MOTHER INLAW LAW FROM HELL

vanessamee

Am I the only one who's mother in law is a complete Cxxt.

The Backwards Man

I saw six men beating up my MIL the other day. A passer by says aren't you going to help? I says, Na, six should be enough.


I took the MIL to the Chamber of Horrors in Madam Tussauds. The attendant says 'Keep her moving Sir, we're stock-taking.

RIP Les Dawson.

frag420

Take my mother in law for example.......












No seriously, take her!!

The Backwards Man

I haven't spoke to the MIL in years. We never fell out, I just don't like to interrupt her.

LAWYER to his client: “Your mother-in-law passed away in her sleep. Shall we order burial, embalming or cremation?”
Son-in-law: “Take no chances ? order all three.”

vanessamee

She was bearable until we got married now she is like a bad smell that just turns your stomach and forgot to mention she is only my hubbys evil step mother

Bradt Pitt

My mother in law says when I die she's going to dance on my grave


I'm being buried at sea

wretcheddomain

Just be honest with her, tell her to f*** off and then she won't badger you again.

The Backwards Man

I can always tell when the MIL is coming to visit. The mice throw themselves on the traps.

pebbles21

We had to find a plot in Glasnevin cemtery to bury my Dad last year..AFAIK There is well over a million people buried in there...and where does he end up?...Right next to his Mother in Law!

vanessamee

Can't tell her. To **** off as my father in law is a pure sweet heart and she will stop him calling to see my kids as we all know its easier to agree with any woman than listen to the rant and raving as it never ends with that woman

Ken.

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law.
During their vacation and while they were visiting Jerusalem, George's mother-in-law died.
With the death certificate in hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the States for proper burial.
The Consul, after hearing of the death of the mother-in-law told George that the sending of a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive. It could cost as much as $5,000.00. The Consul then advised that in most cases the person responsible for the remains normally
decides to bury the body here. This would only cost $150.00.
George thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do."
The Consul, after hearing this, says "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price."
"No, it's not that," says George. "You see, I know of a case many years ago of a person that was buried here in Jerusalem. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance.

BNMC

Shag her daughter. That'll learn her.

The Backwards Man

BNMC wrote: »

Shag her daughter. That'll learn her.

*click*

That's the sound of me getting the joke five minutes later.:pac:

Courtesy Flush

vanessamee wrote: »

Am I the only one who's mother in law is a complete Cxxt.

To be fair ive seen a few sons and daughters in law who are complete cnuts too

kowloon

Feed me more MIL jokes!

vanessamee

Well I was a lovely daughter in law to her always nice and bending over backwards for her and in return I was treated like ****e stuck to her shoe

B_Rabbit

vanessamee wrote: »

Well I was a lovely daughter in law to her always nice and bending over backwards for her and in return I was treated like ****e stuck to her shoe

Were you bending over backward for her son though?

The Backwards Man

kowloon wrote: »

Feed me more MIL jokes!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuFy3iCZ3x8

Ken.

kowloon wrote: »

Feed me more MIL jokes!

Two lifeguards are working together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman who has drifted out a little too far. He begins to get up to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and holds him back.
The first lifeguard says,"Why are you holding me back? We have to go save that woman!"
To which the other replies, "Don't worry. That woman is my mother-in-law."
"Are you trying to kill her?"
"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent. Just watch."
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman, and ride her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing her.
"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked the first lifeguard.
"Professional courtesy."

A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a very mean looking dog on a leash. Behind that were 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand her curiosity.
She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral procession like this. Whose funeral is it?"
The woman replied, "Well, that first hearse is for my husband."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."

Disney TT

No you are not. I have one of the worlds bitchest mother in laws ever. So your not alone.

The Backwards Man

Disney TT wrote: »

No you are not. I have one of the worlds bitchest mother in laws ever. So your not alone.

I don't get it?

Capt'n Midnight

Mother in law is an anagram of Woman Hitler.

Pumpkinseeds

Fingers..twitching...to..type..must..resist..urge..to..comment..husband will read this thread

emeldc

I went to London to visit my mother in law the other day,
she lives in Birmingham but she looks better from London.

Banjoxed

vanessamee wrote: »

Well I was a lovely daughter in law to her always nice and bending over backwards for her and in return I was treated like ****e stuck to her shoe

Lemme guess, she's filed you in the "Not good enough for my precious son, harrumph" file. That, or some completely intangible attribute of yours p*sses her off, but wouldn't bother any reasonable or intelligent person? Welcome to the screwed up world of passive aggressive (some) Irish Mammies.

Stavros Murphy

I just fell out with her when me and the missus were only dating. Kinda like ripping off a plaster quickly. Saved a lot of long term irritation/pain. Blissful silence from that department ever since. I'm rude to her whenever she phones up looking for her daughter, just to keep the effect going.

Talib Fiasco

Good ol' Biggins I recall had legendary stories about his MIL in the stingiest thread here :rolleyes:

My mother is law is so stingy I have barred her from our home.

Among many, many things, when my wife was young, the mother was so stingy, the daughter (and her sisters) had to spend her babysitting money in order to buy food to feed herself weekly.
The mother would NEVER buy toys for the kids, only give them what was donated or shared.
The mother was and still is so stingy that (after I had words with her) for the wifes birthday she actually went and bought a €9.99 doll for her birthday. A cheap plastic doll.
She never buys Christmas cards, Birthday cards (or presents), never buys anything to keep her home clean, never cleans (I refuse to let my kids enter her home), never buys anything of a personal hygiene nature, I could go on...

Where is her husband? For many years he was in the army and was away a lot. When he came home - he saw how things were and stayed away from there too (and who could blame him!).

When the wife moved out of home and moved in with me, the mother turned up at our door a week later and asked the daughter if she would still be handing up part of her weekly wage to the mother!
I won't repeat the words of expression I used to the mother in law, I'll leave that to your imagination.
She tried begging for money too after that - I had just two words for her each time.

You want to meet a stingy person, I'll introduce you to one of the scummiest best (or worst - depending on perspectives).

The day she dies, I'll spit on her grave and sing "Hallelujah".

moral

All is well until you are tour manager for satans sister

Toots

Am I the only one who has a lovely mother in law?

Hitchens

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry as I watched my MIL drive my brand new Merc over a cliff

Tordelback

Toots* wrote: »

Am I the only one who has a lovely mother in law?

Nah, mine's a gem, a lovely woman. My wife's MiL on the other hand...

Irishmale0399

My missus (a German) gifted me with a wonderful mother in law, always had a drink in the fridge, an apple tart to make me feel at home, always stuck up for me if we had a row.......had many a session with her on a Saturday night.......unfortunately she passed away 2 years after we met. The woman had her life infront of her however the ould cancer beat her, at the time of meeting her, we didnt know she had already been told that she had 2 and a half years max., she just got on with life and christ did she enjoy herself.

Well the father in law went looking for a new bird soon after her death and soon presented the Monster in Law......christ she is an East German Communist, Hiltlers little sister.........

moral

All is well until you are tour manager for satans sister

WilyCoyote

I love MIL jokes but must admit that mine was the best I could have. She genuinely liked me and I liked her.
Just the luck of the draw.
But I think that they look differently on daughter in laws.
Probably because women understand women

exador

I bought mine a lovely chair for Christmas...Still waiting for her to plug it in

jamezy

Sorry to hear it OP. Not to rub it in but my GFs parents are absolutely sound and i am very VERY thankful for it.