Would it make things awkward in work?

pencilsharp

Ok, here it goes! I work in a big enough company where its all about professionalism, it is not a relaxed environment. Over the last 8 weeks I've been working very closely with a junior colleague, I'm his boss. Before this I always thought he was a bit boring and lazy and I'd noticed that he'd started taking credit for other peoples' ideas.

We had a Christmas party in December, just before I started working more closely with him and everyone was a bit tipsy, including myself. Myself and himself starting getting on really well and we were having great crack. He was really kind to me (in work staff aren't very chatty with me, they treat me as their boss and I treat them as employees), whereas he tried to include me that night. He also mentioned that he thought I could do with a boyfriend and that I should try a bit of flirting!- I don't know if he meant flirting with him!!

When we were back to work on the Monday I realized I'd been too quick to judge him and saw a different side to him. We started working on that project and we would go to coffee together and he'd ask me about what I did on my weekends and we'd start talking about common interests etc. I've grown to fancy him and think I would like us to be more than friends, but I don't know if he fancies me or if it would compromise my position in the company.

My best friend in work thinks I'm mad and its just a crush because I haven't had a relationship in a long time. She doesn't think he has the same feelings about me, she believes he only sees me as a friend. But I can't stop thinking about him! I'm driving myself mad, I honestly can't stop thinking about us being in a relationship and what it would be like. But I'm afraid of two things- due to the professionalism of my company could I ruin my position there and if I tell him how I feel could I ruin our new friendship? Also I'm his boss could it be seen as inappropriate to make a move on an employee?

We are heading out in two weeks time for a staff members leaving party, should I start flirting and see if he picks up on it? I have done a bit of very subtle flirting but I don't know if hes noticed he hasn't responded like he has or maybe hes just ignoring it.

What do people think?

Balaclava1991

Go for it. You only live once. Nobody else at work has to know so don't tell them if that makes things awkward. Don't tell your "best" friend all your secrets. Be more secretive and tell her a few white lies and if you and this guy get together act like nothing is going on. Keep your private life private and everything should be grand. Agree that your relationship at work will be purely professional and then outside work do what you like. If it gets serious then you can stop walking on eggshells. If it is just a fun fling then keep it quiet. Look at it this way. You are hard working and life can be dull so why not live a little dangerously? You owe it to yourself to live a little and get more enjoyment out of life. Your friend who is telling you are mad is probably jealous or else lacks the guts to act on her own desires with some other man or maybe with the man you are interested in. Don't be like her!

fungun

My best friend in work thinks I'm mad and its just a crush because I haven't had a relationship in a long time

I tend to agree. Sounds to me like you didnt really like him until he flirted with you and hinted that he might like you.

On a second point, it could be seen as inappropriate to make a move on someone you manage. Certainly in my area you would need to tell the company immediately if there was a relationship as you could not be allowed to continue to manage him. There are also possible issues with your boss coming on to you in terms of whether he might claim he felt under pressure because of it.

Based on the hassle this might cause and the fact that you didnt really like him at first Id be tempted to let this one go, or at least do no more than subtle flirting and get more of a read off him first

P. Breathnach

Ding! Ding! Listen to the alarm bells.

You saw him as taking credit for others' ideas. That's playing the corporate game. Flirting with the boss...

Come on!

LegacyUser

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Ding! Ding! Listen to the alarm bells.

You saw him as taking credit for others' ideas. That's playing the corporate game. Flirting with the boss...

Come on!

Bang on! Alarm bells everywhere, this guy sounds like a right piece of work. You should definitely listen to your friend, she is dead right: it will be frowned up to enter into a relationship with a junior who works for you, I think he is very cynically manipulating you, and you will show yourself up as having extremely poor judgement and lose respect from those that work for you and those that you report to. Put this 'player' out of your head.

scarymoon1

I don't think you should do anything with this guy - your his boss!!! Not very professional.

Tasden

After having a relationship with someone I worked with (at the same level within the company), I've promised myself to never do it again. The old phrase "don't **** where you eat" is so true, for a reason. You can say "ah well if it works out it'll be ok and we'll be able to work together, we'll stay professional ; if we break up we can be mature" etc. but while you can guarantee that you will be dignified and professional come what may, you can't control how he will behave. Your work environment will then also be determined by him. In my case we broke up (after he broadcast to everyone that we were together despite me saying I wanted it kept quiet- that's not why we broke up though), then he started discussing the break up with mutual colleagues asking if I talked to them, then he was telling colleagues that we were taking things slow and stuff... I never said one word to anyone about our relationship, remained professional throughout, and yet here was my work environment becoming like a teenage drama.

Within the same company (honest to god it was a running joke with my colleagues that we all kept it within the company!), a manager was seeing a guy who she managed on a daily basis and all was fine for a while but she found that it was difficult to treat him the same as his manager and she felt he almost took advantage because of their relationship. And again when things went sour everyone knew about it and also his attitude changed alot towards her as a manager, he became a bitter ex that didn't appreciate being talked down to basically even though she was just doing her job.

Now there were numerous couples working there that it was great for- including getting a lift home when working the same shift so maybe you shouldn't discount it just because it could go very wrong but personally I don't think its worth the risk. And also if it does work out well you're working (in your case pretty closely) with your OH which I personally wouldn't be able to deal with- that's my space where I can be away from him!

Obviously that's getting a bit ahead there as you're only talking about a date but these things happen quickly once they start.

December2012

You treated him differently for personal reasons - already an alarm bell going off as to why this is a bad bad bad idea.

You already believed him to be sneaky and dishonest in work. Has anything he has said or done since then shown that your opinion of him at that time were wrong?

or is he just chatting up the boss?

Walk away and look outside work for flirting.

He's sucking up to the boss and it's working. Go back to staying professional.

Aseth

What's the company policy on dating coworkers?
If you're the boss I'd be careful 'cause people tend to notice office flings. And I wouldn't tell your friend everything if I was you.
In my opinion you should stay clear and find a boyfriend outside the office. If you get find out it will get awkward, if it won't work out and you break up with him - it will as well.

MagicMarker

The very first line of your post is highlighting that your company is all about professionalism. That doesn't sound like a company that would be thrilled to hear of the boss fraternizing with the help.

I think in this case you're better off maintaining your professionalism. I think you'll be viewed very differently by your peers once you start dating a subordinate.

YumCha

I'm going to side with your friend here in saying that I think the attraction is only going one way. None of the examples you mentioned (him including you, going for coffee, asking what you did on the weekend) strike me as anything but regular old civility.

Also you would put him in a really awkward situation if you ask him out and he's not interested. If the genders were reversed and it was a male boss propositioning a female subordinate I wager most people's first response (including your own) would be words like inappropriate, creepy, etc. - it's no different here imo.