Does he like me?!

LegacyUser

I met a lovely guy recently and we texted a bit. I'm an insecure person and so I never know if the person likes me or not. He was texting me all night while he was out with friends and we said we would have a drink sometime. The texting stopped abruptly at 12 so not sure why but he was out with friends so he couldn't text all night I suppose!!! So my query is when you first meet a guy what's the acceptable amount of time in between contacting each other etc. I never know. All situations like this one that's happened to me in the past - nothing ever came of it. We were flirting in our texts and we did say about having a drink sometime... So from these does he like me???!

Merkin

Does he like me wrote: »

I met a lovely guy recently and we texted a bit. I'm an insecure person and so I never know if the person likes me or not. He was texting me all night while he was out with friends and we said we would have a drink sometime.

So Captain Vague has not been specific about when he wants to meet then? :rolleyes: "Sometime" could mean anything from next week to when nothing better comes along to never. If a guy is genuinely interested he will be anxious to confirm a date and time with you so that definite plans are in place. He'll be tripping over himself to set something in stone.

A flurry of texts that are not actually followed up does not constitute genuine interest, sorry.

Have you actually "met" this person like you say or have you "met" him online and not actually ever clapped eyes on him?

heretochat

So he probably met someone else while he was on the night out with his mates and hence why the texting stopped...

In any event I think you could be waiting a long time for this lad to firm up any "interest" he may or may not have.

The call is yours at the end of the day

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

So Captain Vague has not been specific about when he wants to meet then? :rolleyes: "Sometime" could mean anything from next week to when nothing better comes along to never. If a guy is genuinely interested he will be anxious to confirm a date and time with you so that definite plans are in place. He'll be tripping over himself to set something in stone.

A flurry of texts that are not actually followed up does not constitute genuine interest, sorry.

Have you actually "met" this person like you say or have you "met" him online and not actually ever clapped eyes on him?

No I don't do online dating. Hate the idea of going looking for a relationship. Yes I've met him in the flesh lol. Maybe he did meet someone while out but I've only just met him and we are not exclusive. Tripping over himself?! Is not that a bit desperate to act towards a person you only just met?! Not being smart here.

GreeBo

Merkin wrote: »

If a guy is genuinely interested he will be anxious to confirm a date and time with you so that definite plans are in place. He'll be tripping over himself to set something in stone.

I'm afraid I have to call bollocks on that one.
Maybe, just maybe the guy is shy too and doesnt know if the OP is interested so might not want to put himself out there and ask her out.

Maybe, since its no longer the middle ages, the OP could ask him out first?

Merkin

Ghbvhnn wrote: »

No I don't do online dating. Hate the idea of going looking for a relationship. Yes I've met him in the flesh lol. Maybe he did meet someone while out but I've only just met him and we are not exclusive. Tripping over himself?! Is not that a bit desperate to act towards a person you only just met?! Not being smart here.

Tripping over himself was a figure of speech :rolleyes: I meant a keenness to meet or an enthusiasm in showing he wants a second date as soon as possible - nothing desperate at all about that in my experience. All I'm saying is that when someone is keen you're inclined to know it. How many dates have you had with this person? After a date, if a person is interested in seeing you again then they will square up another one as soon as possible rather than leaving the other party hanging.

And yes Greenbo, I realise we survived the Middle Ages. Regardless of what anyone says, most people like a partner who is assertive and not afraid to go after what they want. Fine, if the OP believes he is crippled with shyness and wants to take the bull by the horns herself then good on her but in my experience that usually isn't necessary, if a guy likes you he will make a date or it happens fairly organically whereby he says he'd love to meet up again for example, you say cool, when suits and he says how about Thursday? None of this bullsh1tting around with texts and vague promises about going out "sometime".

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

Tripping over himself was a figure of speech :rolleyes: I meant a keenness to meet or an enthusiasm in showing he wants a second date as soon as possible - nothing desperate at all about that in my experience. All I'm saying is that when someone is keen you're inclined to know it. How many dates have you had with this person? After a date, if a person is interested in seeing you again then they will square up another one as soon as possible rather than leaving the other party hanging.

And yes Greenbo, I realise we survived the Middle Ages. Regardless of what anyone says, most people like a partner who is assertive and not afraid to go after what they want. Fine, if the OP believes he is crippled with shyness and wants to take the bull by the horns herself then good on her but in my experience that usually isn't necessary, if a guy likes you he will make a date or it happens fairly organically whereby he says he'd love to meet up again for example, you say cool, when suits and he says how about Thursday? None of this bullsh1tting around with texts and vague promises about going out "sometime".

We have not gone on a date yet, I just met him once and we flirted, text and mentioned a drink sometime. We are texting this afternoon too about how our weekend went. I think I need to just relax otherwise il scare him away.

Matteroffact

It depends on how long it has been since you bumped into him. If it is over a week, then forget it. If it is a day or two he might come back but if he went from texting you all night to nothing in the next few days, it doesn't look good.

GreeBo

Merkin wrote: »

And yes Greenbo, I realise we survived the Middle Ages. Regardless of what anyone says, most people like a partner who is assertive and not afraid to go after what they want. Fine, if the OP believes he is crippled with shyness and wants to take the bull by the horns herself then good on her but in my experience that usually isn't necessary, if a guy likes you he will make a date or it happens fairly organically whereby he says he'd love to meet up again for example, you say cool, when suits and he says how about Thursday? None of this bullsh1tting around with texts and vague promises about going out "sometime".

Again, why is it up to the guy to do this?
Why cant the guy be attracted to an assertive OP?
Why cant the OP make a date, if they like the guy?
The OP is "bull****ting around" just as much as the guy is, why is it his job to make the first move?
Why does the guy have to be the assertive one?

Again, that is all just a pile of ancient, sexist crap imo.

OP if you like him, ask him out.

Merkin

Ghbvhnn wrote: »

No I don't do online dating. Hate the idea of going looking for a relationship. Yes I've met him in the flesh lol. Maybe he did meet someone while out but I've only just met him and we are not exclusive.

Well then your thread title is a little misleading because it's hard for him to actually like you when he doesn't even really know you!! And it would be hard to be exclusive with someone you haven't actually been on a date with.

Ghjbcfjm wrote: »

We have not gone on a date yet, I just met him once and we flirted, text and mentioned a drink sometime. We are texting this afternoon too about how our weekend went. I think I need to just relax otherwise il scare him away.

You know what you need to do and that is relax. You seem to be far too invested in this considering you haven't even been out together. If he asks you out all well and good and if you feel like asking him out then do so. I wouldn't get into a situation whereby your texting for weeks ad nauseum either as that just wastes time and I think the moment passes.

LegacyUser

Text him and ask "so when do you want to get a drink?". Given he suggested going for one I don't think it'd be too forward.

LegacyUser

kasjfiwefed wrote: »

Text him and ask "so when do you want to get a drink?". Given he suggested going for one I don't think it'd be too forward.

See I'm afraid that's too forward and will scare him off. I think taking it slow and just general chit chat via texts is good for guys otherwise they will think I want a serious relationship, which I don't even want as I don't know him. I think just go with the flow and just text for a while is the way to go. I know myself I've felt the same in the past when guys were too full on so I should take a step back from it and see what happens

GreeBo

Chcvivhcc wrote: »

See I'm afraid that's too forward and will scare him off. I think taking it slow and just general chit chat via texts is good for guys otherwise they will think I want a serious relationship, which I don't even want as I don't know him. I think just go with the flow and just text for a while is the way to go. I know myself I've felt the same in the past when guys were too full on so I should take a step back from it and see what happens

Is there a "flow" at the moment though?

Being asked for a date by someone you like (he is texting you, he likes you) wouldnt scare someone off. Bringing your friends and parents to meet him would.
Ask him for a drink, text only messaging for too long leads to people building up unreasonable inner opinions of the other person, then you meet and they dont live up to those standards and it hits a sour note.

Meet the guy for a drink, then take it slowly, assuming you both still want to.

good luck.

Semele

Chcvivhcc wrote: »

See I'm afraid that's too forward and will scare him off. I think taking it slow and just general chit chat via texts is good for guys otherwise they will think I want a serious relationship, which I don't even want as I don't know him. I think just go with the flow and just text for a while is the way to go. I know myself I've felt the same in the past when guys were too full on so I should take a step back from it and see what happens

I don't necessarily agree, but however:p. This desire on your part not to seem too keen might be coming across as lack of interest maybe. When the two of you said you'd get a drink sometime, how did that conversation go? Cos if it was him that suggested it and you said something non-committal rather than take the opening and ask when, then he probably feels you've brushed him off and won't risk asking again! Maybe that WAS him asking you out in a not very confident way and he was waiting for you to agree and move the plan on?

LegacyUser

Ok small update - we have been texting since this afternoon with like an hour or so inbetween texts... And we said we would chat again very soon! So take things slowly I guess

Typer Monkey

Just ask the bloke out for a drink! What's with all the hand wringing and over thinking? You met, you liked each other, ask him when does he want to meet for a drink. He either says yes or no. You barely know each other so what have you really got to loose? It's not worth all the agonising, honestly

Stavro Mueller

The subject line of this thread is called "Does he like me?". Well unless you actually meet this guy in person and go on a date with him, nobody here can answer that question for you. I don't see how asking him out on an actual date is forward or going to scare him off. If he is genuinely interested in seeing you again he'll be delighted to be asked out. If you "scare him off" then how bad would that be? Really? There are people out there who are happy to text till the cows come home but run to the hills if they suddenly have to (gasp!) speak to another person or meet them.

Big Bag of Chips

How slowly do you want to take it? Who suggested chatting again soon?

He has suggested a drink, and I'm guessing he suggested "chatting again soon" - so there are 2 invitations to you to agree to a drink and meeting up - yet you are hanging back, waiting... for what? For him to suggest (again) with a date and time?

The more you hold back (or "take things slowly") as you put it, the less interested you will seem and the more likely he is to take the hint and move on. But then you can convince yourself that you were right and he wasn't really all that interested anyway!!

It can't be a one way street. I know you are shy, I know you are unsure, but what is the worst that can come of you saying "does any day this week suit you to meet up?"

If he keeps suggesting things, and then you don't follow up on it he could very well be posting here asking:
"Does she like me?" I've suggested a couple of times that we meet up again at some stage and she doesn't seem that keen

The replies to him would probably be along the lines of... "Sounds like she's not that interested"

Both of you seem to be waiting for the other person. He has made the 1st step - now you're waiting for him to make the 2nd and 3rd too. Contact him today and arrange a day. It's not "coming on too strong", it's not going to scare him off. He has already suggested it!! So all you have to do now is agree to it (by agreeing to a day/time/place)

LegacyUser

I'm not sure why people think I have not met - how would we get texting otherwise! It's a funny story how we met, it wasn't online or anything like that. To be honost I kinda know now that he likes me so I'm just going to wait a while. Plus I'm very busy for the next 2 weeks so I can't really go on a date anyways. Thanks all for replies, my title to the post was "does he like me" and I know now he does. Thread can be closed I guess - thanks

Big Bag of Chips

You know he likes you, so you're going to wait a while?? You do know that doesn't make sense?!! Does he know you like him?

Contact him, tell him you are busy for the next 2 weeks, but would love to meet up after that... My guess is he will take it as a brush off, and think you are making excuses, and playing games with him.

Anyway - I hope it works out for you.

Thread Locked as requested.