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Parents' separation, addiction, and I'm broke

  • 01-02-2014 2:59am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi everyone, going unreg for this post.

    This might be a little long but please bear with me as I really need some advice.

    Ok, so after 34 years of marriage (40 years together), my parents are finally separating. My father has been an alcoholic for 27 years and my mother has finally had enough. I am not seeking advice on how to deal with him or what he should do - he has done it all, rehab, everything, you name it he's been there. He goes through periods of sobriety then relapses because he does not actively try to maintain his sobriety. He does not call anyone he knows from AA when he feels the complusion to drink coming on - instead he just does it and leaves his family to clean up the pieces. Deep down, he wants to drink even though he knows what will happen if he does. We have done absolutely everything to help him. The only thing we haven't done is kick him out, so that is what it has come to. We are waiting until he sobers up this time then asking him to leave, so he can be in his right frame of mind when looking for a place to live, and also sorting out some issues with the house.

    I am having a hard time because I have recently come back from travelling and working abroad. I have come back to no job and am living with my parents, trying to emotionally support my mother and younger brother while all this is going on. I am on the dole and looking for a job, I might get some luck with something soon but it's not very highly paid, I don't want to give too many details. I give my parents some money each month for bills etc, however soon my Mam will be paying most of the bills by herself so it's going to be tough.

    I am 25 years old and want to travel and see the world. I do not want to sit around in a rural town and be unemployed watching my father drink himself to death. I am qualified and experienced in a field where I know I can get work abroad, not amazingly well paid, but enough for me to live and send money home to help out, but I would never abandon my mother to deal with this by herself. My ultimate goal is to complete a Ph.D abroad but at the moment that dream seems to fade farther away with each passing day here.

    If anyone has any advice I would be greatly appreciative. The next few months are going to be tough.

    Thanks for reading.


Comments

  • #2
    iguana
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,917 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    If you feel a need to stay with your family and support your mother and brother as they move on without your father then do that. But there is no need for you to stick around forever. Set a timeframe for it, 3 months, 6 months, even a year if you feel it's important for you to stick around that long, and then move on with your own life. In your mother's shoes the only bigger regret I could have than the years I'd wasted on an alcoholic husband would be seeing my son waste years of his life because of him too. I doubt your mother would want you to stick around a town you wish to move away from because your father's behaviour made you feel obligated to. She has decided to separate from him as she wants to get on with her life and I'm sure she will want you to get on with yours too.


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