Am i wasting my time....

antrimlady47

Hi just looking for some advice to see if I am wasting my time and energy on a guy.He started working in the same dept store over 2 years ago. We got together one drunken night out(me not him). We were together on and off over the next few months. Alcohol wasn't always involved I'd like to point that out. I told him how I felt and he said he didn't feel as strong for me. So I left it at that..

Cut to another night out we got together again. Again I told him couldn't do this to myself as I liked him way too much. He respected my wishes. That was last July. We were out again one night(no alcohol involved on both parts) we got close again but I stopped it. Now we have become such great friends now as in we spend so much time together - dinner, cinema, hill walking etc. I'm at the stage now though where im getting upset all the time because of him. I feel so much for him and it is killing me that he doesn't feel the same. Do you think he has any feelings for me at all? If he asks me if im with other guys I tell the truth say yes then he gets kind of annoyed. I know he is never with other girls. I have tried backing away numerous times but he said I mean too much to him. We would spend at least 5 nights a week together mostly. We have planned on going away for a weekend in July

Tokyo

In a word, yes, you are. (ok, that's three words)

He's sitting on the fence - happy not to make any commitment to you at all, and thus maintain his freedom to pursue other women, whatever, but on the other hand he wants you at arms length when he needs you for company, a night out, etc. He doesn't like you seeing other guys, but he doesn't want to commit to being involved with you either. I get that he's told you the truth to a point, in that he has said he doesn't want a relationship, but he can't have his cake and eat it too.

As the saying goes, it's time for him to **** or get off the pot. And you need to tell him this. If he still doesn't want to commit, it's time to cut ties and move on, hopefully to find someone that will treat you like a partner, and not an accessory.

Merkin

Yes, you're wasting your time. You are being used for companionship and an ego boost until someone better (in his mind) comes along. While you are spending five evenings a week hanging out with him you are actually preventing yourself from meeting someone who will be interested in you romantically and yet he will doubtless drop you like a hot snot the moment he meets someone.

I'd stop giving him the pleasure of my society if I were you. Who knows, he may come to the realisation that he doesn't want to be without you and it might give him a kick up the ass. Similarly, if he is merely using you for female company then let him jog on!

dellas1979

I think that you should be brave enough to tell him once and for all, that you do have feelings for him.

You are playing a dangerous game here with your emotions.

If it is not reciprocated, I for one anyways, believe that you cannot be friends with him and to cut ties. You are only hurting yourself in the long run.

Dellnum

It would appear to me that he has developed feelings for you since all this started. At first he didn't feel the same as you but now he is saying that you mean too much to him for you to back off and you spend 5 nights a week together and are planning as far away as July on a trip, so quite honestly OP I don't know what your problem is.

Merkin

Dellnum wrote: »

It would appear to me that he has developed feelings for you since all this started. At first he didn't feel the same as you but now he is saying that you mean too much to him for you to back off and you spend 5 nights a week together and are planning as far away as July on a trip, so quite honestly OP I don't know what your problem is.

I don't agree, she has spent quite enough time waiting in false hope for something to happen. He'd have made a move by now if he was serious about her. Cut him loose OP.

scarymoon1

Friendships take time to develop - not all guys jump straight in there and ask the girl out, vice versa. I've learned that's just too much and scary to be honost. But in your case op it is 2 years you know him and it looks like he won't at this stage ask you out I'm afraid. I'd agree with the others and 'cut him loose'!!!

strobe

Just tell him outright what your feelings are for him and ask him outright what his feelings are for you. He was honest with you before, no reason he won't be again.
A lot can change in two years. He may well feel differently now than he did then, but due to everything that's gone on between you (you stopping things happening between the two of you etc) be as unsure of where he stands as you are at this stage.

He may also feel as he did before either. But if you don't take a chance you'll never know and could possibly be throwing away something with potential if you just, as people have said, cut him loose.

Let him know how you feel and give him the opportunity to do the same. Then you can make a decision on what you want to do once you know all the facts.

antrimlady47

Thanks for all the advice guys. Just a little anxious in approaching the subject again since I was turned down in the past. Its a hard one to call especially because we are very close almost a couple but without all the benefits