Love my Ex and don't want anyone else

Tony Clarke

Hi My girlfriend broke up with me almost a week ago now, she said she couldnt get over me ''cheating'' on her 3 months previous and was sick of constantly checking on me.

3 months ago we were just after getting back together after a 5 month breakup in which she said our relationship was tireding and had fun but had just come to end, I really suspected was this the truth or was there someone else to which i never got a true answer i can be sure of, and days after it happened she was supposedly very friendly with one lad in particular whom she just knew from work and had a girfriend, i tried everything for so long to win her back with no avail, i ended up after 4 months maybe partly seein a girl only in the end to feel nothing for no matter how hard i tried.

Then one day out of blue my ex texted to be civil and ended up meeting and makeing up in the one day, i loved having her back and tried my best to do everything i could to keep her and i felt she did. Until one night we were out and it all built up and i threw everything at her about what had happened before and her ending things etc, she said it was over again and i simply lost the head. I ended up very drunk and kissing another girl that night in which ended with my ex seeing.

we sorted things out the next day and in her words wen she didn't leave me that night she never would. i'd like to think from that moment i forgave her for what she done and learned she meant everything.

We had a great christmas and up to the last few weeks were so happy until she ended it last week for what i said at the very start.

She blocked me from facebook immediatly and deleted most of things with me in them. but in the last day i have noticed she is logging into my facebook page 7 or 8 times a day.

I do love the girl and am not unfaithful i made a massive mistake that night and it all came out from her breaking up originally. what do ppl think are the chances of us fixing things

Tokyo

OP, it sounds like it was a pretty tempestuous relationship at best to begin with

• You were together
• You broke up for 5 months
• You got back together
• You lost your temper with her
• You kissed another girl in front of her
• You made up the next day
• She ended it again after christmas

To be blunt, that doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to me, and if I am to be honest, I don't think that either of you were invested fully in said relationship, or were mature enough to be so.

Thread title says that you "Love my Ex and don't want anyone else", but your actions obviously indicate otherwise. You originally moved on from your ex to the point of "sorta seeing" someone else, and as soon as the **** hit the fan, you made out with somebody else. Sounds more like a case of wanting something when you don't have it anymore, to me. I'm not sure why you have put the word "cheating" in quotes either, as if to emphasise that it's not true - you were together, you kissed some other girl to piss her off during this time - that's cheating.

I'm not sure what to tell you OP, other than pointing out the above. I have NO idea how you know that your ex is checking your facebook seven times a day, because that kind of activity can't be tracked other than by nefarious means, but honestly, it sounds like she's had enough of the drama and moved on. Only way you are going to get any answers is by talking to her - we can't give you the "odds" here of you guys hooking up again. But if, and it's a very doubtful "if" in my mind that you guys get together again, unless you both examine your actions of the past and decide to make some changes, it's just going to end in disaster again.

Tony Clarke

I do agree with most of what you just said but I can hand on heart say it's not a case of wanting what I can't have. I always did want her and made a huge mistake that night cause it felt like we never put what happened to bed when she ended it the first time round. She used that she was worried as a excuse as a member of my family was sick and wanted to let me put all my attention to them that was what she said after where as originally was she was fed up and our relationship was at a dead end. Put that together with a lot of speculation that she was actually seeing someone else but never fully proven.
I know she is logging into my page as she knew the details and ppl have told me I was online when I wasn't. I really would do anything to prove it's her I want but maybe she is just useing what she said as a perfect excuse again .

mike_ie wrote: »

OP, it sounds like it was a pretty tempestuous relationship at best to begin with

• You were together
• You broke up for 5 months
• You got back together
• You lost your temper with her
• You kissed another girl in front of her
• You made up the next day
• She ended it again after christmas

To be blunt, that doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to me, and if I am to be honest, I don't think that either of you were invested fully in said relationship, or were mature enough to be so.

Thread title says that you "Love my Ex and don't want anyone else", but your actions obviously indicate otherwise. You originally moved on from your ex to the point of "sorta seeing" someone else, and as soon as the **** hit the fan, you made out with somebody else. Sounds more like a case of wanting something when you don't have it anymore, to me. I'm not sure why you have put the word "cheating" in quotes either, as if to emphasise that it's not true - you were together, you kissed some other girl to piss her off during this time - that's cheating.

I'm not sure what to tell you OP, other than pointing out the above. I have NO idea how you know that your ex is checking your facebook seven times a day, because that kind of activity can't be tracked other than by nefarious means, but honestly, it sounds like she's had enough of the drama and moved on. Only way you are going to get any answers is by talking to her - we can't give you the "odds" here of you guys hooking up again. But if, and it's a very doubtful "if" in my mind that you guys get together again, unless you both examine your actions of the past and decide to make some changes, it's just going to end in disaster again.

Tokyo

Have you tried speaking to her recently and seeing what she says?? We can throw out all the hypotheses in the world here, but unless you get an idea of what SHE wants to do, I'm not sure how we can help you.

Tony Clarke

It's just been almost a week since it happened and I have not heard a word from her and wasn't sure by me making the first move would it just drive her further away as on experience that's what it did before. If I trust that the reasons she gave are genuine that she was just not able to find it in her to forget that night although it's 3 months down the line do I need to push the boat and show her

mike_ie wrote: »

Have you tried speaking to her recently and seeing what she says?? We can throw out all the hypotheses in the world here, but unless you get an idea of what SHE wants to do, I'm not sure how we can help you.

Tokyo

Tony Clarke wrote: »

It's just been almost a week since it happened and I have not heard a word from her and wasn't sure by me making the first move would it just drive her further away as on experience that's what it did before. If I trust that the reasons she gave are genuine that she was just not able to find it in her to forget that night although it's 3 months down the line do I need to push the boat and show her

No.... you need to *talk* to her and find out how she feels. No boats, no pushing, no pleas to find it in her heart etc etc. Talk to her, realistically, about where both of you find yourselves right now.

Tony Clarke

Ok will give it a shot , I know she will not meet me face to face and the very best I can hope for is if she responds to a text.

Am I wrong to take it as a positive that even today and yesterday she done what she did checking up on me ?

mike_ie wrote: »

No.... you need to *talk* to her and find out how she feels. No boats, no pushing, no pleas to find it in her heart etc etc. Talk to her, realistically, about where both of you find yourselves right now.

Tokyo

Tony Clarke wrote: »

Ok will give it a shot , I know she will not meet me face to face and the very best I can hope for is if she responds to a text.

Am I wrong to take it as a positive that even today and yesterday she done what she did checking up on me ?

You have no proof of that at all. My facebook shows me as being online plenty of time when I'm not, and vice-versa. You're grasping at any straw you can find here - you need to face the reality that she left you because of your actions, and she may be quite happy with her decision.

She may not want to meet you face to face because she has a good idea of how you might react, based on past experience. Try inviting her to coffee, in a public place, to talk, even if it is only to clear the air one way or the other.

Tony Clarke

Maybe but I know she use to know my login details and is mysterious that certain mails are coming up read when I haven't actually seen them etc.

Will give a go sure

mike_ie wrote: »

You have no
proof of that at all. My facebook shows me as being online plenty of time when I'm not, and vice-versa. You're grasping at any straw you can find here - you need to face the reality that she left you because of your actions, and she may be quite happy with her decision.

She may not want to meet you face to face because she has a good idea of how you might react, based on past experience. Try inviting her to coffee, in a public place, to talk, even if it is only to clear the air one way or the other.

Czarcasm

Tony Clarke wrote: »

I do love the girl and am not unfaithful i made a massive mistake that night and it all came out from her breaking up originally. what do ppl think are the chances of us fixing things

OP not to be funny or anything, but to coin a phrase by Jerry Springer -

"Stop kidding yourself, and each other"


Both of you are responsible for this melting each other's heads nonsense, and none of it is in any way healthy for either of you. Nothing in what you posted indicates in any way that you love each other, that either of you even know what love means.

It doesn't mean you both playing silly mind games with each other. It doesn't mean you have no respect for each others privacy. It doesn't mean that you test the limits of each others patience. Christ it means everything that your so-called relationship isn't!

Neither of you are enhancing each others lives, you're just heaping more drama on top of more hurt, and neither of you is mature enough to call a halt to it.

Instead of trying to fix anything, the first thing you can do is to change your Facebook password and stop checking up on each other, then work on your own insecurities and leave your ex alone to work on hers, because when you're together, you're just bringing each others insecurities to the surface and pushing the boundaries of the pain you're causing each other.

That's not love OP, that's just cruel and unusual punishment, on both your behalf.

Idle Passerby

The level of drama sounds head wrecking. You're both playing petty mind games to get a reaction from each other. It sounds pretty immature and toxic really.

I'm not sure why you havn't changed your password if you think shes logging into your account. I certainly wouldn't see it as a good sign when someone refuses to speak to me but effectively invades my privacy instead!

rainbowtrout

Tony Clarke wrote: »

Maybe but I know she use to know my login details and is mysterious that certain mails are coming up read when I haven't actually seen them etc.

Will give a go sure

I'd be more along the lines of thinking that you're grasping at straws here too. If she is actually logging into your facebook account, why don't you change the password? You're looking to create drama here. And again, if she is logging into your facebook account, why are you happy for her to invade your privacy and the privacy of others who send you messages who assume they will be read by you and not someone else?

Legs.Eleven

Tony Clarke wrote: »

Ok will give it a shot , I know she will not meet me face to face and the very best I can hope for is if she responds to a text.

Am I wrong to take it as a positive that even today and yesterday she done what she did checking up on me ?

Tony Clarke wrote: »

Maybe but I know she use to know my login details and is mysterious that certain mails are coming up read when I haven't actually seen them etc.

Will give a go sure

If it is true, you think someone logging into your account and reading your private emails is a positive? Your "relationship" is so messed I can't get my head round it.

Holsten

From reading all that, my opinion on your chances of fixing the relationship would be close to zero.

It's dead, don't try and revive it like you've already done in the past.