Has a woman bought her own engagement ring

HenryByron01

Hi My ex wife bought her own engagement ring. Is this normal for a woman to buy her own engagement ring? I felt terrible about her doing it and maybe thats one of the reasons she is now my ex wife. I felt so undermined and my pride of being a man was undermined. What do you think????

HenryByron01

Do you know of any women that bought their own engagement ring?

Moonbeam

As in she paid for it as money was tight or she actually went out on her own and bought it? did you propose?

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

Heh. I know of one couple, where the woman wanted one particular ring, which was very expensive. The groom-to-be said he couldn't pay that for an engagement ring, so she said she'd pay half. Which she did.

HenryByron01

My ex wife was in a complete hurry to get married. She had a very well paid job and I had a very low paid job. I wouldnt have been able to afford it as I would have to save for a couple of months at least. So off she went and bought her ring. We were talking about getting married and off she went. She then was like when are you going to ask my dad??????? And drove me up to ask him, I felt completely under pressure and I felt my whole male ego had been shattered.

Wedgie

My other half bought her own, as she knew that I'd never buy her one!

It worked for us.

Gatica

On topic, don't know any girl that bought own ring, there's a certain romance in being got the ring, as much as we like our equal rights. :rolleyes:

Off topic..

HenryByron01 wrote: »

My ex wife was in a complete hurry to get married. She had a very well paid job and I had a very low paid job. I wouldnt have been able to afford it as I would have to save for a couple of months at least. So off she went and bought her ring. We were talking about getting married and off she went. She then was like when are you going to ask my dad??????? And drove me up to ask him, I felt completely under pressure and I felt my whole male ego had been shattered.

I think from limited information all I can venture at is that her buying own ring wasn't the telling sign for trouble, it's everything else that you mentioned.
"She was in a hurry to get married" - you make no mention of yourself.
"Off she went" - doesn't sound like much consultation or discussion around it.
"Drove me up to ask him" - seriously?! what's the point of asking, she already decided.
"I felt under pressure/undermind/ego shattered" - well, it's not a very good start to marriage.

Sorry to say that while every marriage may have a few cracks it doesn't sound like you guys even had a solid foundation to begin with if she made you feel so negative about yourself. It may be just as well, and I really hope that you're happier for it and have moved on.
I hope this post doesn't come across as being too harsh.

Addle

Walkin' Talkin' Stephen Hawkin wrote: »

Heh. I know of one couple, where the woman wanted one particular ring, which was very expensive. The groom-to-be said he couldn't pay that for an engagement ring, so she said she'd pay half. Which she did.

I'd say that's common enough.

It's just a ring. Wouldn't have thought it was that big a deal who paid for it.

ABajaninCork

Wedgie wrote: »

My other half bought her own, as she knew that I'd never buy her one!

It worked for us.

Lovely. Why wouldn't you buy your wife a ring?

Addle wrote: »

I'd say that's common enough.

It's just a ring. Wouldn't have thought it was that big a deal who paid for it.

Typical male post. No it is NOT just a ring. The e-ring represents a promise to marry. Of course, it's a big deal! Dear me...

And NO! I would NEVER buy my own e-ring. (Mind you, my husband wouldn't even think about me buying my own). To me, that's just tacky.
OTOH. If the fiancee want to put money towards the ring, then fine if both parties are happy. But again - seems very tacky to me. IMO the fiance buys what he can afford. It's silly to put yourself in hock just so the fiancee have have a huge fcuk off rock to show off...

Middle Man

HenryByron01 wrote: »

My ex wife was in a complete hurry to get married. She had a very well paid job and I had a very low paid job. I wouldnt have been able to afford it as I would have to save for a couple of months at least. So off she went and bought her ring. We were talking about getting married and off she went. She then was like when are you going to ask my dad??????? And drove me up to ask him, I felt completely under pressure and I felt my whole male ego had been shattered.

Well if that was the case, I would have dumped her on the spot! To me it's sounds like plain manipulation!

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

I thought the traditional way was one months wages for the groom-to-be.

Addle

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Typical male post.

I'm not a male.

And ultimately it is 'just' a piece of jewellery.
If you never got the ring you have, would it really affect your relationship?
Do you place that much importance on something so superficial?

Stheno

Walkin Talkin Stephen Hawkin wrote: »

Heh. I know of one couple, where the woman wanted one particular ring, which was very expensive. The groom-to-be said he couldn't pay that for an engagement ring, so she said she'd pay half. Which she did.

I'm currently seperated but in a long term relationship, and if we do get engaged, I want one particular ring (see other quote also) Jewellery is incredibly personal to me and that ring is incredibly expensive so for me, it would be more the occasion of either asking my OH to marry me (he's very shy) or being asked to marry him, who paid for the ring is irrelevant, it's a momento of the day we agreed to marry, I'd be one who would mark it with either a good suit, watch, etc for my partner, so you have something to cherish that moment with.,

I know given my OHs personality, and our relationship, that should I ever want us to be married, that I will simply ask him if it's something he really agrees about, then I'll arrange a weekend where we will formalise it, and go away, constrained by the fact there are very few jewellers who sell the ring I want, so I'll prearrange that, and he will pay for it out of our joint account, and I will jump up and down having a piece of jewellery that I have wanted since I was a teenager (I have horrendeously expensive taste in jewellery)

For me, a marriage ring is a sign of commitment, an engagement ring is an extravagance, but by god I love it and will happily contribute to/pay for that.

What better start to a life long commitment? going to wait for the next leap year, and intend it will be a very very special weekend where we agree to make that commitment.

Weirdly, I will give him the ring if I pay for it, and I'd like him to do a post proposal just for the romance of it

p.s. I'm female, if you didn't realise, am not

Walkin Talkin Stephen Hawkin wrote: »

I thought the traditional way was one months wages for the groom-to-be.

Three is the tradition

ABajaninCork

Addle wrote: »

I'm not a male.

Apologies. Some posters mistake me for a geezer too!

Addle wrote: »

And ultimately it is 'just' a piece of jewellery.
If you never got the ring you have, would it really affect your relationship?
Do you place that much importance on something so superficial?

Like I say. An e-ring is NOT just a piece of jewellery to me. And yes - WE place a lot of significance on the rings. My e-ring was a sign of my promise to marry my husband. And my wedding ring is a sign of the promises we made to each other when we married.

And if you think that's superficial? Then I say 'Good Luck' to you. That's your business.

Stheno

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Like I say. An e-ring is NOT just a piece of jewellery to me. And yes - WE place a lot of significance on the rings. My e-ring was a sign of my promise to marry my husband. And my wedding ring is a sign of the promises we made to each other when we married.

.

Having failed to sustain one marriage, and hoping (with no rush tbh, we are together five years) to have another largely due to my OH having a desire to be married, I agree with you

An engagement ring day to day is a sign you are committed to someone and happy to make that commitment.

Being pedantic and looking back on my post, I want it marked in a particular way with a particular piece of jeweller.

If I ever propose or he does the following will happen:

1. Weekend away where we will announce it to family on facebook
2. Ring will be pre-ordered so we have to collect it, so a mini break in Belfast or Kilkenny
3. Mini break just for us

For me it's about us, not money, the glitz whatever, it's the commitment, and if you can commit that's key.

Senecio

My wife had no interest in an engagement ring. We took the money and bought our first plasma TV with it.

Had nothing but trouble with the TV so I sold it on eBay 2 years later just before the warranty ran out. There's a look of horror on peoples faces when I tell them that.

Thankfully the marriage lasted longer than the TV. 12 years married in March.

Wedgie

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Lovely. Why wouldn't you buy your wife a ring?
/quote]

Honestly, I would never have given it a thought.

ABajaninCork

Senecio wrote: »

My wife had no interest in an engagement ring. We took the money and bought our first plasma TV with it.

Had nothing but trouble with the TV so I sold it on eBay 2 years later just before the warranty ran out. There's a look of horror on peoples faces when I tell them that.

Thankfully the marriage lasted longer than the TV. 12 years married in March.

That's fair enough. My friend didn't want an e-ring either (much to the relief of her husband! ). She just had a lovely three-colour wedding ring instead. Sadly, they're divorced now.

What did you do with the telly money, then?

whatdoicare

I love my engagement ring. My now husband picked it out and paid for it. He was proud to do that and I am proud to show my ring and tell people so. My husband loves to tell people the story of how he found it and all the work he had to do to size it and hide it and book the way to propose. (I wont say how as it's all over the internet) long story short it's a happy memory for both of us. I dont know how much he paid and I don't care.

My friend did the opposite she wanted a particular ring. She bought it but left it up to finance to propose with it and was warned to make up for not buying ring in the way he asked. He proposed in a hotel. She was happy, I assume he was happy but she doesn't advertise the fact he didn't buy it. I think it might be a sore point to them. They got married anyway so all good.

Senecio

ABajaninCork wrote: »

That's fair enough. My friend didn't want an e-ring either (much to the relief of her husband! ). She just had a lovely three-colour wedding ring instead. Sadly, they're divorced now.

What did you do with the telly money, then?

Didn't get much for it from memory. Conscience got the better of me so I advertised it as faulty. I think we put it towards a nice meal out.

Roxirose

We went ring shopping together and then used our money to buy it. Worked out perfectly as we share all our finances anyway

Gambas

Roxirose wrote: »

We went ring shopping together and then used our money to buy it. Worked out perfectly as we share all our finances anyway

Same as that. Joint bank accounts long before getting engaged.

Have to say I despair at people suggesting that someone should be expected to fork out 3 months wages to put a shiney thing on his partners finger.

Jerrica

Joint payment here too. I had an idea of what I wanted, it was edging on the expensive side so by buying it jointly it was a reasonable cost for both of us.

homemadecider

Yep, joint payment here too. We spent 4k between us, I got a ring and he got a posh watch.

Gatica

ABajaninCork wrote: »

That's fair enough. My friend didn't want an e-ring either (much to the relief of her husband! ). She just had a lovely three-colour wedding ring instead. Sadly, they're divorced now.

What did you do with the telly money, then?

I didn't want an engagement ring, but he was the opposite. I had a particular wedding in ring in mind which didn't really go with a second ring, but for my OH it was a matter of pride to get me the engagement ring that we could show friends/family. I did find one I liked, so he got me that, and just ended up getting different wedding band.

Sleepy

I had an idea of what she'd like and when I thought I'd been caught looking at rings on-line asked for her input in choosing one (she was standing over me whilst I'd rings on the laptop screen so I presumed she'd seen them). I don't think I've ever made a mistake that saved me so much money... the rings I was looking at were multiples of the cost of the one she chose (and adores) in the end!

Honestly, if she'd come out with some metric of how much I "should" spend on a ring, it'd have been the end of the engagement. A friend is going out with someone who makes no secret of the fact that she expects a ring to have a 5 figure price tag "at least" :rolleyes:

Have to say ABajaninCork, I'm getting a real giggle out of the shorthand "e-ring", sounds like an engagement ring you can download from iTunes!

happywithlife

I have paid for mine
To be fair, my husband did buy the first himself, but it got lost and as we were between rental accommodation at the time, we had no house ins to cover it :-(
So when it came to buying the replacement, I pretty much paid the majority of the price tag cos I was the main earner at the time. Never gave it a second thought.

Teyla Emmagan

A friend of mine got engaged, married etc. A few years later she turned up with a different ring. Turned out she didn't like the original one, so she went out and bought herself a new one. Just turned up with it one day, told her husband she was putting the other one, that he bought and proposed with, in a drawer.

Personally I thought it was a tad insensitive, to be fair.

Malari

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

A friend of mine got engaged, married etc. A few years later she turned up with a different ring. Turned out she didn't like the original one, so she went out and bought herself a new one. Just turned up with it one day, told her husband she was putting the other one, that he bought and proposed with, in a drawer.

Personally I thought it was a tad insensitive, to be fair.

That's not really an engagement ring then, is it? She just bought a new piece of jewellery for herself!

I think I'd get a ring to signify our marriage (because I like rings) and he would get a watch, sharing the cost of both. Not necessarily an engagement ring and wedding ring, just one piece of jewellery to cover everything.

eviltwin

I don't have an engagement or wedding ring, I have a nice ring from years back my husband gave me for Christmas and one I bought myself when I got my first job. Anymore would feel like too much so we used the money for a holiday.

To hear some people talk about rings you'd think it's essential, that you lack commitment or love if you don't buy one. It's just not that big a deal for some and nothing wrong with that.

cute_cow

Myself and my husband split the cost of the ring between the 2 of us. I didn't want him spending all his money on it, so I decided to chip in half. In saying that, I can't imagine buying my own ring, it's not something I would do, but I suppose each to their own!

sawdoubters

is it normal no

has it been done yes

some even buy the wedding ring