Issues with my clinical Psychologist

nikinova · 16-01-2014 12:47am #1

Hello

I have the above identity problem and it has been with me from a year young age, I won't divulge too much information. I am undertaking psychotherapy who said eagerly at the start of the therapy sessions that we will explore the issues surrounding it and also do testings. Roll forward now five months - she has just given me my diagnosis (BPD) and that is what I have and that is why I cannot have relationships.

I spoke with fear that she would not help me through this as we have already talked about relationship stuff .unbeknownst to me, and that now it is up to me to figure out if I have these identity issues...one of her comments was,,,you are 40 and I am not your mother...you need to go and test out things.

Honestly this has been my worst experience in therapy, I have got absolutely NOTHING out of it and she is a qualified clinical psychologist. Her tone is always cold and she just spent time giving me hand outs and at the beginning of therapy she would start one thing and jump to another...so I could make no sense of what she was talking about.

I am left feeling abandoned - and feel that nobody can help me, my last therapist was exactly the same, started off with therapy saying she could help and then couldn't.

I did a really stupid thing after my last session with the said clinical psychologist - I felt so low and extremely upset and confused...almost as if a bubble landed on me and made things go in slow motion...so to cut to the long spiel, I overdosed, was admitted in to hospital.

DOn't know now what to do, even though I went out crying from the last session she said ring me for another appointment . I can't go back to her as she is utterly non-compassionate, cold manner and matter of fact on issues. I have no faith now what so ever and the relationship has been broken...

What to do? Run for the hills and live in a hermit hut I think

clairefontaine · 16-01-2014 1:02am

nikinova wrote: »

Hello

I have the above identity problem and it has been with me from a year young age, I won't divulge too much information. I am undertaking psychotherapy who said eagerly at the start of the therapy sessions that we will explore the issues surrounding it and also do testings. Roll forward now five months - she has just given me my diagnosis (BPD) and that is what I have and that is why I cannot have relationships.

I spoke with fear that she would not help me through this as we have already talked about relationship stuff .unbeknownst to me, and that now it is up to me to figure out if I have these identity issues...one of her comments was,,,you are 40 and I am not your mother...you need to go and test out things.

Honestly this has been my worst experience in therapy, I have got absolutely NOTHING out of it and she is a qualified clinical psychologist. Her tone is always cold and she just spent time giving me hand outs and at the beginning of therapy she would start one thing and jump to another...so I could make no sense of what she was talking about.

I am left feeling abandoned - and feel that nobody can help me, my last therapist was exactly the same, started off with therapy saying she could help and then couldn't.

I did a really stupid thing after my last session with the said clinical psychologist - I felt so low and extremely upset and confused...almost as if a bubble landed on me and made things go in slow motion...so to cut to the long spiel, I overdosed, was admitted in to hospital.

DOn't know now what to do, even though I went out crying from the last session she said ring me for another appointment . I can't go back to her as she is utterly non-compassionate, cold manner and matter of fact on issues. I have no faith now what so ever and the relationship has been broken...

What to do? Run for the hills and live in a hermit hut I think

If you have doubts about her, then you might want a second opinion on the diagnosis.

If a second opinion does confirm BPD you might find a therapist who has expertise in BPD and practises one of the newer therapies like schema or dbt.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/171566.php
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-truth-about-borderline
http://aspertypical.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/the-borderline-of-aspergers-the-similarities-between-borderline-personality-disorder-and-autism/
http://www.emergenceplus.org.uk/carers-useful-information/343-borderline-personality-disorder-a-correct-diagnosis.html

By the way, the bit I bolded is an incredible thing for a therapist to say, doubly so to someone with BPD. WOW.

flutterbye_99 · 16-01-2014 1:07am

Hi Op, can you clarify that by BPD you are referring to Borderline Personality Disorder, yeah? I am sorry to hear that you are not getting along with your therapist. It sounds as though the therapist is very much ploughing along but not bringing you with them - not stopping to make sure that you are on board with what is happening and this is a very big problem. Are you involved with other health professionals that would link in with this therapist? (psychiatrist, OT, Social worker) Is there another health professional that you would feel comfortable chatting with about how things are going with the psychologist?

A very good treatment for BPD is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I wonder if your therapist has spoken to you about this treatment? It is a very intensive treatment requiring commitment and it is not available in all counties but perhaps you need to go to your next session equipped with information about DBT and asking about whether you may be eligible to partake in such therapy?

All the best

Penny Tration · 16-01-2014 7:34am

All I can say is i completely understand why you feel the way you do. Your psychologist doesn't sound as though she's giving you what you need.

If that's the case, speak to your gp or speak to a psychiatrist and request a referral to somebody else. It might take a few attempts to meet the person you click with, but when you do, you'll improve in leaps and bounds.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 11:10am

clairefontaine wrote: »

If you have doubts about her, then you might want a second opinion on the diagnosis.

If a second opinion does confirm BPD you might find a therapist who has expertise in BPD and practises one of the newer therapies like schema or dbt.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/171566.php
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-truth-about-borderline
http://aspertypical.wordpress.com/2013/06/12/the-borderline-of-aspergers-the-similarities-between-borderline-personality-disorder-and-autism/
http://www.emergenceplus.org.uk/carers-useful-information/343-borderline-personality-disorder-a-correct-diagnosis.html

By the way, the bit I bolded is an incredible thing for a therapist to say, doubly so to someone with BPD. WOW.

Thank you so much Clare for your reply, yes I am stunned and shocked at what she said, I have evidence that she said it too and think I am going to report her. I am so lost now and feel quite abandoned and no follow up after leaving her in such a terrible state, she in my opinion has no patient skills or compassion, truly I am lost. Thank you so much for the links and I do believe I need to get a fully trained person who has the training for treating people with this diagnosis. Thank you.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 11:16am

flutterbye_99 wrote: »

Hi Op, can you clarify that by BPD you are referring to Borderline Personality Disorder, yeah? I am sorry to hear that you are not getting along with your therapist. It sounds as though the therapist is very much ploughing along but not bringing you with them - not stopping to make sure that you are on board with what is happening and this is a very big problem. Are you involved with other health professionals that would link in with this therapist? (psychiatrist, OT, Social worker) Is there another health professional that you would feel comfortable chatting with about how things are going with the psychologist?

A very good treatment for BPD is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I wonder if your therapist has spoken to you about this treatment? It is a very intensive treatment requiring commitment and it is not available in all counties but perhaps you need to go to your next session equipped with information about DBT and asking about whether you may be eligible to partake in such therapy?

All the best

Thank you flutterbye,
You know, at the appointment she showed me a video and said that this would help me understand my diagnosis and told me it would be better than her explaining..I was taken back by this. She did mention DBT and said she did not have the skills or knowledge to do this. Also...anytime I now make a complaint to her such as 'I feel really abandoned now' she retorts with 'that is to be expected from someone with BPD (borderline personality disorder)' - I truly believe that anything I say from now on in will be met from the same response - " that is to be expected from someone with BPD" Honestly I am bereft and feel totally undervalued as a patient and treated like a burden. Thanks for your reply.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 11:18am

flutterbye_99 wrote: »

Hi Op, can you clarify that by BPD you are referring to Borderline Personality Disorder, yeah? I am sorry to hear that you are not getting along with your therapist. It sounds as though the therapist is very much ploughing along but not bringing you with them - not stopping to make sure that you are on board with what is happening and this is a very big problem. Are you involved with other health professionals that would link in with this therapist? (psychiatrist, OT, Social worker) Is there another health professional that you would feel comfortable chatting with about how things are going with the psychologist?

A very good treatment for BPD is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I wonder if your therapist has spoken to you about this treatment? It is a very intensive treatment requiring commitment and it is not available in all counties but perhaps you need to go to your next session equipped with information about DBT and asking about whether you may be eligible to partake in such therapy?

All the best

green_screen wrote: »

All I can say is i completely understand why you feel the way you do. Your psychologist doesn't sound as though she's giving you what you need.

If that's the case, speak to your gp or speak to a psychiatrist and request a referral to somebody else. It might take a few attempts to meet the person you click with, but when you do, you'll improve in leaps and bounds.

Thank you Greenscreen, I am with a psychiatrist but they work together in a team (with the psychologist) and I know how my psychologist works, she will get her way and say that I am BPD and that she has done her best by me. I truly want to report her...she has damaged me more than I was before I met her...

Semele · 16-01-2014 12:15pm

Hi OP, that does sound like a very difficult and unsatisfying relationship! If you have concerns about your treatment then by all means do address it with your care team. However, that said, I'd like to just offer a slightly different perspective. I'm not saying it's right, and I don't want to do what your therapist seems to be doing in terms of putting every issue of yours down to your diagnosis and seemingly brushing it off...

However, you will probably be aware that one of the relational patterns that characterises BPD (and may form part of the process of diagnosing it) is that people can be very black and white in their thinking. This often shows up in therapy relationships or indeed any relationship as a lot of hope and optimism at first (you have touched on this idea in your post). This is the relationship/person who is going to be different and who is going to make things better etc. however, what inevitably happens is that when the gloss wears off, or the person feels misunderstood or challenged in the relationship, then the therapist or whoever is knocked off their pedestal entirely and suddenly becomes seen as another person who perpetuates the emotional abuse, neglect or misunderstanding you have so often felt. Neither perspective, either idolising the other or dismissing them as useless, is entirely fair on them, since no one is all one thing or another. An important part of therapy with BPD is for the therapist to remain consistent emotionally and practically and not get pulled into the patterns that may have been unhelpful for you in your outside relationships. This can often feel very cold to the client with BPD and is experienced as having been rejected or failed again by the therapist, who is then seen is useless/uncaring/bad.

If you can, I would really try to discuss this with your therapist again. The point of therapy is not merely to be supportive (that is a major factor, but on its own does not bring about change. This is where a formal therapy differs from supportive counselling- the latter may feel better for you but is not necessarily going to leave you any better off in your real life as it doesn't challenge any of the problems). This relationship with your therapist may be a fantastic way for you to examine how you relate to others and to work through this to a more stable, self-contained and realistic view. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that how you currently feel is not uncommon in therapy for BPD and may actually be really useful if you can stay with it and work it out in the relationship rather than ending it.

Penny Tration · 16-01-2014 12:24pm

nikinova wrote: »

Thank you Greenscreen, I am with a psychiatrist but they work together in a team (with the psychologist) and I know how my psychologist works, she will get her way and say that I am BPD and that she has done her best by me. I truly want to report her...she has damaged me more than I was before I met her...

Even if they work as a team, you can request a referral to somebody else and it will be granted. Also, it's the psychiatrist who is qualified to diagnose you, not the psychologist. If you have bpd, she should be telling you about the appropriate treatments, not be so dismissive.

I've had one psychologist similar to the one you're describing. It's terrible because it takes courage to go see one in the first place, you don't deserve to be made to feel even worse!

Please, request to see somebody else. It will get better. Once I requested a different psychologist, i improved dramatically. It's hard to fight for what you need when you're at rock bottom, but keep fighting and you'll get there.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 12:34pm

Thank you Semele for your reply. Much appreciated.

I agree that with this diagnoses 'forming of relationships' is an upward struggle and that people with BPD disorder view the world in 'black and white'. However, I feel that my therapist is brushing me off with her flippant remarks and has given up on me, she shrugs her shoulders when I say that maybe I should see someone else who can help me deal with my identity issues. She has a nonchalant air about her, as if to say; 'i have given you the information now go and work it out' - she makes it very difficult for me in sessions when she brushes off anything I say to her with the remark but that is to be expected with someone with your diagnoses. I honestly feel that if I go back to her, and broach the subject of her helping me to work through my difficulties with forming relationships or understanding my identity she will retort with the same remark...you are smart enough and old enough to work this out...Alot of her previous comments revolve around me being smart...just because I am a lecturer does not make me smart in this area...I really am at a loss as to what to do. Maybe I am not getting my message across to her, maybe she does not understand how overwhelming this is for me...I have never had a partner and now that I have hit the big 40 I am desperate to have someone in my life. I need someone to help me understand how to make relationships, how to understand my identity and why I am so scared. I feel that there will be a constant brush off anytime I complain that this is to be expected with BPD.

Honestly I feel that it is a 'get out clause' for her to dismiss me. I have no relationship with this therapist nor can I trust her, I don't think 'playing out' my traits from BPD will work in the therapy sessions and she brushes me off with her flippant remarks, I will not learn from this and will make me even more frustrated.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 12:40pm

green_screen wrote: »

Even if they work as a team, you can request a referral to somebody else and it will be granted. Also, it's the psychiatrist who is qualified to diagnose you, not the psychologist. If you have bpd, she should be telling you about the appropriate treatments, not be so dismissive.

I've had one psychologist similar to the one you're describing. It's terrible because it takes courage to go see one in the first place, you don't deserve to be made to feel even worse!

Please, request to see somebody else. It will get better. Once I requested a different psychologist, i improved dramatically. It's hard to fight for what you need when you're at rock bottom, but keep fighting and you'll get there.

Thank you Green-screen. I feel pretty broken at the moment. Honestly feel overwhelmed and saddened that I am not being heard. I feel that it is a huge uphill struggle with her. She is so nonchalant, cold and has no empathy. When I asked her if she cared, it took her about 10 seconds to think about it and in a low tone said 'yes'. I OD'd on Monday after the session, i got lost in a bubble and felt no way out. I spent a night in hosptial getting flushed out - now feel so stupid that I wanted to end it on the back of this debacle, if I can only get my message heard, that is all I want, I don't want to be tarred with the BPD brush as a 'one size fits all' approach, I want to be heard, spoken to and given help. God this is the worst situation I have ever been in, I just don't know how to get them to listen

Semele · 16-01-2014 12:43pm

It seems like you have a lot of insight into where your difficulties are and have thought this through a lot! Thanks for the extra information in your reply. You may well be right and would be better elsewhere. Even though her role is to challenge these entrenched patterns it is also her job to create a space safe enough you to be able to engage in this difficult process and it really sounds like that is missing. All the best!

Czarcasm · 16-01-2014 1:13pm

Hi nikinova,

I can only echo what green_screen has said here about speaking to your GP or trying to find another psychologist who you feel you can trust. If there's no trust there, it will have the effect of shutting you down even further and then other issues go unexplored. I understand where Semele is coming from, but I feel the important thing to point out there is that psychologists are people too, and having met enough of them myself, you'll quickly find that like in any profession, there are those that can leave their own issues, prejudices and negative judgements outside the door, and those that simply can't.

Just to give you some idea - my wife has suffered from BPD for a number of years now and the first psychologist she went to, as Semele pointed out, my wife was ecstatic that she felt she had finally found someone she could connect with, but unfortunately this didn't last too long. She asked to meet me, and pretty much right off the bat I was picking up that she was zoning in on me as the reason for my wife's issues. After her session the next week, my wife told me that her counsellor suggested that she leave me.

Now, here's the thing - I understood where her psychologist was coming from, and I knew my wife wouldn't have opened up to her about a whole lot, so I knew her psychologist could only go on the information she was being given. My wife was embarrassed about certain things and there was no trust between her and her psychologist, so her psychologist wasn't entirely at fault either.

But it did encourage my wife to seek a referral, and her GP put her in touch with a psychiatrist. She has as green_screen says come on in leaps and bounds because she now has a great relationship with her psychiatrist and she's able to open up to him and give him a much fuller picture of her as a whole person. You're absolutely spot on when you say there is no "one size fits all", and my wife who was initially on ADs has been able to slowly reduce her dosage over the last year or so. She also regularly attends group support meetings (not quite group therapy, but similar) and she has become more assertive and taking back control of her life in small steps. She has also found meditation very helpful (Apologies for the disjointed post, this is just coming off the top of my head), and is back to exercising and eating healthy and feeling much better about herself in a much more balanced way than as Semele pointed out the elated/erratic flip flopping she would've done before.

It takes time and a few tries to find the method that works for you nikinova but when you find it the rewards make it well worth all the effort.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 1:31pm

green_screen wrote: »

Even if they work as a team, you can request a referral to somebody else and it will be granted. Also, it's the psychiatrist who is qualified to diagnose you, not the psychologist. If you have bpd, she should be telling you about the appropriate treatments, not be so dismissive.

I've had one psychologist similar to the one you're describing. It's terrible because it takes courage to go see one in the first place, you don't deserve to be made to feel even worse!

Please, request to see somebody else. It will get better. Once I requested a different psychologist, i improved dramatically. It's hard to fight for what you need when you're at rock bottom, but keep fighting and you'll get there.

Czarcasm wrote: »

Hi nikinova,

I can only echo what green_screen has said here about speaking to your GP or trying to find another psychologist who you feel you can trust. If there's no trust there, it will have the effect of shutting you down even further and then other issues go unexplored. I understand where Semele is coming from, but I feel the important thing to point out there is that psychologists are people too, and having met enough of them myself, you'll quickly find that like in any profession, there are those that can leave their own issues, prejudices and negative judgements outside the door, and those that simply can't.

Just to give you some idea - my wife has suffered from BPD for a number of years now and the first psychologist she went to, as Semele pointed out, my wife was ecstatic that she felt she had finally found someone she could connect with, but unfortunately this didn't last too long. She asked to meet me, and pretty much right off the bat I was picking up that she was zoning in on me as the reason for my wife's issues. After her session the next week, my wife told me that her counsellor suggested that she leave me.

Now, here's the thing - I understood where her psychologist was coming from, and I knew my wife wouldn't have opened up to her about a whole lot, so I knew her psychologist could only go on the information she was being given. My wife was embarrassed about certain things and there was no trust between her and her psychologist, so her psychologist wasn't entirely at fault either.

But it did encourage my wife to seek a referral, and her GP put her in touch with a psychiatrist. She has as green_screen says come on in leaps and bounds because she now has a great relationship with her psychiatrist and she's able to open up to him and give him a much fuller picture of her as a whole person. You're absolutely spot on when you say there is no "one size fits all", and my wife who was initially on ADs has been able to slowly reduce her dosage over the last year or so. She also regularly attends group support meetings (not quite group therapy, but similar) and she has become more assertive and taking back control of her life in small steps. She has also found meditation very helpful (Apologies for the disjointed post, this is just coming off the top of my head), and is back to exercising and eating healthy and feeling much better about herself in a much more balanced way than as Semele pointed out the elated/erratic flip flopping she would've done before.

It takes time and a few tries to find the method that works for you nikinova but when you find it the rewards make it well worth all the effort.

I truly appreciate the time you took to put this together, every word makes sense and you know, it has really lifted me knowing that you have had first hand experience of something with this diagnoses. I feel so overwhelmed at the moment and am starting to feel maybe it is me and not the therapist...but she is not making it easy. I agree with you that diet and mental health go hand in hand and I need to push myself to get off the couch and brush off the 'feeling sorry for myself' feelings - it is easy to type this but putting it into practice is hard. I keep thinking of taking more tablets and getting back to hospital as I honestly felt so safe and understood there...but that is a cowards way out and the HSE is pushed to its limits up here, and I took a bed away from someone that needed it more than me the last time I was in. For that I feel truly disgusted and guilty with myself.

As for meditation, I did take this up and actually have been on two 8 day silent retreats in Devon! so really I am not helping myself here, I should get back to it but my head is so muddled and have no focus to sit on a cushion and meditate. Hey ho I'm just being incredibly hard on myself but I think that is easier for me than liking myself...

Thank you again for you kind and helpful reply, I wish you and your wife well,

Faith · 16-01-2014 6:34pm

nikinova wrote: »

you are smart enough and old enough to work this out...

Just a very small note on this: The therapeutic process is designed to allow the client access all of the information and to draw their own conclusions. You may be guided towards an 'answer', but your therapist isn't there to provide the answer for you. I imagine your therapist is trying to encourage you to critically analyse the situation and form your own answers when saying this.

However, if you don't feel you're getting what you need from her, then absolutely seek a referral for a new psychologist. I'm in that field myself, and I've been struck dumb by some of the clinical psychologists I've met - cold, unapproachable people who seem to have absolutely no business in the field. So even within a caring profession, there's plenty out there who're no good!

As others have mentioned, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is one of the most promising treatments for BPD, so it would be good to seek a psychologist qualified in that particular therapy. But also, for your own sake, bear in mind that feelings of abandonment or being let down are one of the main characteristics of BPD and if you find you're developing a pattern of feeling let down by therapists, it may be just a symptom of the BPD. Don't jump between psychologists without giving a good bit of thought to the whole situation (as you seem to have done here).

clairefontaine · 16-01-2014 6:50pm

Faith wrote: »

Just a very small note on this: The therapeutic process is designed to allow the client access all of the information and to draw their own conclusions. You may be guided towards an 'answer', but your therapist isn't there to provide the answer for you. I imagine your therapist is trying to encourage you to critically analyse the situation and form your own answers when saying this.

However, if you don't feel you're getting what you need from her, then absolutely seek a referral for a new psychologist. I'm in that field myself, and I've been struck dumb by some of the clinical psychologists I've met - cold, unapproachable people who seem to have absolutely no business in the field. So even within a caring profession, there's plenty out there who're no good!

As others have mentioned, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is one of the most promising treatments for BPD, so it would be good to seek a psychologist qualified in that particular therapy. But also, for your own sake, bear in mind that feelings of abandonment or being let down are one of the main characteristics of BPD and if you find you're developing a pattern of feeling let down by therapists, it may be just a symptom of the BPD. Don't jump between psychologists without giving a good bit of thought to the whole situation (as you seem to have done here).

OP, Can I also suggest to you that you read the works of Marsha Linehan, who pioneered DBT. If you do you will come across the problems of judegmentalism, it is one of the fundamental core issues in both BPD and its therapies because it is so counter to what she calls "radical acceptance." This is why I find the comments your therapist made utterly astounding. Seriously. It is the most BASIC for any therapist not to be judgemental, but BPD has its own special relationship with it.

Honestly your therapist sounds like she doesn't know what she is doing. Don't be afraid to get another one.

These kinds of statements are not ok, for anyone to say to you, let a long a therapist.
you are smart enough and old enough to work this out...
you are 40 and I am not your mother...you need to go and test out things.

And by the way - diagnosis is a flawed process. I have a friend who has had intially OCD, then changed to BPD and they are now considering an autism screening.

nikinova · 16-01-2014 7:21pm

clairefontaine wrote: »

OP, Can I also suggest to you that you read the works of Marsha Linehan, who pioneered DBT. If you do you will come across the problems of judegmentalism, it is one of the fundamental core issues in both BPD and its therapies because it is so counter to what she calls "radical acceptance." This is why I find the comments your therapist made utterly astounding. Seriously. It is the most BASIC for any therapist not to be judgemental, but BPD has its own special relationship with it.

Thank you Claire, she mentioned Marsha Linehan and she also told me she was doing a conference this month and that she would love to go to it so she could learn more about DBT. I have not looked her up yet as I am still a bit raw from the diagnosis and from her treatment...

Honestly your therapist sounds like she doesn't know what she is doing. Don't be afraid to get another one.

Thank you, I am seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday morning - but my worry here is that they all work together in a community mental health team and I feel that I will not be taken seriously as they make a kind of 'team judgement' on you. He is hugely in praise of her, saying she was a good psychologist...what hope do I have..Also, she is the only psychologist on the team

I don't know what to do.

These kinds of statements are not ok, for anyone to say to you, let a long a therapist.
you are smart enough and old enough to work this out...
you are 40 and I am not your mother...you need to go and test out things.

I am overwhelmed by what she said, I am prone to blowing things out of proportion but she did say this and I can back that up. I just don't know what to do here either, should I report her....

=And by the way - diagnosis is a flawed process. I have a friend who has had intially OCD, then changed to BPD and they are now considering an autism screening.

This blew me away...my CBT therapist of a number of years, clapped her hands in glee when she first diagnosed me,,,she was an 'OCD expert' and was happy to tell me after two session that I have serious OCD. So everything I did or said was referred to and an OCD trait...such a coincidence that now my psychologist said I do not have OCD but BPD..waiting now for some other mental health professional to diagnose me with some other convoluted diagnosis.

I reckon I am just nuts...

Really need advice on what to say to my Psychiatrist as it can be so difficult once one person gives you a diagnosis the other person will just follow suit...you get tarred with the same brush kind of thing. Should I write it all down...I just do not know

Thanks for your replies

nikinova · 16-01-2014 7:43pm

Faith wrote: »

Just a very small note on this: The therapeutic process is designed to allow the client access all of the information and to draw their own conclusions. You may be guided towards an 'answer', but your therapist isn't there to provide the answer for you. I imagine your therapist is trying to encourage you to critically analyse the situation and form your own answers when saying this.

I fully agree with you, and I am most happy to do my research on my own with her guidance, however, the guidance is lacking...she jumps from one thing to another in our 50 minute sessions without having any proper structure. One minute we could be talking about my work, the we jump to something that has no bearing on what we talked about. Once she introduced charting and pairing things on paper, then the next week she change route and we never returned to the pairs of things on paper. I asked her a few weeks later why she did not go back to that and she just said 'oh I am sorry I should have mentioned that this was not working - sorry that is my fault' well at least she admitted something. My main purpose of going to her was to understand my identity and whether I was one way or another but she said I can't answer that (two lines from two different songs!) - go out and test that.
But that is not what I want to do as I do not know how to form relationships, I do not understand what is actually wrong...I cannot be in a relationship and that is how it has been for most of my life. I just need guidance in understanding what is wrong and why am I frightened of men/ relationships etc. What can be done?? I just am so lost now.

However, if you don't feel you're getting what you need from her, then absolutely seek a referral for a new psychologist. I'm in that field myself, and I've been struck dumb by some of the clinical psychologists I've met - cold, unapproachable people who seem to have absolutely no business in the field. So even within a caring profession, there's plenty out there who're no good!

That is really reassuring to hear, I know some really fantastic doctors (my brother is one of them) who have awesome bedside manner and other doctors who have degrees, PhD and any other qualification under the sun but cannot engage with a patient. I feel that my therapist is one of them. She has a plethora of qualifications but not a caring bone in her body. Maybe this is a BPD thing but I feel she enjoys being harsh. On many occasions she will refer to her own time in therapy and that she understands what I am going through...

As others have mentioned, Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is one of the most promising treatments for BPD, so it would be good to seek a psychologist qualified in that particular therapy. But also, for your own sake, bear in mind that feelings of abandonment or being let down are one of the main characteristics of BPD and if you find you're developing a pattern of feeling let down by therapists, it may be just a symptom of the BPD. Don't jump between psychologists without giving a good bit of thought to the whole situation (as you seem to have done here).

Thank you, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday, I will talk over my concerns, although I have already done this on a few occasions and he reverts me back to the therapist to work through my concerns...this reminds me of a dog chasing his tail. Not sure how to get my message across, she is the only psychologist on the community mental health team. I also fear, she will write a negative report on me and nobody will want to touch me with a barge pole...that could be a BPD thing too...

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and your advice - greatly appreciated.

clairefontaine · 16-01-2014 7:53pm

nikinova wrote: »

Thank you Claire, she mentioned Marsha Linehan and she also told me she was doing a conference this month and that she would love to go to it so she could learn more about DBT. I have not looked her up yet as I am still a bit raw from the diagnosis and from her treatment...

Thank you, I am seeing my psychiatrist on Wednesday morning - but my worry here is that they all work together in a community mental health team and I feel that I will not be taken seriously as they make a kind of 'team judgement' on you. He is hugely in praise of her, saying she was a good psychologist...what hope do I have..Also, she is the only psychologist on the team I don't know what to do.

I am overwhelmed by what she said, I am prone to blowing things out of proportion but she did say this and I can back that up. I just don't know what to do here either, should I report her....

This blew me away...my CBT therapist of a number of years, clapped her hands in glee when she first diagnosed me,,,she was an 'OCD expert' and was happy to tell me after two session that I have serious OCD. So everything I did or said was referred to and an OCD trait...such a coincidence that now my psychologist said I do not have OCD but BPD..waiting now for some other mental health professional to diagnose me with some other convoluted diagnosis.

I reckon I am just nuts...

Really need advice on what to say to my Psychiatrist as it can be so difficult once one person gives you a diagnosis the other person will just follow suit...you get tarred with the same brush kind of thing. Should I write it all down...I just do not know

Thanks for your replies

See now that you have been smacked with the emotionally unstable female label, it's very easy for her or anyone, to not take seriously what you are saying and call it a symptom of your illness.

But it's no harm calling her out on the unprofessionalism of those comments. Tell her that you did not like what she said and tell her why.

And it will take way more than a conference with Marsha Linehan for her to be able to practise DBT or schema. And these are the only therapies that have any progress with BPD, so worth finding someone who can apply them, that is assuming her diagnosis is correct.

She may be a good psychologist in his eyes, but if you don't like her, you don't like her and that's really all there is to it.

And for what it's worth, a lot of people are terrified of relationships. Some people prefer not to be in them.

I guess there is no patient advocacy?

mustard_igloo · 21-01-2014 2:41am

Hello!

I'm sorry I know I'm a bit late on this thread but as someone who has been through a lot of counselling and as a psychology student I just had to say something.

I too have encountered psychologists who would rather be sitting there watching grass grow than help you, however, I've never encountered somebody who would have the nerve to say the things these woman has said to you.

Another thing I will say is that diagnosis can be very "trial and error". If I've learned one thing from studying psychology it's that two people can show the exact same symptoms but one may have a completely different diagnosis to the other.

Report her OP. She has made unprofessional comments towards you, and you now feel worse off for going to her. This in itself is reason enough. You have handled this situation very well, not a lot would. I know when I was going to my psychologist if a comment like that had been made i would have gotten very aggressive very quickly. She's upset you. My advice to this end would be to contact the psychological society of Ireland.

http://www.psychologicalsociety.ie/find-a-psychologist/make-a-complaint.html

They're complaints procedure is very straight forward and you won't find a nicer group of people. They are very compassionate and understanding- everything a clinical psychologist should be!! They will do everything they can to help, and I can assure you they take complaints against their members very seriously. I would definitely report her. I highly doubt you are the first person she's made these comments to, and I very much doubt you'll be the last. At least you'll know you've done what you can and you're preventing other people from being at the receiving end of her cruel remarks.

Good luck OP, and I hope the rest of your treatment goes well. Please remember that this is just a bump in the road and it'll get better

nikinova · 22-01-2014 3:07pm

mustard_igloo wrote: »

Hello!

I'm sorry I know I'm a bit late on this thread but as someone who has been through a lot of counselling and as a psychology student I just had to say something.

I too have encountered psychologists who would rather be sitting there watching grass grow than help you, however, I've never encountered somebody who would have the nerve to say the things these woman has said to you.

Another thing I will say is that diagnosis can be very "trial and error". If I've learned one thing from studying psychology it's that two people can show the exact same symptoms but one may have a completely different diagnosis to the other.

Report her OP. She has made unprofessional comments towards you, and you now feel worse off for going to her. This in itself is reason enough. You have handled this situation very well, not a lot would. I know when I was going to my psychologist if a comment like that had been made i would have gotten very aggressive very quickly. She's upset you. My advice to this end would be to contact the psychological society of Ireland.

http://www.psychologicalsociety.ie/find-a-psychologist/make-a-complaint.html

They're complaints procedure is very straight forward and you won't find a nicer group of people. They are very compassionate and understanding- everything a clinical psychologist should be!! They will do everything they can to help, and I can assure you they take complaints against their members very seriously. I would definitely report her. I highly doubt you are the first person she's made these comments to, and I very much doubt you'll be the last. At least you'll know you've done what you can and you're preventing other people from being at the receiving end of her cruel remarks.

Good luck OP, and I hope the rest of your treatment goes well. Please remember that this is just a bump in the road and it'll get better

Thank you so much for your really encouraging post, I am going to make a formal complaint about her. I spoke to my psychiatrist today and he basically told me that she is a good psychologist and has had great reports about her...so basically he was not listening to me. He made no reference to my OD that happend last week, brushed it under carpet and asked me if I was happy to go for a second opinion on my diagnoses - with a guy that was suppose to see me about 9 months ago - I really don't 'wait in hope' - What will it take for them to help me... I told him also that I would be prepared to swear on a bible in court on the comments she made and he just laughed and said...let it not come to that. That is how fustrated I am feeling and basically I feel like I am a tiny dot of dust ready to be rubbed away....ah well...

Czarcasm · 22-01-2014 3:50pm

nikinova wrote: »

What will it take for them to help me... I told him also that I would be prepared to swear on a bible in court on the comments she made and he just laughed and said...let it not come to that. That is how fustrated I am feeling and basically I feel like I am a tiny dot of dust ready to be rubbed away.... ah well...

nikinova I understand your frustration, I really do, but you need to be more direct in your counselling sessions and not allow yourself to be dismissed so easily. If you're not satisfied or there's something said that upsets you, don't shrug it off and dwell on it between sessions. Point it out there and then. If you yourself are in any way flippant about an issue, you yourself are allowing for it to be brushed under the carpet.

Having read your posts in this thread, you have a huge advantage over many in that you are incredibly self aware of yourself, but often times a person in counselling wants to nail down the answers to their specific questions without exploring any of the background which would provide a fuller context for your counsellor to guide you in examining your own mindset and coming up with answers for yourself. It really can be a long and frustrating process to unravel years of unconscious behaviour that's accumulated to the point where you are now, so I would urge you not to be discouraged, keep trying, and assert yourself when you feel you may be getting nowhere. That's the only way you're going to get out of the starting blocks, and then walk it, don't try to sprint, you're not in competition with anybody but yourself.

blatantrereg · 24-01-2014 10:21pm

It does sound like a cat chasing its tail alright. I know very little about BPD, but as far as I know psychiatrists can't do much for personality disorders. So the psychiatrist passes you to the psychologist, who coldly tells you they can't help. You go back to the psychiatrist who just closes ranks if you criticise the psychologist.

From reading this thread it seems like there are approaches that make progress with BPD, only the psychologist doesn't have the right skills. Surely the correct thing to do next would be to refer you to a specialist who does? That would seem so obvious that I feel like I must be missing something, so apologies if I am. Perhaps push for a referral to someone with the specific skills from the psychologist/psychiatrist or even a GP.

nikinova · 26-01-2014 5:53pm

******UPDATE************************
(Dear Mod, I put this post up under psychology by mistake...can you move it from there..sorry)

Firstly, thank you to everyone that has responded to my thread. Your advice and guidance was and still is greatly appreciated.

So, here is an update of what is happening. I saw my psychiatrist on Wednesday. Not to go into too much detail - I will just cut to the part where he communicated with my psychologist.

To my utter disappointment, and as I already felt would happen, my psychiatrist will not hear anything negative said about my psychologist. He told me he had spoken to her following my trip to hospital and to investigate what make me try and OD. To my horror, she suggested that I was upset with my diagnosis of BPD and that I had walked out of the session. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I honestly feel I am fighting a wall - that I have now been diagnosed with BPD and will be tarred with this brush for any dispute I have with either the psychologist or psychiatrist. I am being treated as if I am stupid, weak and an annoyance.

THe reason why I tried to OD was that nobody was listening to me, the psychologist who initially said she would help me now is leaving me to work things out for myself and I quote...she said ' you are 40 years old and I am not your mother" I will swear on a bible in court if she disputes this.

My whole reason to see this psychologist was to work out my identity, why I am so frightened of meeting men, to question my sexual identity - I AM SO LOST I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AND SCREAMING....

I am so lost right now...nobody is listening or wanting to help me.

My psychiatrist's parting words were 'leave it with me' -

I don't live in hope....

Thanks for reading this ....
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JuliusCaesar · 28-01-2014 6:23am

1. Maybe your psychiatrist will try to find another team member you can get on with, or another resource for you.

2. Why don't you attend a CMHT in your own area? The changeover can be done fairly easily.

3. You might need to read up on BPD as this might give you an insight into the issues that you are struggling with and that might be playing out in your relationships (including those with professionals).

Issues with my clinical Psychologist

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