Advice Please

LegacyUser

I need some advice please guys. There's a guy i work with, not in the same location but we've met and we talk on the phone all the time. Lately i can't stop thinking about him, we email and i've hinted that i would like to go for a drink, now he's obviously not catching on or he's saying nothing hoping that i won't say any more about it (hopefully not). How do i hint even more strongly about this drink without actually asking him out. I realise that as it's a work situation if he said no it could be awkward but if he said yes it could be the most wonderful thing. So should i try and be more persuasive or forget about him?

scarymoon1

Do you know If he's single? I've been like that recently, hinting at drinks etc but my guy flirted back and kept it going. Turns out he was dating someone. If you get nothing back he's either not available or he's not into you

Merkin

Has he got a girlfriend? Or maybe he just likes the attention? If you've dropped big hints and he hasn't risen to the bait then I'd assume there is some obstacle in the way, i.e. he already has a girlfriend! Is there any work-do coming up where you could meet him in a group setting and find out more maybe?

Grayfoxy

Madlyinlust wrote: »

I need some advice please guys. There's a guy i work with, not in the same location but we've met and we talk on the phone all the time. Lately i can't stop thinking about him, we email and i've hinted that i would like to go for a drink, now he's obviously not catching on or he's saying nothing hoping that i won't say any more about it (hopefully not). How do i hint even more strongly about this drink without actually asking him out. I realise that as it's a work situation if he said no it could be awkward but if he said yes it could be the most wonderful thing. So should i try and be more persuasive or forget about him?

If he is not involved, there is nothing stopping you asking him out (It is ok to ask guys out after all) He might be thinking the same as you, or he might just be shy

LegacyUser

I don't think he has a girlfriend by talking to him but you never know. When he went on hols last year i asked him who he was going with and he said on his own! So not sure where to go from here.I would love to be upfront and just ask him out but if he said no i would be mortified but then again nothing ventured nothing gained. I'm such a wimp lol

Grayfoxy

scarymoon1 wrote: »

Do you know If he's single? I've been like that recently, hinting at drinks etc but my guy flirted back and kept it going. Turns out he was dating someone. If you get nothing back he's either not available or he's not into you

Or he is shy, not all guys have the confidence of the majority.

Frank Black

you don't want to ask him out for a drink because it could be awkward but you want him to ask you for one?

I don't get this - forget the 'hinting', just ask him.

Grayfoxy

Madlyinlust wrote: »

I don't think he has a girlfriend by talking to him but you never know. When he went on hols last year i asked him who he was going with and he said on his own! So not sure where to go from here.I would love to be upfront and just ask him out but if he said no i would be mortified but then again nothing ventured nothing gained. I'm such a wimp lol

See! This is how he could feel

I have been chatting to a girl I met on the interwebs for months, (who I quite like) only "manned up" about 5 minutes ago after reading this and asked her out next week (waiting on a reply), yea, I know, I have no confidence in talking to women, so if I did it, you can! Go, go now and ask him! Waste not time!

But seriously, try getting onto the topic of "are you seeing anyone" and if he says no (or more likely, when he says no), BOOM! Ask him out for a drink. You don't necessarily have to say "Hey, lets go for a drink in town on Saturday night", if you know where he lives, you could try "Oh hey, do you live anywhere near "X" pub (x being a pub near his place) and when he says yes, say "Oh, I will be there on X night if you want to join me and get a drink", make sure you have a reason for being there incase he asks why

Good luck!

Tokyo

You've tried being subtle, and it hasn't worked, or he hasn't picked up on it. So if you want an answer, you are going to have to ask him straight up if he'd like to grab a drink or a coffee sometime. It doesn't have to be awkward - a casual "would you like to grab a coffee together sometime" is all it takes.

But truth is, there's a good chance that he's picked up on your previous hints and had decided to brush them aside. He may not be interested in you for a number of reasons (has a girlfriend/wife, you're not his type), or he may just not be interested in getting involved with somebody from the work pool. By all means ask, but be prepared for a no, just as much as a yes.

Grayfoxy

Grayfoxy wrote: »

See! This is how he could feel

I have been chatting to a girl I met on the interwebs for months, (who I quite like) only "manned up" about 5 minutes ago after reading this and asked her out next week (waiting on a reply), yea, I know, I have no confidence in talking to women, so if I did it, you can! Go, go now and ask him! Waste not time!


Good luck!

And she said yes!

Your turn!

LegacyUser

Grayfoxy wrote: »

And she said yes!

Your turn!

Nice one, good for you.

I'm going to try and find out for definite if he has a girlfriend or not and if not then i will ask him.

Grayfoxy

madlyinlust wrote: »

Nice one, good for you.

I'm going to try and find out for definite if he has a girlfriend or not and if not then i will ask him.

Well done! And let us know how you get on Best of luck!

Holsten

madlyinlust wrote: »

Nice one, good for you.

I'm going to try and find out for definite if he has a girlfriend or not and if not then i will ask him.

Why? Why all this waiting? To me you're playing games before you've even went on one date! Madness.

Ask him out, if he has a girlfriend he'll say sorry no I actually have a girlfriend.

Grayfoxy

Holsten wrote: »

Why? Why all this waiting? To me you're playing games before you've even went on one date! Madness.

Ask him out, if he has a girlfriend he'll say sorry no I actually have a girlfriend.

To be honest, cause this is the decent thing to do, not all guys will say no if they think they have a chance of going out.

Loughc

madlyinlust wrote: »

Nice one, good for you.

I'm going to try and find out for definite if he has a girlfriend or not and if not then i will ask him.

I think time for beating around the bush is over, ask him out straight out, no hints or that, if he has a girlfriend he'll let you know. Don't be embarassed if it doesn't work out, good chance is he'll be delighted with the interest!

LegacyUser

Just an update guys, it turns out my guy has a long term partner. I'm glad i found out before i said anything to him, i still have to work with him. Ah well at least i know now, it will hurt for a bit but i'll get over it.

Bananaleaf

You never know what might happen. My guy was in a long term relationship when I first met him (we were colleagues too)

Our getting together was all above board I might add!