A Little Depressed and Worried About Work

LegacyUser

Hi all.

I was fairly sick last week with a lot of nausea and headaches and all that goes with those. I took work off as I was worried it might be infectious. However during the week I got fairly down and out about things. I felt a bit useless for not being in work (I only work 2 days a week) and just a bit disenchanted with my life in general - a feeling of not knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life and all of that. I felt a bit stressed if I'm honest between work, college and other commitments. I believe I'm not good enough.

Anyway, this kind of thinking has really got me down, so much so that I'm on the verge of tears for the last few days. I'm dreading going into work tomorrow (most of the time I actually enjoy my work; sometimes it stresses me out but it's the nature of what I do. In general, I'm content there). I just feel like I can't cope right now, with any of my current commitments (work, college and an outside contract I have).

I have a lovely boyfriend who is very supportive. We live together in our own place and due to the nature of his work, he can be away for long spells at a time (usually back at weekends, but gone all week sort of thing). He's away again this week and when he left today I just broke down at the thought of facing into another week of being alone when I'm feeling a little broken.

I'm not sure what I'm really asking for here; I feel like I need to take some time out for myself but at the same time I'm getting behind now in college (as I missed last week's lectures) and I have so much work to do between now and when my course finishes that I'd feel bad skipping out. Then there's work as well - I'm there so little of the time compared to all the rest of the staff that I feel as though I'm really letting my team down by not being there.

I feel like I should call up my team leader and explain that I've been having a few issues and I need to take some time off but it seems like such an absolute cop out; like I can't cope with the minor stresses of my life (when other people have such major issues in their lives and plow on regardless). I feel it would let me down in future or something, that I wouldn't be given heavy responsibility for fear I'd crack under the pressure or whatever.

Right now I'm just in buts feeling so so upset and not knowing what I should do about it all. I guess I'm just on here to vent to somebody. I should mention that I've had treatment for depression in the past and the last bout would have finished Summer last year. I've been coping without counselling/meds since then by being more aware of my reactions, building up my self esteem and just talking out my day to day concerns with people I trust. This is the first time since I've been off my meds that I've found that once again everything seems too big to surmount.

Has anyone ever felt in any way similar to how I've described? I'm falling into a bit of a rut and I'm unsure how to tackle fixing it this time...

Thanks for reading. Sorry it's all over the place.

Pawwed Rig

I think you know that you need to go back to your GP or therapist. No point in dealing with this on your own when help is available.

Chiquitita

HI EW,

I can totally understand where you're coming from, i'm currently in the middle of a relapse-i've suffered with anxiety and depression for years and it's back with a bang.

The first thing i'll say to you is yes other people "have real and major problems" but if you can't function and find yourself very upset at things dont you think thats a real problem? Everyone's problems are problems to them, similarly everyone has other worries, and they're theirs, doesn't mean they're any less significant. If something is getting you down then it's a problem.

I've had to make the call that you're afraid of to tell my college what's going on and theyve been so supportive which has taken that stress away. I think that you should maybe take some time out, depression is a serious thing and you shouldnt be made feel guilty for not being able to cope at the minute.

What I will say though is that like the above poster said, I think you should definitely make an appointment with your doctors and mention it to them. I let mine go too far and find myself in this position. There's no shame in having to take medication. The old cliché that everyone uses-if you had a broken leg wouldn't you take pain killers?

If you want to mail me with a registered account, feel free. Sometimes it's great to just type it all out, especially if you cant find the words to speak.

Thinking of you this evening.

Neyite

Chiquitita, welcome to Personal Issues. It is not permitted on this forum to ask posters to PM you for reasons outlined in the charter . Please have a read and familiarise yourself with the rules, as Personal Issues is a strictly moderated forum.

thefeatheredcat

OP if you haven't already then go and speak to your GP. I would recommend that you consider re commencing counseling temporarily to help you through the time now. It doesn't have to be long term, but just as a temporary measure until you feel more certain about yourself and where you're going.

You sound like you're under a lot of pressure and are juggling a lot of things. It's not a good thing in the long run, eventually some things are going to fall by the wayside and the situation spirals out of control.

The last thing you should be thinking about while sick is about letting your team at work down. That is not for you to guilt or worry yourself about, it is your team leader / manager's job to worry about how your workload is managed in your absence, same as it would for any other team/staff member going out sick or on holidays or other leave.

I would be of two minds in advising taking time out for yourself... you do need some head space, but at the same time there is a risk of disconnecting yourself from everything and everyone else socially where there is engagement that you end up feeling more isolated and feeling like there's nobody to turn to or seek advice from that you trust and runs the risk that you could dwell too much on negative things in the absence of company such as your boyfriend and engagement from friends in college / others on the course, and work colleagues.

You might have to scale back what you're doing in terms of outside contracts, which I'm not really sure what you mean, but you have to focus your time and manage your time where your priorities lie.

I know this post might come a little late from when you posted, but if you haven't done so already, I'd recommend that you speak to your course lecturers (is there a head or coordinator) and explain that you are a little behind after being out sick and are stressed with falling behind, find a way to work with lecturers to get yourself caught up;

I think you should consider speaking to your team leader about your concerns and about feeling like you have let the team down (because they can assure you that you haven't), and perhaps if they are understanding of your situation, maybe even consider if there is scope to review your work hours, like say if you are working 2 days, would they be flexible in allowing your shifts be altered, where possible? They may or may not allow this or may be inflexible, may only be open to swapping shifts or you taking holiday time but it is worth at least considering.

What matters most is your mental and physical health. Without either college and work and other committments aren't going to mean a thing if you are overwhelmed and stressed and falling into depression.

As for where to go next and bigger decisions: unless they're immediate issues that need to be dealt with, if they can be dealt with through counseling, to help clear through the confusion, then certainly. Otherwise I would wait until you are more certain of yourself, feeling less under pressure and happier and healthier with things before you make important decisions about what's next for you.

Chiquitita

Featheredcat that's one of the most supportive messages i've read.

I forgot to add in my msg that taking time out from college may be necessary to get you on track but like featheredcat said, try your very best to keep occupied with other things. College lecturers are very understanding, they're mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, friends, and they'll understand that you're finding things a bit ****ty at the moment. You're not the first and you certainly wont be the last :P