online dating query

LegacyUser

New enough to this but quick query. If messaging someone for a month and then they just suddenly disappear and come back a month later. Do you message them back?
They found someone more interesting in the meantime I suppose?

What he told me he had things going on, not sure if bs or not. So many b****ters on those sites!
Anyway got textin and told him did not want to meet as had gut feeling he had feelings for ex
Tried to cancel numerous times but in the end he persuaded me to meet him.Date went well although I knew at end he was not interested even though there was kissing.prob too much!
He texts me for a few days and suddenly stop,..Then I get a text he needs to clear his head.. bs as seen him on pof a few days later ha.He is def new to it!
I know he is only looking for a fling and I know I came onto strong.
I guess I got too emotionally attached!

So maybe should not bother replying if there is a lapse? Advice please:)
And Yes I know it was only one date!!

Merkin

Anyone who displays even a hint of flakiness should be ignored and blocked, why even bother? If someone is keen and mentally stable/not prone to pathological lying then they won't flake on you. A simple but effective rule of thumb in my experience.

Stavro Mueller

So just to boil this down to the bare bones: you finally went on a date with this guy despite some misgivings. You snogged the faces off each other but despite this you felt he wasn't interested. He texted a few days later to say he needed to clear his head? And you feel he's only looking for a casual fling. He hasn't made contact since but he has continued to be active on dating sites.

To me this is an open and shut case of "he's just not into you". There's nothing whatsoever to stop him getting back in contact if he wants to. You know that "I need to clear my head" excuse is just bull-shine and a way to fob you off. So why are you still trying to persist with this? He's only after a casual fling so you should take him at his word and stop hoping that he's going to change his mind. You are way too invested in this for your own good.

Merkin

The OP said the guy in question is only looking for a casual fling whereas she is not.

Stavro Mueller

Whoops. I misread that part. Thanks Merkin Anyway, the casual fling part of the story just reinforces my original answer. Why bother pursuing this guy? Even if you do "prod" him into making contact again it's only going to be a matter of time before you're back to square one.

whirlpool

If you put all your eggs in one basket, you're going to be depressed when that basket disappears.

Try a few different baskets. And keep some eggs for yourself.

JaneeMack

He is defo a player + a time waster. Run a mile.

m'lady

He's a head wrecker... Move on. I agree what a previous poster said- don't keep all your eggs in one basket. Have fun, and don't put too much effort into the whole thing- that way you will be enjoying it and having fun!

beks101

Jesus, what an utter moron.
Not into you but into the attention when things are quiet.
Don't walk into a dysfunctional, damaging relationship with your eyes closed.
If someone wants you they will make it clear.
Wide. Berth.

GreeBo

Personally I have no problem with someone disappearing and then coming back, if you had just been chatting online before.

I was talking to a few people before I met my girlfriend and knew that I wanted to be with her so stopped talking to anyone else.
That said I did tell the other girls that I had met someone and wouldnt be meeting them again.

I think its the nature of the beast tbh, you chat to a few people at the same time, hit it off with one of them and stop using POF for a while, then it doesnt work out and you are back using it.
Its a little "in your face" when someone tells you they have met someone else or when they suddenly start contacting you again but you just need to accept it I reckon.

OP your fella does sound like he is either a flake or just confused, I was a confused person when I started on POF after a long term relationship ended, found it difficult to know how I was feeling about people, so I wouldnt just mark him as a flake for that.

Anyway, it seems you are not into each other...so move on?

Geomy

Hi OP,

I met a lovely lady on pof a month and a half ago, it was all in we were doing stuff in a few weeks that most people do 5 or 6 months in.

We were very intense, shed then go cold for a few day's id text her after a day or two and she'd text back, I can't be doing this ttyl....

I'd be hanging on then wondering what's up....

I'm not a guy who would be poking or picky id just leave her alone. ...

A day later were all intense and meeting up again, and the pattern would go like that, like a wave, up and down up and down. ...

No consistency, I had enough of this twoing and frowning, I called it off.
I just need someone consistent and grounded and not all about me one day and not bothered for 3....

It was like I was being tagged along and when she was bored with whatever was going on for the days she wasn't communicating intensively she was back onto me. ...

Roller coaster ride, I prefer a long drive in the country. ...

The strange thing is I still think about her and she's typically absolutely gorgeous and a ball of fun, but I can't trust the situation. ...

Maybe meet a guy who you feel more secure with :-)

LegacyUser

Thanks guys.
Just to make it clear I am not pursuing this guy.It was more of venting process.
I'm not making excuses for him but think he is v confused after the split as one poster mentionned.
He really persuaded me to meet him despite my efforts and gut instinct not to went ahead.
I think he was prob the first one I invested so much of myself into which I will not be doing again.
Moral of the story - go with gut instinct, it is always right.:)

Rubylolz

Been stung by alot of people like that hot and cold... unfortunately I'd be weary that your being strung along, I figure if its right it shouldnt take so much thinking and analysis...