Possibly Moving Home

Motley Crue

Having been living in the UK for almost 7 years there is a real possibility I'll have to move back to Dublin. I'm living pretty close to the edge and thing's haven't been terrible but I've been fairly dependent on living from wage packet to wage packet the last couple of months.

I started off in the UK living with a partner and that relationship ended after 5 years, so for the last two I've been on my own and living in a shared accommodation. I complain about it sometimes (housemates slamming doors in the middle of the night, kitchen in a mess...that kind of thing) but overall I could be in a much worse location and we're usually able to function with a high degree of civility and respect towards one another.

The rent is paid until April as I was in a much more fortunate position then I am now when I renewed my tenancy and paid a lot of the rent in advance to obtain a discount. Since then I've lost the two jobs I was working in (one completely and one partially, though I'm being told the job will be made completely obsolete in Feb) and since Christmas I've been spending as much time as I can looking for a new position. Fingers crossed.

The thing is that without any sort of girlfriend or relationship and with no real commitments or reason to stay in the UK - and having had a fairly pleasant Christmas in Ireland catching up with the family - I'm more homesick now than I've ever been and begun questioning whether I should stay. If I do remain I don't want to sign a 12 month tenancy anywhere unless I have a job worth staying for, yet moving back to Dublin would mean moving back with my parents initially, upheaval of the whole house and starting from scratch in a sense (little familiarity, no contacts etc)

I have to face facts, I don't have the money to go elsewhere but I know that without a decent job I can't stay here (or anywhere on my own) past April. I don't want to be fighting every month just to stay in clean clothes and I'm 29 this year, I may have been set back from the end of my relationship, but I do actually want a house and a wife and all those things that improve life.

I'm posting here because I'm scared, confused, unsure about anything. Only time will tell...sure...I could get a job tomorrow and something new and wonderful could happen. But I'm still just wondering how to approach the situation of moving back to where it all began and feeling a little like I've failed.

Faith

Motley Crue wrote: »

But I'm still just wondering how to approach the situation of moving back to where it all began and feeling a little like I've failed.

See, immediately you're looking at this the wrong way. It's not failing to move back to Ireland. It's progression. You could argue that staying in London with nothing going for you is the true failing.

If you're homesick, there's no shame in moving back to Ireland. My advice would be to start looking for jobs here right now. You'd feel a lot more comfortable moving back if you had a job lined up, even if it was only to 'save face'. It doesn't sound like London is suiting you right now, and you may have a much higher quality of life back in Ireland.

Look at moving at a positive, progressive experience and it might become a lot clearer to you.

Ande1975

Op,

It's true when they say there's no place like home. We take it for granted when we are there and see all the benefits when we are away.

Like you OP, I am terribly homesick and nearly 3 weeks back, I am just as bad. I know this is unusual for me so I am working through my reasons.

If I could get a job at home I would be gone in the morning. You have no ties there and London can be a lonely place.
I've a friend who moved back from there after 15 years for that very reason. Be close to home.

It's a blessing.

LegacyUser

When I was 29, I left the UK to move back to Ireland. I had only been there two years but I didn't have any ties other than a couple of friends that I had made there... and an ex.

You may be thinking that people will "think" that you're a failure but you know, most people don't think in those types of terms - certainly friends and family don't. They'll be delighted that you're coming home.

Plenty of people move back.

I heard of someone recently who headed to Australia and set themselves up in a job, apartment etc... . after about four weeks they just thought "why am I doing this for a year here when I was happy enough doing this back in Ireland" and she moved back.

I would suggest having some form of plan in place whether that be getting a job, upskilling with a course / college and also to have a plan as to how to keep independence while living with the folks. I get on really well with mine which makes it easy.

Best of luck.

fussyonion

You are not a failure. You gave 7 years of your life to making it work in the UK, you at least went there and gave it a fair bash and now it's just coming to a natural end.

I know a lot of people emigrated because there were no jobs here and yes, many of them are now happier abroad but that's 'cos they've got secure jobs, homes, friends away with them.
If they didn't have any of those things, they'd be in the same boat as yourself.

You seem to want to come home and that's a nice thing.
Start job-hunting immediately and get the wheels in motion. Moving back in with your family is not failing..in fact, I'm sure they'd be delighted to have their son home with them while he gets his feet.

I don't think you've anything to lose by coming home.
Seems you can lose your home over in the UK if you carry on the way you are.

Stavro Mueller

I'm not seeing the failure thing either. Unless you feel that living and working in the UK is somehow better than doing the same thing here? There's nothing remotely unusual about you coming home if that's what you want. Plenty of people are happy to go live abroad for a few years but what they really want in the long run is to come back to where they're from. Flawed and all that Ireland is, it still has a lot going for it and it is home. Maybe you've had your fill of the UK and a change of scenery would do you good. Faraway hills aren't always greener so maybe starting again here is just what you need.

Merkin

I find the whole association with failure very odd. I live and work in the UK with Mr. Merkin (who is from London). We both have good careers here and are doing well but are still hoping to move back to Ireland at some stage this year. Not because we've "failed" in any way, we would both like a move to Ireland as we have a baby Merkin on the way and it would be nicer to be near our wide circle of family and friends. This to me does not constitute a failure, it's a mutual decision about what feels right to us. It wouldn't even cross my mind that it is anything but.

I think you're setting far too much store as to what you perceive other people think. Who gives a flying fig? In actuality, people are busy with their own lives and problems so I doubt you're going to be confronted by a baying mob of wenches screaming "I told you so". People will merely welcome you back, ask you out for a pint and carry on business as usual. If you want to go home then go home!