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Advice about savings...or lack of...please help advice needed

  • 28-01-2014 8:17pm
    #1
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭


    Hi there,
    I'm looking for some advice...I'm going out with this man over a year and a half and to cut a long story short I haven't saved as much as he has and I'm sick with worry that if it comes to settle down and I haven't the same saved that it could be a problem...I'm teaching and he's farming...I'm from the city and the whole thing is really worrying me I'd hate for our relationship to end over this x any advice opinions would be greatly appreciated x


Comments

  • #2
    dipdip
    Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    I'm confused. Why would having less savings than your partner result in the relationship ending?! :confused:


  • #3
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    Is this your first serious relationship? The reason I ask is that relationships really don't work on the 50/50 thing all the time. You and he have different lives, you can't be expected to have the same amount of savings as him, nor he you. His circumstances have allowed for him to save, yours have not.

    It would be very strange if he ended the relationship because you don't have the same amount of savings as him. When your relationship develops into a long- term one, it becomes a partnership. It does not need "like for like".


  • #4
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭littlemiss46


    I'm not sure why ah I just feel he has the farm and more savings than me,what would I be bringing to the whole thing....I'm a teacher and should have had the sense to save more money rather than having a good time I'm very worried


  • #5
    ElleEm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,981 ✭✭✭ElleEm


    littlemiss46 wrote: »
    I'm not sure why ah I just feel he has the farm and more savings than me,what would I be bringing to the whole thing....I'm a teacher and should have had the sense to save more money rather than having a good time I'm very worried

    Do you think he got with you for your money?
    You bring YOU to the relationship, that is why he is with you.

    If you are that worried, maybe next time you are having a chat about money/ banks or something, mention how you are not a great saver/ don't have much savings. I can imagine it will be a non issue for him.


  • #6
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭littlemiss46


    It is my first serious relationship,that's for sure.He works at home and has another source of income on the side which he can get money from too...it's just it has really bothered me recently that if this is going someplace and he has very good savings and I don't that it could be a problem and I'd hate that to be the case x


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  • #7
    dipdip
    Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    What would you be bringing?? Yourself!

    Sounds like you have low self esteem. He's lucky to have you! Learn to be happy with who you are. :)


  • #8
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭littlemiss46


    Ah no he didn't at all,I'm on the right track now savings wise but I Just don't want him judging me because I haven't as much as I should have saved after 9 years working...


  • #9
    dipdip
    Closed Accounts Posts: 537 ✭✭✭dipdip


    ElleEm wrote: »
    Do you think he got with you for your money?
    You bring YOU to the relationship, that is why he is with you.

    Snap! It's true OP. :)


  • #10
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭littlemiss46


    Thanks for the advice,ah it's just bothering me the last while and wrecking my head but I guess I have a job and all that so it should be ok...I'd hate to be judged on money and all


  • #11
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭littlemiss46


    And I guess that any man who finishes a relationship over money or savings etc isn't a good man..


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  • #12
    sparksfly
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 552 ✭✭✭sparksfly


    littlemiss46 wrote: »
    I'm not sure why ah I just feel he has the farm and more savings than me,what would I be bringing to the whole thing....I'm a teacher and should have had the sense to save more money rather than having a good time I'm very worried

    The whole point of being together is that you love each other. Material wealth should not be the be all and end all. Very few couples that I know were exactly matched financially before they met. If you are not compatible in other ways, monetary equality will not save your relationship.


  • #13
    littlemiss46
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10 ✭littlemiss46


    That's true....I'd just still hope he wouldn't finish with me over no matching savings...we get on so well together and I always help out in the farm with him too...


  • #14
    thegreatgonzo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,623 ✭✭✭thegreatgonzo


    littlemiss46 wrote: »
    ...we get on so well together and I always help out in the farm with him too...

    Then he's very lucky to have you:-)


  • #15
    Chara1001
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 291 ✭✭Chara1001


    OP, has he ever said anything about ending a relationship over a lack of savings?
    You sound lovely and you don't pay your way into a relationship, you bring yourself!


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