Huge dilemma: I got my ex girlfriend pregnant...

notsoslick

To make an unbelievably long back story short, I dated a girl very very casually (in a LDR) for about 6 months. She was a friend of my sisters and we just kinda hung out a few times, and agreed that when I would come home on breaks we would hang out. I'm away in medical school for 4 months at a time, and come home for about 2 weeks between each semester.

Well, after the first break everything just went to hell. This girl is bipolar (which I knew when we started hanging out), but she also revealed over the course of time that there was a eating disorder, she's an alcoholic, abuses prescription medication, and uses cocaine.

I wanted to get away from this (obviously), but she quite literally turned into a psycho. She isn't great with her medication and goes through horrible ups and downs and she's been saying she wants to kill herself. I've spent enough time around her, and seen enough of her behaviour that I genuinely believe it's a possibility.

When I got home over the break she was threatening to kill herself if I didn't sleep with her "one last time". Between all the periods of horrible ****ty times I have dealing with her, after we fight and everything calms down we get along really well. After a bunch of days of fighting, things did calm down and we ended up sleeping together a few times.

Also while I was home I spent a bunch of time getting in touch with her parents, her psychiatrist, and the mental health crisis response teams to get her some support.

So after the break I leave to go back to school thinking that everything was in place, I helped set up some support for her and I was free to go on with my life...

Of course three weeks after I leave I get an email from her telling me she's pregnant.

I am horrified right now because I could never imagine having a kid with this woman, who will no doubt probably do something to make the kid have mental health problems over the course of the pregnancy.

So what the hell do I do? I've begged and pleaded for her to get an abortion (as much as I hate the idea), she of course wants to keep the pregnancy.

I also want to point out she's already an unemployed mother of 2 kids with mental disabilities and lives with her parents (neither of the first two fathers are anywhere to be seen)

Assuming I can stay mentally strong enough to not fail out of school, I would have to miss the entire pregnancy, miss the birth of my first and only child, and I would barely have any contact for probably the first 5+ years of their lives because I am away trying to make this career work. If I drop out of school, I've got no resources to help and I'm already $120,000 in debt because of school.

My only options involve me becoming a deadbeat father (by being away), or essentially living close to poverty because I'll never get out of debt and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life.

I made my own bed I guess for not wearing a condom and I get what I deserve. I seriously didn't even want to sleep with her but with everything that went on, I just wanted her to get some help and I was just doing everything I could not to have a mental breakdown myself, and all my judgement went out the window.

If I give up on school to try to support this woman and my future child, I give up on my dream.

If I stick with school and try to get a career and give myself a real opportunity to provide for my future child, I become the deadbeat that didn't stick around.

There's absolutely no chance that I would ever try to make things work with this woman, and I would never live with her, so no matter what I'm still the father that wouldn't get to see his child every day

This is such a ****ty situation.

maria34

Is she 100% pregnant and are you sure you are the father?

Guffy

maria34 wrote: »

Is she 100% pregnant and are you sure you are the father?

First thing I thought. Obv u still need to prepare for the news you don't want. Seriously think she could also have been preg before yer 'one last time'

I really don't know what to make of this one. First years are so important to bond but if u are so far in debt u won't be able to give baby life you hoped and worked to give your child.

are there any alternative ways to finish your studies? Don't know how medicine degree works but surely you could use what you have done so far for something. Could she move to u even if ye are not together.

really feel for ya on this one mate.

Tokyo

...she was threatening to kill herself if I didn't sleep with her "one last time".....

I'd be calling round to the house with a pregnancy test, ASAP.

tomaussie

I would advise that you deal with the problems as they become real.

So step 1 is a pregnancy test.

If this is positive then step 2 is a paternity test at between 15-20 weeks (if I remember correctly).

Due to this girls mental health issues I think you should focus on your education and deal with the problems as they become real.

Tokyo

I know that this is a LONG way down the line, and a LOT of questions have to be answered first, but deciding to stick with school and carve out a career for yourself wouldn't make you a deadbeat father, far from it. IF (and it's a big if at the moment), there was a child involved, you can still be a supportive parent without being involved with the mother, and part of being a supportive parent means being able to provide for that child. Don't be so quick to give up on your dreams, should all of this turn out to be true.

But, make sure that there is no doubt first. I'm not one to normally say that a woman will trap a man into being with her, but this person seems to show all of the hallmarks of having that capability. This woman seems unstable in ways that I can't even imagine. Callous as it may sound, the first thing I'd be doing is verifying that she was actually pregnant, and if that turns out to be true, then my next course of action would be a paternity test.

[edit]Apologies for repeating the sentiments of tomaussie's response - didn't see it before I hit "send"...[/edit]

notsoslick

maria34 wrote: »

Is she 100% pregnant and are you sure you are the father?

I asked her to get a confirmation from the doctor because that's obviously the only way to be sure.

Three positive home kits though based on the pictures she sent me. On skype she showed me the test strips and the packaging they came in.

I'm 4000 miles away right now and won't be home until she's already 4 months in assuming it's legit.

It's possible I'm not the father, but given how much she seems obsessed about me, and the timing, I'm fairly confident it would be mine.

It would be interesting to see if they can pin the date of conception to a time before I even got home. I would obviously try to get a paternity test though, because who knows. Might have just hooked up a bunch of times after I left, managed to get knocked up and what better person to try to pin the kid on than someone that might be a doctor. I believe her to be capable of that kind of behaviour for sure.

Pat Mustard

notsoslick wrote: »

My only options involve me becoming a deadbeat father (by being away), or essentially living close to poverty because I'll never get out of debt and I'll be miserable for the rest of my life.

Being in college and unexpectedly facing fatherhood need not necessarily spell the end of your medical career.

You are going to have provide for your kid anyway, so why not finish medical school in order to do so? You will need an income in order to provide for your child.

The 'deadbeat Dad' concept refers to fathers who don't care about their kids, not student fathers.

It seems that there is no way to be certain that you are the father at this stage.

I think that you need to make certain of all of the facts, before you can properly assess the available options.

Leaving medical school could be a rash move at this stage.

beks101

Oh OP, why why why why why for the love of God would you sleep with someone like this and not wear a condom? Given her mental history and the fact that she already has two kids by two different fathers? And your "earning potential"?

I know you're probably already beating yourself up about this but jesus, the mind truly boggles.

I don't know how to advise you. Perhaps confiding in close friends or family members of your own to make sure you're getting your own emotional support would be a good first port of call.

Could you talk to your sister for advice? I'm sure she's aware of her friend's/your girlfriend's problems?

Tokyo

beks101 wrote: »

Oh OP, why why why why why for the love of God would you sleep with someone like this and not wear a condom? Given her mental history and the fact that she already has two kids by two different fathers? And your "earning potential"?

I know you're probably already beating yourself up about this but jesus, the mind truly boggles.

Not helping I"m sure, right now. We've all made mistakes in life, most of us are just lucky enough to get away relatively unscathed.

I definitely agree with confiding in a friend though. OP, you are going to need support throughout this, regardless of the outcome.

Mint Aero

Dude chill. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say either a) she's not pregnant or b) you're not the father.

Eh 3 weeks? And you're in med school? Right, how did she find out so quick?

We've all been there. Relax.

Ham Sambo

Hind sight is great thing, the is a lot of 'if only' in your story, first of all you were aware that this girl had mental health issues and you have labelled her as a complete nut job, however this didn't stop you sleeping with her! that said you have only this girls word that she is pregnant and that you are the father, perhaps if she is still a friend of your sisters then maybe she might find out a bit more.

Is this girl is telling the truth it is not the end of the world, by all means finish med school, and provide for your child if needs be, it is not then end of the world, just remember to use a condom next time! Just because you won't be around doesn't mean you won't be able to provide for your child, but before you have another panic attack I would agree with another poster when they advise you to get a DNA test to make sure.

Fentdog84

For goodness sake dont drop out of college and ruin your career. This woman sounds absolutely toxic and i doubt you will be able to play much part in raising the kid anyway which is unfortunate as she will be an absolute nightmare to have any dealings with. Just put it down to a harsh life lesson about using contraceptives and getting involved with the wrong woman. Just focus on your own career and whatever happens after that happens.

Zambia

She is either not pregnant and saying she is.

Pregnant prior to you sleeping with her and she just needed a quick root so she could sell the story to you.

Or she is actually pregnant, well then cross that bridge when you come to it.

But 100% confirm it with a doctor.

maria34

She can show you 100 pregnancy tests, it doesnt mean, shes pregnant. If she would be a normal case, then yes. But she is a nutjob, could do anything to trap a man. You can buy positive tests these days anywhere in online. So cool down.

I wouldnt quit my college for this! Keep going and in case you are the daddy (very slim chance she is pregnant or you are the daddy) , you can support your child somehow. Dont worry about that.

And dont go near nutjobs and crackheads again, you will be a doc tho!

tomaussie

Guys. I don't think the name calling is nice and questioning her motives is unfair too.

Bipolar is a vicious illness and I think it's unfair to slate her as she may not be currently medicated correctly. You would not believe what some people with this illness will do if not medicated correctly.

This should be about the OP and not her.

Maura74

Also while I was home I spent a bunch of time getting in touch with her parents, her psychiatrist, and the mental health crisis response teams to get her some support.

Is it possible to contact the professionals that you liaison with on her behalf before you returned to your studies, perhaps that would give you an indication how she is coping.

heretochat

I agree with tomaussie on this... How quick people are to judge something they may not understand and the name calling is well out of order..

And I don't think that it is unreasonable for beks to call the OP to task for not having the sense to use protection...

To me, the OP was happy enough to sleep with this girl as a cheap thrill.. Now he is selfishly worrying about his future prospects..

What about the prospects and future for his potential child and the mother of his child?

Right, he may not be the father but he needs to establish that fact accordingly and if he is he needs to man up and take responsibility for this fact.

You were already in contact with her doctor and her parents - why not get them to be the impartial witness in all of this? Sure, it might mean you force a lot of things into the light of day, but if they can 100% confirm the pregnancy, then at least you'll know for sure from someone that isn't her. And if it turns out that she isn't pregnant, at least she'll have the support there too.

Tasden

[Deleted User] wrote: »

You were already in contact with her doctor and her parents - why not get them to be the impartial witness in all of this? Sure, it might mean you force a lot of things into the light of day, but if they can 100% confirm the pregnancy, then at least you'll know for sure from someone that isn't[/i[ her. And if it turns out that she isn't pregnant, at least she'll have the support there too.

Best advice in the thread.

GarIT

Just a note on positive pregnancy tests. They can be bought on eBay.

GarIT

heretochat wrote: »

To me, the OP was happy enough to sleep with this girl as a cheap thrill.. Now he is selfishly worrying about his future prospects..

he needs to man up

What normal person wouldn't think about how it is going to affect themselves? He doesn't even know she is pregnant.

Please never use that extremely offensive phrase.

GarIT

GarIT wrote: »

Just a note on positive pregnancy tests. They can be bought on eBay.

I'm sorry to bring this off-topic, but...

Ugh. Really?

The mind boggles.

GarIT

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm sorry to bring this off-topic, but...

Ugh. Really?

The mind boggles.

Yeah, they are cheaper than working pregnancy tests too. For a fiver you can get a test that either arrives positive or get one that will show positive when any water is put on it. 10's of thousands sold too, its not just a few.

username123

GarIT wrote: »

Yeah, they are cheaper than working pregnancy tests too. For a fiver you can get a test that either arrives positive or get one that will show positive when any water is put on it. 10's of thousands sold too, its not just a few.

If I were the OP I would not take her word on the pregnancy or if the pregnancy is real, the paternity until independently tested.

Neyite

Mint Aero wrote: »

Eh 3 weeks? And you're in med school? Right, how did she find out so quick?

I found out 14 days after conception on my pregnancies. Some women can produce a positive test up to a week before their period is due, so yes very possible. Especially if you are actively trying to get pregnant.

He got the email 3 weeks after he left, 3 weeks after he slept with her, assuming she had a typical cycle, ovulation would have occured around day 14 of her cycle, test positive on day 28 and a week or so later she tells him. It fits.

alias06

Also I think it would be worthwhile to sketch out a worst case scenario here and to see how you might deal with it.

So if she is pregnant and if it is shown that the baby is yours then when you do start earning you will have to pay maintenance for the child. Admittedly it is not a great situation given her mental health etc. but there you have it. On the up side if you qualify as a doctor you will easily be able to afford to pay maintenance.

Thats really the best you can do in this situation. Continue with your studies and when you do start earning pay an agreed maintenance.

Remember this isn't all your fault. You were irresponsible to sleep with her without protection but so was she. She has done this twice before with two different men. She has to take responsibilty for her actions too. You can't give up your dream of becoming a doctor over this and even if you did what good would it do? You are never going to be a happy family unit anyway.

This isn't how you wanted to become a father but such is life. Things happen to us that are outside of our control and we just have to deal with it.

Either way whatever happens you need to keep your focus on your studies.

Emme

1) DON'T give up medical school

2) Try to get the girl to have a pregnancy test and see the results

3) If she is pregnant, when she has the child get a DNA test to be sure it's yours

4) Use protection at all times and don't assume that when somebody says they're on the pill that they're taking it properly

Mint Aero

Neyite wrote: »

I found out 14 days after conception on my pregnancies. Some women can produce a positive test up to a week before their period is due, so yes very possible. Especially if you are actively trying to get pregnant.

He got the email 3 weeks after he left, 3 weeks after he slept with her, assuming she had a typical cycle, ovulation would have occured around day 14 of her cycle, test positive on day 28 and a week or so later she tells him. It fits.

It might do. I studied Finance in college so I know numbers, not so much the inner workings of a woman though. But I'm gonna go with a hunch here and give the OP peace of mind. She's probably pregnant but given the story, it's not the OP's.

Lets say it is the OP's. That means the woman who already has two purposely wanted to get pregnant by a guy with no job and who's leaving town It doesn't compute. We can sit here and say oh but she's unhinged. Yeah she is because she's in major panic over getting knocked up for a third time. Probably doesn't even know the father.

OP I believe you can get pregnancy tester things that will tell you how many weeks she is. Tell her to do that and show you the result.....wait for the excuses :rolleyes: I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong. Incidentally, has she made excuses about going to a doc too?

Neyite

Mint Aero wrote: »

OP I believe you can get pregnancy tester things that will tell you how many weeks she is. Tell her to do that and show you the result.....wait for the excuses :rolleyes: I'll eat my hat if I'm wrong. Incidentally, has she made excuses about going to a doc too?

The pregnancy tester things that you are referring to are digital pregnancy tests. They are by no means accurate in terms of dating a pregnancy as the measure the HCG level in the urine. And depending on the time of day and concentration of the urine might give a different result. Throw into the mix that a woman may ovulate earlier or later than another woman, and that sperm can survive for up to 5 days, there is a lot of margin for error. Even ultrasound dates are not totally precise. If a woman ovulated days later than assumed, the scan will be days out. There really is no definitive way of proving paternity other than through a dna test after birth.
Those tests only show a result of 1-2 weeks pregnant, 2-3 weeks pregnant and 3+ weeks pregnant so are not going to give the OP much more information than he already has.

Edit: its a good point regarding the GP - wait a few weeks and see if she has registered with them for antenatal care maybe?

homemadecider

OP have you gotten a full STI screening? I would recommend this since you had unprotected sex with this woman.

alias06

Final piece of advice on this OP is to deal with this one step at a time and don't panic or catastrophise:

• First get confirmation that she is pregnant.
• Then get confirmation the child is yours.
• Then get legal advice on maintenance. She can't make you pay what you don't have. And no court would ask you to drop out of your course to pay maintenance.
• Never lose sight of your studies. You will be best able to provide for your child in the long run if you pass your exams. Its the best thing to do for everyone.
• Keep a cool head. We all make mistakes. There was two of you in this and you can only do your best with the situation you are presented with. Do what you can to relax and de-stress. One day at a time.

dellas1979

As hard/confusing as it is right now, do not drop out of college now or in the future.

Your education could save you from this mess. And in the future, your (possible) child. Fine. Its your dream. But if this is your child, youll also be giving them a chance of a dream/different life. Maybe not so much in the first few years (although you can certainly make an effort and see them when possible - not a "I never knew my Dad or dont understand why hes not here" way) - but you have to sacrifice something for this situation, for the good of the bigger picture.

I know someone who had a baby with a guy (child is 10 now), and the "sperm doner" lives 10km down the road. Hes seen the child once since they were born. The mother has never stopped him. The father of the child has no interest. My point being, how you are in your childs life after its born is up to you. Thats your responsibility.

But there are still a lot of unknowns right now. And you need to go on what you know, factually, not what you are being told.

Taltos

The Mustard - PI/RI is a strictly moderated forum. If you cannot post inline with our charter please consider not posting at all.

Thanks
Taltos

Pat Mustard

Taltos wrote: »

The Mustard - PI/RI is a strictly moderated forum. If you cannot post inline with our charter please consider not posting at all.

Thanks
Taltos

I've read the charter and see your point. Comment deleted.

dipdip

Let's look at the facts.

Trainee medical doctor has unprotected sex multiple times with a woman whom he knows to be poor, a single mother, mentally ill, alcoholic and addicted.

Then he begs her to abort her pregnancy.

Wow. You are something else.

What should you do? Confirm whether or not the child is yours. Have an STD test. Decide how you can support the mother of your child. Develop some integrity.

MouseTail

To add to the above excellent post, this woman sounds very vulnerable and ill. You should consider your role in raising this child, and whether you should apply for main or sole custody.

alias06

dipdip wrote: »

Let's look at the facts.

Trainee medical doctor has unprotected sex multiple times with a woman whom he knows to be poor, a single mother, mentally ill, alcoholic and addicted.

Then he begs her to abort her pregnancy.

Wow. You are something else.

What should you do? Confirm whether or not the child is yours. Have an STD test. Decide how you can support the mother of your child. Develop some integrity.

Its easy to get all judgemental here. We all do things when we are young and stupid. Most guys in their late teens/early 20's will not turn down sex when it is offered to them easily. The OP got mixed up in this situation. He tried to get the girl help. He wanted to get away from the situation. She threatened to kill herself. She pleaded with him to have sex with him one last time. She has done this twice before with two different men. We don't know how his feelings might have been manipulated. And we don't know what she told him about birth control.

I did something similar when I was in college. I was sleeping with a girl I didn't really care about because I thought this is what you did in college - you could have no strings attached sex. It turned out she did have mental health problems. The whole thing turned into a nightmare. I didn't get her pregnant but I can understand how these things happen.

The OP is trying to face up to the situation. He's not denying everything or skipping the country. He is going through all the motions. For most guys abortion would enter their head at some point (even though as the OP says "he hates the idea"). He has considering dropping out of college to work and pay for the child. He doesn't know what to do so he has come on here for advice.

MouseTail wrote:

To add to the above excellent post, this woman sounds very vulnerable and ill. You should consider your role in raising this child, and whether you should apply for main or sole custody.

Bad idea. By the time he would have progressed this through the courts he would probably have qualified as a doctor. And its unlikely he would be successful. You cannot take a baby from a mother just because she is mentally ill. You would have to show neglect or abuse. And he would have to show he could provide a better home.

The best thing the OP can do for everyone is plough ahead with his studies. Then in a few years time he will at least be in a position to assist financially.

dipdip

alias06 wrote: »

Its easy to get all judgemental here.

You're right. I was judging him. However the facts remain. The outpouring of sympathy for the OP is misplaced.

Using people for sex has consequences.

alias06

dipdip wrote: »

You're right. I was judging him. However the facts remain. The outpouring of sympathy for the OP is misplaced.

Using people for sex has consequences.

I agree, using people for sex does have consequences, and the OP is going to learn a very harsh lesson. Nevertheless, its not in anyones interest that the OP drops out of college. The best thing he can do for everyone is follow the advice given above.

strobe

dipdip wrote: »

You're right. I was judging him. However the facts remain. The outpouring of sympathy for the OP is misplaced.

Using people for sex has consequences.

Think your judgement is misplaced. People have casual sexual relationships. Sounded like that was a mutual understanding when it began. He didnt declare his undying love for her. He didn't promise her a future together. Two people started hooking up with each other. Happens every day. No "using" involved. Then he tried to end things but she threatened to kill herself and he tries his best to get her some help. He could have just walked away, let the chips fall where they may, and would never have had to see her again regardless of what happened. Some people would have done just that and never thought of it again.

There was no deciept or coercion on the OP's part from what we can see from the details that have been provided. Getting "using people for sex" from this situation is a little 1950's, no? Casual relationships are a thing people engage in mutually these days, in fact most relationships tend to start out that way.

dipdip

strobe wrote: »

Think your judgement is misplaced...Casual relationships are a thing people engage in mutually these days, in fact most relationships tend to start out that way.

Yes, and sometimes they result in pregnancy.

And in this case, it is quite clear who gets the better deal in the outcome. So I won't be crying too hard for the OP if you don't mind.

And nobody has suggested he drop out of college.

Edit: for the record, my criticism is based on his 'poor me' attitude, not on the fact that he had a casual relationship. Get some perspective here. A mentally ill woman with no home or prospects who is addicted to drugs and alcohol is about to have a third child. I can't feel too sorry for the medical student tbh.

strobe

Ah. So he's undeserving of sympathy cause he's studying medicine. Got ya...

deise08

Just to ask, could she be on medication that would result in a positive pregnancy test? Could it be a false positive from whatever she is taking for bi polar? sorry to hear of your situation op. It's an awful situation to be involved in and to be away studying and dealing with it must be a terrible burden.

alias06

dipdip wrote: »

Yes, and sometimes they result in pregnancy.

This is true. But this is also the age of modern contraceptives and both men and women are responsible if they have unprotected sex. We actually don't know exactly what happened with the contraceptives here, the OP didn't use a condom, but he doesn't say if she was meant to be on the pill or using a contraceptive device.

dipdip wrote: »

And in this case, it is quite clear who gets the better deal in the outcome. So I won't be crying too hard for the OP if you don't mind.

There are plenty of single fathers who will tell you they get a very raw deal in the courts as regards custody, visiting rights, maintenance, etc. but that's a whole other days work.

dipdip wrote: »

Edit: for the record, my criticism is based on his 'poor me' attitude, not on the fact that he had a casual relationship. Get some perspective here. A mentally ill woman with no home or prospects who is addicted to drugs and alcohol is about to have a third child. I can't feel too sorry for the medical student tbh.

I agree with you here that the women in this situation is obviously desperately unfortunate. But the OP has taken a major knock here as well and I think he deserves our sympathy. His world has been turned upside down. In a way he should have cut loose of this women when he saw she was becoming unstable but he stuck around to get her help when she threatened suicide and he slept with her one last time because she begged him and he felt sorry for her. He is now (if she is pregnant and the child is his) being catapulted into being a father in circumstances which are about as far from ideal as you can get. He can never be the father he would like to be in these circumstances. And he will have to deal with a very unstable women for the foreseeable future who could potentially do anything. And it will hit him financially. And he still has to pass his exams. Its a lot for a young lad to take on.

tomaussie

Sad. Looks like this thread has turned into a sh*tfight. The guy was just looking to share and maybe get some advice.

Any chance some of you put away your moral compass's ?

Show me the man who has never made a mistake and I'll show you a liar.

GreeBo

dipdip wrote: »

Edit: for the record, my criticism is based on his 'poor me' attitude, not on the fact that he had a casual relationship. Get some perspective here. A mentally ill woman with no home or prospects who is addicted to drugs and alcohol is about to have a third child. I can't feel too sorry for the medical student tbh.

Perhaps then, you are not best placed to offer advice to the OP?
Maybe consider not posting in his advice thread if all you are going to do is lambaste him for something he cant do anything about now.
Just a thought.

OP I think the best advice has been given several times on here already, follow the steps to confirm pregnancy, confirm paternity and then deal with things as they come up, but dont quit college.

Good luck.

dipdip

GreeBo wrote: »

Perhaps then, you are not best placed to offer advice to the OP?
Maybe consider not posting in his advice thread if all you are going to do is lambaste him for something he cant do anything about now.
Just a thought.

My post included advice.

If you have a problem with my posts, report them.

blatantrereg

You need support. If you have family then call on them and explain the situation and make it clear you need help. If you have close friends then do the same thing.

Absolutely get a paternity test asap.

Bear in mind that you are dealing with someone mentally ill. Extremely bad judgement is a symptom of bipolar mania, which it sounds like is what she is experiencing. Agitation, distorted perception, extreme optimism are all also symptoms. She might be psychotic, or is in danger of becoming so if she is not properly treated. Substance abuse is strongly associated with BP disorder as well. I don't agree with blaming someone for symptoms of a mental illness. The fact she is mentally ill does substantially increase your own level of responsibility in this case.

You might want to contact her psychiatrist. In this case it sounds like involuntary committal might be something to consider. If she is refusing to take her medication and engaging in self-destructive behavior that might harm the baby then that might be the best course of action. That might require you to travel, or pay for her to travel, sooner rather than later.

Bear in mind that some bipolar medications are tetrogens - they can cause birth defects. A small number of babies exposed to lithium in utero develop a particular heart defect for example.

One thing that might inhibit you from seeking the support and contacting the authorities is the fact that you had unprotected sex with someone you knew to be mentally ill. Nobody is perfect and the best thing to do now is to take full responsibility for that and deal with the consequences as best you can.

I would suggest going in person for the paternity test as soon as possible, and seeking advise regarding the possibility of committal as soon as possible. If you think you will save money or time by delaying then you are probably wrong.

I would not suggest dropping out of college. Presumably you are pursuing an ambitious career if you have sunk 120k into the fees for it. However I would inform the college of your situation.

Finally if you are convinced that she cannot be a responsible mother then I would immediately seek custody of your child. I would look into that before you even ascertain that the child is yours.

Seek help. Don't be judgmental of the ill. Take responsibility. Don't let feelings of pride interfere with any of those.

CaraMay

How long between her asking you to sleep with her 'one last time' and when you did actually sleep with her? How long is a bunch of days?

I would guess she knew either that she was fertile and wanted to trap you or pregnant already and wants to blame you.

Taltos

As noted above as this has turned into a mud slinging match - either towards the OP or towards each other we are closing this thread.
It is either that or issue blanket red cards / bans to a number of posters.

dipdip
strobe
tomaussie
GreeBo

If you have no constructive advice to offer please don't post, similarly if you cannot remain civil either to the OP or to each other then seriously consider not posting.
Having differing opinions is welcome or expected here, however bickering and off topic posts is not on, nor is back seat moderation. All this type of behaviour results in is off topic rants that serve no-one and certainly don't help the OP.

OP - I sincerely hope you got the help you needed here and apologies that this thread has gone off topic.

Thread closed.
Taltos