heartbroken

LegacyUser

My partner of six years and I broke up last week and i dont know if weve done the right thing. We broke up over his refusal to commit to me. We had a very volatile relationship for the first few years but the last couple have been great. i dealt with the issues that i had and things improved, although if im honest he never really changed and the reason we fought less is that i brushed a lot of stuff aside which i probably shouldnt have.
we still have to speak occasionally as were sorting out the house we shared and which we have both moved out of. he said today that he still loves me but we should have sorted things out years ago and maybe things might be different. but he doesnt want to have any regrets and thinks its the best decision for us both. i know deep down it is for the best because i was letting him away with a lot of things (extreme jealousy - i was barely allowed to speak to a man but he could flirt with any woman he wanted, and i paid for nearly everything although we split the rent and bill. he also couldnt let things go and would bring up fights from years ago every time we fell out).
i feel like we should be able to work it out if we still love each other. i miss him so much and i want him back. but i know deep down he wouldnt go back and even if he would nothing would change and i would still be putting all the effort in. i think too it hurts because im nearly 30, i feel like ive wasted so much time on him. im scared ill never move on and even if i do ill never find anyone i love as much as him.
any advice welcome.

Oryx

My reading of the situation was that it only worked because you gave in on everything and kept the peace. Tbh you sound like you were a bit of a doormat and the minute you tried to assert yourself he ran. You may love him but it does not fix everything.

Accept the pain. Work through it. You are well rid.

ennis81

Sorry to hear your going through this break ups really suck You are however seeing your relationship logically and you know in your heart it was wrong for you. Would you really have wanted to marry a man who u had walk on eggshells with for the rest of your life? Thing's will get better for in time and you will be free to meet someone who makes you happy (by the way 30 is the new 21 )

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies even when i was reading back my post i was thinking im an eejit for wanting him back!I do know its the right decision and it will be hard but ill get there

Grayfoxy

sicily wrote: »

thanks for the replies even when i was reading back my post i was thinking im an eejit for wanting him back!I do know its the right decision and it will be hard but ill get there

Absolutely you will! It just takes time, but you will get there,

He seems exactly as one of the above said, to be treating you like a doormat.

Don't worry about not moving on after 6 years, it WILL happen, and from my own experience, it can take more time than you think, I am 8 months broken up with my ex, and it is only in the last few weeks where I feel like I am moving on properly.

One piece of advice, take things slow, don't do anything silly. Ignore the bull***t about "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else", it is nonsense.