Fiancee cheated - what to do?

sads

My fiancee was just came home a few hours ago, very drunk and upset and crying. When I tried to talk to her she didn't make any sense, was talking gibberish. I told her to stop and tell me what was wrong, she said she was sorry. I asked was it sorry for being drunk, she said "no, cos of other things".

We're planning to get married later this year. Together over 2 years.

She hasn't admitted to cheating before but a close male friend did try to kiss her when we were going out a few months, she didn't tell me at the time or that he stayed on her couch that night. That came out about a month ago, might be related. I completely forgave her for this and understood why she didn't tell me at the time, it was nothing really.

What should I do, I'm numb right now.

Paddy Cow

When she sobers up you need to find out what the "other things" are. Until you know, it will eat you up. Are you worried that the night her friend came onto her, something more happened than him sleeping on the couch?

kippy

What age are you both?
You defo need some clarification on what these other things are.....

mr_edge_to_you

Did she actually own up and admit she cheated on you?

"cos of other things" isn't really an admission of cheating. There could be a whole other meaning behind it, especially if she was drunk.
Your friend " trying" to kiss her isn't exactly cheating either. EDIT: just re read your post and you accept there's not too much of an issue. I suppose the manner in which you found out might say more about the issue though.

anyway, you two need to sit down this morning and go through all the details in the cold light of day

Tokyo

Thread title certainly doesn't match up with what you wrote. Your fiancée came home drunk and crying her eyes out because of "other things". Other things could be anything from wedding jitters, to a row with a friend, to stress at work. TBH, nothing so far suggests cheating. Either way, nothing is going to be resolved until you both sit down in the sober light of day and discuss the events of the night before.

I think that you guys may need to examine your trust issues though, particularly when you are planning to spend your future together - it's not a normal train of thought to jump straight to cheating, because your partner is crying after a few drinks.

Yeah, "other stuff" might not mean that she cheated at all. As mike_ie said, it could mean absolutely anything. Alcohol is a depressant, which people seem to forget, so even the slightest emotional event might trigger a landslide. It is slightly worrying that the first thought to jump into your head is, "oh she cheated". Wait until she's a bit more collected and sober and have the discussion with her then.

Nicman

Well, I'm no genius, but as a female who also has a fiancee...."other things" doesn't sound like work stuff or wedding jitters to me. You need to have a serious chat. I wouldn't let it go until you've clarified what was going on with her last night. So many people are getting married with niggling doubts or with real problems that they brush under the carpet - if you guys have issues now is the time to bring them under the spotlight, not after you get married. Hope you sort it out

.Ti

I'd imagine that the idea that she cheated came from some of the gibberish she was talking. What was the gist OP? Can't really say much with the current info provided, might be nothing, might not.

Grayfoxy

You need to clarify,

But, personally, if she did cheat, I would drop her faster than a hot coal. In-fact, I did.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

2 years doesn't seem like enough time for me to decide if you want to get married. Maybe that's just me.

I'd ask her what she meant by those comments, not in an accusing tone, just mention that she was apologetic about something and ask is everything ok?

Once you hear her answer only you can decide what to do next, but personally I wouldn't ask for forgiveness if I cheated, nor would I forgive cheating. If that happened we'd be breaking up.

The Corinthian

Duracell Bunny wrote: »

2 years doesn't seem like enough time for me to decide if you want to get married. Maybe that's just me.

They're already engaged, so it technically took them less than two years to make such a decision. And no, it's not just you, but it's not uncommon, especially with couples over thirty who have decided to settle down and the person they're with will 'do'.

OP, firstly you need to find out what the story is, because at present all we have is a drunken half confession, of what could well be nothing.

If she has cheated on you, then I would at the very least put any marriage plans on hold, if not end things altogether.

After all, you know your fiancée two years - that's not long in the grand scheme of things - and if she can't remain faithful even now, then she certainly won't be in the long run.

Alcohol is no excuse either as all it does is give licence to people to behave in a way they want to behave anyway. As such, this occurrence is unlikely to have been, or be, a once off and may well be your typical passive aggressive way of her trying to self destruct your relationship.

So, sit down with her, find out what actually happened and then find out if this is not an isolated incident or indicative of a fundamental problem in your relationship. Above all, do not proceed with any marriage until you have resolved this issue 110% - by that, I'm underlining that you resolve it and not just 'half' resolve it.