Moving in with OH - advice needed

LegacyUser

Hey all..
I have been with my OH for 2 years - both late 20s, (very happy) For the past year we have a joint savings account which we both transfer equal amounts into each month and apart from that all our finances are seperate.

We plan on moving in together in the coming weeks and I am wondering has anyone any advice with regards managing finances. I have no problem splitting everything 50/50 except that I feel it makes us more housemates as opposed to partners.. And I am also unsure as to how I would even go about splitting food shopping etc as I don't want to be that "Strict"

Also I would have no problem paying all rent, insurance, bills, outgoings etc - if he was to save more for our future (he would earn more than I would).

I understand some may say that I should discuss this with him - And I do plan on doing so - however I would just like some outside advice on how others work their day to day finances. I understand money is one of the main factors in arguments between couples
and I would appreciate any advice/insight/tips any of you may have as this is my first time living as a couple Also any "what not to do" would be appreciated

thanks

AnonMouse

Hi OP,

Congrats on the decision to move in with each other

My partner and I split the rent evenly. We do a shop in Aldi once a week and we split that evenly. We split the bills evenly. Sometimes, if we need extras like milk or bread during the week, whoever is near a shop will pick it up but we don't split the cost and it usually balances out pretty evenly.

Other than that, our finances are completely separate. We save our own money etc. For me, this arrangement is ideal and works a lot better than one person paying the rent or bills, or doing the saving. That can create resentment if one person feels they are contributing more than the other.

Hope this helps and good luck with the house hunt

reap-a-rat

Hi OP.

I've lived in house shares with my OH for the last number of years and in June of last year we got a pace of our own. The rent comes out of his account each month and I have a direct debit set up to pay my half to him. With bills (electricity and UPC) again, they're in his name from previous apartments so I just give him what I owe one the bill gets in.

Food-wise, if we're both there for the week, usually one of us will pay at the checkout and the other will pay half back later. We used to do week on week off but one week we might be getting way more so we thought out wasn't fair.

That's how we do it - equal split. It might seem housemate-ish but it really isn't.

Oh and if we happen to need milk or bread or anything we didn't get in the weekly shop, whoever it's easier for to get it just does it!

Hope this helps!

CaraMay

I think you should both save as if, god forbid, ye break up he is unlikely to reimburse you for all the shopping and will have his savings to head off with.

Just make sure the move in means the same thing to both if you and that you understand what he wants from your future. Some people see moving in together as the first step to marriage, kids etc but then find out their partner just sees it as living together. Make sure you are both on the same page for your future.

LegacyUser

Op here again
Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

Yes we both see this as our first step towards marriage and kids etc,
Also our savings are in a joint account not his account so (god forbid) if we split up we have agreed in advance that it would be split 50/50.

I am just unsure about which route to take at the minute but thanks for all advice it is very much appreciated

Typer Monkey

Bit of context, my OH and I have a one year old baby and are getting married later this year. We live in a house I bought before we met. I pay the mortgage and he pays me 'rent' as he has an apartment he rents out but the rent doesn't cover the mortgage. We have equal outgoings in terms of our mortgages.

With regards to the food shop, one of us pays and the other transfers half later via internet banking. The bills are in my name but we split them 50/50.

Things like property tax and the pending water charges we pay for our own respective properties.

We don't have a joint account. Expenses related to the baby we split 50/50. As above day to day things like bread, milk, bin tag etc one of us will just pick up and we don't bother splitting that. I should add though that we both earn the same salary so 50/50 is a fair split for us

I find splitting things equally means one person doesn't end up feeling taken advantage of. Just chat to your OH and see what you think will work for you.

dipdip

My husband and I have one joint current account and one joint savings account between us. Everything goes in those. Neither of us watches what the other spends. Everything is completely shared. We are very happy with this arrangement to the point that we couldn't conceive of counting pennies between us.

For the record, the amounts we earn have varied and at times just one of us worked. It doesn't and shouldn't matter, not in a marriage.

LegacyUser

In this case I would do the following:

Have a joint account which you use to pay rent/esb/sky/oil and all household bills.
Write down all the bills you have to pay over the space of a year and work out the cost of these each month. If you think you bills/rent cost will be €1000 a month put in €600 a month each so you have money there to met a large bill or to replace any large household items ie cooker or fridge.

I would have 2 seperate savings accounts. A joint account can be emptied by one person.
You may agree that you will split things 50/50 but if things go wrong you could end up losing your savings. If your buying things for your new place split the cost 50/50.
A friend of mine spent a lot of money on thing for a new place she moved into with her boyfriend. They split up. He never give her a cent towards what she spent on the place and she lost her savings also. She lost thousands of euro over this.

I would not agree to pay all the bills ect like you said in your post as your leaving yourself in a bad position if you do this. He may not save as much as you think. If you split up you don't want to have no money of your own to move on with your own life.

I would have at least one bill in your name for id reasons.

Do you know if your boyfriend likes to gamble? I would ask if he has an internet gambling account? I would be wary if you find out he likes to gamble/does internet gambling.
I know someone who's partner has developed a serious gambling problem via internet gambling and spent nearly all there life savings due to this.
Also if he is internet gambling it could show up on his bank account.
If your applying for a mortgage in a few years time the banks don't like seeing this on a bank account.

If you want marriage/kids I would be very honest with him in regards to this.
I know guys who are happy to move in with there girlfriends to keep them but long term they don't want marriage/children.

Ham Sambo

Sorry but the fact that you are here looking for advice would appear to me that you are having doubts, that said all you can do is to follow your heart.

iusedtoknow

every couple works differently. We (married for 5 years, a couple 8+) have a joint current and savings and credit card, as well as separate current accounts each that we get paid into.

90% of my wages get sent over to the current account where rent, food and bills come out from, 90% of hers get sent over to the savings. 10% are kept aside for anniversary/birthday gifts for each other etc.

That works for us, however I know couples where everything is split 50/50. If it works for you, it works for you and that is pretty much all that matters. It depends what makes you both most comfortable.

ElleEm

I am a firm believer in maintaining independence. My advice would be to calculate how much bills, rent and food cost, and put that with a little extra for unforseen issues into a joint account. You can both keep saving in your own accounts, as it really makes no difference to the banks whether you save together or separately.

LegacyUser

Ham Sambo wrote: »

Sorry but the fact that you are here looking for advice would appear to me that you are having doubts, that said all you can do is to follow your heart.

Nope - no doubts whatsoever, however just looking for an outside perspective on how others operate. As it is my first time living with my partner I just want to be as fully informed on what to expect as possible. I wouldn't feel comfortable getting opinions from my friends on how they split their finances so decided to ask here instead.

Thank you all for your posts - you have given me some great advice.

This thread can be locked now

Thank you