Feeling down

LegacyUser

Hi,everyone,

Im 24 and I have no friends & I dont know what to do about it. As a person Im very shy, athough recently in order to crack the shell Ive really been pushing myself in order to improve my social life but nothing seems to be working for me at all & its making me feel very disheartened with my attempts. I moved away from home to college to do a postgrad course for a year thinking it would improve my social life but it hasnt been great at all. Apart from a few nights out here and there, theres been nothing. Any of my attempts to organise a night out have either not happened or people said they couldnt make it so inevitably it never happened. My lack of a social life is beginning to make me worry and I feel it is distracting me from my studies. The days go by with very few people to talk to & nobody to ring or text. I just feel so alone. After the xmas break I felt upset hearing other peoples stories about all they did over the break. I felt terrible as my break was very lack luster. I had no story to tell.

When I go home its an absolute disaster as I literally have no friends but also my family members dont even bother with me. I stopped asking them to go out or do things when I realised they'd only go with me when they've nobody else which was once or twice a year. One family member in particular knows the situation I'm in but will refuse point blankly to help me out. This family member unfortunately has issues to deal with which I tried to help with but seems quite content in holding me back as im shy and dont stand up for myself. It makes living at home very difficult for me.

I really feel a kind of lost. Its a worry to me but also its a worry if I cant pass my exams. I just feel that if I at least had some friends it would a great support to me. Im packed out with work as my exams are coming up soon and dont have a lot of time left in college. It scares me to think whats ahead of me when I finish up. If I had a few friends it would be something but Ive nothing.

qdawg86

No Friends wrote: »

Hi,everyone,

Im 24 and I have no friends & I dont know what to do about it. As a person Im very shy, athough recently in order to crack the shell Ive really been pushing myself in order to improve my social life but nothing seems to be working for me at all & its making me feel very disheartened with my attempts. I moved away from home to college to do a postgrad course for a year thinking it would improve my social life but it hasnt been great at all. Apart from a few nights out here and there, theres been nothing. Any of my attempts to organise a night out have either not happened or people said they couldnt make it so inevitably it never happened. My lack of a social life is beginning to make me worry and I feel it is distracting me from my studies. The days go by with very few people to talk to & nobody to ring or text. I just feel so alone. After the xmas break I felt upset hearing other peoples stories about all they did over the break. I felt terrible as my break was very lack luster. I had no story to tell.

When I go home its an absolute disaster as I literally have no friends but also my family members dont even bother with me. I stopped asking them to go out or do things when I realised they'd only go with me when they've nobody else which was once or twice a year. One family member in particular knows the situation I'm in but will refuse point blankly to help me out. This family member unfortunately has issues to deal with which I tried to help with but seems quite content in holding me back as im shy and dont stand up for myself. It makes living at home very difficult for me.

I really feel a kind of lost. Its a worry to me but also its a worry if I cant pass my exams. I just feel that if I at least had some friends it would a great support to me. Im packed out with work as my exams are coming up soon and dont have a lot of time left in college. It scares me to think whats ahead of me when I finish up. If I had a few friends it would be something but Ive nothing.

It can be difficult to make new friends in college, especially when ppl are a bit older at postgraduate level. Are there clubs and societies in your college ? Or have you looked up meetup.com for groups in your area ? Also don't get disheartened by ppls stories f their amazing social lives. A lot of the time ppl ppl like to add detail for effect :-)

thefeatheredcat

With organising nights out OP has that been with people in the same course or in clubs/societies? Maybe mixing more with people from other courses would be of benefit to you if those you've tried organising with aren't up for it. Or joining clubs/societies of something, see even if the college has a group for erasmus / international students that arranges trips or does stuff on weekends.

Have you spoken to maybe a counselor in college about the loneliness you're feeling?

Don't worry about what people said they did over Xmas break.... some might be genuine and did do all that stuff, but there's always a few that will exaggerate it and few will ever be honest and said they had a quiet one and just relaxed. And there's nothing wrong with having a quiet one either. As I lived away from home for all years of college, and only ever went home at term breaks, it was literally the only opportunity I would have to spend time with siblings or do stuff I missed go to places I missed or shops that weren't where I was. And it was great downtime. For some people I knew in college they literally packed their bags every Friday morning and went home to stay with the parents and their permanent life of friends at home, whereas for me, I was there at the same place 7 days and that was my permanent life. I just had to make friends, even friends outside of my course, outside of college to get along, rather than just rely on friends in the course who were only there Monday to Friday.

Make friends outside of the college arena.... get involved in groups in the place you are in, social hobby groups, especially if you intend on staying there long term. Get to know people outside of college and form friendships outside of the college environment.

You have great opportunities to make friends in the future, so don't despair about it. Focus on your exams and what is next for you after you finish this course and what options are open to you.