Help: I'm a 21 year old 'frigid'

Bitches Be Crazy

Okay lads, so here is my situation. As pathetic as it may sound, I am now a 21 years old male and I am still a 'frigid': that's right, I have yet to get the 'shift'. I often fancy girls and want to shift them but I always get a mental block when it comes down to building up the courage to approach a girl in a club. Either that or when I am drunk enough to chance someone, I am always rejected or pushed away. Although I am not extremely good looking I am not bad looking either. My problem is probably that I am weak and not that tall. This is something that is really bothering me as it is something I am very ashamed of, which has contributed to me having very low self confidence. I would love to get the shift like everyone else, and probably start a relationship but I genuinely dont see that ever happening.
I was wondering if there was anyone who could give me a bit of advice to help me out of my despair, to help me finally get the shift?

Liger vs Tigon

Bitches Be Crazy wrote: »

Okay lads, so here is my situation. As pathetic as it may sound, I am now a 21 years old male and I am still a 'frigid': that's right, I have yet to get the 'shift'. I often fancy girls and want to shift them but I always get a mental block when it comes down to building up the courage to approach a girl in a club. Either that or when I am drunk enough to chance someone, I am always rejected or pushed away. Although I am not extremely good looking I am not bad looking either. My problem is probably that I am weak and not that tall. This is something that is really bothering me as it is something I am very ashamed of, which has contributed to me having very low self confidence. I would love to get the shift like everyone else, and probably start a relationship but I genuinely dont see that ever happening.
I was wondering if there was anyone who could give me a bit of advice to help me out of my despair, to help me finally get the shift?

Learn how to always have fun.

GreeBo

Don't go out looking for it and don't get stupid drink.
Girls and in fact everyone can spot desperation and it's not a good look.

Believe it or not, just relax and it will happen, being sober ( don't have to be rock solid sober!) Will help you spot it when it's in front of you and help you deal with it.

Good luck, we were all there at some stage.

CaraMay

If your username is the code you live by then I'm not surprised you find it hard to meet girls.

The Corinthian

Go see a prostitute or buy a sex-doll.

It's pretty clear that you want simply get your end off. To dump your load in some bag of flesh with a hole. Don't pretend you care; you don't refer to it as 'meeting a girl' or 'finding a girlfriend'; it's just about 'getting the shift'.

Between seeing, let alone meeting, a woman and 'getting the shift', there's some stuff you need to do. If you feel you have issues with shyness or self-image, you need to address them, rather than whinge like a little kid that you're doomed.

If being some sort of beefy guy was a prerequisite to getting laid, then I'd still be a virgin. Most guys would be. And overall, learning to listen to a woman and engage with her as a human being, is a good first step. Being entertaining when you do so is step two. After that, the rest should come automatically.

But if you're not interested in that approach, if you prefer to go straight to 'getting the shift', then you're a lot better off visiting a brothel or investing in a luxury sex doll.

Bitches Be Crazy

The Corinthian wrote: »

Go see a prostitute or buy a sex-doll.

It's pretty clear that you want simply get your end off. To dump your load in some bag of flesh with a hole. Don't pretend you care; you don't refer to it as 'meeting a girl' or 'finding a girlfriend'; it's just about 'getting the shift'.

Between seeing, let alone meeting, a woman and 'getting the shift', there's some stuff you need to do. If you feel you have issues with shyness or self-image, you need to address them, rather than whinge like a little kid that you're doomed.

If being some sort of beefy guy was a prerequisite to getting laid, then I'd still be a virgin. Most guys would be. And overall, learning to listen to a woman and engage with her as a human being, is a good first step. Being entertaining when you do so is step two. After that, the rest should come automatically.

But if you're not interested in that approach, if you prefer to go straight to 'getting the shift', then you're a lot better off visiting a brothel or investing in a luxury sex doll.

Okay so, this post has really annoyed me. Firstly, my motivation isnt primarily to 'get the shift' but to get a girlfriend. In fact, I think I might be the most romantic of any of my friends, but if you want to get a girlfriend, it follows that you at least shift them first, does it not? I know many women and respect them a lot. My problem is probably that I respect them too much to make a move on one of them. And as regards addressing my issues on shyness or self-image, every time I manage to do that I chance women and end up getting rejected every time, forcing me back into my shell again. So enough with the presumptuous rants.

The Corinthian

Bitches Be Crazy wrote: »

Okay so, this post has really annoyed me. Firstly, my motivation isnt primarily to 'get the shift' but to get a girlfriend. In fact, I think I might be the most romantic of any of my friends, but if you want to get a girlfriend, it follows that you at least shift them first, does it not?

However, to get 'the shift' you don't need a girlfriend, and all you've sought here is the former - you didn't even hint at the notion of a girlfriend.

That's why I suggested you go find yourself a prostitute or sex doll, because that's what you asked for - 'the shift' - for which you don't require a relationship beyond a cursory financial exchange. The "most romantic", seriously; low bar.

I know many women and respect them a lot. My problem is probably that I respect them too much to make a move on one of them. And as regards addressing my issues on shyness or self-image, every time I manage to do that I chance women and end up getting rejected every time, forcing me back into my shell again. So enough with the presumptuous rants.

LOL. I'm not racist - I know lots of black people...

Look, I've been around long enough to tell you that you do have issues relating to women and your first post pretty much gave it away. Backtracking now isn't very convincing especially when you come out with statements like how your problem is you "respect them too much to make a move on one of them" - serious red flag there.

I further more suggested an approach to improve your chances. But most important is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and blame it all on being a nice guy. You're not and that's just the oldest excuse in the book.

Czarcasm

Bitches Be Crazy wrote: »

Okay so, this post has really annoyed me. Firstly, my motivation isnt primarily to 'get the shift' but to get a girlfriend. In fact, I think I might be the most romantic of any of my friends, but if you want to get a girlfriend, it follows that you at least shift them first, does it not? I know many women and respect them a lot. My problem is probably that I respect them too much to make a move on one of them. And as regards addressing my issues on shyness or self-image, every time I manage to do that I chance women and end up getting rejected every time, forcing me back into my shell again. So enough with the presumptuous rants.

While I don't agree with The Corinthian's assessment that you should visit a sex worker (that's more my own personal bias), the rest of his post and his subsequent assessment are bang on. If you are indeed the "most romantic" of your friends, and you claim to respect women, referring to any woman as a bitch isn't the best way to support your argument.

You seem to be languishing under the impression that women should fall at your feet because you made some semblance of an effort to approach them. The simple fact is you're too caught up in telling yourself how great YOU are, to acknowledge the fact that the women you're going after, simply don't agree with your self-assessment.

You really do need to knock those chips off your shoulders and you'll be surprised how the perceived increase in your height once you're not carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders will make you more attractive to women. It'll probably take a couple more years of you being rejected though before you realise The Corinthian may just have had a point.

The Corinthian

Czarcasm wrote: »

While I don't agree with The Corinthian's assessment that you should visit a sex worker (that's more my own personal bias)

I put forward that option more to underline how is stated aim of getting 'the shift' would be best served, that's why I also suggested a sex doll and used some fairly dehumanizing language, as that stated aim was devoid of any interest in the woman as a person.

Of course, that's not to say he, or any other man or woman, should not avail of a prostitute, but frankly only in a jurisdiction where it is properly regulated.

Manco

I had my first kiss when I was 23, it's really not a big deal. Just, y'know, put yourself out there a bit more, it was really social anxiety that held me back. Stop trying, as has been said, and see women as people rather than someone to conquer to sate your own self-esteem.

Czarcasm

The Corinthian wrote: »

I put forward that option more to underline how is stated aim of getting 'the shift' would be best served, that's why I also suggested a sex doll and used some fairly dehumanizing language, as that stated aim was devoid of any interest in the woman as a person.

Of course, that's not to say he, or any other man or woman, should not avail of a prostitute, but frankly only in a jurisdiction where it is properly regulated.

Oh I understood that much Corinthian, but I imagine the idea of a sex worker rejecting them might be too much for the OP to bear, hence a completely inanimate object like a sex doll with whom there is absolutely and categorically no fear of rejection might be better suited to unleash his sexual frustration upon.

In order to address his issues with interacting with walking, talking, persons of the opposite sex, I would recommend the OP see their GP with a view to being referred for counselling to address his issues with his self-esteem and apparent lack of self-confidence.

OP women don't owe you anything for being 'nice' to them, and most women are intelligent enough to be able to sense that you're only being 'nice' to them for a reason. Some women will use this to their advantage and play you like a fiddle, but most women won't waste their time with such silly games, they prefer men who are straightforward and aren't holding any hidden agendas. If your only objective is to "get a girlfriend", there are numerous women who will gladly take everything you're willing to give them and couldn't care less about what you choose to call it, but if what you're seeking is genuine attraction, then you're going to have to see women as women first and not just potential girlfriends. Relationships take time to develop, you can't just jump in at the deep end (well, you could, but then you earn yourself someone as insecure about themselves as you are!), but if you're willing to be genuine and be yourself, and put yourself out there as opposed to some made up "romantic nice guy" fake persona, you'll find that most women are far more attracted to the genuine article as opposed to fakes.

Taltos

OK guys - let's dial it back a bit.

Neyite

Between your username and your posts I wonder if there is a bit of Madonna/Whore thing going on in your head with regards women. That you idolise the ones you'd never approach but the ones that you do and get rejected by are worthy of nothing but insults and derogatory names.

But in reality, success with dating begins firstly with being happy in you own skin, having a good sense of self worth, being genuinely interested in people, not necessarily only the ones you fancy. Much of the courtship ritual outside of 'the shift' comes from meeting through friends, or friends of your mates girlfriend. If she thinks you are unfriendly, or say derogatory things about women in general, she is not going to introduce you to her friend or sister. So maybe work on making friends first and it might fall I to place for you.

Tokyo

OP, have you tried just being friends with a few girls in your social group?? Not trying to hook up with them, or get them into bed, but just being a good guy to them?? Because it sounds to me that in your desperation to get "the shift", you're skipping all the basic steps of what it is to be a decent guy that these girls would be interested in being a girlfriend to. You say that every time you try to make a move on someone you get rejected - I'm guessing that it's because you're either coming across as too desperate, or only after one thing, neither of which are attractive qualities.

My advice for what it's worth - stop wandering around clubs from girl to girl, trying to get one of them to hook up with you. And stop putting a clock over your head, or an age by which you *have* to get a girl, or else. Be friends with the girls that *are* in your life, or make friends with others. Get involved in social situations that involve both men and women. And let things develop from there.

sadie06

OP, lesson 1: stop talking about 'getting the shift'. It's cringey.

ElleEm

Completely agree with Sadie, calling kissing a girl "the shift" is so childish, and really makes you seem like a horny teen, not a 21 year old man. Even calling yourself a frigid. You are doing yourself no favours with your use of language, try to be a bit more conscious about the words you use. It really does set people up with a certain idea of you and what you are looking for.

Mike gave great advice. Stop pushing trying to kiss a girl or get into a relationship with a girl, and just try to get to know girls. Start doing things to expand your social group and make friends with both male and females. Start having fun with PEOPLE and stop thinking of "the club" being the place to meet women. Your appearance has very little to do with you being unsuccessful, so stop worrying about that. Confidence and happiness in your own skin is really sexy and appealing. Do things that make you happy!

You said yourself, when you are attracted to girls, you can't pluck up the courage to talk to them, and when you drunkenly try it on, you get rejected. Your current attitude and technique isn't working, so I would urge you to take the advice on this thread.

Holsten

Yeah the way you talk is just terrible, try to act like an actual grown up.

You're saying you've never kissed a girl? Randomly swapping spit with someone drunk of your face in a nightclub isn't that great and I'd try to steer clear of it ,but it's probably the quickest way to get it sorted.

Go easy on the drink, and try to talk to some women early on in the night. Girls like guys who are fun and confident, so try to be that. Be prepared for rejection but just move onto the next girl you like the look of.

- Don't get locked.
- Talk to them - charming/funny.
- Compliment them.
- Even if you don't get to kiss them, but like them and get on well, ask for their number/a date.

Repeat this till you kiss a girl.