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what to do ?

  • 19-01-2014 12:09pm
    #1
    jungatheart
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 30 ✭


    i really don't' know what to do ? it's complicated and i'm not looking for legal advice, just a place to vent and if anyone can see any sense or way i can sort out this in my head and progress things, i'd be really grateful.

    Married for five years, together for just over 13 years. we've had our ups and downs and most people think we're really happy. the thing is we're not and especially over the past year as i've gone to psychotherapy to address some issues from my own past, the idea that i don't want to be married anymore is like a virus in my brain. we haven't talked about it directly but i know i've been quite down over the past while and my husband has some but not that much patience with it and i know it's hard for him too. we don't own a property here in ireland but do in germany where he's from and we've talked over the past few years about moving there at some stage. it's something i thought i wanted but now i feel it's probably not - it's too isolated for me and also if i'm feeling like i don't want to be married, the worse thing to do is move to another country away from the support network of friends and family. i don't even know how to start the conversation as when i tried about two weeks ago, he just got so angry and said he couldn't trust me anymore and i just feel like i'm sacrificing all the time. i'm the main wage earner and over the past few years, together we've put a lot of money into the house in germany about 120k and i just feel so overwhelmed. i'm thinking if we were to separate, i'd get nothing from the house as it's in another region even though it's joint ownership and i know he'd fight against this and also given that i'm the main earner now in our relationship, i'm thinking oh god, i'd have to pay maintenance of some sort to him. its like a nightmare, i just can't figure it. i'm so grateful we didn't have kids as that would make things so complicated. it's like how do you even start the conversation if someone doesn't want to have it at all and how to progress things when they are so complicated. my gut is telling me to take things slowly, one step at a time and not to have any assumptions. it's sad as we were so in love but now it's like too separate people.


Comments

  • #2
    galwaytown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 62 ✭✭galwaytown


    If you're nit happy there's no point prolonging the sadness.Fair enough money lost in Germany but in the long run,happiness is priceless and you'll be better off.
    Its a difficult time for you,every couple will go over the countless happy memories.But if something has Run its course it's best to let go,very difficult st the time but it'll make you a stronger person.
    Your oh is going to have to talk about things and man up.
    New Year,New Start,you Will get there in the end mentally.
    All the best!


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