Dont want to drift away from my sister

Mc Kenzie

Hi Everyone,

This is quite a sensitive and personal issue to me, so id appreciate your honesty and respect.

Im in a family of 6people and growing up iv always felt that my brothers and sisters were close. We all are abit older now in our twenties to early 30s so we do have different lives one being abroad and i lived away myself for a year, however we call each other messsage on facebook and return home from time to time.

Im a little sad as a i realize i haven't been so close with my sister lately and I feel like we are drifting. She is my only sister and is the oldest sibling. Over Christmas we did have an argument mainly about the way we were acting towards one another or not putting in enough effort. On my part i was a little moody over xmas (cos of pms ..sory guys :rolleyes:) and my boyfriend was with me for xmas for the first time, and he and i had a long distance thing for a year which is another story, but i would have been spending some time to ensure he was happy too as he is from outside Europe and cultures are different (or even family's :rolleyes:) I understand that this may have been different or strange to my siblings as its the first serious relationship they have seen me in.

However on the other hand since i was 12/13 my sister has been with her now fiance, and there were many times that she would not have been around for me, but i learned to accept that it was normal.I never remember speaking with her about, when my heart was broken by guys or wandering why i was still single at the time. I do remember, years ago, going to her advise with a particular guy problem, but i never felt better about it, I know it was not intentional on her part, but id just feel worse. Im not sure if she was interetsted or mainly that she never really new what it was like to be single and have bad experiences with guys as she always had the same guy. Which i do understand. For most of these problems i went to my mum in the end, but she did really listen and make me feel better. And i became quite close with my mum over those years. But should not you only sister be there to chat and gossip with too?

Dont get me wrong there were different times we did things together, and she is quite thaughtful. But id love to be able to just go for tea or lunch and have a chat or cinema just us two.

One thing over xmas when my older brother and his (now fiance..found out today lol) were at home my sister had loads of time to speak with them, but when it was just me and my mum, she just was texting on her phone, and i dont see her that often either. The last time i was upset after speaking with her on the phone as any time i suggest to meet up she had other plans.

But i dont want us to drift apart,, i dont want to start another argument.
But how can i put this too her if we dont spend time together.

Wow, apologies for the long story i guess it all spills out.:o

Anyone have situations like this or comments appreciated. Thank you.

Stavro Mueller

Maybe I'm interpreting this wrong. Was there ever a time when you and your sister were close on a consistent basis? When do you think this drift started?

Mc Kenzie

I guess we havnt really been close consistantly, but then define "close" its different to all familys i have a close relationaship with my brothers as possibly can where as your sister ,,should be someone you can share more.

at the end of the day she is family and the closest iv got and i dont wan to feel distant.

Stavro Mueller

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

I guess we haven't really been close consistently, but then define "close" it's different to all families. I have a close relationship with my brothers as possibly can whereas your sister should be someone you can share more.

At the end of the day she is family and the closest I've got and I don't want to feel distant.

Excuse the over-simplification here but are you saying that just because she is your sister, you should be having a closer relationship than what's happening now?

Did the ignoring you and fobbing you off happen before or after that row?

rainbowtrout

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

I guess we havnt really been close consistantly, but then define "close" its different to all familys i have a close relationaship with my brothers as possibly can where as your sister ,,should be someone you can share more.

at the end of the day she is family and the closest iv got and i dont wan to feel distant.

Just because she is your sister doesn't mean you will be automatically close and have girly chats. I'm getting the impression that there is a bit of an age gap between you where she is the oldest and you are one of the youngest. That in itself meant you were at different stages of your lives growing up. Being a sister does not automatically mean there will be closeness, nor can you force the type of relationship you think you should have.

Mc Kenzie

Thats kind of sad isnt it ....

rainbowtrout

Not really no. Not everyone is close to their families, and not everyone is close to every member of their families. If you have someone in your life you can talk to when you have a problem or need advice then you're doing OK. You said your mother was there for you when you needed someone to talk to. For some people it's friends that fill this role. Just because someone is a blood relative does not automatically mean that the type of bond is there that you want, or imagine should be there.

Stavro Mueller

It's harder for you because you've probably been thinking for years that one day you and your sister would become close and have those girlie chats. To be honest, if you and her haven't formed some sort of friendship by now, I'd not be holding out much hope. For your own sake you'd be better off accepting that this is the way things are going to be. Your sister's not interested in hanging out with you so stop asking. All it's doing is hurting you. Why bother chasing someone who does not want to be chased?

December2012

Start small - ask her to go to the cinema with you. Next time go for coffee. Build it up.

Don't put a sister relationship on a pedestal - sisters can have rows too and be fine.

You said you were moody and distracted and yet you're wondering why she was distracted about something?

You need to relax in one way about the concept of your perception of what a sisterhood relationship should be.

Yet at the same time you can introduce socialising with your sister and let things happen organically.

Mc Kenzie

Thanks for the replies people,,,appreciate advise. i have taken all into consideration and has made me accept things a little more.