Helping someone depressed when they don't want help

murphydublin

My little sister has been in a depression now for 6 months and won't allow us to help.
Having suffered myself in the past I could see the signs building over the last few months but it has got to the stage where she doesn't get dressed, doesn't wash and sleeps for as long as possible.
I approached her yesterday telling her I was worried and she burst into tears begging me to leave her alone, she is quiet all the time and when questioned on it says "Ive nothing to say" I know that horrible hollow nothing feeling depression brings and it scares me to see her like this

My older sis and I agreed we need to intervene, meet up talk things through with her and go to see the doctor, when i called the younger sis today she refused to meet "Sure what is there to talk about" I said your depressed and you need help " Do you not think I f*cking know that" was the response

The older sis is making doc appt as we speak and wants to to go with younger wether she likes it or not

Im so sad and worried to see her like this, mam suffered to so it is in the family . She is so defensive and hostile towards us, can you force someone to get help??

She lives at home after years of travelling, parents are getting on and have expressed their concerns too but she doesn't talk to them from one end of the week to the other:(

santana75

I dont think you can force your help on anybody you'll just push them away and antagonize them. Your sister has made it clear that she doesnt want your help so you have to respect her wishes and leave her be. All you can do is make it clear that you're there for her if she decides she'd like your help after all.

Victoria Fortescue

You can take a horse to water but you can't make him drink I'm afraid. You need a new angle on this. Is there something you can ask her for her help with? She might need a distraction of some kind. If she has been traveling for years and now shes at home, it must be a big come down for her. Would she agree to a weekend away with you somewhere? I think it's worth looking at the possible sources of the depression to help her, is there a particular time when she started being a bit reclusive or just not herself?

It must be very sad and frustrating for your family.

MissyFit

Your sister is probably feeling embarrassed and confused by the whole situation that she has found herself in . I know when my family tried to intervene , it felt as though they were pushing me into a corner , and not giving me any choice in the matter . I mean I knew something wasnt right , but I got the feeling everyone was talking behind my back and got very self conscious about it . Needless to say that made me feel worse for a while . It wasnt until my sister approached me a few weeks later with something along the lines of sure why not just to to the Doctors for a check up anyway , and since i hadn't been in years , I kinda thought ok , why not . I got there , he done the usual bllod pressure and took some blood tests and then when he asked was there anything else , because I was in with the Doctor alone , it felt private in there and I felt comfortable telling him that I actually wasnt feeling so good and hadnt been for some time . It all came out after that once i started talking to him . Just try to be as gentle as possible with her and explain that loads of people will get depression at some point in their lives . Try not to come accross as being pushy . Anyway , I was in denial for ages , years probably and I was only 22 or 23 then , i guess at first i just thought it was a phase , maybe your sisteris thinking this also and hoping it will just pass , thats what I thought at the time anyway . So I hope your sister does go to the Doctor . The sooner the better really , hopefully now she might think about what ye said to her might take those first steps herself . Good Luck

murphydublin

thanks for the replies guys , she has agreed to go to docs on Friday with me. Hopefully she will follow through. She seems so lost and even when i try to talk to her in light conversation its one word answers and talk dries up really quickly. She used to be so full of life. She washes her hands alot to , her skin is like sand paper, another part of the anxiety i think.

i cant leave her be , its been going on too long and i couldn't live with the consequences if i sit back and watch her waste away

lego101

I hope she's getting better ! The best thing you can do is distract her from it! Try and show her some fun and some of the good things in life and she could stop focusing on the negatives! Not wanting to talk is normal as any positives are blocked out, bring her to do something fun and she might have some motivation again

Neyite

lego101 wrote: »

how did the doctors go? The best thing you can do is distract her from it! Try and show her some fun and some of the good things in life and she could stop focusing on the negatives! Not wanting to talk is normal as any positives are blocked out, bring her to do something fun and she might have some motivation again

Lego101 welcome to PI. Asking for updates is against the charter. Have a read to familarise yourself with the forum guidelines

lego101

Neyite wrote: »

Lego101 welcome to PI. Asking for updates is against the charter. Have a read to familarise yourself with the forum guidelines

Oh , I'm sorry! let me fix that!