How did you meet your bf/gf/partner?

Thriftshoppin

Morning folks.
Here is a thought-provoking thread for you all. Recently I've deleted all my gay apps such as grindr, gaydar, plenty of fish etc. I've tried the no strings approach and it doesn't do much for me. I'm much more a one person type of guy... Never liked sharing toys when I was a youngster either :-)
When I got a smartphone 2 years ago I thought, wahey, this is it.. Finally I'll be able to find a like-minded guy that I'd invest friendship, trust and possibly more in. However, it seems most of my efforts have been futile. I did strike up a good platonic friendship with a lad via grindr (which is rare I know)... But apart from that, I feel like I failed at these online profiles. All I ever attracted were lads after a quick bit of fun. This really surprised me because most of them were closeted and I can't fathom the idea that their motives were purely sexual... Like, the closet is a lonely place regardless of how many north face jackets you have.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, I found myself wasting so much time checking my apps daily and it was doing little for my self esteem so I decided to chuck them!
My question to you all is where and how did you find your past/ current partner?
I need to know that there is hope for me yet.
Cheers

floggg

Closeted guys are more likely to want anonymous NSA sex in my experience.

Most closeted guys want to avoid anything that has a risk of outing or exposing them. Dating and relationships require a degree of visibility which might deter a lot of closeted guys for that reason.

While NSA also carries a risk, there's less visibility, and ultimately there are itches that need to be scratched. And one general doesn't think rationally when thinking with the other head.

So if (and when I previously was) in the closet and determined not to be outed NSA, or at best a regular f**k buddy would be all I would really want.

And when you are closeted and happy to be so, you've already made a decision to sacrifice your love life in favour of the perceived benefits and safety of the closet. So it's not like closeted people see romance as a priority in their lives.

Anyway, all that said I met my bf on grindr. You can actually meet some good folks on there as long as you stay away from the headless torsos and use a bit of good old fashioned conversation to weed out the time wasters.

If you are expecting to find hundreds of Prince Charmings within a 5 mile radius though, then your expectations, and not grindr, are the problem.

Ten of Swords

I tend to keep people at arms length and don't let myself get too attached. It's just who I am and it works for me. For that reason meeting people online NSA generally suits me.

To cut a long story short I was introduced to my ex last January. I am out to anyone that knows me, I don't broadcast it but it's no secret either. My ex was not out and was frankly terrified by the thought of people finding out about him, only his closest friends knew and one of those friends was an acquaintance of mine. It turns out I had already met my ex once before. I didn't remember, I hadn't even spoken to him that time, but I caught his attention somehow and he remembered me. He confided in our mutual friend that he liked me. Our friend told him, much to his surprise, that I'm gay but advised him to keep his distance (various reasons)

Eventually my ex wore him down and he finally caved and introduced us. There was no spark but we got together for sex a few times, then more frequently, until eventually he told me that he had feelings for me and wanted more than just a no strings arrangement. I realised he meant a lot to me too so I ignored my better judgement, and he ignored the advice our friend gave him, and we were suddenly together as a couple (but he kept it secret from everyone)

It lasted until August. I will admit the end was bitter and has again soured my view of relationships. I've gone back to online NSA since then, I don't feel like getting hurt again any time soon.

OP, my ex and I managed a relationship for nearly seven months despite our very different attitudes, based on that alone I believe anyone can can find someone to be happy with, I think you'll be fine!

Good luck

Thriftshoppin

Thriftshoppin wrote: »

My question to you all is where and how did you find your past/ current partner?

I stopped trying to find someone in my life - and then I ended up finding people.

Rather I concentrated on improving my own life and myself. Physically - mentally - spiritually - emotionally - whatever. I just concentrated on getting a little bit better at things each day.

And as part of that I focused heavily on the social side of all my hobbies. Any hobby I had I tried to become more social at it. Rather than trying to learn a language - join groups trying to learn that language together. Rather than learn guitar in your bed room - get into jamming sessions. So on so on - you get the picture.

Since I loved live music a lot I started going on to the websites of music I liked and organising "meet ups" before gigs for people on the forums there. It was actually through doing that that I made a lot of friends and eventually met my current partners.

So when people ask me these days how I would advise them to meet a partner - I generally tell them "stop trying" - usually with good results. Meeting a partner is an event along your chosen paths in life - not a destination of one of those paths.

Rick_

I don't have one, but like the OP, I have deleted any apps and profiles I had online and am concentrating on myself this year. Losing some weight, getting in shape and being more outgoing and social. If I meet someone whilst doing those things, so be it. If not, at least I'll look prettier later in the year when I make new profiles and have better pics to advertise myself to all the lads!

But in all seriousness, I don't have anyone and am not looking for someone at the moment. Sorting myself out first. Long overdue.

If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?

BuffyBot

There is no magic formula. Doing X and not doing y won't equate to success. Trial, error, trial, error and repeat over and over.

The point is not to focus entirely on the goal, but to look at what you can get out of it also. New friends, new experiences and perhaps (if you're lucky) someone new. Either way, you'll probably end up richer for it.

Many people meet their partners online, some even on the more rough and tumble parts of the web, or the skeezy hook up parts. Some meet them offline. Some in bars. Some in the coffee shop around the corner.

There is always hope.

mnlad

like the other posters on here, i had a few nsa meet ups in the past that never satisfied me, but those times i realise now i wasnt happy in myself and hadnt accepted myself for being gay, i sorted myself out left the whole nsa lookup sites etc.. and began to accept myself and became a whole lot happier in myself and lead me to finally accepting myself, some time after i of course ventured back onto grindr where i met my current boyfriend of 18months and first... and its going fantastic, but i think stop looking and it will find you

Alfasudcrazy

Ive been looking for a relationship too - all guys like hottie below can apply and will receive favourable consideration.