Need some advice please.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a long term lurker and occasional poster going unregistered. So sorry, this is a complete essay I didn't realise I had so much to say!

Basically I've been going through a difficult time for the last 6 months. After being made redundant from a job I liked abd being off work for almost a year I got a fantastic job and myself and my partner moved quite a distance so I could take it. I was so happy in the job and having been very independent my whole life I was so delighted to be getting my career back on track and earning good money again. Unfortunately, not too long into the job I was in a car accident which was not my fault, I was quite badly injured but after a while off I forced myself to go back to work as I had no intention of giving up this job without a fight. It didn't work out though and as I seemed to be making the pain I was in worse by forcing myself to work I had to decide to leave the job. I hadn't even passed my probationary period so there was no way they would hold the job open for me.

So we packed up and came home and I felt like I was limping back with my tail between my legs, my partner was obviously so sad for me to be in pain but delighted to be home as he's a real home bird and I had had to try so hard to convince him to move with me in the first place. I've been living in his family home for 3 months now rent free as we can't pay rent on his wages. His mother now lives in another house so it's just the 2 of us, he works away still so he's gone from 5 in the morning and not home until 7.30.

I've been finding myself getting more and more down lately, particularly since he went back to work after the Christmas break. I hope I'm just lonely, but I've been spending most days crying and feeling quite worthless. Because I'm in so much pain I can't go out to do things. I can't clean the house right, can't do anything really! Don't get me wrong people do come to visit me and I put on my happy face and after a while off chatting I really do feel better, but as soon as they're gone I'm back to crying for no reason whatsoever. I'm feeling even crappier now add during the week someone crashed into my parked car (I wasn't in it thank god) and drove off when they saw me coming back to it so now I have to deal with fixing that myself. There's been several other knocks throne at me in the last few weeks that I won't go into or I'd be here all day! But the result is that I feel I just keep being handed knock after knock and I'm just getting to the point where I've been battered down to much.

I spoke to one of my friends about it yesterday and she said I should go to the doctor for some tablets, I can see where she's coming from but I don't like the thought of taking a pill to numb me, I'm already on enough painkillers! I suppose I just hope this is a sort of loneliness that will go away, but I'd like a second opinion I suppose!

So please if anyone got to the end of this, should I go to the doctor or is this the type of feeling that can go away on its own?

uch

I'd go and see your Doctor, even opening up and talking about how you feel will ease the burden.

Merkin

Oh you poor old thing, what a rubbish time you've been having, hugs to you

I think you've been through an enormously stressful time and I am sure not just the accident but the whole aftermath is incredibly hard to deal with when the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. You have also had a lot of life changes in quick succession (a move, not having money etc) that would break the most valiant of spirits and doubtless exacerbate the existing issues you are dealing with.

I agree with your friend. I think you should go back to the doctor and discuss a number of things, primarily your pain management. Chronic pain does effect people mentally so don't underestimate that being a possibility. I also think you should be really frank about how you are feeling. You say you are loath to taking something to "numb" the pain but modern medicines don't necessarily do that and some medications will merely help you cope or sleep better in the interim period and help you get over this difficult period.

I'm sure you feel like luck is not on your side my dear but good things ARE around the corner and don't be afraid to reach out for help that is available to you, you will be the better for it.

alias06

Hi there, I know you will probably get lots of different advice but one thing that can help if you are going through a really hard time is meditation. These meditation CDs are a great way to relax: http://www.mindfulnesscds.com/

Obviously they are not going to solve your unemployment problem or injuries but sometimes we get so stressed out when we get hit with several knocks that we forget to breath. It becomes impossible to ever relax. Thats where meditation can be a big help. You take time out to focus on your breathing and sensations and get away from your worries. It can be especially useful in your situation if you are stuck at home for long periods of time, in pain, and finding it hard to cope.

Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much to everyone of you who replied to my post, it actually helped so much just writing this all out. I'm feeling quite low again tonight knowing that my other half is back to work tomorrow and I'm looking at a long lonely week ahead again but your replies have given me a lot to think about.

Uch and merkin, I will be think very seriously about going to see my doctor this week. I have been with my doctor regularly for the physical pain and am basically living on strong painkillers but I hate the idea of adding more drugs to try to numb my feelings. I have no experience through family or friends of antidepressants/mood enhancers so I'm not sure to what extent they affect you.

Merkin, thank you so much for your very kind words. I've been getting a good (metaphorical) kicking from a few angles lately and it's so nice to be reminded that there are people out there who aren't just out for themselves! I pop into this forum a lot and am always amazed by the kindness of strangers.

Alias06, thank you for the suggestion I will definitely think about the meditation, as I mentioned I'm on a lot of very strong painkillers so if I could find a way to manage this more naturally it would be fantastic.

Does anyone know of any natural mood enhancers? I've been told that st Johns wort is quite good but I'm on birth control so can't take it.

Merkin

You're more than welcome. I've been through a truly horrific time several years ago where every conceivable thing that could go wrong did within the space of about a year and I do sympathise, you will come out the other side though!

Vitamin D is an amazing mood enhancer and is good for calcium absorption so would probably be good in light of the accident. The B vits are also good and Omega 3's are also a good pick me up.

Valerian is also a great herb and is good for anxiety but I wouldn't take anything herbal without talking to your doctor first. Johns Wort is heavily contra indicated and I would avoid, it's very potent.

I'd definitely go with Vitamin D as a nice, feel good vitamin though.

You should still talk to your GP though hon xx

Ham Sambo

God you have gone through the mill, my wife and I both have gone through something similar if not worse over a five year period, both lost our jobs through no fault of our own because of illness a few other things.

One thing that I have learned is not to hang around the house too much, while my wife got some pt work and got out and about I was not so fortunate and stayed at home, in hindsight it is not a good thing to do. Visit your GP by all means even for extra pain relief, I would hazard a guess that you are bored out of your mind with all the spare time on your hands not to mention the loss of earnings.

Just as a matter of interest the accident that you were involved in, was it a journey related to work? because if it was work related, even going or coming home from work the company has a share of responsibility regarding compensation, no harm in checking it out, best of luck, and think positive!!

Penny Tration

Hey there.

I can't add much to the great advice you've been given, but you said you don't know anybody with experience of taking anti depressants and are worried about a numbing effect on your moods/emotions?

This is far from medical advice, but from personal experience, no antidepressant (and I've been on several) has ever numbed me. An anti anxiety tablet I was on did for a couple of weeks until I got used to it, bu never the antidepressants. They help you to cope, give you enough of a lift that you can then put in the rest of the work to completely feel better. They're nothing to be afraid of.

alias06

I think making a concious effort to exercise self-compassion is important in a situation like this. Acknowledging to your self and others that this is a hard time and you need support and kindness.

Can you give yourself small rewards and what might they be? For example buying yourself a book or CD or some other such small gift can make a difference to how you are feeling. Or it might be your favourite chocolate or flavour of coffee. You could order it on amazon and look forward to its arrival.

I know your mobililty is impaired but it might still be possible to plan a night out during the week to the cinema or to go to a coffee shop near by during the day.

Keeping a diary or journal of how you are feeling can also help.

Talking to people about it can help and if you do go to you GP maybe he/she can recommend a counselllor.

Just some small tips on getting through. I don't think there is any one solution but the more support you can get and the kinder you can be to yourself the easier it will be.

ABajaninCork

Merkin wrote: »

You're more than welcome. I've been through a truly horrific time several years ago where every conceivable thing that could go wrong did within the space of about a year and I do sympathise, you will come out the other side though!

Vitamin D is an amazing mood enhancer and is good for calcium absorption so would probably be good in light of the accident. The B vits are also good and Omega 3's are also a good pick me up.

Valerian is also a great herb and is good for anxiety but I wouldn't take anything herbal without talking to your doctor first. Johns Wort is heavily contra indicated and I would avoid, it's very potent.

I'd definitely go with Vitamin D as a nice, feel good vitamin though.

You should still talk to your GP though hon xx

St John's Wort is illegal here. You can't buy it.

OP - I really feel for you, having gone through something similar over the years since I moved here. From having a good job and career in London, I've now been unemployed long-term. It does get you down. Coupled with the physical pain you're suffering, it must be bloody awful for you.

Your friend and the other posters are right. You must go back to your doctor, and tell them how you're feeling. The doctor may also be able to adjust your pain medication as well. Don't soldier on in silence. That won't help anybody.

Good luck!