Am I a rebound?

Censorsh!t

For about 3 weeks now I've been seeing a guy. Before that he had told me a few times he fancied me, but it wasn't until recently that I found out he had a girlfriend until about 4 weeks ago.

I didn't really think about that as he seemed really into me and stuff.

yesterday we met up and that was all good, we really got on, but then he got a phone call from his ex and they were chatting away to each other and after a bit he told her to call him later on. I have met her before about a year ago when they were going out and he said to her "Oh i bumped into X and had a pint with her", so she knew he met me but not that anything is going on.

I've just had a strange feeling about it since yesterday. Maybe it's nothing? I don't know... He wants to meet up with me tonight as well. Should I ask him straight out does he think I'm just a rebound? I don't want to be wasting my time, especially now that I'm really starting to like him.

scarymoon1

Censorsh!t wrote: »

For about 3 weeks now I've been seeing a guy. Before that he had told me a few times he fancied me, but it wasn't until recently that I found out he had a girlfriend until about 4 weeks ago.

I didn't really think about that as he seemed really into me and stuff.

yesterday we met up and that was all good, we really got on, but then he got a phone call from his ex and they were chatting away to each other and after a bit he told her to call him later on. I have met her before about a year ago when they were going out and he said to her "Oh i bumped into X and had a pint with her", so she knew he met me but not that anything is going on.

I've just had a strange feeling about it since yesterday. Maybe it's nothing? I don't know... He wants to meet up with me tonight as well. Should I ask him straight out does he think I'm just a rebound? I don't want to be wasting my time, especially now that I'm really starting to like him.

If he's still in touch with his ex I'd be wary

Grayfoxy

Quite possibly, but to be honest, he probably doesn't know either.

I would say take it very very very slow and easy.

ElleEm

So he split up with his ex a week before you got together?
You were on a date, she phoned and he took the call, and in front of you, told her he had just "bumped into" you?
I absolutely would not accept that. Talking to her, telling her he will call her later and not admitting he was on a date with you are all signs (to me) that he is just killing time before they get back together.

Censorsh!t

thanks for replies.

I may add that we're kind of seeing each other secretly(ish) due to issues with my ex, who would go crazy if he found out. His ex and my ex know each other. I'm not sure if this excuses it.

I am very confused about the phone call. I think it's odd that he was saying he would call her later and having a nice chat with her, but on the other hand why would he do it in front of me if he had something to hide

ElleEm

Censorsh!t wrote: »

thanks for replies.

I may add that we're kind of seeing each other secretly(ish) due to issues with my ex, who would go crazy if he found out. His ex and my ex know each other. I'm not sure if this excuses it.

I am very confused about the phone call. I think it's odd that he was saying he would call her later and having a nice chat with her, but on the other hand why would he do it in front of me if he had something to hide

Because he has no respect!

I really think you should run a mile! Did you say anything at the time or did he say anything?

Grayfoxy

Censorsh!t wrote: »

thanks for replies.

I may add that we're kind of seeing each other secretly(ish) due to issues with my ex, who would go crazy if he found out. His ex and my ex know each other. I'm not sure if this excuses it.

I am very confused about the phone call. I think it's odd that he was saying he would call her later and having a nice chat with her, but on the other hand why would he do it in front of me if he had something to hide

Oh, hang on a second!

Just realized something, but before I go on, just to say, your ex, forget him, he has no right to know about your life now, you don't need to excuse anything from him, and most definitely has no right to go crazy.

Anyway, on forth! reading it again, it seems a bit strange that he said he just bumped into you and to call him later etc. To be honest, that sounds to me (unless you know 100% they have split up) that he has told you he split up with her, but maybe hasn't... sorry, just popped into my head.

Also, just be careful, as I said, he may not know he is on the rebound, so just be cautious for your sake.

Censorsh!t

Thanks again.

yeah, it does sound all a bit too weird.

After the phone call he said "well, that was a bit weird...that was my ex". I didn't say anything, because I really didn't know what to say.

I'm wondering if I should just text him now saying I don't think this is working, or should I meet him later and ask him to his face.

Grayfoxy

Censorsh!t wrote: »

Thanks again.

yeah, it does sound all a bit too weird.

After the phone call he said "well, that was a bit weird...that was my ex". I didn't say anything, because I really didn't know what to say.

I'm wondering if I should just text him now saying I don't think this is working, or should I meet him later and ask him to his face.

I wouldn't say you don't think it is working, because you seem happy enough, more so, "you don't see it working".

Face to face is always better than texting.

Censorsh!t

Yeah, I guess you're right. At least it's easier to convey meanings in person.

I'm really annoyed at myself for being quite forward and vulnerable with him, I never do that. And now I feel like a bit of an idiot, and now that it's in my head that I may just be a rebound, then it just seems more and more likely that I am, and I feel silly for not realising sooner.

ElleEm

Don't feel silly. You had to jump in to see how things would go. You should be proud of yourself for asking questions and not allowing yourself to be strung along, which appears to be what he is going to do. He just doesn't appear over her. Splitting up four weeks ago and entering into a new situation, yet STILL having the ex in his life does not make it seem like he is ready to be without her.

Grayfoxy

Censorsh!t wrote: »

Yeah, I guess you're right. At least it's easier to convey meanings in person.

I'm really annoyed at myself for being quite forward and vulnerable with him, I never do that. And now I feel like a bit of an idiot, and now that it's in my head that I may just be a rebound, then it just seems more and more likely that I am, and I feel silly for not realising sooner.

Ah don't worry about it, you have nothing to feel silly about.

As I said, the guy probably doesn't know he is on the rebound (if indeed he is), and to be honest, you might be too without knowing (don't know what the situation with you and your ex is, so can't really say)

Just be honest with him when talking to him.

And when you do meet someone, take it ham and cheesy, no need to rush into anything.

Merkin

Censorsh!t wrote: »

I may add that we're kind of seeing each other secretly(ish) due to issues with my ex, who would go crazy if he found out. His ex and my ex know each other.

This is doomed. The sneaking around. The phone calls. The hooking up a week after a break up. I'd just cut him loose, it sounds like neither of you are ready and it sounds like he is harboring hopes of a reconciliation with his ex.

Censorsh!t

Thanks again for the replies.

I asked him straight out and he said he didn't want things between us getting too serious too soon.

So I'm taking a big step back from him and focusing on other stuff instead. No point wasting my time.

Merkin

Censorsh!t wrote: »

Thanks again for the replies.

I asked him straight out and he said he didn't want things between us getting too serious too soon.

So I'm taking a big step back from him and focusing on other stuff instead. No point wasting my time.

Ergo, he'd like to keep his options open. I wouldn't waste another moment on him.

Geomy

You dodged a bullet there, I was in a similar situation and its a few weeks after we parted but the longer you're away from him the better you'll feel. ..
It was the most intense 6 weeks I ever spent with any woman.
I'll never ever let my guard down again, taking a break now from the dating scene.
But whenever I meet someone again I'll take it very slowly and watch out for the red flags :-)

I wish you luck :-)

Tokyo

Nope, not a rebound.

You're a gap filler, someone to pass the time with while he (a) tries to make amends with his ex, followed by (b) looks for someone to replace his ex.

Move on.

Matteroffact

Hold on a minute OP. You are meeting him in secret so that your ex doesn't find out and your ex is his ex's friend. Imagine what he must be thinking about you and your ex. This taking a call from his ex in front of you could be just him letting you know that you are not the only one entertaining an ex.

It is far too soon to be discussing where you are going, just play along a little while longer if you like him. There will come a time when you can have the serious discussion.

scarymoon1

Matteroffact wrote: »

Hold on a minute OP. You are meeting him in secret so that your ex doesn't find out and your ex is his ex's friend. Imagine what he must be thinking about you and your ex. This taking a call from his ex in front of you could be just him letting you know that you are not the only one entertaining an ex.

It is far too soon to be discussing where you are going, just play along a little while longer if you like him. There will come a time when you can have the serious discussion.

I agree that's it's way too early to be discussing where it's going. I always make that mistake and end up ruining things. I need to take my own advice!