interest in your 15 year old sister.

Haha, funny thing. His phone was destroyed by me a little bit before Christmas but he got a new one for Christmas. So idk what to do.

Penny Tration

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

Haha, funny thing. His phone was destroyed by me a little bit before Christmas but he got a new one for Christmas. So idk what to do.

An ADULT is perving on a CHILD. that should tell you what to do.

Maura74

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

No, no pics. Like looking at her butt,and chest ... not even just looking like freakin oogling her. I was just like why are you looking at her butt... his reply was "I can't help it, what do you expect butts are my fetish" I was just appauld at the fact that he would even think about saying some crap like that. I know I'm young but... I have a kid with him I can't just leave, my baby needs a father..

Ask him how he would feel if a member of the family was ogling his child when reach the age of 15 would he be OK with that…:(. His answer should tell you a lot.

Tokyo

Maura74 wrote: »

Ask him how he would feel if a member of the family was ogling his child when reach the age of 15 would he be OK with that…:(. His answer should tell you a lot.

Why? It's not a case of tit-for-tat, or making him see the error of his ways. He's already being completely inappropriate, and has already justified it in his head because "butts are [his] fetish", and he can't help it. There isn't really much coming back from that, in my eyes.

Maura74

mike_ie wrote: »

Why? It's not a case of tit-for-tat, or making him see the error of his ways. He's already being completely inappropriate, and has already justified it in his head because "butts are [his] fetish", and he can't help it. There isn't really much coming back from that, in my eyes.

Inappropriate yes, but if his intentions were sinister he would not have told the mother of his child.

A lot of people have fetishism, such as foot fetishism, shoes, handbags and hats and so on....

Tokyo

Maura74 wrote: »

A lot of people have fetishism, such as foot fetishism, shoes, handbags and hats and so on....

None of these things are illegal.

Getting caught having a sly glance is one thing, but ogling to the point where your pregnant wife has to call you out on it is quite another. Telling pregnant wife outright that it can't be helped, her 15 year old sister has a great arse and breasts and "what do you expect" is another thing again.

I'm not quite sure where the confusion is here.

Maura74

mike_ie wrote: »

None of these things are illegal.

Getting caught having a sly glance is one thing, but ogling to the point where your pregnant wife has to call you out on it is quite another. Telling pregnant wife outright that it can't be helped, her 15 year old sister has a great arse and breasts and "what do you expect" is another thing again.

I'm not quite sure where the confusion is here.

OP said that:

He even has checked out my 15 year old sister... he said he would stop he promised on everything

Cannot see where OP said what I have highlighted in bold above, I understood the post to say that she already had her baby perhaps you can clear the confusion up for me please.

I did say that it was inappropriate in my post.

Tokyo

Maura74 wrote: »

Cannot see where OP said what I have highlighted in bold above

Ok, I'll take back the comment re. breasts - he didn't mention them, but was caught staring at them by his partner.

Hazeleyedgirl wrote:

About 4 months into my pregnancy I was on his phone and well I found a whole bunch of naked pics of exes and porn stars... I was so hurt. He even has checked out my 15 year old sister...

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

Like looking at her butt,and chest ... not even just looking like freakin oogling her. I was just like why are you looking at her butt... his reply was "I can't help it, what do you expect butts are my fetish"

---

I understood the post to say that she already had her baby perhaps you can clear the confusion up for me please.

The timeline was ambiguous enough for me to not be sure whether the child has been born yet or not. I read the above to mean that the ogling had been going on during the pregnancy and that she called him out on it at the time. Your opinion may differ.

I did say that it was inappropriate in my post.

For sure. But comparing his actions to that of someone who has a foot fetish (unless that foot is attached to a 15 year old girl), is somewhat of an unfair comparison to draw. I think that most people would find his behavior a bit more than just inappropriate. You may think otherwise.

Maura74

mike_ie wrote: »

Ok, I'll take back the comment re. breasts - he didn't mention them, but was caught staring at them by his partner.

It is not illegal to stare...

The timeline was ambiguous enough for me to not be sure whether the child has been born yet or not. I read the above to mean that the ogling had been going on during the pregnancy and that she called him out on it at the time. Your opinion may differ.

It may have, but again it is not illegal to stare...

For sure. But comparing his actions to that of someone who has a foot fetish (unless that foot is attached to a 15 year old girl), is somewhat of an unfair comparison to draw. I think that most people would find his behavior a bit more than just inappropriate. You may think otherwise.

As mentioned it is not illegal to stare...you cannot censure anyone for their thoughts.
He admitted it was a fetish and if the OP is concern about that then she can take action to minimize her partner fetishism.

Tokyo

Then I'm going to agree to disagree with you, as I think we are in danger of derailing the thread.

Why did you break his phone?

Chara1001

Minimize her partners fetish? How would you suggest she does that?

Her partner ogled her teenage sisters body, doesn't mind that she saw him, and his reaction when she challenges him on it? 'What do you expect??' I doubt her 'taking action to minimize'' will have the slightest success.

He doesn't care that she saw or that she's hurt or how inappropriate it was- and it WAS inappropriate. It makes him creepy- he's an adult, she's a child, and making sexual comments about her chest or her bum- how is that anything other than wrong?

Yep you can't police thoughts and staring is not illegal, but it can at times be highly inappropriate. And this is one of those times.

OP, I'm not sure what to say. Your partner sounds a bit creepy and your relationship appears to be volatile...

Maura74

Chara1001 wrote: »

Minimize her partners fetish? How would you suggest she does that?

Her partner ogled her teenage sisters body, doesn't mind that she saw him, and his reaction when she challenges him on it? 'What do you expect??' I doubt her 'taking action to minimize'' will have the slightest success.

He doesn't care that she saw or that she's hurt or how inappropriate it was- and it WAS inappropriate. It makes him creepy- he's an adult, she's a child, and making sexual comments about her chest or her bum- how is that anything other than wrong?

Yep you can't police thoughts and staring is not illegal, but it can at times be highly inappropriate. And this is one of those times.

OP, I'm not sure what to say. Your partner sounds a bit creepy and your relationship appears to be volatile...

I have said in my earlier post that it was inappropriate.

As for trying to minimize the fetishism OP would need to explore this herself as this is not allowed to give out advice on here.

Chara1001

Maura,

I'm not entirely sure if this is the case or not, apologies if i'm wrong- i take it your first language isn't English, we have a phrase for something that you really love, you can say you 'have a fetish for it'. It doesn't mean you have an actual, real life fetish- it just means you really like it. Whatever it is.
When the OP's partner said he had a fetish for butts- that doesn't necessarily mean a fetish as you're interpreting it. (now it could be also). His using that phrase, in my opinion isn't an actual admission.

ted1

OP are you married long? 19 is a very young to be married these days. Were you together long? Might you have been 15 when you got together ?

Hazeleyedgirl

We weren't together long. I was 18 when we got together. NOT UNDERAGE. For those saying its not wrong. It is when the girl is a little girl. Its not like I have a bad body or anything ... It worries me. If he can blatantly look infront of me at my kid sister what would he try and do if I wasn't around?? I don't understand why. I just don't.

Tokyo

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

We weren't together long. I was 18 when we got together. NOT UNDERAGE. For those saying its not wrong. It is when the girl is a little girl. Its not like I have a bad body or anything ... It worries me. If he can blatantly look infront of me at my kid sister what would he try and do if I wasn't around?? I don't understand why. I just don't.

It sounds like he's raised a bunch of red flags in your eyes, to be honest. I get the impression you wouldn't trust him with your kid sister on his own. What do your gut instincts tell you??

Hazeleyedgirl

mike_ie wrote: »

It sounds like he's raised a bunch of red flags in your eyes, to be honest. I get the impression you wouldn't trust him with your kid sister on his own. What do your gut instincts tell you??

I wouldn't trust him at all I don't want anything to happen to her. My gut instincts are that I should go... but its so scary, when ever I say I'm leaving he yells and pushes me around he tells me I don't know how to be a woman or a mother.. And he always asks if I want to ruin our sons life.. so yeah I really don't even know

Tokyo

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

I wouldn't trust him at all I don't want anything to happen to her. My gut instincts are that I should go...

I feel sorry for the position you are in, I can't imagine being in the situation where I wouldn't trust my partner with my underage siblings. By the sounds of things you already have a fair idea in your head of how wary you are of his actions, and what you want to do....

when ever I say I'm leaving he yells and pushes me around he tells me I don't know how to be a woman or a mother..

....and this is the end of the line as far as I'm concerned. Even setting aside the perving for now, the day he gets physical with you is the day you leave, as far as I'm concerned. He sounds like a bully who throws his weight around when he doesn't know what else to resort to when trying to get his way. Nobody deserves that. He is always going to be the parent of your child - he doesn't have to be your partner to do so.

Taltos

OP have a look at our charter there are a few links there for both marriage breakdown but in your case more importantly abuse.

e.g.
http://www.womensaid.ie/

If he is yelling and shoving you around and also mentally abusing you (no idea how to be a mother or a woman) then you need to protect yourself. Bullies like this just get worse over time not better. How long before he starts shouting at the little one?

beks101

Honestly OP, I have a younger sister and my instinct to protect her outweighs pretty much any other feeling or inclination I would have.

Add to that the fact that this man is abusive towards you - physically as well as emotionally - and has no qualms about the fact that him ogling your underage sister is pretty obvious for all to see.

Not the kind of man I would want my child to be raised by.

It is in your best interests to break up with him and get your son - as well as your sister - away from him.

Maura74

Hazeleyedgirl wrote: »

I wouldn't trust him at all I don't want anything to happen to her. My gut instincts are that I should go... but its so scary, when ever I say I'm leaving he yells and pushes me around he tells me I don't know how to be a woman or a mother.. And he always asks if I want to ruin our sons life.. so yeah I really don't even know

Do not tell him that you are leaving, just leave as you baby maybe in danger, see your GP and get some advice about it. You are vulnerable and should not be in a relationship where he is physically pushing you around.
Speak to your parents if you can and get out as soon as possible. Get some help today.

Zambia

Get out now.

That's not a father to your child that's a bully who has had a baby.

He does not care what you think or feel.

Run.

Jenneke87

Hey Hazeleyes,

Your duty right now is to protect your son, yourself and your sister from this creature you unfortunately have to call your husband. Can you get your son and your stuff together and then go to your parents house, so you'll be safe? Please get some help and then a divorce. You will thank yourself for making this move very soon. Your son deserve a loving and stable home, not seeing his mother being abused every his, and quite possibly suffer from it himself. Get.Out.Now!

ladygirl

Get out NOW!!!

Do not tell him that you are leaving - just leave.
This man does not Love you - and he does not respect you

You need to leave to protect your son and your sister