Advice on being safe first time

LegacyUser

After many years of confusion and denial, I've finally accepted I'm gay. I think I'm ready to try sex with another man. The issue is, the thought both terrifies and excites me. I've been thinking about 'easing' myself into it by meeting some transexuals off sites like Grinder and POF. I'm afraid I'll get so excited I'll do something silly and not be safe. I'm a complete newbie and have no gays friends to ask.

Can anyone give me some advice on being safe? Obviously during penetrative sex I'd use a condom but is that the only protection to use? What about other parts of sex? Is meeting transexuals a bad idea?

Any input is welcome.

Annasopra

ReadyToTry wrote: »

After many years of confusion and denial, I've finally accepted I'm gay. I think I'm ready to try sex with another man. The issue is, the thought both terrifies and excites me. I've been thinking about 'easing' myself into it by meeting some transexuals off sites like Grinder and POF. I'm afraid I'll get so excited I'll do something silly and not be safe. I'm a complete newbie and have no gays friends to ask.

Can anyone give me some advice on being safe? Obviously during penetrative sex I'd use a condom but is that the only protection to use? What about other parts of sex? Is meeting transexuals a bad idea?

Any input is welcome.

I recently came across the UK GMFA website which I think offers a lot of really good advice on safer sex

http://www.gmfa.org.uk/better-sex

Some of the Irish sites are good as well

http://www.yoursexualhealth.ie/
http://www.man2man.ie/

Lyaiera

Yes, meeting transsexuals is a bad idea if you're planning on "easing" yourself into gayness.

Rick_

May I ask why exactly you think you want to meet a transsexual first?

LegacyUser

I am nervous about my first experience and think that a trans person would be like a stepping stone.

May I ask why it's a bad idea?

Lyaiera

Because trans people aren't simply "a little bit gay." They're either gay, straight, bisexual, etc. just as any other person. Trans people aren't "stepping stones" they're full people in their own right. However if you found a gay trans man who was happy to have sex with you, no-one would stop you. But none of the trans men I know are happy to be used.

LegacyUser

Lyaiera wrote: »

Because trans people aren't simply "a little bit gay." They're either gay, straight, bisexual, etc. just as any other person. Trans people aren't "stepping stones" they're full people in their own right. However if you found a gay trans man who was happy to have sex with you, no-one would stop you. But none of the trans men I know are happy to be used.

I'm fully aware of what trans people are. I wouldn't be doing it out of disrespect. It'd be an agreement.

floggg

ReadyToTry wrote: »

After many years of confusion and denial, I've finally accepted I'm gay. I think I'm ready to try sex with another man. The issue is, the thought both terrifies and excites me. I've been thinking about 'easing' myself into it by meeting some transexuals off sites like Grinder and POF. I'm afraid I'll get so excited I'll do something silly and not be safe. I'm a complete newbie and have no gays friends to ask.

Can anyone give me some advice on being safe? Obviously during penetrative sex I'd use a condom but is that the only protection to use? What about other parts of sex? Is meeting transexuals a bad idea?

Any input is welcome.

Gay identified men aren't usually attracted to transgender people per se.

If you are referring to a trans woman (ie somebody who identifies and presents as female despite being assigned as male at birth), I would have thought identification as straight would be more appropriate.

And agreed on the using part.

If you are attracted to men, then just get with one TBH. There are lots of men who would be happy to accommodate if you just want once off sex.

LegacyUser

floggg wrote: »

If you are attracted to men, then just get with one TBH.

I'm scared stiff about doing this, hence my concern about safety.

LegacyUser

I'm going anon for this one.

I only recently came out as gay and, like you, I decided to finally try it with a man. So I got a smartphone and tried grindr. If you, like me, are just curious and can deal with a one night stand, go for it. I did eventually met someone for 'fun' (nothing specific- it doesn't have to be). It got rid of my curiousity but it hit home that I'd prefer to date than just 'hook up'.

What I will say is be careful. I wish I had known more about the guy before we messed around. I actually found out he was recently married to a girl (the guy was my age so I thought he was like me from our conversations) and didn't mention this to me until we messed around in his place (while the wife was away). You can't fully trust the internet so always go with your gut feeling. At that time, it was great to have the curiousity gone and to try more, but I knew it would nd in tears (if I carried on with him) so I ran far away.

Best of luck.

Rick_

ReadyToTry wrote: »

I'm scared stiff about doing this, hence my concern about safety.

There's no magic cure to make you fully relaxed (no, alcohol isn't a solution either) but you can at least prepare yourself so that your first time can be as relaxing and pleasurable as possible. Chat to a guy, get to know him a bit and move forward with him only when you feel at ease. Before any sexual activity, make sure that you and him both understand your concerns and wishes so if you want to stop or anything this is understood and acted on immediately. You're more likely to enjoy it with someone you know and trust than a random stranger. Also, using condoms and lube protects you and him from any possible infections or discomfort. With the right guy, you'll be able to try whatever you want out and hopefully it will be a happy experience for you.

floggg

ReadyToTry wrote: »

I'm scared stiff about doing this, hence my concern about safety.

Scared for health reasons or being found out?

Sex carries the same risk regardless of whether it's with a man or woman, transgender or cisgender person.


See here for more info - http://www.man2man.ie/playsafe.html

No sex is 100% safe.

There will be risks involved but you can minimise them.


I'd also suggest not necessarily going the whole hog with anal sex first time. Particularly if receiving.

Might be best to ease yourself in. Sometimes it can be a confusing thing, getting with a guy the first time. Not uncommon to feel a bit of guilt or Shame afterwards - not that there's anything to be guilty or ashamed about but sometimes you can't help internalising that sort of feeling when in the closet.

Being ****ed can be a big step and can carry it's own issues, so the first time why not just go take it slow. Plenty you can do with ****ing.

I'd also suggest chatting to the person a bit first. Since you're probably going to meet somebody online (let's face it, easiest and most anonymous way) why not talk a bit back and forth and let them know you are a bit nervous.

The right guy will be able to make it more relaxed and less intimidating for you.